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Crazy Girlfriend/Boyfriend Stories

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Posts

  • Loren MichaelLoren Michael Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I'm pretty sure they took turns...

    Uh. I assume so as well. But they went into the bathroom together. One of them was just chillin' in there, waiting for the other to finish defecating.

    Loren Michael on
    2ezikn6.jpg
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I'm pretty sure they took turns...

    There is, however, a non-zero chance...

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • NoResultsFoundNoResultsFound Registered User
    edited August 2009
    My experience with a crazy online girl. Let me relay things in point form, in the order in which I was presented with them.

    - Start polite convo with girl (lets call her CG - crazy girl)
    - Topic hits sex, CG is really REALLY into it
    - I See pics of CG.. CG is crazy hot (yes its her, I eventually see webcam)
    - Enjoy sexy text-times with CG as well as joke around and have fun.. she seems great
    - Sexy chat times reveal that she has a pretty serious submissive and daddy thing going on - unusual to me but hey - I can get onboard with that
    - Fun times go on for a couple weeks
    - CG is upset very irrationally - but the next day is normal again - informs me its just "her meds"
    - Fun times continue, more or less, another couple weeks
    - CG tells me some of her background.. despite being 19 has been quite wild with men (and a woman), particularly at frat parties.. drugs.. sex.. she pretty much describes herself as the ideal candidate for Girls Gone Wild
    - CG informs me that she could never be with a man unless he was a practicing member of her church, and loves Jesus.. or something like that
    - CG has a date with a lucky young man
    - CG ends the date early, there will be no second - CG informs me that any potential suiter must be a "professional" (lawyer, engineer, doctor, dentist), because - direct quote: "I'm not greedy, but hey, a girl's gotta eat"
    - CG's father is a doctor
    - CG has a demand regarding marriage - a gift from her husband of a car that costs slightly over $100g (I won't say the car for anonymity) - and this is a SERIOUS demand - total dealbreaker without it
    - CG doesn't understand the concept of mortgages, nor their purpose/need
    - CG is babysitting in her spare time, earning money $10 per hour, and its a big deal to her
    - CG is saving up the money for her boob job.. which her mom had done years earlier
    - CG's father makes more than half a mil per year - owns a $2mil home - and has a car collection worth over $2mil, including exotics
    - CG, being from Texas and rich.. is politically conservative... super, duper, bush-voting, gun-totting conservative
    - I make a joke which is intentionally in bad taste - racist - CG loves it.. way too much
    - CG would really like the south to be its own territory again, and would take up arms to assist if an action started
    - CG thinks bringing slavery back might not be such a bad idea
    - CG also hates Mexicans
    - CG becomes furious with me when I challenge her racist and political beliefs, and leaves outraged

    So... feel free pass along questions for CG - I might still be able to relay them to her to find out her opinions.

    NoResultsFound on
  • underdonkunderdonk __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    underdonk wrote: »
    On the other hand, I was brushing my teeth one time and my girlfriend of one month walked in to the bathroom with me, sat down on the toilet, and did a one and a two.

    This is actually the craziest story I've read, thus far, in this thread. One month?! Didn't she get the memo? Pooping in front of your SO is like a month six or eight activity, not during or shortly after the first month. Bitch be crazy.

    To be fair, she's Chinese and that's what they do there.

    Gah! I suggest getting her the national best seller "Shitting in America" (available at most online retailers).

    underdonk on
    Back in the day, bucko, we just had an A and a B button... and we liked it.
  • ArgusArgus Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    - CG would really like the south to be its own territory again, and would take up arms to assist if an action started
    - CG thinks bringing slavery back might not be such a bad idea

    I don't care what everyone else says about pooping/menstruating, I think you've won the thread, sir.

    Argus on
    pasigsizedu5.jpg
  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I like how she's totes guns. That is all.

    RocketSauce on
  • NoResultsFoundNoResultsFound Registered User
    edited August 2009
    I like how she's totes guns. That is all.

    Haven't you heard the saying? It's pretty common AFAIK.

    FYI, early on I saw a picture of her holding some fully auto assault rifle. I nearly started up a convo asking why civilians should be allowed access to military grade weapons... Now I can imagine how that would have went lol.

    NoResultsFound on
  • EvylEvyl Registered User
    edited August 2009
    My experience with a crazy online girl. Let me relay things in point form, in the order in which I was presented with them.

