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Crazy Girlfriend/Boyfriend Stories

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    OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    JJ wrote: »
    headbutting hurts. I guess I would do it if someone was behind me but I'm taller than most people so I would probably break my own goddamn nose on somebody's head instead of the other way around.

    I don't know if I'm just misreading this because I'm tired but...what?
    Angle of attack is pretty crucial when you're throwing your head at another person.

    OptimusZed on
    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. Now With Ninjas!

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    SpectrumSpectrum Archer of Inferno Chaldea Rec RoomRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    JJ wrote: »
    headbutting hurts. I guess I would do it if someone was behind me but I'm taller than most people so I would probably break my own goddamn nose on somebody's head instead of the other way around.

    I don't know if I'm just misreading this because I'm tired but...what?
    If someone is behind him, he slams his head back, probably into their nose.

    If he tries it from the front, because he is taller, he really needs to lean forward/keep his chin down to get his forehead involved instead of, say, slamming his nose against THEIR forehead to hilarious results.

    Spectrum on
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    JJJJ DailyStormer Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    JJ wrote: »
    headbutting hurts. I guess I would do it if someone was behind me but I'm taller than most people so I would probably break my own goddamn nose on somebody's head instead of the other way around.

    I don't know if I'm just misreading this because I'm tired but...what?

    I was referring to two different possibilities where I would be inclined to headbutt someone if they were standing close behind me as opposed to someone standing in front of where I'd probably hurt my own face.

    JJ on
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    HounHoun Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Sheep wrote: »
    Houn wrote: »
    Man. This thread has been very entertaining, and I want to thank everyone for sharing.

    Me? I've got nothing to share. I've only "dated" one woman, and we're still together after 8 years and 2 kids. No crazy stories. Some days, I wonder wistfully if I didn't miss out by not dating around more. This thread has convinced me the answer is "probably not".

    :lol:

    Promise me you won't come back and make a thread in the H&A forum asking us for permission to have an affair and develop a drug addiction because you saw it on TV and it looked cool.

    Promise me!!

    Scout's Honor. ;-)

    TV does make it look pretty sweet, though.

    Houn on
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    NocturneNocturne Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    SkannerJAT wrote: »
    Had a girl that liked to try and jump my bones. While on the phone. With my mom. WTF

    I also had a girlfriend that would start playing with me or going down on me when I was on the phone with my mom.

    I don't really consider that crazy, though. I'm pretty sure it was just for shits and giggles.

    Nocturne on
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    Santa ClaustrophobiaSanta Claustrophobia Ho Ho Ho Disconnecting from Xbox LIVERegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Nocturne wrote: »
    SkannerJAT wrote: »
    Had a girl that liked to try and jump my bones. While on the phone. With my mom. WTF

    I also had a girlfriend that would start playing with me or going down on me when I was on the phone with my mom.

    I don't really consider that crazy, though. I'm pretty sure it was just for shits and giggles.

    Was it a video phone?

    Santa Claustrophobia on
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    X Pr3dat0R XX Pr3dat0R X Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    JJ wrote: »
    JJ wrote: »
    headbutting hurts. I guess I would do it if someone was behind me but I'm taller than most people so I would probably break my own goddamn nose on somebody's head instead of the other way around.

    I don't know if I'm just misreading this because I'm tired but...what?

    I was referring to two different possibilities where I would be inclined to headbutt someone if they were standing close behind me as opposed to someone standing in front of where I'd probably hurt my own face.

    Right, wanted to clarify that, I couldn't work out for the life of me how you would break your own nose headbutting someone who was behind you :)
    All is well now

    X Pr3dat0R X on
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    celandinecelandine Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I just thought that would take impressive flexibility.

    celandine on
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    syndalissyndalis Getting Classy On the WallRegistered User, Loves Apple Products regular
    edited October 2009
    I figured that I would preemptively post here about an upcoming trainwreck I am probably getting myself into.

    I just had a very pleasant text session with a very attractive blonde russian stripper, and we are totally going to go grab some sushi and see where the night takes us. She SEEMS okay, but her line of work alone does set off some warning flags.

    Can't be worse than the alien fucker, though... and I need some new stories.

    syndalis on
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    Let's play Mario Kart or something...
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    The Muffin ManThe Muffin Man Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Doodmann wrote: »
    My girlfriend broke her ankle a couple weeks ago, after a bunch of doctor hulabaloo she got a cast on it. She has now removed the cast (2 days after getting it) because she was frustrated with the whole situation. I feel like she is a crazy person. What do I do?

