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Meeting a Girl Online: Completely Hopeless?
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well at this stage in the game you really aren't doing anything more than trying to be friends. You have a few photos and some back ground on each other. You hvae no idea if you have any chemistry.
You should be messaging each other with the goal of meeting. I'd flirt subtly anyway, but I'm a huge flirt. Once you meet, then you should commence "the moves." Before then it's all comfort/rapport building.
This other chick messaged me today, and shes cute, but EVERY DAMN WORD ON HER PROFILE IS SPELLED WRONG. I won't be messaging her back.
Am I too picky??
Absolutely.
A. Has a basic grasp of science and why things like ID are most certainly not science.
B. Knows that you do not operate a keyboard with your face.
Wanting kinda similar values, fun activities, beliefs, etc isn't being picky. But wanting a really good match does mean you have to be patient.
I started using internet sites when I was 18. I found the guy I want to spend forever with when I was 21. Yeah I had some boyfriends inbetween (mostly from said sites), but my really really really really really good match didn't come until a little over a year ago.
There's this chick's profile I found on OKCupid. She's really cute, smart, funny, a lefty (as am I), a writer (as am I), wears glasses (which I find extremely hot), and get this...she's a gamer.
So, I messaged her. I basically just introduced myself, said she sounded really cool, and that I wouldn't mind getting to know her better, but not in those exact words of course. She messaged me back, seemed really friendly, and actually took the time to write a decently-lengthed response to my message, which I appreciated. We traded a couple more messages back and forth, then swapped Gamertags and AIM screen names.
And now...I don't know what to do next. I know it's the weekend, so it's normal for someone to be out and about and not on AIM. But if I don't see her online within the next couple days, what should I do? Should I send her another message on OKCupid? I am I over-thinking all of this? Advice, porfavor.
"For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
--John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
Since you already traded a couple of messages back and forth, just ask her to meet you for coffee.
You're too picky.
I met a girl online that was like that; her typing and spelling was atrocious. You shouldn't judge people on how they type or spell though because it isn't always how they come across in real life (for example, she may have dyslexia).
Edit: Also, this is kind of bizarre but I'm going to throw it out there anyways. I have no problem talking/meeting people in real life but when it comes to meeting people on the internet I can't get the courage up to send off an IM or email. The reason this is frustrating is that I was looking to make a penpal from another country but I'm afraid of sending a reply and I don't know why.
PSN = Wicker86 ________ Gamertag = Wicker86
heh, my boyfriend also had atrocious emails... not so much spelling as sentence structure. Paragraphs without periods, for example. It was just generally really bloody hard to understand what he was saying. Somehow the topic of email etiquette (or something like that) came up and he ended up formatting stuff a bit more after I commented on it
now we've been together for a year, and he's awesome in every way
As to the girl you've been chatting with, yeah, just in your next reply ask if she'd like to meet for coffee within the next week or so
As of about three hours ago, we've been talking on AIM for much of the night. She's beyond cool. I really want to ask her out, but I think she might be offline for the night, and I'm not sure if I should yet.
"For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
--John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
Aforementioned girl I was messaging definitely "the angles". Her pictures made her appear much...thinner than in real life. That said, we've hung out a few times, talk on AIM regularly and are getting to be pretty good friends. Though it won't be going any farther than that.
Traded a few messages with a girl on OKCupid, until I was browsing PlentyOfFish and saw said girl's profile pic on one of the sex site ads...yeah, not talking to her anymore.
While we're on PlentyOfFish, I don't find the layout nearly as horrendous as most. In fact, I kind of like that it's less in-your-face than OKC. But OKC does have the benefit of generally giving more information about the girls you're checking out.
Does anyone know of any other free sites besides OKCupid or PlentyOfFish? As a side note: Never try 4single.com. Site is absolutely terrible. Keeps changing my answers on my profile whenever I log out, and does not seem to want me to look at anyone else's goddamn profile.
"For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
--John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
Kyle
You'd be surprised. Many guys are too shy to talk to girls, have trouble making the first move, etc.