    - Start polite convo with girl (lets call her CG - crazy girl)
    - Topic hits sex, CG is really REALLY into it
    - I See pics of CG.. CG is crazy hot (yes its her, I eventually see webcam)
    - Enjoy sexy text-times with CG as well as joke around and have fun.. she seems great
    - Sexy chat times reveal that she has a pretty serious submissive and daddy thing going on - unusual to me but hey - I can get onboard with that
    - Fun times go on for a couple weeks
    - CG is upset very irrationally - but the next day is normal again - informs me its just "her meds"
    - Fun times continue, more or less, another couple weeks
    - CG tells me some of her background.. despite being 19 has been quite wild with men (and a woman), particularly at frat parties.. drugs.. sex.. she pretty much describes herself as the ideal candidate for Girls Gone Wild
    - CG informs me that she could never be with a man unless he was a practicing member of her church, and loves Jesus.. or something like that
    - CG has a date with a lucky young man
    - CG ends the date early, there will be no second - CG informs me that any potential suiter must be a "professional" (lawyer, engineer, doctor, dentist), because - direct quote: "I'm not greedy, but hey, a girl's gotta eat"
    - CG's father is a doctor
    - CG has a demand regarding marriage - a gift from her husband of a car that costs slightly over $100g (I won't say the car for anonymity) - and this is a SERIOUS demand - total dealbreaker without it
    - CG doesn't understand the concept of mortgages, nor their purpose/need
    - CG is babysitting in her spare time, earning money $10 per hour, and its a big deal to her
    - CG is saving up the money for her boob job.. which her mom had done years earlier
    - CG's father makes more than half a mil per year - owns a $2mil home - and has a car collection worth over $2mil, including exotics
    - CG, being from Texas and rich.. is politically conservative... super, duper, bush-voting, gun-totting conservative
    - I make a joke which is intentionally in bad taste - racist - CG loves it.. way too much
    - CG would really like the south to be its own territory again, and would take up arms to assist if an action started
    - CG thinks bringing slavery back might not be such a bad idea
    - CG also hates Mexicans
    - CG becomes furious with me when I challenge her racist and political beliefs, and leaves outraged

    So... feel free pass along questions for CG - I might still be able to relay them to her to find out her opinions.

    You shoulda deep dicked her, then mid thrust told her you were half Mexican. Would've been like a verbal donkey punch.

    Evyl on
  • Gabriel_PittGabriel_Pitt (effective against the Irish) Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Evyl wrote: »
    My experience with a crazy online girl. Let me relay things in point form, in the order in which I was presented with them.

    - Start polite convo with girl (lets call her CG - crazy girl)
    - Topic hits sex, CG is really REALLY into it
    - I See pics of CG.. CG is crazy hot (yes its her, I eventually see webcam)
    - Enjoy sexy text-times with CG as well as joke around and have fun.. she seems great
    - Sexy chat times reveal that she has a pretty serious submissive and daddy thing going on - unusual to me but hey - I can get onboard with that
    - Fun times go on for a couple weeks
    - CG is upset very irrationally - but the next day is normal again - informs me its just "her meds"
    - Fun times continue, more or less, another couple weeks
    - CG tells me some of her background.. despite being 19 has been quite wild with men (and a woman), particularly at frat parties.. drugs.. sex.. she pretty much describes herself as the ideal candidate for Girls Gone Wild
    - CG informs me that she could never be with a man unless he was a practicing member of her church, and loves Jesus.. or something like that
    - CG has a date with a lucky young man
    - CG ends the date early, there will be no second - CG informs me that any potential suiter must be a "professional" (lawyer, engineer, doctor, dentist), because - direct quote: "I'm not greedy, but hey, a girl's gotta eat"
    - CG's father is a doctor
    - CG has a demand regarding marriage - a gift from her husband of a car that costs slightly over $100g (I won't say the car for anonymity) - and this is a SERIOUS demand - total dealbreaker without it
    - CG doesn't understand the concept of mortgages, nor their purpose/need
    - CG is babysitting in her spare time, earning money $10 per hour, and its a big deal to her
    - CG is saving up the money for her boob job.. which her mom had done years earlier
    - CG's father makes more than half a mil per year - owns a $2mil home - and has a car collection worth over $2mil, including exotics
    - CG, being from Texas and rich.. is politically conservative... super, duper, bush-voting, gun-totting conservative
    - I make a joke which is intentionally in bad taste - racist - CG loves it.. way too much
    - CG would really like the south to be its own territory again, and would take up arms to assist if an action started
    - CG thinks bringing slavery back might not be such a bad idea
    - CG also hates Mexicans
    - CG becomes furious with me when I challenge her racist and political beliefs, and leaves outraged

    So... feel free pass along questions for CG - I might still be able to relay them to her to find out her opinions.

