I struggle with this a lot of the time myself, feeling like everything is bad and only ever gets worse
Let me know if you figure out a way to make that feel better
Though honestly probably not going to be applicable in my life, I'm not able to do things like other people can and trying to pretend I can has ultimately only ever made things worse for me and the people I care about
I struggle with this a lot of the time myself, feeling like everything is bad and only ever gets worse
Let me know if you figure out a way to make that feel better
Getting rip shit angry
Lately I've been filled with a blinding rage 25/8 (minus the few times my ADHD let me think about something else), and at first it was nice, now I'm just exhausted from it.
I struggle with this a lot of the time myself, feeling like everything is bad and only ever gets worse
Let me know if you figure out a way to make that feel better
Getting rip shit angry
Lately I've been filled with a blinding rage 25/8 (minus the few times my ADHD let me think about something else), and at first it was nice, now I'm just exhausted from it.
Last weekend my wife and I went out with our radio morning show host friend (read: minor local celeb). We talked, very loudly, about how fucked this all is. We live in a very red state and were getting side eye the entire time, so we got louder. When we got bored of the bar we went back to his place and the three of us thrashed unreal to some, we felt, time appropriate punk.
It helped the angry feelings for a bit, but I haven't felt this way since I was a stupid youth mad at Bush jr. writing in a pro-anarchy zine. How naïve that all seems in hindsight.
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Kane Red RobeMaster of MagicArcanusRegistered Userregular
I struggle with this a lot of the time myself, feeling like everything is bad and only ever gets worse
Let me know if you figure out a way to make that feel better
Though honestly probably not going to be applicable in my life, I'm not able to do things like other people can and trying to pretend I can has ultimately only ever made things worse for me and the people I care about
Yeah, I can't do things like other people can... right now. Pretending that I could, like you, also didn't help. Pretending that I couldn't also didn't help.
What does help, what is helping me right now, is staying humble; is remembering I don't have all the answers, I don't know how things will turn out (and nobody does, Crippl3), I don't have an extra-universal view of the world; basically, remembering that I don't know if I'm doomed or not, that I don't know how it'll all turn out. Remembering that everybody, including me, can get things wrong.
I think it's possible I may eventually be able to do well enough; and I think that taking steps to improve my life is worthwhile, and so is taking the time to figure out those steps. And actually doing those steps, that's important. It's a struggle, don't get me wrong, and I've had setbacks, but I've also had consistent improvements.
Good things are possible, Uriel, but we have to make them happen. The good things that happen on their own are already happening, and clearly they need company.
just had another drag out fight with my dad, the third one in like 3 days
mom called him out on his drinking, he's been sneaking booze into the house and his truck in water bottles for like 2 or 3 years he was sober for years and we're finally tired and sick of it enough that mom called him on it and now he's pissed at me we fucking hate it
he gets so easily mad and offended by everything all the time and drinking only makes it worse and he blames it on us because he's the income provider for the house despite mom being his age and I'm 34 and all he talks about now is money and how stressed he is and he doesn't want to stop drinking but we do he doesn't understand how much it's hurting me and mom and my sister (who doesn't live here but she just moved closer) and he's fucking furious at me and mom for bringing this up this weekend while my sister is here but we can't take it anymore
we can't fucking take it I want things to be good again things were better when he was sober why can't things be good again I just want him and mome and me to be happy and I want my sister to be happy here why won't he stop he says he won't he says it's because of me and mom and he yelled at me to stop crying and getting upset but he was getting mad and yelling and crying
fake edit: an hour later, he left to take a drive after one last conversation and I fucked up the ending and I just sat here unable to move while I berated myself about how I fucked everything up. He came back and s tarted as a converation about his life in the army and all his difficulties with suicide then devolved into a lot of stuff about how he's the guy I hate politically and socially and then it was a whole 20-30 minute argu-sation about opinions? free speech? objective reality? none of it made any fucking sense and he was all over me for getting frustrated when nothing he said made any sense at all but fuck I don't UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY GOD DAMN IT FUCK I HATE THIS SHIT
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO COMMUNICATE AND LIVE TOGETHER IF WE DONT AGREE ON WHAT OBJECTIVE REALITY IS HOLY FUCK
FACTS ARE FACTS STOP GETTING MAD AT ME FOR CALLING YOU OUT WHEN YOU SAY STUPID WRONG HURTFUL THINGS, christ just I can't fucking take this anymore
I feel almost all of that, homie. My mom and dad and I went out for father's day dinner the Saturday before father's day, and my dad ended up (literally) punching me in the face over stone cold nothing, because he was drunk. He spent weeks sulking around my parents' house refusing to acknowledge he'd done anything wrong or that there was a problem, but I guess over time my mom finally got through to him that his anger and drinking was a wedge in the family and if he didn't do something about it, we would.