"For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli's eyes. And what he saw was...himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."
--John Ajvide Lindqvist, Let the Right One In (Page 446).
Thats why you wanna get that meeting in person happening sooner rather than later.
Sounds like you're figuring that out for yourself though, that post of yours is a stark contrast to your earlier posts, i think you'll do just fine
Very important in online dating to get the relationship out into the "real world" as quickly as possible. You're looking for a girlfriend, not an email buddy. Extended email/IM relationships rarely work out once you meet in person. There have actually been studies done on why--all kinds of crazy psychological stuff going on.
Anyway, just send her an email asking he to meet for coffee, or dinner, or whatever.
Sidenote: I actually just got my dad to try eharmony because he hasn't had a serious relationship since he and my mom divorced and there was no way he was going to meet anyone worth dating in the pit that is south Jersey.
Those sites often scrape people's myspace/whatever pages for pictures to falsely advertise what "members" are looking for "action" "in your area." She might be an unwitting victim.
Or she might be a total :winky:
Point is you can't know just from seeing the picture.
It's not that simple. The only person I've met(and second person I messaged) on OKcupid was pretty amazing. There's nothing about her that would seem socially awkward in any way. I can see people signing up and getting a profile together, still meeting people face to face, but waiting to see if any really good match pops up online.
Right, because girls are never shy, or enjoy venues other than traditional meeting-other-singles places like bars, or busy, or recently moved to a new town. There's no middle ground between social divas and recluses, and girls sometimes having a hard time starting up conversations cold but otherwise being socially normal is utterly impossible.
This.
Granted not every woman you'll meet on these sites (hotornot, pof, okcupid, etc) will be absolutely well adjusted, talkative or even female, but there are quite a few very interesting and very cool women out there.
I met my current girl of about...8 months now on Hotornot, and funny enough it's the most stable relationship I've been in yet. Sometimes girls like dating sites because it's much easier to micromanage their time with it while working, going to school and hanging out with their circle of friends.
Much easier to reject dudes, too.
interesting you should say that cause online dating is definitely where i finally got over my constant fear of rejection
Read about 4 posts up.
This might work for me...if there were actually more than 2 or 3 girls on OKCupid that have a decent match rate that I find interesting.
Kyle
You're weighing your anecdotal evidence about all girls to the opposing anecdotal evidence of all girls to everyone else here. We've got a larger sample size saying that you're wrong.
Also, a girl getting a guy to talk to her being the easiest thing in the world is such ridiculous hyperbole. That girl that is slightly overweight but awesome in every other way? Yeah, she might have a little bit of trouble, and it might in fact not be the easiest thing, for to get guys to notice her, and want to talk to her long enough to get to know her.
Matt Damon
I can recall far more creepy 50 something year old guys sending me dirty emails and internationals asking me for my hand in marriage via message than Tank had cougars hitting on him.
Really, my personal experience over nine years tells me that online dating is just another internet scam. I'll probably be better off sending my bank information to that Nigerian prince that keeps emailing me. That and I'm 30 years old now, which may create a bit of a stigma for being too old to be trying to meet women on the internet (I don't even have a MySpace/Facebook/whatever page).
Dalboz, I'm close to thirty as well, and I can't get a date to save my life. Here's to being an unwitting defender of celibacy.
But at the same time, lots of people have reported success, and you honestly lose nothing at all by giving it a shot. I think I have the kind of personality that really doesn't work well online, and I'm not good at curbing my slipshod conversational skills, so that probably has a lot to do with why it didn't work out for me.
Just relax, don't be in a rush to find the perfect one, and be willing to be friendly with whoever seems kinda cool, and even if you don't meet Miss Right maybe you'll meet some cool people anyway.
Oh, and age-appropriateness matters. What is a 30-year-old doing on OK-Cupid? Blech. Don't message girls that are too young for you and try to pick a site that caters to your age group.
This is truth and should be on the front page of all dating sites.