The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent
vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums
here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules
document is now in effect.
Dating: The only real incentive is Good Food
Posts
In general I'd argue that a friendship which cannot survive a proposition was never that strong in the first place. Or is this just my collegiate hedonism showing again?
what answers would you like me to fabricate for you?
To be fair, aren't you a lawyer?
Why do you envy our penises so much?
It's the thrusting. I know it's the thrusting, isn't it?
Edit: You know, Derrick did it so much better than I ever could.
peeing your name on stuff is a big one
I like to let a guy know that I'm interested by flirting. Heavily flirting. Usually with physical contact. Lots of physical contact.
Most of my relationships started with a kiss. Sometimes, they started with flirting and holding hands, but most times, it was a kiss.
Now, I've had long relationships and short ones (longest is 7 years and running, shortest was 30 hours). And they all started (except my current one) with physical contact and a kiss.
But yes, kissing can seal a deal, and it can mess things up. It all depends on how you approach it.
One night in college, I was down playing some pool with my roommates. Met this guy. We talked and played, then went up to my dorm room and talked some more. Things were going fantastic with the talking. He had to go home (commuter), and he gave me a kiss at the door. We were together for two years after that.
As for girls asking guys out? I do it. Ever since my first relationship ended (i was 15 at the end of it), I was never shy about asking a guy out.
But then, I'd be so lost on BYUs campus. I can't imagine such a strict society. I'm far too sexual a creature.
Kinda like what Feral said. There has to be contact, physical contact. Even if there's no spark or electricity, there's still phsyical contact from me.
Now that I'm done rambling.... I lost my point.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
Like I said, I'm not very good at talking to strangers, and since I work alone I really don't have any co-workers, per se, I don't meet any people through work.
I'm trying to get involved with things to meet people, but even then I tend to be pretty bad at making friends. Ah well, I guess I should save any more I say for my inevitable H&A thread
Back in high school, it usually involved going up to the guy and saying something along the lines of, "Hey. I like you. Wanna go out tonight?"
In college, it usually involved going up to the guy and saying something along the lines of, "Hey. I like you. Wanna hang out? Screw that. Wanna fuck?"
Amazingly enough, they both worked.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
Incidentally, I think it makes a lot more sense to have sex with someone you're interested in before really getting to know them. That's not so much of a thing outside of college, is it?
I have found a lick to the neck to be very effective.
It was like an announcement of both "I like you" and "I will give you much to post about on internet forums."
They exist. It seems to be becoming more common, and in my useless anecdotal experience it seems the younger generation of women is more likely to do it.
Given I'm a guy in college, the college line would probably get me a restraining order/prison.
Otherwise, does the high school line actually work for people who don't look like George Clooney or Vin Diesel? Does it work for average-looking guys, or will I get slapped/arrested? Given your lack of a penis you can get away with more, so I donno.
Back on topic.
I'm starting to discover casual dating, albeit slowly. It's kinda nice to do something fun with someone even when you know there won't be a second date. Spending 2 hours with someone you don't wanna strangle and find at least somewhat attractive is extremely fun and I recommend it to everyone.
Same here. The handful of girls to ask me out were all in their late teens but even then it wasn't a casual "I've gotten to know this guy and I think he's kind of cool" it was more of a "I've been secretly pining away for weeks/months and if I don't ask him out I'm going to die" kindof thing.
Well the lass I'm seeing now isn't a teen but she is younger then me by several years. She struck up a conversation with me and then asked me to go dancing. I have a rule covering such situations so I went with it.
As to the person who asked if you could just ask a girl out if your average looking...yes you can. The worst that can happen is some pubic humiliation. But it passes. There is an old jewish folktale that I try to keep in mind situations like that.
King Solomon sought to humble one of his advisors. So he told him to seek out a magic ring, one that would make a happy man sad and a sad man happy. He knew such a ring did not exist, but he gave the advisor six months to find it. The advisor sought it out, seeking learned men who might know of it's existance. But as spring and summer passed he could not find it. As his six months began to end he came across a poor silversmith. In desperation the advisor asked him about such a ring. The old man reached down and picked up a ring, offering it to the advisor. The advisor saw the engraving on the ring and knew that he had found what he was looking for. He brought it to King Solomon and offered it to him. Solomon read the engraving aloud to his court. "And this too shall pass." And thus Solomon learned a lesson in humility.
My point being is that while public humiliation can hurt, it passes. Unless you get a bar full of naval aviators to sing to her. That never goes away.
:winky:
This is true, though.
Isn't this just part of having a friend? I do this sort of stuff all the time with people - what makes it "casual dating"?
Heh.
That's much better than the standard Mormon guilt-trip.
Boys interview at preset ages to advance to the next Priesthood rank; if you admit to a sin you fail to advance and the whole church will silently judge you and your entire family for it.