So he's going into rehab on Tuesday. I don't believe he will change, or that he wants to change. He wants reality to change. He's a typical machismo-riddled boomer mentality in thinking that work is the only thing that provides value to a person, and he's always been able to be "right" because he was bigger and louder than everyone else. Now he has no work, and is old and frail and just blames everything else for his problems instead of admitting reality sucks and getting counseling about it. His coping mechanism always has been hitting the bottle. And I'm fucking done with it. Rehab or no, I'm pretty sure this bridge is torched, and I feel a little bit freer in that knowledge, even though there's definitely a palpable sense of loss.
I hope you can get some kind of catharsis out of something, my dude. You and your family deserve to be happy and stable.
Hey, that's awful. Just awful. I'm sorry you have to experience that and it's not fair.
You sound like a person in real crisis. The thing about being in crisis is you can't get anything done while you're there. You need to take care of your own safety and health first.
With that said, it's clear you can't live with this person anymore. Likely your mom can't either.
I don't know your living situation, finances, and I don't know anything about you, but I think you need to get out of there in the short term and then after a few days start planning to leave.
Hey, that's awful. Just awful. I'm sorry you have to experience that and it's not fair.
You sound like a person in real crisis. The thing about being in crisis is you can't get anything done while you're there. You need to take care of your own safety and health first.
With that said, it's clear you can't live with this person anymore. Likely your mom can't either.
I don't know your living situation, finances, and I don't know anything about you, but I think you need to get out of there in the short term and then after a few days start planning to leave.
Seconded on most of this but we've at least met at a few PAXes, and I just wanted to say you're a really fantastic, funny, and great guy who doesn't deserve what's going on or what your father both said to and did to you and your family
It isn't your fault if you didn't handle an argument the "right" way because the actual instigator was him and his behaviour
You do have support here, please don't hesitate to use it
Posts
Let me know if you figure out a way to make that feel better
Though honestly probably not going to be applicable in my life, I'm not able to do things like other people can and trying to pretend I can has ultimately only ever made things worse for me and the people I care about
Getting rip shit angry
Lately I've been filled with a blinding rage 25/8 (minus the few times my ADHD let me think about something else), and at first it was nice, now I'm just exhausted from it.
Last weekend my wife and I went out with our radio morning show host friend (read: minor local celeb). We talked, very loudly, about how fucked this all is. We live in a very red state and were getting side eye the entire time, so we got louder. When we got bored of the bar we went back to his place and the three of us thrashed unreal to some, we felt, time appropriate punk.
It helped the angry feelings for a bit, but I haven't felt this way since I was a stupid youth mad at Bush jr. writing in a pro-anarchy zine. How naïve that all seems in hindsight.
That's not particularly healthy either
Yeah, I can't do things like other people can... right now. Pretending that I could, like you, also didn't help. Pretending that I couldn't also didn't help.
