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Porn, IN MY RECYCLE BIN?
Clint Eastwood
My baby's in there someplaceShe crawled right inRegistered User regular
My baby's in there someplaceShe crawled right inRegistered User regular
The thread title is pretty self explanatory: I woke up this morning, got on the computer and noticed my recycle bin was full of stuff. I opened it up and was greeted with about ten porn videos. Presumably my SO downloaded this stuff, as the download dates are from last night when I was asleep and we don't live with anybody else.
I don't have a problem with her looking at porn. The problem I have here is the type of porn. Without going into details, it's a variety of smut that I'm turned off by. This isn't the first time that I've found this kind of porn in the recycle bin either. It's happened once before, about a month ago if I recall correctly.
To be honest I'm not really sure what to do. She's never indicated any interest in doing this kind of stuff during sex. In fact nothing about this girl would indicate that she's into this sort of thing. Now I'm a pretty tolerant guy as far as sex goes and I'm willing to try a lot of new things, but this is just a bit too far for me.
So, knowing what I know (porn in recycle bin, no other suspects, time of download matches up), what the fuck should I do? Delete the stuff and pretend I didn't see it? Or should I confront her about it? There's pros and cons to both of these options; if I just ignore it then this is probably going to continue until I actually catch her in in the act. But if I confront her about it then I might end up damaging our relationship. I love this girl and no amount of porn that makes me uncomfortable will make me love her less, but nonetheless I don't think a confrontation would go well. Our relationship is already strained because of my unemployment and I don't want something silly like this to be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
I'm sorry if this post seems a bit scattered but I haven't had much time to think about this. So can anybody offer some advice here?
I don't have a problem with her looking at porn. The problem I have here is the type of porn. Without going into details, it's a variety of smut that I'm turned off by. This isn't the first time that I've found this kind of porn in the recycle bin either. It's happened once before, about a month ago if I recall correctly.
To be honest I'm not really sure what to do. She's never indicated any interest in doing this kind of stuff during sex. In fact nothing about this girl would indicate that she's into this sort of thing. Now I'm a pretty tolerant guy as far as sex goes and I'm willing to try a lot of new things, but this is just a bit too far for me.
So, knowing what I know (porn in recycle bin, no other suspects, time of download matches up), what the fuck should I do? Delete the stuff and pretend I didn't see it? Or should I confront her about it? There's pros and cons to both of these options; if I just ignore it then this is probably going to continue until I actually catch her in in the act. But if I confront her about it then I might end up damaging our relationship. I love this girl and no amount of porn that makes me uncomfortable will make me love her less, but nonetheless I don't think a confrontation would go well. Our relationship is already strained because of my unemployment and I don't want something silly like this to be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
I'm sorry if this post seems a bit scattered but I haven't had much time to think about this. So can anybody offer some advice here?
Clint Eastwood on
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What exactly about this bothers you?
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Because if it's something that you could, with a bit of imagination (and possibly drunken courage) see her doing, she may very well be interested in exploring it but be too afraid to ask you. And rightfully so, if you're so turned off by it.
Put it this way - what would you do if she asked you to do something that was depicted in said videos?
Edit - Removing my sig temporarily, given the circumstances. :P
Edit2 - And I was totally expecting a parent finding their kid's porn up in hurr. Or vice versa.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Normally I would throw in that hey, just because she watches it doesn't mean she actually pursues it, but I think she might have wanted you to find the porn.
and if you want to discuss it with her I would suggest doing it in a more general way, as asking her about the stuff specifically may put her in a more defensive attitude.
Do it in a non-confrontal way and solve half the problem right there. You won't see it anymore.
Leave any really meaty subject matter until after you know you won't find it anymore. It'll be out in the open now and maybe she'll come talk to you.
Heck, you could do it without ever mentioning the porn. Just call her over and say "What I'm going to do now is show you how to empty the recycling bin."
A sexual fantasy is just like any other fantasy - something you'll probably never do IRL. If you're having a healthy relationship otherwise, and it's not something she's brought up before, I wouldn't worry about it or bring it up.
EDIT: The only thing other thing I could suggest would be to think about how open you are with each other. IF she wanted to try something new, would she feel comfortable bringing it up? If no, then you might want to work on that if it's going to be a long-term thing.
