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Meeting People In College

Ziac45Ziac45 Registered User regular
edited September 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
So I moved into the dorms at my school yesterday for my first year of school. So far I really haven't met anyone, I have been leaving my door open and trying to go out for activities but the only people I have said anything to are the two guys I met years ago.

Is there any advice on what I should do to try and meet people with similar interests? I am trying to get in contact with the people who run the colleges game club but theres no contact link and I don't know how to go about it. Just a little worried I won't have an established group of friends and therefore hate the 4 years I am going to spend here. I should also add that a lot of the guys on my floor are just obnoxious blaring crappy music so loud I can hear it clearly with the door closed and they are 4 rooms away from me, so I don't hold much hope for the people on this floor.

Edit: I should also add that I am pretty incredibly shy when it comes to people I don't know.

Ziac45 on
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Posts

  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Be proactive. Poke your head into someones room and say hi. Maybe the guy with the terrible music has an awesome room mate.
    Most college clubs are active on facebook saying when meetings are. Join and attend club meetings for anything you have an interest in. I was busy with other thins, but we had a chocolate lovers club and a juggling club.
    There are clubs for everything.

    Improvolone on
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  • ElinElin Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Clubs, clubs, and more clubs. Right now in my English club I'm meeting people, I qualify for the national club and therefor have scholarship opportunities, and the adviser looooooves me so I have a tasty letter of recommendation when I need it.

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  • NostregarNostregar Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Just as an aside, the people you make friends with your freshman year are likely not the people you will be friends with when you graduate, so don't worry about making your permanent circle of friends now. Just find some people to hang out with and have a good time.

    This has been true of myself and literally everyone I know. Don't worry about it too much. I didn't have friends outside of my roommates and a few people on my hall for most of the first year, but I eventually met some awesome people and have been friends with them now for a couple years (going into senior year now).

    Don't sweat it. Everybody else there is in the same boat as you.

    Nostregar on
  • Ziac45Ziac45 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yeah we just had our hall meeting I talked to the RA about joining the gamer club and he said there will be a organization fair I think I'll head to that when it happens. However after the meeting I realized that almost everyone on this floor shares few to no common interests with me, most of them are in the guy blaring rap musics room now.

    Ziac45 on
  • oldsakoldsak Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Ziac45 wrote: »
    Yeah we just had our hall meeting I talked to the RA about joining the gamer club and he said there will be a organization fair I think I'll head to that when it happens. However after the meeting I realized that almost everyone on this floor shares few to no common interests with me, most of them are in the guy blaring rap musics room now.

    College is also a great place to take up new interests, even ones that don't seem interesting at first.

    oldsak on
  • ddahcmaiddahcmai Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    You've been leaving your door open in case someone stops by randomly, just think about how many other people are doing the exact same thing! Be the person that comes over and says hello, even if you don't make friends with everyone, at least you'll be able to say hello in the hallway instead of having to walk past the same people every day without saying anything at all.
    If you see a group of people playing frisbee or something, ask if you can join. It might look like they have a circle of friends formed, but they're in the same situation you are and are looking for more friends too.

    It's the first few weeks of the first semester of college for almost everybody around you. There will never be more social magic and acceptance than there is right now, everybody wants friends, not just you, and everybody is trying to figure out exactly how to meet more people. Just remember nobody knows anybody, nobody has good friends, there are no circles or groups to either accept or reject you, and everybody is willing to meet anybody.


    All that aside, as far as meeting people who specifically share your interests, don't worry about that too much, that tends to happen naturally over time. I personally don't talk with any of my freshman year friends anymore, because we are nothing alike, but I had the time of my life with them and wouldn't trade those days for anything. Clubs do help for finding similar people, so does meeting people in your discipline, but so does meeting friends of friends and everything in between that involves being social.

    Don't be shy! I consider my best friend the most confident person in the world, and the first thing he did in high school was go take a huge shit because he was so nervous on the first day. I never shat from nerves and I was voted shyest in the class! The only difference between confident and shy people is that shy people get nervous and assume nobody will like them, while confident people get nervous, but they understand everybody is just as shy and insecure as they are, so they go for it anyways. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Forget what other people think, be yourself, and get out there and share yourself with others, because that is exactly what everybody is hoping everybody else will do.

    ddahcmai on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Ziac45 wrote: »
    Yeah we just had our hall meeting I talked to the RA about joining the gamer club and he said there will be a organization fair I think I'll head to that when it happens. However after the meeting I realized that almost everyone on this floor shares few to no common interests with me, most of them are in the guy blaring rap musics room now.

