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Ok so you acknowledge its a stupid thing to uphold, yet hold that as a reason it should be upheld? Sounds like a bad rational to justify bad behavior. "We shouldn't be racist, but we've always been racist and why stop now?"
Uh huh. explain exactly how I go about making sure every guy in the country feels comfortable enough to not need a heads up before a friend starts fucking the love of their life.
Is there a fund I need to donate to?
Sentry on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
wrote:
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
Ok so you acknowledge its a stupid thing to uphold, yet hold that as a reason it should be upheld? Sounds like a bad rational to justify bad behavior. "We shouldn't be racist, but we've always been racist and why stop now?"
Uh huh. explain exactly how I go about making sure every guy in the country feels comfortable enough to not need a heads up before a friend starts fucking the love of their life.
Is there a fund I need to donate to?
You don't do it for everyone, but when you date someone who used to date a friend you just let it go and don't tell them shit or ask them or anything. Journey of a thousand steps starts with the first one.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
Ok so you acknowledge its a stupid thing to uphold, yet hold that as a reason it should be upheld? Sounds like a bad rational to justify bad behavior. "We shouldn't be racist, but we've always been racist and why stop now?"
Uh huh. explain exactly how I go about making sure every guy in the country feels comfortable enough to not need a heads up before a friend starts fucking the love of their life.
Is there a fund I need to donate to?
You don't do it for everyone, but when you date someone who used to date a friend you just let it go and don't tell them shit or ask them or anything. Journey of a thousand steps starts with the first one.
How does that help at all? All it does is make me look like an asshole in the eyes of that friend. This solves what, exactly? You think he'll wake up and be like, hey, Sentry didn't ask permission... I guess I don't need to be asked. No, he'll be all macho butt hurt and feel betrayed that I didn't take the time to give him a heads up.
And again, this is not exclusive to males, women do this too. I'm sure there's a Sex in the City episode about it. There has to be.
Sentry on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
wrote:
When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
0
JacobkoshGamble a stamp.I can show you how to be a real man!Moderatormod
There are a billion other guys. Why does she have to wait for her ex's friend?
She doesn't, but she shouldn't be limited because of some made up obligation to a friend that he has to honor.
yeah, trust. such a horrible part of friendship.
What trust? Is it signed in with a friendship somewhere? "Thou shalt not date my ex?"
I don't think it's that complicated. Can't you conceive of a situation where they broke up because - for instance - she treated your friend horribly? How would this be any different from (for instance) you suddenly palling around with your friend's abusive boss, or the druggie roommate who pawned his TV? If your friend feels ill-used - whether it's justified or not - you'd have to be some sort of drooling autistic robot not to expect him to be hurt if he sees you hanging out and enjoying the company of the person who hurt him. This applies to any personal relationship, sexual or otherwise.
Jacobkosh on
0
VariableMouth CongressStroke Me Lady FameRegistered Userregular
except girls deal with it too. but you can keep making that argument.
I answered this 'why' already, as did others. if you want to ignore this, that's fine. you can live your life that way no one is trying to stop you. please stop pretending those that don't are insecure or stupid.
Your answer is feelings. I say the feelings argument is a pretty dumb one, because there is no reason for them to feel that way. Honestly, why would it bother anyone that your ex does anything? YOU AREN'T DATING THEM ANYMORE!
And I speak from the masculine side because I have a penis and I've heard this more from men than women.
okay.
you break up with someone, you miss them. you're sad. shit, you've been crying in the bathroom at work. you get home on friday, decide to go out with your friends, clear your mind. you get there, hey look Rod and Jimmy are already at the bar! oh what's this, Rod's got a girl. oh that Rod!... wait just a second. He's with Jamie! fuck! now I know she's over me, I'm all bothered about the breakup, I can't go to Rod for support because he's WITH her now. It just... sucks.
I can't scientifically fucking prove why this scenario bothers a given person, or jhow long ago the breakup needs to have been compared to the relationship or any of that. what I can say is that if your FRIEND breaks up with a girl/guy I believe it's a nice gesture to ask them if it's okay before starting to date that person. Just like I'd talk to my friend before dating his sister or mother or just plain opposite sexed friend.
