The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent
vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums
here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules
document is now in effect.
Dating: The only real incentive is Good Food
Posts
Sadie Hawkins Day every day! ;-)
I think it's one of those pieces of advice which sounds illogical when you think about it literally, but works out well in practice for psychological reasons. What I mean is that, of the most common problems guys have with dating is that they miss the right time to ask her out/kiss her because they were scared of rejection. Anything you can do to get past that fear is good, even if it doesn't exactly make sense.
On an Internet website based around a video game, sure. The safe bet is that most young men here err too much on the side of passivity. (And I think that too much passivity is more common than too much assertiveness in the general population, but that's pure conjecture on my part, and might be affected by the fact that I primarily socialize with other geeks.)
There is a right balance, though, and there are plenty of people out there who err too far on the side of assertiveness. (For an extreme example: date rapists.)
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
I think it's down to skill levels. It's like how a professional martial artist can see how you're telegraphing your punches before you even decide to throw them. To them it's obvious as day, but to you it might as well not exist. Lots of girls just spend a ton more time being social and are playing on a way more subtle level than most guys.
This was actually my experience for most of my life, until I got married and then divorced and after that decided to be more bold. I didn't think I was holding myself back at the time, I thought I was just being polite and that I shouldn't make that move, and she probably wasn't into me anyway. It hasn't been until about the last three years or so that I actually pick up on flirting. And then I realized I actually was holding myself back.
That doesn't mean I hit on everything that walks by, but... sometimes you just gotta make the leap if things seem to gel. That doesn't mean I am 100% successful... far from it. I just don't let my own consternation ensure that I'm always running at 0%.
Glad we could clear that up.
Should I ever wind up single, I would no doubt revert into a weepy vagina faster than you can say "Monestat".
What? I thought this was America.
Why don't they, anyway? You'd think by now people would be passed out-dated social expectations/rules for this.
I guess they can't be in charge of every aspect of the relationship ever.
BURN BABY BURN
Shortly after meeting my current girlfriend she invited me over, made me an elaborate bowl of high-end ramen, and talked about other delicious foods that she likes to make.
nuh uh
Just put a mint on the pillow.
It's not that kissing is bad. I believe if you cross the line TOO EARLY, it becomes more of a physical attraction than Emotional, Intellectual, or spiritual. I think general consensus as far as relationships go in my culture (that is among other LDS people) is that you should establish the foundation of, ok, I like you for the right reasons and you know each other atleast semi well enough, then you can say, ok then, kissing you now would not spoil things.
Then again, I'll probably have to explain a little further how our relationships may difer from what you guys are used to. But its not as...imposed as you might think. Someone else earlier mentioned it being closer to dating in Jordan and ..nah its really alot closer to what you guys might be used to (For instance, I spent half of sunday afternoon uh..discovering that this girl preffered cherry flavored chapstick .) Though there are some big differences I'll admit.
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
Did you have to go there.
I mean, really.
:P
The uh, quality of kisses I recieve from girls seems to increase on a linear scale with each girl inreasing by a unit of 1. This girl was a very good kisser, (and very atractive) so not being able to kiss her is something I may miss. Though based on my graph I have drawn, the next girl I date will be kissing at a level of 5. I'm not sure what a level 5 kiss is like, but the graph says so. We shall see.
It's a different game. It's like you guys are playing Rugby, and we are playing American Football. You would just learn the rules to this game and adapt.
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
Yes, this.
The premise of the final sentence is that a girl will be repulsed by your attempt to kiss her on Tuesday but will be happy to kiss you on Friday (metaphorically speaking). This is a premise I reject. I'm of Feral's thinking that there's a very high degree of correlation between a girl not wanting to kiss you and that same girl not being interested in you.
You really think that a girl can't change her mind about you?
On the Utah Mormon scene, you've got nothing else to progress to physically. It definitely impedes your ability to objectively decide if she would make a good wife, and if anything it can make you horny enough to rush into a marriage (!) with someone you barely know and who is much worse than you ought to have.
See, I understand this. I understand this very well. This is why Saturday night, I was thinking to myself, "Dont kiss her, Don't kiss her, Don't Kiss her" And I didn't and it was all cool. And then on Sunday I made the poor decision of going to the park. Yea, that was a bad idea. But I understand and already know what your saying here. Thats why I've been saying that atleast in our culture, kissing too early, just ruins it. And me and this girl were both of the same consensus, I ruined it.
Oh and hey, you think that impedes it in Provo? Try Rexburg..where everyone knows your name...
Arch,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
Because most women want a brave, strong, decisive man to tell them what to do.
I've heard it alleged that it happens, but I've never witnessed it, nor has anyone I've ever known. It's one of those things that someone says happened to a friend of someone they once knew. Kind of like UFO abductions.
In all seriousness, I have never, even once in my life, gone out on a date with someone that I absolutely, positively did not want to kiss only to change my mind later without the influence of obsene quantities of alcohol. You might persuade someone who was undecided, but you're not going to flip someone from a flat-out "no" to an enthusiastic "yes."
I'm boned, then.
No, wait, I don't live in the 1950s, so I should be fine.
The jokes on you.
Too late :P
My feeling is that if a girl can't make herself obvious to me, especially seeing as how I am very obviously an idiot when it comes to these things, then it wasn't meant to be. My last two girlfriends picked up on that and made it patently obvious that they liked me, so it does happen.
It's Obs though.
Different people have different ways they handle things. I've had a girl go from Oh God Kiss Me to Cheek Only to No Kissing to And Then We'll Get Married to Never Talking to You Again and one year later Mmn I Like Kissing.
Some people do not have very steady emotional states, particularly if they have chaotic lives or conflicting emotions.
I'm referring to actual dates and not bar hook ups.
Contrary to popular belief, most adult women are not emotionally unstable. But yes, my philosophy to how I relate to other people is largely based on a Rational Actor model, which doesn't work with crazy people, which is why I don't date them. Also, because they're crazy.
Depends on their age, often. Teenagers are not known for stability, nor are people who live in a variety of stressful environments. Main point is that you are not a model for all of humanity, so you can't assume that it is simply NOT DONE if you do not do it.
Yes. Hence high school.