The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Dating: The only real incentive is Good Food
Element Brian
Peanut Butter ShillRegistered User regular
Peanut Butter ShillRegistered User regular
This is not an H/A thread. I know the difference.
So after my several failed ventures into the world of Dating. I'm curious D&D.
Whats it like for you?
Do you usually take it slow, wait awhile before even having "the talk."
What about kissing, making out? (or for some of you, not me, out and out sex). Do you feel there is a good time to wait to do that stuff based on when you met the person, or does it vary on a case to case basis?
Do you tend to run into the same problems..or hear the same things often?
Personally, I seem to keep running into the same situation. Meet girl, we share some sort of mutual atraction. We talk, I keep thinking to myself, don't kiss her, don't kiss her, if you kiss her to early, you'll ruin it. And then I usually end up kissing her, we make out way too early and I have now ruined it.
Rinse and repeat.
So what about you suckers, what have you done that works, or didn't work. Maybe what are your do's and don'ts. This isn't a how to hook up thread, I know how to hook up. Its not difficult. I wan't a discussion on what you've learned/experienced from dating. Maybe a few horror stories. (Though I'm sure we all have enough of those). Maybe you married jerks can sit here and gloat in our faces, whatever. GO!
So after my several failed ventures into the world of Dating. I'm curious D&D.
Whats it like for you?
Do you usually take it slow, wait awhile before even having "the talk."
What about kissing, making out? (or for some of you, not me, out and out sex). Do you feel there is a good time to wait to do that stuff based on when you met the person, or does it vary on a case to case basis?
Do you tend to run into the same problems..or hear the same things often?
Personally, I seem to keep running into the same situation. Meet girl, we share some sort of mutual atraction. We talk, I keep thinking to myself, don't kiss her, don't kiss her, if you kiss her to early, you'll ruin it. And then I usually end up kissing her, we make out way too early and I have now ruined it.
Rinse and repeat.
So what about you suckers, what have you done that works, or didn't work. Maybe what are your do's and don'ts. This isn't a how to hook up thread, I know how to hook up. Its not difficult. I wan't a discussion on what you've learned/experienced from dating. Maybe a few horror stories. (Though I'm sure we all have enough of those). Maybe you married jerks can sit here and gloat in our faces, whatever. GO!
Element Brian on
0
Posts
Why does that ruin it?
By the end of every first date, I kiss my date. Every first date. I have found, with uncanny accuracy, that if she doesn't want to be kissed on the first date, she's just not that into me.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Maybe its cultural differences?
From my experience as far as getting into an actual relationship, if we kiss to early; then thats all we end up doing, and there really is no relationship. But if I can take the girl on a date or two, and get that connection without it needing to be physical right away. We have a higher chance of actually having a meaningfull relationship.
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
I do not think this is coincidence.
I agree with this. I would expand on this anecdote-palooza and throw in that the friends I have that "date" in the traditional sense tend to have weird, unmeaningful relationships. I have always thought a girlfriend was a best friend that you made out with. A couple multi-year relationships later and I still think this is a good way to look at it.
Do you live in bizarro world? That's the exact opposite of all my experiences.
Huh? There's a big difference between practice and theory in this field, btw.
Smurph. Yea it sucks. Last weekend I tried to change it up. "So uh, whats the game plan?" Usually her game plan is different than what I would like the game plan to be.
On that note, how often do you guys usually wait to have the DTR. (Define the Relationship)
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
In highschool, I'd agree with this. Having been married for almost a decade, not so much. Even if, for some reason, my wife and I were never able to engage in any physical acts of affection ever again, we would still have a very different relationship than with any of my other friends, even those I'm extremely close to and have known forever.
There are ways in which we are close that having nothing to do with the location of my penis.
Yeah, this makes no sense. There really is no correlation, and if this does happen with you, then youre probably the reason why for whatever reason.
I don't. It's an organic thing. I've never had a conversation where we say, "Okay, where is this going, and what do we want?" There's always a mutual understanding of where we are and what we want, and to the extent we officially discuss it, it's more to comment on how cool it is. "This is great. You're great. Let's celebrate our greatness by being naked again."
I'm LDS (Mormon). At BYU. So to you, yes it might be bizarro world. But were still all human and I think we all have a lot of common ground on the issue.
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
"going on dates" is cool with me for a couple rounds, then we better be hanging out most of the time. From my experience the girls that want to "go on dates" for the entirety of the relationship pre-being official do not end out well in the end.
Kiss at the start of the date. Then you both know if you should even bother with the date at all.
Well that certainly changes the equation. Your dating experience probably has more in common with a college student in Jordan than the vast majority of America.
Well, maybe there is a correlation.