It's really not that deep of a question, and it's not sexist because it works both ways.
There are a billion other guys. Why does she have to wait for her ex's friend?
She doesn't, but she shouldn't be limited because of some made up obligation to a friend that he has to honor.
yeah, trust. such a horrible part of friendship.
What trust? Is it signed in with a friendship somewhere? "Thou shalt not date my ex?"
I don't think it's that complicated. Can't you conceive of a situation where they broke up because - for instance - she treated your friend horribly? How would this be any different from (for instance) you suddenly palling around with your friend's abusive boss, or the druggie roommate who pawned his TV? If your friend feels ill-used - whether it's justified or not - you'd have to be some sort of drooling autistic robot not to expect him to be hurt if he sees you hanging out and enjoying the company of the person who hurt him. This applies to any personal relationship, sexual or otherwise.
If she treated him badly why would I want to date her? But it shouldn't limit me from doing so should I choose to.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
Again, how is it not disrespectful to the woman to predicate whether your relationship goes forward or not on the opinion of a person she is no longer involved with romantically?
Because unless you and said woman had a friendship as strong as you and the ex (friend), not dating her harms nothing, whereas dating her could potentially cause a rift between you and the friend.
You've taken away her freedom of choice basically, by saying "I can date you only if X person says okay." That's pretty disrespectful.
Well, part of the choice is always in your hand anyways, what does it matter what adds to the choice?
A personal relationship between two people should be created and defined by those two people?
Do you support polyamory?
Because basically this is the fundamental precept of polyamorous relationships.
I agree with the idea, but when you are entering a relationship it's not going to be just you two. You are going to affect other people. If you feel the effects of that relationship are not worth the relationship itself, then you're not going to go through with it, and that's a fine decision.
I support polyamory.
I agree that's an okay decision to make, I disagree that you MUST consult a friend-ex of that person before deciding or be labeled a bad friend.
Of course you MUST before being labeled a bad friend.
You have to consider your friends' emotions in order to be a good friend.
If your friend hates their ex, or is still in love with them, to whatever extent, then if you date/fuck them you're ignoring your friends' emotions to satisfy your own. That's not being a good friend.
If you think doing so will make you happy forever, and your friend's hatred will be temporary, then you can do it anyways and take the risk; it's then your friend's duty to understand your emotions and be a good friend and understand.
I guess it just depends on whether or not your loyalty lies with hurting someone that is close to you or to a woman you don't know at all that you are trying to bed.
You don't need permission, that's bullshit. But it would be polite to tell them about it up front. And you should fully expect that they might not want to hang out with you anymore depending on how bad the breakup was.
Zek on
0
JacobkoshGamble a stamp.I can show you how to be a real man!Moderatormod
If she treated him badly why would I want to date her? But it shouldn't limit me from doing so should I choose to.
I don't know! Maybe she's really hot. Maybe you're kind of a creep, and you don't really care what your friend thinks. Maybe you're really well-meaning and you honestly think they just didn't work out well together and that things will be better between you and her.
You're not being "limited." Nobody's holding a gun to your head. You won't be dragged before the international court of romantic justice. It's just that you can't go "hurf durf" and act all shocked and surprised if your friend magically takes offense, in much the same way that you really don't have the right to complain about getting thrown out of a nice french restaurant if you strip down to a thong and start singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic.
I guess it just depends on whether or not your loyalty lies with hurting someone that is close to you or to a woman you don't know at all that you are trying to bed.
I like how you paint the picture there. Very nice. Obviously everyone who wants to date a friend's ex is only "trying to bed" them and doesn't know the person at all. Obviously this should be an automatic and easy decision for everyone!
except girls deal with it too. but you can keep making that argument.
I answered this 'why' already, as did others. if you want to ignore this, that's fine. you can live your life that way no one is trying to stop you. please stop pretending those that don't are insecure or stupid.
