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Mystery Sex Liquid [chat]
Donkey Kong
Putting Nintendo out of business with AI nipsRegistered User regular
Putting Nintendo out of business with AI nipsRegistered User regular
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MupEei05gWwDonkey Kong wrote: »What is it, page 31? Ok I can explain the mystery sex liquid.
When visiting my parents over chirstmas, my husband and I brought some massage oil with us. My shoulder was hurting and also in return for shoulder massages I would reciprocate for my husband. We were there for a week so why not. It was genuinely massage oil, not a sex thing. Well at least not a sex thing other than in the way that any massage between two people in a committed relationship might transition to sex.
Anyway we bring this massage oil and there are two issues. One, my mom found it and thought FOR SURE it was a sex thing, some kind of lube. She was hilariously weird about it and called it "sex liquid", as in "I can't believe you would bring a bottle of... sex liquid here to my house", which instantly became a private memetic phrase. The second issue was that while giving my husband a massage, I may have accidentally flicked some oil on the wall, permanently staining it in a way that required repainting. My parents were so mad.
So after christmas, we set out to create a new and improved "sex liquid". The design considerations were that it look indistinguishable from lotion, use a dispensing pump, not drip, stain less, and work approximately as well (ok if its a little worse). We went through a few formulations, all of them spectacular failures, the absolute worst of which was dubbed "Mystery Sex Liquid", a strange mixture of emulsifying agents, dove lotion with sunscreen, and olive oil.
It absolutely refused to mix. In fact it demixed more aggressively than anything I've ever seen in my life. It took seconds to go from white and homogeneous to perfect layers.
It didn't work for shit. It was vaguely abrasive even. Left a ton of horrible residue that took multiple showers to remove.
It still dripped and got everywhere, maybe even worse than regular oil which at least kind of clung to the skin. This shit beaded up and FLEW off the skin
And most importantly, it looked like satan blew a monster load into a pump bottle.
Mystery Sex Liquid: an astonishing failure.
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