    We need a little more information. Clearly she's nuts, but we can't tell what kind of nuts from that. That said, your options are as follows:

    1. Break up with her in person. Normally a dumb call, but with a broken ankle she'll be slow.
    2. Break up with her over the phone. Distance is good.
    3. Liquidate all of your assets, get plastic surgery and disappear into a South American country. Best option.

    What the fuck is she gonna do, chase him?

    The Muffin Man on
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    TerrendosTerrendos Decorative Monocle Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    syndalis wrote: »
    I figured that I would preemptively post here about an upcoming trainwreck I am probably getting myself into.

    I just had a very pleasant text session with a very attractive blonde russian stripper, and we are totally going to go grab some sushi and see where the night takes us. She SEEMS okay, but her line of work alone does set off some warning flags.

    Can't be worse than the alien fucker, though... and I need some new stories.

    If you had added "Hilarity Ensues" after the end of that pitch I would have been convinced it was a CBS sitcom.

    So yeah, probably a bad sign.

    Terrendos on
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    cloudeaglecloudeagle Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Not to stereotype, but the two Russians I went on dates with were downright ruthless when it came to trying to extract money/material stuff from me. And they weren't strippers.

    So be very, very careful.

    cloudeagle on
    Switch: 3947-4890-9293
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    syndalissyndalis Getting Classy On the WallRegistered User, Loves Apple Products regular
    edited October 2009
    cloudeagle wrote: »
    Not to stereotype, but the two Russians I went on dates with were downright ruthless when it came to trying to extract money/material stuff from me. And they weren't strippers.

    So be very, very careful.

    Trust me when I say that I do not plan on bankrolling this girl; I am looking for some fun and to see whatever happens.

    As soon as it turns into "ooh, this 3000 dollar purse looks pretty!" I'll in return say, "yeah it does, hope your saturday night makes you enough to buy it!"

    syndalis on
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    SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2009
    cloudeagle wrote: »
    Not to stereotype, but the two Russians I went on dates with were downright ruthless when it came to trying to extract money/material stuff from me. And they weren't strippers.

    So be very, very careful.

    I've only dated one Russian girl. Exchange student. She was "dating" a friend of mine and I was on the outs with another girl. She had absolutely no idea of "commitment".

    Sheep on
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    SipexSipex Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Okay, I have one, it's about a roommate of mine who was a crazy boyfriend and friend...it was so bad he actually moved out of the city. There's a lot since I knew this guy since highschool to mid college and he was quite the active crazy so I'll try to shorten it.

    First off, details, we were a group of four guys in highschool, myself, Brandon, Tim and Justin (the crazy one). I came into the picture a little late (they knew each other before highschool) but we still got a long really well and I felt like one of the group.

    Justin gets his first girlfriend Angela, she's this really hot nerdy girl who Tim has liked forever and a bit. Now, we had the standard code, it wasn't as stupid as "I like that girl, don't date her at all" but more of "Hey man, I know you like her but I like her as well, so I'm going to try for her too, ok?". You know, be courteous at the least. Justin did not tell Tim he was going to date this girl, he just off and did it, Tim was peeved, yes but he's a good friend and got over it.

    Justin and Angela are dating for about half a year and Angela starts a computer class with Brandon and myself; her and Brandon really hit it off. Brandon hates Justin quite a bit because Justin is a huge whiner (Justin once told Tim and I to our faces that he had the worst birthday party ever because nobody showed up. Nobody but Tim and I. What does that say about us? Ouch.) Angela totally agrees.

    Shortly after Angela breaks up with Justin and Justin turns into creepy stalker boyfriend who actually has the police called on him because he won't leave her house. She almost gets a restraining order on him but he backs off just in time.

    A month later he threatens suicide to her and all of us, we talk him out of it and Tim punches Justin for being an idiot.

    Brandon, Tim, Angela and I start hanging out, Tim obviously still likes Angela but recognises that she likes Brandon, nothing happens between them for the school year however. Near the end of the school year Justin confronts Brandon and bitches him out, Brandon hits his breaking point and all the shit he's been saving up for years he just unloads onto Justin there in the hall. Later that week Brandon and Angela start dating (with a courtesy ask to Tim).