Your answer is feelings. I say the feelings argument is a pretty dumb one, because there is no reason for them to feel that way. Honestly, why would it bother anyone that your ex does anything? YOU AREN'T DATING THEM ANYMORE!
And I speak from the masculine side because I have a penis and I've heard this more from men than women.
I have an ex that I love more than anything in this world. If one of my good friends ever tried to get with her, they would become enemies right after I beat them with a bat.
Now, one of my friends but-not good friends actually did make out with her when drunk, and I found out without him ever knowing. He's now firmly in the acquaintance I have no respect for category.
I'm actually wondering what kind of friendships you have. Because you seem like a person who is a pretty shitty friend.
Are you honestly suggesting this ISN'T a social norm? Have you never watched a sitcom before?
And it's not about dibs, it's about feelings.
So I should base my life on what tv writers find entertaining? I mean honestly I wonder where this comes from and everyone goes "It's feeling, its social, it's accepted." From where?
And why is it bad your ex dates a friend? Why should that hurt you. You aren't dating her, sounds like a lot of insecure masculine bullshit.
Because it may remind you of the good times you had together and how you didn't want it to end? My ex invited me to her wedding, I'm not going because I would feel awkward. Is that so hard to understand?
Mishra on
"Give a man a fire, he's warm for the night. Set a man on fire he's warm for the rest of his life."
-Terry Pratchett
I guess it just depends on whether or not your loyalty lies with hurting someone that is close to you or to a woman you don't know at all that you are trying to bed.
I like how you paint the picture there. Very nice. Obviously everyone who wants to date a friend's ex is only "trying to bed" them and doesn't know the person at all. Obviously this should be an automatic and easy decision for everyone!
Well of course medo, you're either a good friend or your a sociopathic asshole.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
Are you honestly suggesting this ISN'T a social norm? Have you never watched a sitcom before?
And it's not about dibs, it's about feelings.
So I should base my life on what tv writers find entertaining? I mean honestly I wonder where this comes from and everyone goes "It's feeling, its social, it's accepted." From where?
And why is it bad your ex dates a friend? Why should that hurt you. You aren't dating her, sounds like a lot of insecure masculine bullshit.
Because it may remind you of the good times you had together and how you didn't want it to end? My ex invited me to her wedding, I'm not going because I would feel awkward. Is that so hard to understand?
Yep, as I have attended an ex's wedding. I guess it's just a personality thing. I've had bad break ups, but never begrudged them from being happy with someone else over me.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
I guess it just depends on whether or not your loyalty lies with hurting someone that is close to you or to a woman you don't know at all that you are trying to bed.
I like how you paint the picture there. Very nice. Obviously everyone who wants to date a friend's ex is only "trying to bed" them and doesn't know the person at all. Obviously this should be an automatic and easy decision for everyone!
Well of course medo, you're either a good friend or your a sociopathic asshole.
You value pussy more than you value a life long friendship.
except girls deal with it too. but you can keep making that argument.
I answered this 'why' already, as did others. if you want to ignore this, that's fine. you can live your life that way no one is trying to stop you. please stop pretending those that don't are insecure or stupid.
Your answer is feelings. I say the feelings argument is a pretty dumb one, because there is no reason for them to feel that way. Honestly, why would it bother anyone that your ex does anything? YOU AREN'T DATING THEM ANYMORE!
And I speak from the masculine side because I have a penis and I've heard this more from men than women.
I have an ex that I love more than anything in this world. If one of my good friends ever tried to get with her, they would become enemies right after I beat them with a bat.
Now, one of my friends but-not good friends actually did make out with her when drunk, and I found out without him ever knowing. He's now firmly in the acquaintance I have no respect for category.
I'm actually wondering what kind of friendships you have. Because you seem like a person who is a pretty shitty friend.
Yep, as I have attended an ex's wedding. I guess it's just a personality thing. I've had bad break ups, but never begrudged them from being happy with someone else over me.
and now you're barking up an entirely wrong tree. I do not and would not begrudge my ex's significant other for any reason, unless they treated her wrong. This is not an issue of me and my ex, this is an issue of me and my friend. period.