What does help, what is helping me right now, is staying humble; is remembering I don't have all the answers, I don't know how things will turn out (and nobody does, Crippl3), I don't have an extra-universal view of the world; basically, remembering that I don't know if I'm doomed or not, that I don't know how it'll all turn out. Remembering that everybody, including me, can get things wrong.
I think it's possible I may eventually be able to do well enough; and I think that taking steps to improve my life is worthwhile, and so is taking the time to figure out those steps. And actually doing those steps, that's important. It's a struggle, don't get me wrong, and I've had setbacks, but I've also had consistent improvements.
Good things are possible, Uriel, but we have to make them happen. The good things that happen on their own are already happening, and clearly they need company.
mom called him out on his drinking, he's been sneaking booze into the house and his truck in water bottles for like 2 or 3 years he was sober for years and we're finally tired and sick of it enough that mom called him on it and now he's pissed at me we fucking hate it
he gets so easily mad and offended by everything all the time and drinking only makes it worse and he blames it on us because he's the income provider for the house despite mom being his age and I'm 34 and all he talks about now is money and how stressed he is and he doesn't want to stop drinking but we do he doesn't understand how much it's hurting me and mom and my sister (who doesn't live here but she just moved closer) and he's fucking furious at me and mom for bringing this up this weekend while my sister is here but we can't take it anymore
we can't fucking take it I want things to be good again things were better when he was sober why can't things be good again I just want him and mome and me to be happy and I want my sister to be happy here why won't he stop he says he won't he says it's because of me and mom and he yelled at me to stop crying and getting upset but he was getting mad and yelling and crying
fake edit: an hour later, he left to take a drive after one last conversation and I fucked up the ending and I just sat here unable to move while I berated myself about how I fucked everything up. He came back and s tarted as a converation about his life in the army and all his difficulties with suicide then devolved into a lot of stuff about how he's the guy I hate politically and socially and then it was a whole 20-30 minute argu-sation about opinions? free speech? objective reality? none of it made any fucking sense and he was all over me for getting frustrated when nothing he said made any sense at all but fuck I don't UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY GOD DAMN IT FUCK I HATE THIS SHIT
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO COMMUNICATE AND LIVE TOGETHER IF WE DONT AGREE ON WHAT OBJECTIVE REALITY IS HOLY FUCK
FACTS ARE FACTS STOP GETTING MAD AT ME FOR CALLING YOU OUT WHEN YOU SAY STUPID WRONG HURTFUL THINGS, christ just I can't fucking take this anymore
So he's going into rehab on Tuesday. I don't believe he will change, or that he wants to change. He wants reality to change. He's a typical machismo-riddled boomer mentality in thinking that work is the only thing that provides value to a person, and he's always been able to be "right" because he was bigger and louder than everyone else. Now he has no work, and is old and frail and just blames everything else for his problems instead of admitting reality sucks and getting counseling about it. His coping mechanism always has been hitting the bottle. And I'm fucking done with it. Rehab or no, I'm pretty sure this bridge is torched, and I feel a little bit freer in that knowledge, even though there's definitely a palpable sense of loss.
I hope you can get some kind of catharsis out of something, my dude. You and your family deserve to be happy and stable.
Hey, that's awful. Just awful. I'm sorry you have to experience that and it's not fair.
You sound like a person in real crisis. The thing about being in crisis is you can't get anything done while you're there. You need to take care of your own safety and health first.
With that said, it's clear you can't live with this person anymore. Likely your mom can't either.
I don't know your living situation, finances, and I don't know anything about you, but I think you need to get out of there in the short term and then after a few days start planning to leave.
Seconded on most of this but we've at least met at a few PAXes, and I just wanted to say you're a really fantastic, funny, and great guy who doesn't deserve what's going on or what your father both said to and did to you and your family
It isn't your fault if you didn't handle an argument the "right" way because the actual instigator was him and his behaviour
You do have support here, please don't hesitate to use it
3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786
Thank you
No need to apologize dude! I just hope you're doing a little better.
3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786