    You shoulda deep dicked her, then mid thrust told her you were half Mexican.
    Then finished up with, '-and my other half is black.'

    Gabriel_Pitt on
  • NoResultsFoundNoResultsFound Registered User
    edited August 2009
    Evyl wrote: »
    You shoulda deep dicked her, then mid thrust told her you were half Mexican.
    Then finished up with, '-and my other half is black.'

    You jest, but I'm 1/4 of an ethnic minority (won't say for anonymity), but look completely white. She doesn't know this. I've toyed with the idea of telling her to see the response :).

    NoResultsFound on
  • Teslan26Teslan26 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Evyl wrote: »
    You shoulda deep dicked her, then mid thrust told her you were half Mexican.
    Then finished up with, '-and my other half is black.'

    You jest, but I'm 1/4 of an ethnic minority (won't say for anonymity), but look completely white. She doesn't know this. I've toyed with the idea of telling her to see the response :).

    If you aren't interested, I wouldn't mind a shot at her. Love the deep south accent.

    Teslan26 on
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    get out of here, numbername
  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    No passing numbers in the crazy girlfriend thread.

    OptimusZed on
    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. Now With Ninjas!

    They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
  • Teslan26Teslan26 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    OptimusZed wrote: »
    No passing numbers in the crazy girlfriend thread.

    Wut?

    Hot, crazy, good accent, morally repellant.

    How the fuck could I pass up the chance to get in touch?

    Teslan26 on
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    get out of here, numbername
  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Teslan26 wrote: »
    OptimusZed wrote: »
    No passing numbers in the crazy girlfriend thread.

    Wut?

    Hot, crazy, good accent, morally repellant.

    How the fuck could I pass up the chance to get in touch?
    Try thinking with your other cortex.

    OptimusZed on
    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. Now With Ninjas!

    They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
  • MblackwellMblackwell Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Hahaha penebral cortex.

    Mblackwell on
    Music: The Rejected Applications | Nintendo Network ID: Mblackwell

  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    CG reminds me of a girl I briefly dated. May have posted about her. Bout a year and a half ago.

    Rich parents. Nice upbringing. Hardcore Republican. There was some debate on CNN once with a friend of hers and a liberal girl. Left Vs. Right thing. Local politics.

    She knew both girls, but knew the Repub incredibly well and detailed to me how she's in a relationship with a man 30 years her senior and married, but will probably be getting a divorce because his wife discovered that he bought the Ann Coulter wanna-be a Mercedes.

    Anyway.

    We kept in touch for a bit afterwards. She got into a crappy relationship that I kept warning her about. Guy would be a jerk to her, she'd cry on a girlfriend's shoulder. That girlfriend eventually became a girlfriend, and now she's a lesbian.

    Sheep on
    QlBGc.jpg
  • ArgusArgus Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Sheep wrote: »
    CG reminds me of a girl I briefly dated. May have posted about her. Bout a year and a half ago.

    Rich parents. Nice upbringing. Hardcore Republican. There was some debate on CNN once with a friend of hers and a liberal girl. Left Vs. Right thing. Local politics.

    She knew both girls, but knew the Repub incredibly well and detailed to me how she's in a relationship with a man 30 years her senior and married, but will probably be getting a divorce because his wife discovered that he bought the Ann Coulter wanna-be a Mercedes.

    Anyway.

    We kept in touch for a bit afterwards. She got into a crappy relationship that I kept warning her about. Guy would be a jerk to her, she'd cry on a girlfriend's shoulder. That girlfriend eventually became a girlfriend, and now she's a lesbian.

    So is she a log cabin Republican now, or what?

    Argus on
    pasigsizedu5.jpg
  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I like how she's totes guns. That is all.

    Haven't you heard the saying? It's pretty common AFAIK.