I guess it just depends on whether or not your loyalty lies with hurting someone that is close to you or to a woman you don't know at all that you are trying to bed.
I like how you paint the picture there. Very nice. Obviously everyone who wants to date a friend's ex is only "trying to bed" them and doesn't know the person at all. Obviously this should be an automatic and easy decision for everyone!
Well of course medo, you're either a good friend or your a sociopathic asshole.
You value pussy more than you value a life long friendship.
Deal with it.
hahahaha what the hell are you talking about? Did I just miss the part where we started talking about a specific example?
except girls deal with it too. but you can keep making that argument.
I answered this 'why' already, as did others. if you want to ignore this, that's fine. you can live your life that way no one is trying to stop you. please stop pretending those that don't are insecure or stupid.
Your answer is feelings. I say the feelings argument is a pretty dumb one, because there is no reason for them to feel that way. Honestly, why would it bother anyone that your ex does anything? YOU AREN'T DATING THEM ANYMORE!
And I speak from the masculine side because I have a penis and I've heard this more from men than women.
I have an ex that I love more than anything in this world. If one of my good friends ever tried to get with her, they would become enemies right after I beat them with a bat.
Now, one of my friends but-not good friends actually did make out with her when drunk, and I found out without him ever knowing. He's now firmly in the acquaintance I have no respect for category.
I'm actually wondering what kind of friendships you have. Because you seem like a person who is a pretty shitty friend.
Actually it sounds like you are.
I'm going to agree with Medo here.
Oh shit its opinions of people on the internet!
Speakeasy on
0
VariableMouth CongressStroke Me Lady FameRegistered Userregular
edited December 2008
goddamn geckahn that is such a bad example. it goes completely against the point some of us are trying to make.
except girls deal with it too. but you can keep making that argument.
I answered this 'why' already, as did others. if you want to ignore this, that's fine. you can live your life that way no one is trying to stop you. please stop pretending those that don't are insecure or stupid.
Your answer is feelings. I say the feelings argument is a pretty dumb one, because there is no reason for them to feel that way. Honestly, why would it bother anyone that your ex does anything? YOU AREN'T DATING THEM ANYMORE!
And I speak from the masculine side because I have a penis and I've heard this more from men than women.
I have an ex that I love more than anything in this world. If one of my good friends ever tried to get with her, they would become enemies right after I beat them with a bat.
Now, one of my friends but-not good friends actually did make out with her when drunk, and I found out without him ever knowing. He's now firmly in the acquaintance I have no respect for category.
I'm actually wondering what kind of friendships you have. Because you seem like a person who is a pretty shitty friend.
Actually it sounds like you are.
I'm going to agree with Medo here.
I was being dramatic, I wouldnt actually do that. But it would ruin our friendship, absolutely. Tell me why in God's name I should trust a friend after he get's with the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with? and knows it?
except girls deal with it too. but you can keep making that argument.
I answered this 'why' already, as did others. if you want to ignore this, that's fine. you can live your life that way no one is trying to stop you. please stop pretending those that don't are insecure or stupid.
Your answer is feelings. I say the feelings argument is a pretty dumb one, because there is no reason for them to feel that way. Honestly, why would it bother anyone that your ex does anything? YOU AREN'T DATING THEM ANYMORE!
And I speak from the masculine side because I have a penis and I've heard this more from men than women.
I have an ex that I love more than anything in this world. If one of my good friends ever tried to get with her, they would become enemies right after I beat them with a bat.
Now, one of my friends but-not good friends actually did make out with her when drunk, and I found out without him ever knowing. He's now firmly in the acquaintance I have no respect for category.
I'm actually wondering what kind of friendships you have. Because you seem like a person who is a pretty shitty friend.
Actually it sounds like you are.
I'm going to agree with Medo here.
I was being dramatic, I wouldnt actually do that. But it would ruin our friendship, absolutely. Tell me why in God's name I should trust a friend after he get's with the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with? and knows it?
Because if she doesn't want to be with you, then it ends, and carrying it on is kinda creepy?