    Fast forward to our senior year, Justin is mopey and such but bearable, he has a party and hooks up with a younger girl named Emma. They date for about a week and Emma dumps Justin. Tim and Emma start talking over msn a lot and hanging out, they have similar music tastes and well...you can guess what happens. Tim gives Justin the courtesy act and Justin raises a huge stink in the end stating "You can choose either me or her", Tim chooses her and never talks to Justin again.

    A year passes, Justin has broken up with another girl (A goth, she was a total bitch, said I'd never get laid if I kept playing vide games), break up seems normal though.

    Fast forward, it's college now Justin is dating a senior in highschool (who I'm told thought I was hot at the time, gogo ego boost) and he sets me up with her best friend (who I'm now married to :D). My relationship goes smoothly but his burns and crashes because he was pressuring her into sex. We're kind of weary but that's all that happens so we leave it at that.

    A bit later, Justin and I are roommates and my girlfriend sets him up with another friend and the two of them automatically hit it off. They date for about a week and she dumps him at the end because he's too clingy (she was at work, told him not to call her while she's there and he still called her cell 27 times within 3 hours!), he calls her a bad girlfriend because she doesn't speak to him enough :/ My girlfriend is no impressed and she begins to dislike him.

    About a month later sex tapes are accidentally leaked of Justin and his exes. One of him with the goth the other of him with the girl who dumped him because of sex pressuring. He also gets one of his friends to hack a few ex girlfriends accounts so he can steal emails and such for whatever goddamned purpose. Charges are filed and shit hits the fan.

    Justin moves out of the city and across the country.

    Tim, Brandon and I are still friends. Brandon is still dating Angela and Tim found a new girl (turns out the girl he got from Justin was a user anyways). Good times.

    Edited for a few grammar fails

    Sipex on
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    CommunistCowCommunistCow Abstract Metal ThingyRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Sheep wrote: »
    cloudeagle wrote: »
    Not to stereotype, but the two Russians I went on dates with were downright ruthless when it came to trying to extract money/material stuff from me. And they weren't strippers.

    So be very, very careful.

    I've only dated one Russian girl. Exchange student. She was "dating" a friend of mine and I was on the outs with another girl. She had absolutely no idea of "commitment".

    I dated a girl from Lithuania for a while and she seemed to have no idea when she was being rude as fuck (read: emotionally abusive). From what I hear that is common from that area of the world.

    CommunistCow on
    No, I am not really communist. Yes, it is weird that I use this name.
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    SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2009
    She WAS emotionally abusive or thought she was being emotionally abusive?

    Sheep on
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    Santa ClaustrophobiaSanta Claustrophobia Ho Ho Ho Disconnecting from Xbox LIVERegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I think he forgot the word 'no'. As in 'no idea'.

    Santa Claustrophobia on
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    CommunistCowCommunistCow Abstract Metal ThingyRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I think he forgot the word 'no'. As in 'no idea'.

    yea thats it. whoops.

    She was emotional abusive / rude and had no idea that she was being this way. She would have to have me explain why things she said were uncalled for or hurtful.

    CommunistCow on
    No, I am not really communist. Yes, it is weird that I use this name.
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    Edith UpwardsEdith Upwards Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    syndalis wrote: »
    I figured that I would preemptively post here about an upcoming trainwreck I am probably getting myself into.

    I just had a very pleasant text session with a very attractive blonde russian stripper, and we are totally going to go grab some sushi and see where the night takes us. She SEEMS okay, but her line of work alone does set off some warning flags.

    Can't be worse than the alien fucker, though... and I need some new stories.

    I knew she was cheating on my brother!

    Then again, my brother's a complete monster, who wouldn't jump ship on that?

    Edith Upwards on
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    iglidanteiglidante Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    This didn't happen to me specifically, but it's so full of Grade-A what-the-fuck that I have to throw it in:

    A friend's ex (let's call her Amy) starts dating a guy (call him Bob). Bob is 28 and has a son. I don't know the particulars, but the word "deadbeat" was thrown around. Let's just say Bob doesn't really do much in the way of taking care of his kid, and leave it at that. Amy is 24.

    One day, Amy finds out she's pregnant. Both of them are (understandably) freaked out. But Bob is really freaked out. He basically spends days trying to convince her that A) he can't take care of another kid, and B) he can't afford child support. He wants her to have an abortion. Eventually, she agrees.