    FYI, early on I saw a picture of her holding some fully auto assault rifle. I nearly started up a convo asking why civilians should be allowed access to military grade weapons... Now I can imagine how that would have went lol.

    Yes, I've heard the saying. And I was saying that was something I actually liked. The only thing I could say I like about her.

    My dream woman would want to sit at home on a friday getting drunk and smoking some weed while we watch Tim and Eric Awesome Show DVDs and clean our guns.

    My wife is pretty close to this fantasy, so I can't complain.

    RocketSauce on
  • NamrokNamrok Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    At this point, my dream girl would just not make me utterly miserable, and not tell me what I can and can't do.

    Pretty low expectations I used to think.

    Namrok on
  • MblackwellMblackwell Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Namrok wrote: »
    At this point, my dream girl would just not make me utterly miserable, and not tell me what I can and can't do.

    Pretty low expectations I used to think.

    The only "person" in your life that won't tell you what to do and not do is your little one.

    And even he's secretly whispering things to you.

    Mblackwell on
    Music: The Rejected Applications | Nintendo Network ID: Mblackwell

  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Mblackwell wrote: »
    Namrok wrote: »
    At this point, my dream girl would just not make me utterly miserable, and not tell me what I can and can't do.

    Pretty low expectations I used to think.

    The only "person" in your life that won't tell you what to do and not do is your little one.

    And even he's secretly whispering things to you.

    Man what, he's always telling me what to do.

    RocketSauce on
  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Mblackwell wrote: »
    Namrok wrote: »
    At this point, my dream girl would just not make me utterly miserable, and not tell me what I can and can't do.

    Pretty low expectations I used to think.

    The only "person" in your life that won't tell you what to do and not do is your little one.

    And even he's secretly whispering things to you.

    Man what, he's always telling me what to do.
    He's the one that gives the horrible advice that led to most of the posts in this thread.

    OptimusZed on
    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. Now With Ninjas!

    They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
  • HeirHeir Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Mblackwell wrote: »
    Namrok wrote: »
    At this point, my dream girl would just not make me utterly miserable, and not tell me what I can and can't do.

    Pretty low expectations I used to think.

    The only "person" in your life that won't tell you what to do and not do is your little one.

    And even he's secretly whispering things to you.

    Man what, he's always telling me who to do.

    Fixed that for ya. ;)

    Heir on
    camo_sig2.png
  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Heir wrote: »
    Mblackwell wrote: »
    Namrok wrote: »
    At this point, my dream girl would just not make me utterly miserable, and not tell me what I can and can't do.

    Pretty low expectations I used to think.

    The only "person" in your life that won't tell you what to do and not do is your little one.

    And even he's secretly whispering things to you.

    Man what, he's always telling me who to do.

    Fixed that for ya. ;)

    He's got good taste, we rarely disagree.

    RocketSauce on
  • underdonkunderdonk __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    Namrok wrote: »
    At this point, my dream girl would just not make me utterly miserable, and not tell me what I can and can't do.

    Pretty low expectations I used to think.

    Yes, it seems that these two expectations are reasonable, but as you have found, I have found as well that they are apparently more difficult to come by than other admirable traits, such as: slammin' body, good teeth, hot sister. Of course, I am under the belief that an SO can only "tell you what to do" if you let them. They can try to tell you what to do, and of course you shouldn't listen and call them on it, but usually that means things don't end well.

    underdonk on
    Back in the day, bucko, we just had an A and a B button... and we liked it.
  • GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Maybe it's just me, but I would think that finding out your potential girlfriend/boyfriend is on anti-psychotics would be a deal-breaker right from the start.

    Just knowing that they need to take something to prevent psychotic behavior is kind of a turn-off for me. Maybe that turns other guys' cranks, I guess. Not me.
    For me, it depends on how long someone has been taking the medication and what they're taking it for. Hell, I'm on crazy pills. But, I'm also pretty goddamn stable now. A few years ago, when I was having a lot of stress at work and going through a divorce and dealing with PTSD and dealing with a serious cancer in the family, not so much.

    GungHo on
    "Adios, mofo" -- TX Gov Rick Perry (R)
  • Penguin_OtakuPenguin_Otaku Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    My ex (crazy one who drove me to thinking of suicide, hit me constantly, pressed assault and battery charges on me and all sorts of other fun stuff) has a pretty southern family. I'm from a small town so I'm used to most of it and nothing really affected me until one day we were talking and she kept using ethnic terms to describe people. When I asked her why this was she told me it was the best way to describe them as a person.