If you're gonna bring God into it, then you would like to know he doesn't approve of coveting.
I was being dramatic, I wouldnt actually do that. But it would ruin our friendship, absolutely. Tell me why in God's name I should trust a friend after he get's with the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with? and knows it?
Because you aren't currently dating her? And obviously won't be if she chooses to date a friend of yours?
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
What exactly does this legal document do? We are talking about friendship - a relationship based on mutual trust and consideration for each other - not a legal challenge.
except girls deal with it too. but you can keep making that argument.
I answered this 'why' already, as did others. if you want to ignore this, that's fine. you can live your life that way no one is trying to stop you. please stop pretending those that don't are insecure or stupid.
Your answer is feelings. I say the feelings argument is a pretty dumb one, because there is no reason for them to feel that way. Honestly, why would it bother anyone that your ex does anything? YOU AREN'T DATING THEM ANYMORE!
And I speak from the masculine side because I have a penis and I've heard this more from men than women.
okay.
you break up with someone, you miss them. you're sad. shit, you've been crying in the bathroom at work. you get home on friday, decide to go out with your friends, clear your mind. you get there, hey look Rod and Jimmy are already at the bar! oh what's this, Rod's got a girl. oh that Rod!... wait just a second. He's with Jamie! fuck! now I know she's over me, I'm all bothered about the breakup, I can't go to Rod for support because he's WITH her now. It just... sucks.
I can't scientifically fucking prove why this scenario bothers a given person, or jhow long ago the breakup needs to have been compared to the relationship or any of that. what I can say is that if your FRIEND breaks up with a girl/guy I believe it's a nice gesture to ask them if it's okay before starting to date that person. Just like I'd talk to my friend before dating his sister or mother or just plain opposite sexed friend.
It's really not that deep of a question, and it's not sexist because it works both ways.
This fucking nailed it. I almost guarantee that everyone arguing that friend's exes are fair game 100% of the time has never been in a situation like this. If you are a good friend you will consider the situation before making a decision. Dating your friend's ex is not like dating a random girl you happen to know.
What exactly does this legal document do? We are talking about friendship - a relationship based on mutual trust and consideration for each other - not a legal challenge.
Sorry, I really meant: are you currently in a committed-for-life romantic relationship with her?
If no, then how can you lay some sort of claim to her?
Are you honestly suggesting this ISN'T a social norm? Have you never watched a sitcom before?
And it's not about dibs, it's about feelings.
So I should base my life on what tv writers find entertaining? I mean honestly I wonder where this comes from and everyone goes "It's feeling, its social, it's accepted." From where?
And why is it bad your ex dates a friend? Why should that hurt you. You aren't dating her, sounds like a lot of insecure masculine bullshit.
Because it may remind you of the good times you had together and how you didn't want it to end? My ex invited me to her wedding, I'm not going because I would feel awkward. Is that so hard to understand?
Yep, as I have attended an ex's wedding. I guess it's just a personality thing. I've had bad break ups, but never begrudged them from being happy with someone else over me.
It's not about me not being happy for her, but I don't want the reminder that given the choice I would still like to be with her. It would be hard for me to see a close friend date her and always have that reminder, and if a friend didn't at least say hey will this make you uncomfortable, i'd question whether that friend cares about my feelings.
Mishra on
"Give a man a fire, he's warm for the night. Set a man on fire he's warm for the rest of his life."
-Terry Pratchett
What exactly does this legal document do? We are talking about friendship - a relationship based on mutual trust and consideration for each other - not a legal challenge.
Sorry, I really meant: are you currently in a committed-for-life romantic relationship with her?
If no, then how can you lay some sort of claim to her?
what is with you people and claims? we're talking about friendship, not a custody battle.
1. If your friend dumped her ass, or they broke up mutually, then fuck him. He doesn't need to know and he doesn't need to find out from you. And when he does find out, he shouldn't care.
2. If your friend got dumped, then you should probably ask him about his feelings on the matter; not asking permission, but saying "hey, I was thinking of doing this, what do you think?" Sure, you can do whatever the fuck you want and you don't have to ask anyone's permission to do so. But your friend may not appreciate having to hang out with his ex, or you both together, if he still has feelings for her.