Not to play Let's Call Other People's Opinions Wrong, but it might be something that "by and large" isn't considered that off-the-wall.
I mean, if she's asking him for a pearl necklace, that's in a whole different league than wanting a Hot Karl.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
I know I look at (and am turned on by) a lot of kinds of porn that I'd never EVER want to partake in, I imagine a lot of people are the same way. For me, those are strictly spectator activities.
Your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
It's good to get it out in the open, because if it's a serious kink, you don't want it messing up the relationship (as in, you don't want her to cheat on you just to fulfill her kink). Even better, if you say "Hey, I found your porn in the recycle bin. You know, it's cool if you watch porn; you don't have to try to hide it from me or delete it all. I'm just, you know, I wanted you to know that we're kind of into different stuff, so I don't know if I could do that kind of stuff with you. Which is why I'm cool with you watching porn." you can show her that a) it doesn't make her "dirty" or "gross" to be into whatever she's into, and that b) you get it out in the open that you're not into that stuff yourself, but that it's OK for you two to talk about your kinks.
Perhaps thinking of a kink you yourself like might help make the conversation easier.
Cos seriously, lots of people have kinks that are a little odd that they actually prefer to keep as fantasies -- that's what a lot of porn is made for (and used for). There's nothing wrong with her occasionally indulging in her kink.
Unless it's dogs or shit. That's just messed up.
Maybe it's because the stuff I watch are all stuff I would willingly try.
The fact though is that he's caught her looking at the same type of stuff once before, so this leads me to believe that it's more than just a fantasy. And the fact that he's not willing to explore that fantasy is going to lead to frustration down the road.
If we're talking about the 'truly out there shit' (pedophilia, necrophilia, beastiality, etc) then it might be just something that's completly fanciful and not something she's trying to bring into the bedroom.
On a slightly 'lesser' note, things like humiliation, rape fantasy, group sex or more extreme BSDM might just be a signal that while intrigued in her fantasies by the extreme, perhaps she'd like to play on a 'lighter' note with you? A blindfold instead of a gimp mask? Dirty talk (along certain lines) rather than a group using her as their toy, whatever.
If you don't feel comfortable broaching the subject directly, perhaps a gently worded chat asking if there's anything she wants to try might be in order? If she's brighter than a toaster, she'll probably clue in that you've noticed and put 2 and 2 together, but if you leave it in the realm of the hypothetical, it lets her at least pretend that it's brought on not by her porn activities, but interest in having a fun relationshipo.
Without knowing just how extreme (in generalities, of course) a kink, fetish or perversion this is/could be, I'm not sure there's much else I can say to help.
Bad as I am for not having a cite on hand, I'm pretty sure it's been shown that most people will be aroused by or get off while watching, reading or thinking about things they don't actually want to do to/with themselves. Just because a person watches BSDM involving being tied down, gagged, masked and humiliated, doesn't mean they want to be tied down, gagged, masked and humiliated. Perhaps some of them do, but I doubt they're the majority.
I appreciate all the input so far but I'm gonna need some time to come to a decision. She's going to be out of the shower in a bit so this isn't really a good time for me to type out some long response. Rest assured that I'll keep checking in when I get a chance.
So what bothers me most is that, you know, maybe she was lying to me about it.
I'd say we're pretty open with each other. We've experimented with some light bondage stuff (handcuffs and blindfolds, not really any further then that) and that was mainly her idea, so it's not like she's been afraid to bring up fetishes in the past.
This is a bit beyond fuzzy handcuffs, though.
if it is just something that is strange or maybe a bit gross i wouldn't worry about it.
Just a bit of devil's advocate here really, not having any idea of the specific nature of the subject matter at hand. She might not have been lying so much as just ignorant to her own fantasies at the time, is basically what I'm saying.
Tentacles are cool though, right ? :winky::winky:
So what exactly are you deciding?
And this may sound nosy but the type of porn would help: if not your situation, at least my curiousity.
Some things remain better in the realm of fantasy.
Seriously though this is a very common thing the only weird thing here is that its usually the other way round with the girl finding the porn. So Just do what most people do in this situation, look the other way.
What happened the last time you discovered this stuff? Did you fight? Were you angry? Were you disgusted by it? Did you ask her to stop? It's fine if you prefer she keep hiding it, but let her know. It's also fine if you don't care, in which case let her know.