    She also told me that Obama was a Muslim (false) and that because he was such, he could not have Christian values. There was a minute of silence from me trying to just... give her benefit of the doubt for being so stupid to say that, but I couldn't get there. When I said, "So you're saying that non-Christians aren't good people?" "Well no, but... he's not." "I'd say a lot of non-Christians act lot more Christian than Christians." She was befuddled and hung up on me.

    While I was driving her to her graduation party, she had me listen to a song on her iPod. It dropped the n-word a bunch of time and made fun of black people. I just blankly stared at her while she laughed and smiled, not caring about my discomfort. Really awkward for me.

    She also like to call people mixes and everything else. The way she said it made me think she was inferring that them being "mixed" was a bad thing.

    Before the election she constantly kept telling me that he was going to get assassinated and she would become upset at me whenever I asked her not to talk like that around me.

    Man... what THE FUCK was I thinking?

    Penguin_Otaku on
    sig-1.jpg
  • King RiptorKing Riptor Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    My ex (crazy one who drove me to thinking of suicide, hit me constantly, pressed assault and battery charges on me and all sorts of other fun stuff) has a pretty southern family. I'm from a small town so I'm used to most of it and nothing really affected me until one day we were talking and she kept using ethnic terms to describe people. When I asked her why this was she told me it was the best way to describe them as a person.

    She also told me that Obama was a Muslim (false) and that because he was such, he could not have Christian values. There was a minute of silence from me trying to just... give her benefit of the doubt for being so stupid to say that, but I couldn't get there. When I said, "So you're saying that non-Christians aren't good people?" "Well no, but... he's not." "I'd say a lot of non-Christians act lot more Christian than Christians." She was befuddled and hung up on me.

    While I was driving her to her graduation party, she had me listen to a song on her iPod. It dropped the n-word a bunch of time and made fun of black people. I just blankly stared at her while she laughed and smiled, not caring about my discomfort. Really awkward for me.

    She also like to call people mixes and everything else. The way she said it made me think she was inferring that them being "mixed" was a bad thing.

    Before the election she constantly kept telling me that he was going to get assassinated and she would become upset at me whenever I asked her not to talk like that around me.

    Man... what THE FUCK was I thinking?

    I'm guessing that this girl she had er qualities you admired. Perhaps two prominent qualities?

    King Riptor on
    I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I had been seeing this one girl in college and she had been joking around that I was a typical guy who couldn't cook. So to defend my honor and in hopes of accomplishing some other goals, I offered to cook dinner for her. I had some wonderfully fresh venison from a recent hunting trip and I decided I'd work with that. So I did up some venison steaks in a red wine sauce with potatoes dauphinoise. Candles were broken out and I went for almost the whole nine yards. I bring out the plates and set it in front of her. Only to be greeted with a look of horror. I'm rather confused at this point until she begins to lecture me on the evils of eating meat. Which became a rant on the evils of slaughterhouses. Being an idiot I told her it wasn't a bovine steak but it was from a deer.

    And that's when the look of anger became one of rage. She begain to screech at me, and I would tell you about what but I'm afraid that much of the actual content was outside what most human ears can hear. And when she calmed down a little she asked me where I bought it from. Having dug myself in this deep I figured I might as well see how far I could go, and I informed her that I didn't buy it, I had taken it myself when hunting.

    While clearly my cognitive processes were rather poorly developed, my reflexes were just fine and I ducked the salad bowl flying at my head. At which point the lass stormed out in a rage. And while many of the stories I've told here seem to result in me visiting the hospital or being around police this one had a happy ending. You see I now had two venison steaks to eat. So all in all I'll take it as a win.

    Thomamelas on
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    I had been seeing this one girl in college and she had been joking around that I was a typical guy who couldn't cook. So to defend my honor and in hopes of accomplishing some other goals, I offered to cook dinner for her. I had some wonderfully fresh venison from a recent hunting trip and I decided I'd work with that. So I did up some venison steaks in a red wine sauce with potatoes dauphinoise. Candles were broken out and I went for almost the whole nine yards. I bring out the plates and set it in front of her. Only to be greeted with a look of horror. I'm rather confused at this point until she begins to lecture me on the evils of eating meat. Which became a rant on the evils of slaughterhouses. Being an idiot I told her it wasn't a bovine steak but it was from a deer.

