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Dating a Friends Ex
Preacher
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Registered User regular
So as not to continue to clutter the H/A thread or chat about it. The conventional wisdom when dating someones former partner is you have to ask that person for their permission. I don't understand where this comes. It sounds like macho animal male behavior bullshit. Like you have marked the female and anyt other male needs to check with you first.
So thoughts D&D?
So thoughts D&D?
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
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Seriously though I agree with the why should I give a damn if two people are happy logic.
That's my thought, and if I hang out with cool guys, shouldn't I be happy she's dating a cool guy? I mean if you can't make her happy at least someone you know could?
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Shouldn't really be thought of as asking permission, though. Just gathering information before making a decision.
Isn't it a pretty huge sign of disrespect for the woman as well?
Incenjucar knows the score! But there is a line.
Like for example let's say this break up causes your friend to I don't know attempt suicide 3 times and sell all of their possessions. Then it could be a good idea to maybe not go after that ex.
How is it disrespect? She's your ex for a reason. Your relationship is over. Hell if anything her dating a friend would help drive that point home would it not?
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Then you are friends with someone who should be seeing a therapist instead of your new boy/girl/otherfriend.
There's no need to make a formal notice of dating/doing, nor should you seek their blessing and a list of all their favourite quirks in bed, but checking in with a friend seems like the right thing to do.
The above hinges, of course, on having both people as friends and wishing to retain their friendship. If you are merely an acquaintance of the other party (particularly through the "ex" in the first place) it becomes much less important, in my eyes.
How do you get "conventional wisdom" from the chat thread where every goddamn person except one fucking nutcase said the opposite?
then they'll think of Deus Ex.
Then they'll reinstall it while you bang their exgirlfriend. Everyone wins!
Really though I don't know if permission is what you really have to check for, more so how cool with the guy it is that you are doing it. Breaking up can have a significant effect on the people involved and now you are placing yourself somewhere in between that. If they dated for like a week in 7th grade and now you're 25, no big deal, but if they had been dating for a few years and broke up in the last few months it's a different situation.
That's what i'm saying. It'd probably be a bad idea in that case. It's an extreme case but people have done stranger things over break ups.
Perhaps, but again, I would focus more on the "Get your friend some goddamn help" thing. Dating their ex isn't the unethical part, NOT GETTING THEM HELP is the unethical part.
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Kyle: I say what I say as an overemotional person who once cried daily for ~365 days over someone. Hell I would break into tears as we chatted online about her latest dicking. Some shit you just have to deal with without subjecting everyone around you to restrictions.
That's what I was thinking. Especially if the relationship was a long one.
That's not what you said. You said it would be disrespectful NOT to do so. Implying that every person dating a friend's ex SHOULD do so.
Again, how is it not disrespectful to the woman to predicate whether your relationship goes forward or not on the opinion of a person she is no longer involved with romantically?
I'm not saying the person wouldn't need help but you know if they were in the process of getting help and overcoming whatever weird hang ups were there. It might be a favorable thing not to remind them of that sort of stuff.
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Edward: Then don't have sex in front of said person.
I have a female friend who is having one if her friends absolutely freak out on her because one of her exes friended her on facebook or something stupid like that.
I guess what I'm saying is it isn't really a gender issue.
Yeah I was going off the OP example. It would go both ways of course.
It's not carved in stone, but if this girl dated a friend, especially a close friend, I wouldn't think about dating her without seeing how he felt about it first. It has nothing to do with posessiveness and everything to do with friendship and courtesy.
Sure, the question is is it required or is it disrespectful NOT to inform them.
It's not required, but I would do it in order to not look like an ass to my friends or myself.
So are you going to defend your statement that it is disrespectful not to ask a friend if you should make a move?
No one is arguing that talking to the friend about it would be harmful to the friendship. But you are saying it's a required part of the friendship, no?
I really don't get this.
If you are friends with someone wouldn't you approve of their general demeanor? Wouldn't them dating your ex that you care enough about to be upset over be the best thing because at least you know your ex will be treated to the company of someone worthy of being your friend?
-Terry Pratchett
This is a behavior I have Zero personal experience with.
I'd rather tell them, then have them find out from someone else, but that's personal opinion and not a requirement.