"Do you ever masturbate? Are you ever sexually intimate with others? Do you ever say mean things to your siblings? Do you ever physically fight your siblings?"
It is amazing how many 16 year old boys have never done any of those things.
Abandon the mentality that you have to look like George Clooney or Vin Diesel to have success getting dates. There are a number of reasons that it's completely false:
1. Women are much nicer than a lot of people give them credit for. Unless they're in a committed relationship, most of the women I know will say "yes" to at least two dates with just about anyone.
2. Average-looking guys have thousands of years of sexual success on their track record. Average-looking guys are obviously breeding, and frankly in higher raw numbers than the above-average guys. How do you know this is true? Because they're the average, the median, and the mean of the male population. If your genes weren't broadly acceptable, there wouldn't be so many people in the world of your approximate level of attractiveness--your genes would have been excluded from the population long ago, and everyone would look like George Clooney or Vin Diesel.
3. Confidence frequently breeds success; lack of confidence frequently assures failure. The way you act when approaching a woman about a date signals whether or not you'd expect her to say "yes." If you're hemming and hawing and being shy and generally signalling like you'd expect her to say "no," she's more likely to think of "no" as the appropriate answer.
The overarching principle to all of this, by the way, is to treat everyone respectfully and do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You wouldn't want someone toying with you, and you therefore shouldn't toy with other people. If you want someone to take an interest in you, then you should make a genuine effort to take and show an interest in her. If you're in this thread complaining about how women should ask men out because it's easier on you and you can't read their signals, then you should also make more of an effort to ask women out and make things easier on them, and also clarify your signals so you're being honest and forthright about what you want.
I'll admit my description was kind of loose. What I consider "casual dating" is being with someone you find attractive and fun to be with, possibly make out later, etc.
While "hanging out with friends" is strictly non-romantic. The two do overlap at times, and I'm probably overthinking this as it is and didn't realize it until just now.
Limed for Goddammed truth. For some reason I have it in my head that when you ask someone out in a forthright fashion without being excessively subtle, any respectable woman would go "Eew, get a way from me you creep!", which is completely fucking false. I still don't know why so many people, including myself, believe it. But ya, I'll try to remember this when it matters.
This could help us define different levels of desperation.
Also, I think he was responding to people saying girls would turn you down publicly and you would be humiliated, so that might be important to some people.
o_O
Some folks have a hard enough time asking women out, as evidenced by people complaining about it in this thread. Many women also understand this and don't want to make it any harder than it already is; also they're generally of the mind that unless someone is a complete and total creep, everyone deserves 30 minutes to make his or her proverbial case over a cup of coffee or a dirty martini.
Oh, really? In that case, uh, let's just forget about Saturday night.
It's not out of courtesy, it's that someone who doesn't know you is likely quite willing to go out with you at least once in order to get to know you. If they aren't, that's a great sign that you probably don't want to know them anyway.
I don't get it. So long as I don't get set up with someone absolutely unbearable, having other people (all who know me and the type of person I'd like) do all the work of finding me someone sounds... great. Unfortunately my parents don't really have friends, my friends only know people who are already dating, and my co-workers have probably never talked to a woman before. So it's never happened for me. But man, having somebody else set up a real date for me? That sounds awesome.
I mean, even if it makes me look desperate (I'm not) and even if the odds of getting hooked up with a wacko are high (I'm sure they are), dates are fun. Even with wackos who you're never planning on seeing again.
Back when I was dating, my philosophy was that if you weren't using the word "date" in the ask, you were doing it wrong. If I'd met someone that I was interested in getting to know better, I'd start by asking for the phone number with the following line:
I found this line helpful for the following reasons:
I'd call around when I promised and say something like "Hey Jen, it's SammyF, we met a few nights ago at The Ugly Mug. I was calling to ask you out on a date so we can continue getting to know one another--are you free for a drink after work on Thursday--can you meet me at Recessions at 7:00 PM?"
It sounds awkward to people who haven't tried this a couple of times, but you know what's more awkward? When halfway through a meeting it suddenly occurs to the girl you're with that you're not just "hanging out" and that actually she's been tricked into a date.
I never would've minded at all - in fact, I met my wife because a mutual friend kind of set us up. (Not on an official date, he just invited us both to hang out with him at the same time, and kismet took it from there. I still remember the first time she deliberately touched my arm in the little grocery store where the three of us went out to buy wine coolers... *sigh*)
That said, if your mom/friend/whoever tends to set you up with fucksticks, I can see how you might be wary. Or if you're just not in the mood to be dating or in a relationship, and the person won't leave it the fuck alone.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
YOU SENT US IN WITH BAD INTEL!
...Yeah, I've had one or two of those. On the other hand, I've set people up a couple of times and it's worked out okay.
My wife brings out the sap in me.