Bottom line is friends shouldn't do sneaky shit that might hurt each others' feelings. At least that's how my friends and I operate.
Maybe I'm weird for completely writing off any girl that a friend of mine is or has been in a serious relationship with, or has serious feelings for.
Or maybe I'm not an asshole.
Or neurotic.
I'm sure you have many friends that couldn't give a shit.
It's not a black and white situation. Case by case, person by person account.
I didn't fool around with my boy J's girlfriend E when they were dating and she would hit on me. Didn't when they just broke up and he was upset about it and she was hitting on me. When J got married and E hit on me?
Doing things that make your friends sad or uncomfortable are generally frowned upon. Dating a friend's ex may fall in this category, and it's common courtesy to see if he would have a problem with it.
Posts
Uh huh. explain exactly how I go about making sure every guy in the country feels comfortable enough to not need a heads up before a friend starts fucking the love of their life.
Is there a fund I need to donate to?
You don't do it for everyone, but when you date someone who used to date a friend you just let it go and don't tell them shit or ask them or anything. Journey of a thousand steps starts with the first one.
pleasepaypreacher.net
How does that help at all? All it does is make me look like an asshole in the eyes of that friend. This solves what, exactly? You think he'll wake up and be like, hey, Sentry didn't ask permission... I guess I don't need to be asked. No, he'll be all macho butt hurt and feel betrayed that I didn't take the time to give him a heads up.
And again, this is not exclusive to males, women do this too. I'm sure there's a Sex in the City episode about it. There has to be.
I don't think it's that complicated. Can't you conceive of a situation where they broke up because - for instance - she treated your friend horribly? How would this be any different from (for instance) you suddenly palling around with your friend's abusive boss, or the druggie roommate who pawned his TV? If your friend feels ill-used - whether it's justified or not - you'd have to be some sort of drooling autistic robot not to expect him to be hurt if he sees you hanging out and enjoying the company of the person who hurt him. This applies to any personal relationship, sexual or otherwise.
okay.
you break up with someone, you miss them. you're sad. shit, you've been crying in the bathroom at work. you get home on friday, decide to go out with your friends, clear your mind. you get there, hey look Rod and Jimmy are already at the bar! oh what's this, Rod's got a girl. oh that Rod!... wait just a second. He's with Jamie! fuck! now I know she's over me, I'm all bothered about the breakup, I can't go to Rod for support because he's WITH her now. It just... sucks.
I can't scientifically fucking prove why this scenario bothers a given person, or jhow long ago the breakup needs to have been compared to the relationship or any of that. what I can say is that if your FRIEND breaks up with a girl/guy I believe it's a nice gesture to ask them if it's okay before starting to date that person. Just like I'd talk to my friend before dating his sister or mother or just plain opposite sexed friend.
It's really not that deep of a question, and it's not sexist because it works both ways.
If she treated him badly why would I want to date her? But it shouldn't limit me from doing so should I choose to.
pleasepaypreacher.net
Of course you MUST before being labeled a bad friend.
You have to consider your friends' emotions in order to be a good friend.
If your friend hates their ex, or is still in love with them, to whatever extent, then if you date/fuck them you're ignoring your friends' emotions to satisfy your own. That's not being a good friend.
If you think doing so will make you happy forever, and your friend's hatred will be temporary, then you can do it anyways and take the risk; it's then your friend's duty to understand your emotions and be a good friend and understand.
I don't know! Maybe she's really hot. Maybe you're kind of a creep, and you don't really care what your friend thinks. Maybe you're really well-meaning and you honestly think they just didn't work out well together and that things will be better between you and her.
You're not being "limited." Nobody's holding a gun to your head. You won't be dragged before the international court of romantic justice. It's just that you can't go "hurf durf" and act all shocked and surprised if your friend magically takes offense, in much the same way that you really don't have the right to complain about getting thrown out of a nice french restaurant if you strip down to a thong and start singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic.