    And that's when the look of anger became one of rage. She begain to screech at me, and I would tell you about what but I'm afraid that much of the actual content was outside what most human ears can hear. And when she calmed down a little she asked me where I bought it from. Having dug myself in this deep I figured I might as well see how far I could go, and I informed her that I didn't buy it, I had taken it myself when hunting.

    While clearly my cognitive processes were rather poorly developed, my reflexes were just fine and I ducked the salad bowl flying at my head. At which point the lass stormed out in a rage. And while many of the stories I've told here seem to result in me visiting the hospital or being around police this one had a happy ending. You see I now had two venison steaks to eat. So all in all I'll take it as a win.

    Don't forget -- you also avoided an extended relationship with someone who couldn't make her opinion on meat clear without throwing dishes at you.

    joshofalltrades on
    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
  • firewaterwordfirewaterword Satchitananda Pais Vasco to San FranciscoRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Man, I love me some venison. I had the fortune of getting down a inner-tenderloin fillet wrapped in bacon a few years ago.

    My awesome redneck uncle had shot it with a bow and arrow like three days earlier. Best thing ever.

    firewaterword on
    Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Don't forget -- you also avoided an extended relationship with someone who couldn't make her opinion on meat clear without throwing dishes at you.

    I wasn't looking for an extended relationship. I would have been really okay with it lasting a few hours more and then ending. :winky:

    Thomamelas on
  • MazzyxMazzyx Comedy Gold Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Venison though good, elk fillets are some of the best things you can have.

    Mazzyx on
    03x29di.png
  • Teslan26Teslan26 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    OptimusZed wrote: »
    Teslan26 wrote: »
    OptimusZed wrote: »
    No passing numbers in the crazy girlfriend thread.

    Wut?

    Hot, crazy, good accent, morally repellant.

    How the fuck could I pass up the chance to get in touch?
    Try thinking with your other cortex.

    I have another coretex?

    To paraphrase Robin Williams - But only enough blood to work one at a time.

    Teslan26 on
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    get out of here, numbername
  • NocturneNocturne Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    I had been seeing this one girl in college and she had been joking around that I was a typical guy who couldn't cook. So to defend my honor and in hopes of accomplishing some other goals, I offered to cook dinner for her. I had some wonderfully fresh venison from a recent hunting trip and I decided I'd work with that. So I did up some venison steaks in a red wine sauce with potatoes dauphinoise. Candles were broken out and I went for almost the whole nine yards. I bring out the plates and set it in front of her. Only to be greeted with a look of horror. I'm rather confused at this point until she begins to lecture me on the evils of eating meat. Which became a rant on the evils of slaughterhouses. Being an idiot I told her it wasn't a bovine steak but it was from a deer.

    And that's when the look of anger became one of rage. She begain to screech at me, and I would tell you about what but I'm afraid that much of the actual content was outside what most human ears can hear. And when she calmed down a little she asked me where I bought it from. Having dug myself in this deep I figured I might as well see how far I could go, and I informed her that I didn't buy it, I had taken it myself when hunting.

    While clearly my cognitive processes were rather poorly developed, my reflexes were just fine and I ducked the salad bowl flying at my head. At which point the lass stormed out in a rage. And while many of the stories I've told here seem to result in me visiting the hospital or being around police this one had a happy ending. You see I now had two venison steaks to eat. So all in all I'll take it as a win.

    I like this story. It does involve crazy, but instead of being D: it is :lol:

    Good stuff.

    Nocturne on
  • NostregarNostregar Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    You'd think that if someone offers to cook you dinner you'd let them know you're a vegetarian.

    Just, you know, to avoid that kind of situation.

    Nostregar on
    Nostregar wrote: »
    I think that an entire religious debate done in haiku would be genuinely enjoyable.
    You say there is God
    I see only the fleshmeat
    Prove your space daddy
  • Gabriel_PittGabriel_Pitt (effective against the Irish) Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I was just about to say that.

    Gabriel_Pitt on
  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    If you're a salad-bowl hurling vegetarian, you might be too far gone to realize that most people still consume meat.

    OptimusZed on
    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. Now With Ninjas!