    This is where things get a little strange. Rather than go to a clinic, which is what you'd expect her to do, Amy gets some sort of over-the-counter (or at least "at home") abortion medication. It costs her $400. Word is, she was too ashamed to actually have a doctor or nurse perform the abortion. Okay, fine, I can understand that.

    She takes the medicine, and ends up spending an entire day in the bathroom puking her guts out. While Bob and his friend play video games in the next room, ignoring her completely. Eventually, she asks Bob to run to the store to pick her up something (gentle food, beverage, stomach medication - I don't remember exactly). She gives him her wallet.

    Bob uses her credit card to buy whatever it is she wanted, and then takes whatever money was in her wallet and pockets it. He brings the stuff back to her, and eventually the day ends.

    In the morning, when Amy wakes up, she finds all of her stuff packed up and waiting by the door. Bob tells her to get out - he doesn't want anything to do with her. Why? Get this: Because she's a baby killer.

    tl;dr - Deadbeat dad knocks a girl up, convinces her to get an abortion, steals her money, and dumps her for having the abortion.

    iglidante on
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    THEPAIN73THEPAIN73 Shiny. Real shiny.Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Wow... D:

    Can you say horrible?

    I didn't know they had an over the counter thing. Gross.

    THEPAIN73 on
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    iglidanteiglidante Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    THEPAIN73 wrote: »
    Wow... D:

    Can you say horrible?

    I didn't know they had an over the counter thing. Gross.

    I was under the impression that a regular abortion was in the neighborhood of $200-300. The friend who told me this story agreed. Neither of us know what kind of stuff she took. My response was (pretty much verbatim) "I don't care how embarrassed I was, I think I'd go to the clinic and get the abortion done by, you know, a doctor, instead of taking some jungle-juice shit from Rite Aid."

    iglidante on
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    FalxFalx Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    iglidante wrote: »
    THEPAIN73 wrote: »
    Wow... D:

    Can you say horrible?

    I didn't know they had an over the counter thing. Gross.

    I was under the impression that a regular abortion was in the neighborhood of $200-300. The friend who told me this story agreed. Neither of us know what kind of stuff she took. My response was (pretty much verbatim) "I don't care how embarrassed I was, I think I'd go to the clinic and get the abortion done by, you know, a doctor, instead of taking some jungle-juice shit from Rite Aid."

    That shit should be illegal, regardless of whether you believe it's right or not it should never be something you can just do yourself.

    Falx on
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    adytumadytum The Inevitable Rise And FallRegistered User regular
    edited August 2011
    ...

    adytum on
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    AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Dude, I think she was just saying it's kind of really fucking dangerous to give your self an abortion, and should be in the hands of a Doctor....rather than taking random over the counter shady shit.

    Edit: Sorry. I'm really sick, and overly tired, and I don't even know if I'm reading anything correctly.

    AlyceInWonderland on
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    adytumadytum The Inevitable Rise And FallRegistered User regular
    edited August 2011
    ...

    adytum on
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    KistraKistra Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Are you sure it was OTC?

    RU-486 is a medication abortion (as opposed to surgical) and costs ~400 at PP. It is so heavily controlled that the pills are individually numbered and pharmacists can't dispense it (doctors have to do it directly). I would be willing to bet this is what your friend got.

    The guy is obviously a worthless piece of shit but I don't think you need to be jumping all over your friend unless you actually think she was buying illegal drugs off of some street corner.

    Kistra on
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    iglidanteiglidante Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Kistra wrote: »
    Are you sure it was OTC?

    RU-486 is a medication abortion (as opposed to surgical) and costs ~400 at PP. It is so heavily controlled that the pills are individually numbered and pharmacists can't dispense it (doctors have to do it directly). I would be willing to bet this is what your friend got.

    The guy is obviously a worthless piece of shit but I don't think you need to be jumping all over your friend unless you actually think she was buying illegal drugs off of some street corner.