I like how you paint the picture there. Very nice. Obviously everyone who wants to date a friend's ex is only "trying to bed" them and doesn't know the person at all. Obviously this should be an automatic and easy decision for everyone!
I have an ex that I love more than anything in this world. If one of my good friends ever tried to get with her, they would become enemies right after I beat them with a bat.
Now, one of my friends but-not good friends actually did make out with her when drunk, and I found out without him ever knowing. He's now firmly in the acquaintance I have no respect for category.
I'm actually wondering what kind of friendships you have. Because you seem like a person who is a pretty shitty friend.
Because it may remind you of the good times you had together and how you didn't want it to end? My ex invited me to her wedding, I'm not going because I would feel awkward. Is that so hard to understand?
-Terry Pratchett
Well of course medo, you're either a good friend or your a sociopathic asshole.
pleasepaypreacher.net
Yep, as I have attended an ex's wedding. I guess it's just a personality thing. I've had bad break ups, but never begrudged them from being happy with someone else over me.
pleasepaypreacher.net
You value pussy more than you value a life long friendship.
Deal with it.
and now you're barking up an entirely wrong tree. I do not and would not begrudge my ex's significant other for any reason, unless they treated her wrong. This is not an issue of me and my ex, this is an issue of me and my friend. period.
Oh shit its opinions of people on the internet!
I was being dramatic, I wouldnt actually do that. But it would ruin our friendship, absolutely. Tell me why in God's name I should trust a friend after he get's with the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with? and knows it?
Because if she doesn't want to be with you, then it ends, and carrying it on is kinda creepy?
If you're gonna bring God into it, then you would like to know he doesn't approve of coveting.
Because you aren't currently dating her? And obviously won't be if she chooses to date a friend of yours?
pleasepaypreacher.net
No, just hope I will be someday.
What exactly does this legal document do? We are talking about friendship - a relationship based on mutual trust and consideration for each other - not a legal challenge.
This fucking nailed it. I almost guarantee that everyone arguing that friend's exes are fair game 100% of the time has never been in a situation like this. If you are a good friend you will consider the situation before making a decision. Dating your friend's ex is not like dating a random girl you happen to know.
edit: with regard to geckahn's dream girl
Sorry, I really meant: are you currently in a committed-for-life romantic relationship with her?
If no, then how can you lay some sort of claim to her?
It's not about me not being happy for her, but I don't want the reminder that given the choice I would still like to be with her. It would be hard for me to see a close friend date her and always have that reminder, and if a friend didn't at least say hey will this make you uncomfortable, i'd question whether that friend cares about my feelings.
-Terry Pratchett
Or maybe I'm not an asshole.
In fact, it's over-the-top enough that it lends more credence to what Medo and Preach are arguing.
what is with you people and claims? we're talking about friendship, not a custody battle.
Yeah, it was a stupid example to bring up.
The thing these people are apparently refusing to see is that the girl has nothing to do with how fucked up it is. It's about two friends, period.
1. If your friend dumped her ass, or they broke up mutually, then fuck him. He doesn't need to know and he doesn't need to find out from you. And when he does find out, he shouldn't care.
2. If your friend got dumped, then you should probably ask him about his feelings on the matter; not asking permission, but saying "hey, I was thinking of doing this, what do you think?" Sure, you can do whatever the fuck you want and you don't have to ask anyone's permission to do so. But your friend may not appreciate having to hang out with his ex, or you both together, if he still has feelings for her.
Bottom line is friends shouldn't do sneaky shit that might hurt each others' feelings. At least that's how my friends and I operate.
Or neurotic.
I'm sure you have many friends that couldn't give a shit.
It's not a black and white situation. Case by case, person by person account.
I didn't fool around with my boy J's girlfriend E when they were dating and she would hit on me. Didn't when they just broke up and he was upset about it and she was hitting on me. When J got married and E hit on me?
:winky:
Limed for truthiness. How is this hard to understand?
This isn't about disrespecting the man/woman involved this is about not making your friend horribly uncomfortable.