I enjoy a lot of emotional connection through physical affection, to the point that they're almost inseparable in my mind. Needless to say, if you've paid any attention to my posts in the last few years, I'm a very sexual person. (And yes, I do make a distinction between physical affection and sex, though they obviously overlap.) Anybody who I'm going to connect with on a personal level is going to have similar traits.
If you value physical affection less; if you value sex less; then you're going to have a different experience dating with regards to how rapidly or how slowly you enter the physical stage of the relationship.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Yes we are all human but that has nothing to do with social norms in various subcultures/societies. I would guess that things are quite different in the mormon realm unless you and the girl are not strictly conforming to mormonism. (I had a lot of mormon friends and high school and some who went to BYU)
I'm thinking you might have some "bizzarro world" expectations here.
Edit: i'm not trying to be excessively judgmental here, but from personal experience misconceptions about the opposite sex, love, relationships and all that can have a negative impact on dating, to put it lightly.
I mean, my greatest relationship, with the girl that I absolutely love, we fucked about two hours after meeting. We had talked previously over the tubes the preceding summer, but the first night we met back at school, we banged. and it was a long and windy road to us dating, but it did happen. Not that having sex immediately makes it more likely for that to happen, but it can.
But I mean, I always go fast physically. If we're having a good time and she's into me and I'm into her, we're going to kiss on a first date. and it never ruins anything. If it did, it would probably be because I started acting differently.
Well, sometimes people can get swept up and do things they never would have done outside of that moment. In the case of sex, it may be that someone has sex and then later decides they're just not that attracted.
I think we've all slept with someone early, then not want to see them again. Just like we've all slept with someone early, then they've not wanted to see us again. In those cases, it isn't the sex that's ruining things, it's that the relationship would never have worked out anyways.
I find sex to be very important, so having sex early for me isn't necessarily going to have the negative complications it does for other people.
ElJeffe seems to have an easier time with his relationships evolving from acquaintances, but I think there are a lot of people out there who would be a little too shy to make a move in that scenario.
I could come up with other examples but I can't be arsed and I think my point is already clear.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Well, I'm also a colossal chicken-shit and could rarely muster the courage to actually ask a chick out cold. So there's that. I basically had just enough awareness to pick up on extremely obvious cues from the occasional chick who was interested in me - cues such as squeezing my hand or saying "I am interested in you" or leaning over and starting to make out with me.
I basically Forrest Gumped my way into every relationship I've ever had, and have found out, long after the fact, of probably half a dozen women who were really into me, and tried to make it obvious, but found I was too dim.
Insightful; I was about to make this observation about a couple of other general declarations here.
My philosophy on life has always been that the best way to ensure that you'll get what you want in life is to be honest about wanting it and willing to ask for it or pursue it explicitly. Otherwise you're just kind of hoping that what you need or want in life will be given to you by chance or happenstance. As it applies to dating, the best way I've found to conduct your dating life is to be extremely straightforward about what you want.
If you see someone you want to date, ask her out on a date. The worst she can say is "no," in which case you've lost nothing because you weren't actually dating her in the first place.
If you want to kiss a girl, go in for a kiss. The worst she can do is not kiss you back, in which case you've lost nothing because she wasn't kissing you to begin with.
If you want to date a girl exclusively, go ahead and tell her so. The worst she can do is say she still wants to play the field, in which case you've lost nothing, for as we saw in Smurph's anecdote, whether he'd told the girl or not, she still would have been dating three other guys while she was casually dating him.
o_0
SammyWorld sounds keen, but here on Earth there are notions like as "timing" and "subtlety" and "logical progression" such that randomly assaulting every hot chick you see with your lips often yields sub-optimal results.
Unless you take those words to be exact and literal. Then the law of averages dictates you'll get lucky with at least a few of them, hopefully before you hit prison.
or maybe at the very worst some girl at a party you've been flirting with
what I'm saying is that I think it was so obvious that there would be some logical progression from stranger to saliva-buddy that he wouldn't need to explicitly spell it out
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
While I'll give you that, Sammy saying that her not kissing you back is the worst that can happen is so high on the optimism scale its off the charts. For starters, it can certainly turn her off to any further advances had you waited.
This. I was exaggerating his case, but the idea that if you're on a date you should just automatically kiss her because no-harm-no-foul is sort of silly.
Yeah, I can see that.
Honestly, though, for me it's no harm no foul. If she has an issue with it, she's probably not the girl for me.
YMMV
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Plus I never want to approach the subject as if someone's interesting enough for me to consider them attractive, I don't want to risk making any conversation between us awkward, as I love me a good conversation..
Man, I suck. But I have a hell of a lot of interesting conversations
It always seemed to me that the female version of "making it obvious" wasn't really making it obvious.
And then the girls who I thought were being obvious said, "Oh, yeah, I'm just a big flirt and am not really interested in you. Sorry."
Yeah, this really needs to start happening.
Like, yesterday.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.