You need to let her know what your limits are.
eh, its just animu porns, its silly but its not like a dude is gonna grow tentacles. and involvement of anything that naturally has tentacles falls into bestiality
Come on, you know that when someone mentions something taboo that you actually have a great amount of knowledge about, the natural response is to feign ignorance.
"Porn torrents? Huh, no I don't know anything about then. I tried some torrents a while back but they didn't work on my computer." Said while you're seeding 2gb on your computer.
;D
Still, it's not so much a lie as an attempt to avoid embarrassment. He also doesn't mention the tone of the conversation. Like, if he said "man, [porn type] is fucked up, I just read someone mentioning it." and she was like "oohhhhh i don't know anything about that..." well yeah.
Still, there is a difference between sexual fantasy and a kink (or fantasizing about your kink). If you fantasize about sex on a beach, it doesn't mean that having actual sex on a beach is the only way for you to have truly awesome sex. But if you can only get off if you have sand in your ass, that's pretty kinky, and obviously different from the first example.
Yes, this!
There was a time I wouldn't be caught dead talking dirty or role playing and told my wife as much when we were dating. I used to laugh (or cringe) at this sort of stuff. My wife brought me out of my prudish ways and these things don't bother me anymore...at all. It helps to have an open mind about things.
So definitely, she probably wasn't lying at all, but just igno...oh nevermind...what Halfmex said.
this would be the best course of action, except that he seems so damn bothered by this, it would probably eat at him becoming more than it should be.
I'm gonna guess its either MMF or else FURRIES. It would be tons more amusing if it was just wanting to wear a bunny costume during sex, but I kinda doubt thats it. 8-)
some girls just like a lil poo why you gotta hate
Since it's something you won't do, the next question is does it bother you if she likes to check it out occasionally? Taking it to the extreme, is there a chance she would/could seek it out with someone else? If no, then I'd just leave her to her fantasies and keep doing what you're doing now.
If my b/f found my porn in the trash can and said more than "hey I found your stuff in the recycle bin let me know if you want me to buy some to watch together" I'd be surprised. If he tried to have a serious conversation with me about it I'd probably ask him what his problem is.
But yeah if he has something he wants to say, go ahead and say it, don't sit around sulking and brooding about it checking the recycle bin like a maniac every morning but without more information you're coming across as weirdly bothered by this.
My advice is just let it go. If she likes looking at this but everything is healthy between you two its not worth it. My ex who was not fat or big or anything, she was not a slim supermodel either. She had the proportions I wanted in a girl and I loved her body. I liked to read Maxim magazines, the articles were funny and informative at times, and yes they did have hot babes (that got looked at while going to the bathroom). She got it in her head that I wanted girls like that in the magazines and always bitched/started a fight everytime she saw one of these. It was unhealthy and eventually we broke up(not because of magazines but it didnt help our relationship).
So my advice is do not say anything until she brings it up with you. Let it go.
Ha ha thank god I was beginning to think I was weird because this is the first thing I thought of too.
But seriously OP don't you have things that you fantasise about with porn but wouldn't take to your SO? My guess is you really weren't supposed to know about this.
i read an article once somewhere that said that one in three guys would get pegged at least once, maybe cloudman is gonna get lucky :winky:
i would totally get pegged
oh wow this is terrible advice. By your definition most relationships are incompatiable and 'won't work out'
The reason she lied to you about the porn is because, well, you would have exactly the reaction you're having right now. You would say ew gross and make a big deal and make an H/A thread. Like others I'm curious as to what it is, but the bottom line of sex is:
If one partner A wants to try something, and partner B isn't turned on or off by it, partner B owes it to partner A to try it. That is, if partner B gives a shit about A's happiness at all.
Now if you are genuinely uncomfortable with whatever this is, then you are under no obligation to try it. However, unless this fetish involves murder or something extremely illegal, I feel as though you are obligated to react calmly and say 'that's cool that you like whatever, but I'm just not into it'
She feels ashamed about this, and any other reaction will really hurt her feelings and make her resent you. If you want to act like a man, then you react calmly. DO NOT attack her about lying, but make it known that in a relationship you should be honest and feel as though you can share anything. Wouldn't you like the same from her?
We gotta find four other guys or the statistics are gonna get fucked.
No pun intended.