    They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
  • DalbozDalboz Resident Puppy Eater Right behind you...Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    I had been seeing this one girl in college and she had been joking around that I was a typical guy who couldn't cook. So to defend my honor and in hopes of accomplishing some other goals, I offered to cook dinner for her. I had some wonderfully fresh venison from a recent hunting trip and I decided I'd work with that. So I did up some venison steaks in a red wine sauce with potatoes dauphinoise. Candles were broken out and I went for almost the whole nine yards. I bring out the plates and set it in front of her. Only to be greeted with a look of horror. I'm rather confused at this point until she begins to lecture me on the evils of eating meat. Which became a rant on the evils of slaughterhouses. Being an idiot I told her it wasn't a bovine steak but it was from a deer.

    And that's when the look of anger became one of rage. She begain to screech at me, and I would tell you about what but I'm afraid that much of the actual content was outside what most human ears can hear. And when she calmed down a little she asked me where I bought it from. Having dug myself in this deep I figured I might as well see how far I could go, and I informed her that I didn't buy it, I had taken it myself when hunting.

    While clearly my cognitive processes were rather poorly developed, my reflexes were just fine and I ducked the salad bowl flying at my head. At which point the lass stormed out in a rage. And while many of the stories I've told here seem to result in me visiting the hospital or being around police this one had a happy ending. You see I now had two venison steaks to eat. So all in all I'll take it as a win.

    You should have had a shrine to Ted Nugent ready to show her, just to cap things off.

    Anyway, CNN has an article up.

    13 signs he's dating a loser:
    I've had a bumpy ride as a single gal and have dated many guys who weren't worth my time. But that doesn't mean a girl can't be a dud, too! Case in point? That tragic and recently cancelled VH1 show "Megan Wants a Millionaire," about a girl who was looking for a rich man to pay the bills.

    For all you men out there, check out the 13 signs that you may be dating a loser. See someone you recognize? If you're smart, you'll lose her.

    1. Dirty-flirty double standard: She flirts with dudes in front of you, shamelessly. Then, she gets super mad and makes a scene if you so much as give a cute waitress your order.

    2. She needs to do everything with you: It's one thing to share experiences, but it's another thing to need someone to hold your hand all the time. When it goes beyond wanting to spending time together to demanding it constantly, you have to wonder, what's her problem?

    3. Party pooper: She's mopey when you're not giving her 100 percent of your attention. When you start having fun, she wants to leave.

    4. Sex as a weapon: Putting out is the bartering chip she's been using since her school days, but it's a cheap ploy. A clever woman who respects herself doesn't have to abuse her sexual power.

    5. Baby, I'm yours: She wants to have kids so she can stop working and mooch off you. Now who's the child?

    6. High-maintenance mama: She's constantly complaining and barking orders. Everyone around her rolls their eyes at her demands. Why doesn't she get off her duff and do it herself?

    7. Friend indeed: She forces you to show off to her lady friends with grand displays of obedience, love, and virility. But she never wants to hang out with you and your best bros. Why is it she expects people to think she's impressive when she never does anything to impress them?

    8. Parent trap: She blames her life's problems on her parents, yet she depends on them, a lot.

    9. Social climber: She's always looking for someone richer to kiss up to. When it comes to making new friends, she's a total snob.

    10. Beauty is only skin deep: She thinks she should be famous, but she hasn't done anything to warrant admiration besides look pretty.

    11. Eau de desperation: She reeks of needing a man, and she will stop at nothing to bag one. When she's single, her female friends even feel like they have to hide their boyfriends for fear she will try to pounce.

    12. One-way street: You're constantly doing things for her, but, as Janet Jackson would put it, "What have you done for me lately?" If she's going to act like a princess, why doesn't she treat you like the prince of a gentleman you are?

    13. Go fish: She's always looking for compliments. You have to constantly reassure her that she's amazing, but her response always seems to say: "I know."

    A bit of a tame list. My last gf was a combination of points 3 and 12.

    Dalboz on
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Nostregar wrote: »
    You'd think that if someone offers to cook you dinner you'd let them know you're a vegetarian.

    Just, you know, to avoid that kind of situation.

    I had seen her eat what I thought was a BLT, so I didn't bother asking. I hadn't asked her out for her charming conversation so it may be possible she thinks pork is a vegetable.

    Thomamelas on
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