    I honestly have no idea what she took, but I know it was legal, controlled, and probably (most likely, after reading the responses) prescribed. Whatever it was, it wasn't a pleasant experience. Now, just because she was vomiting, that doesn't mean the drug was dangerous per se - but it does seem really expensive for a single dose (US Dollars).

    iglidante on
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    iglidanteiglidante Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    adytum wrote: »
    This gay, asian, old, and very drunk guy notices me. And comes over and talks to me. And asks if I'm gay. And doesn't believe me when I say no. And my girlfriend says something incredibly noncommittal to him, in an effort to make him hit on me some more. And she moves out of the way. And he, in an effort to say gauge if I'm gay or not, grabs my turgid member. D:D:D:

    I have never had an erection wither more quickly than at that moment.

    You and the guy over in the embarrassing tales thread with the story about the nurse grabbing his balls with ice-cold hands to kill his erection should get together and swap stories.

    iglidante on
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    mrt144mrt144 King of the Numbernames Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I have one;

    I was in college (a fake college mind you. One where you learn skills that aren't that in demand and where you fight a never ending army of young adults willing to do what you learn for free. Audio engineering). So I had just broken up with a girl I dated for 9 months and a month later started dating another girl.

    This other girl was the polar opposite of the first girl; sexual, impulsive, very fit etc etc. She was quite fun for a while but...

    Then things got crazy. I stopped school, crashed with her, we started making movies for the internet (NSFW movies) cause we needed the cash, she cheated on me with the producer of said movies after we had a threesome with him, I told her mom about everything (which was crazy because her mom was the chair of some Republican council in her home state), and in the course of everything we both wound up with an incurable STD which surprisingly never has shown symptoms (Thank you HSV1).

    But now, years later, my life is great (Job, Girlfriend, Family), and we live on opposite coasts.

    mrt144 on
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    BackstopBackstop Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I have a pretty tame one:

    My first girlfriend played the role of a soap opera queen. I don;t mean to say that she naturally gravitated towards drama and saying "I'll destroy you" but that our relationship followed whatever was going on between Hope and Billie and Bo in Days of our Lives. If Bo and whoever were on the skids and arguing, she would pick a fight all day/week. Once they made up, it was all sunshine and roses. If Billie was suspecting Bo of being with Hope, then I had a good couple weeks of cheat-accusations to look forward to. If Hope was actually sleeping with Bo, why then I hurried home over to her place when I knew she'd be done watching the tape.

    I would stop by the convenience store after school and skim through the soap opera digest to see what my week ahead would look like by reading the plot synopses. Bad times for Bo/Hope/Bille, I wold make myself scarce. Good times, I'd be around a lot. Luckily I broke up with her before the demonic-possession story line!

    Backstop on
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    THEPAIN73THEPAIN73 Shiny. Real shiny.Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Wait.. what?

    REALLY?!

    THEPAIN73 on
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    iglidanteiglidante Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Backstop wrote: »
    I have a pretty tame one:

    My first girlfriend played the role of a soap opera queen. I don;t mean to say that she naturally gravitated towards drama and saying "I'll destroy you" but that our relationship followed whatever was going on between Hope and Billie and Bo in Days of our Lives. If Bo and whoever were on the skids and arguing, she would pick a fight all day/week. Once they made up, it was all sunshine and roses. If Billie was suspecting Bo of being with Hope, then I had a good couple weeks of cheat-accusations to look forward to. If Hope was actually sleeping with Bo, why then I hurried home over to her place when I knew she'd be done watching the tape.

    I would stop by the convenience store after school and skim through the soap opera digest to see what my week ahead would look like by reading the plot synopses. Bad times for Bo/Hope/Bille, I wold make myself scarce. Good times, I'd be around a lot. Luckily I broke up with her before the demonic-possession story line!

    This sounds like the plot to a really strange romcom. Or something like that.

    iglidante on
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    Edith UpwardsEdith Upwards Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Yeah. Soap opera fans are creepy.

    Edith Upwards on
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    SipexSipex Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    You know this thread has really brought quite a few things to light about my current relationship. Maybe I should talk to her about it....

    Sipex on
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    adytumadytum The Inevitable Rise And FallRegistered User regular
    edited August 2011
    ...

    adytum on
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    AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Man.... the Awesome SO thread needs to come back. This one is just depressing :P

    Hilarious, and amusing, but depressing none the less.

    AlyceInWonderland on
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    EnderEnder Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    You're just saying that because you now have an awesome SO.

    Ender on
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    AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Ender wrote: »
    You're just saying that because you now have an awesome SO.

    Well, Excuuuseee me, Princess!

    AlyceInWonderland on
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