    You're judging someone pretty harshly on their taste in music. It... you're a dick.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • admanbadmanb unionize your workplace Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    oldsak wrote: »
    Ziac45 wrote: »
    Yeah we just had our hall meeting I talked to the RA about joining the gamer club and he said there will be a organization fair I think I'll head to that when it happens. However after the meeting I realized that almost everyone on this floor shares few to no common interests with me, most of them are in the guy blaring rap musics room now.

    College is also a great place to take up new interests, even ones that don't seem interesting at first.

    And to realize that sharing a lot of interests isn't always necessary for good friendships.

    admanb on
  • NotYouNotYou Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yea... as happy as most people look, most of them still don't know anybody. Just say whats up to people in the halls and introduce yourself. Chat for a bit maybe. No big deal. Also, introduce yourself and talk to people next to you in classes. You'll get to know everyone gradually.

    NotYou on
  • Ziac45Ziac45 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Ziac45 wrote: »
    Yeah we just had our hall meeting I talked to the RA about joining the gamer club and he said there will be a organization fair I think I'll head to that when it happens. However after the meeting I realized that almost everyone on this floor shares few to no common interests with me, most of them are in the guy blaring rap musics room now.

    You're judging someone pretty harshly on their taste in music. It... you're a dick.

    I don't think I am a dick, but I don't want to be in a room with music I don't like that is loud enough to make me go deaf. I think thats perfectly reasonable

    Ziac45 on
  • Ziac45Ziac45 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I have my first real class tomorrow I figure I will get there a bit early and talk to whoever happens to sit near me and go from there.

    Ziac45 on
  • ZombiemamboZombiemambo Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Ziac45 wrote: »
    Ziac45 wrote: »
    Yeah we just had our hall meeting I talked to the RA about joining the gamer club and he said there will be a organization fair I think I'll head to that when it happens. However after the meeting I realized that almost everyone on this floor shares few to no common interests with me, most of them are in the guy blaring rap musics room now.

    You're judging someone pretty harshly on their taste in music. It... you're a dick.

    I don't think I am a dick, but I don't want to be in a room with music I don't like that is loud enough to make me go deaf. I think thats perfectly reasonable

    I met a guy in college who listens to loud Finnish metal all the time. I hate metal, but we're very similar people and get along really well. Another guy I know is really nice and a good buddy but listens to rap so loud I can't think when it's on.

    Just because you don't like their taste in music doesn't mean you're not going to like them.

    EDIT: Oh, and a tip: I've met friends in almost every class I've had, but not a soul talked to anyone for at least a week, sometimes two or more. Give everyone time to become familiar with both the class and the people in it.

    Zombiemambo on
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  • IogaIoga Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    As a former RA I cannot suggest clubs and other activity groups enough. Clubs or having a job are the best places to do that sort of thing. The most important thing you must remember, however is this - you cannot make friends sitting in your room, and so far you're doing great about that.

    Try not to be so focused on finding people who share your interests. Instead, find people you enjoy being around - its interesting how little the two have to do with each other. Try new stuff - even if you think it's stupid, at least you'll have done it. Now, when you're a freshman and none of your classes are very hard, is the time to do that stuff. My school had a really nice climbing wall that the outdoors club ran - I met alot of great people there, that and the gym.

    Classes in your major are a good place to make friends - this is also a practical concern as some of the people in those classes with you (i.e. people who aren't taking them for gen-ed) will be in those classes later and you'll have study buddies. My majors were history and anthropology and it was great to have those people on facebook or AIM in case I had a question about a class, and if they had any I would do my best to help out in turn. Study groups tend to sort of naturally progress into drinking groups as the years go by :winky:.

    Ioga on
  • JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Go to different floors and hang out with those people if the people on your floor suck.

    JebusUD on
    and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
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  • wallabeeXwallabeeX Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yeah, I'm going to state the obvious here and say that just because you don't share taste in music (or volumes levels) doesn't mean the guy's a dick. You're being more a dick by implying he is.

    Unbutton your shirt a little and be a little more forgiving of people's things. Welcome to college.

    wallabeeX on
  • JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Someone playing music at 120 decibles in your dorm is unacceptable. I wouldn't want to hang out with those assholes too.

    JebusUD on
    and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
    but they're listening to every word I say
  • Ziac45Ziac45 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    wallabeeX wrote: »
    Yeah, I'm going to state the obvious here and say that just because you don't share taste in music (or volumes levels) doesn't mean the guy's a dick. You're being more a dick by implying he is.

    Unbutton your shirt a little and be a little more forgiving of people's things. Welcome to college.

    I never said he was a dick, I said I didn't want to hang out in his room which is reasonable.

    Ziac45 on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    True, but you did say you don't have much hope for them which now that you're our of high school you will learn is a weirdly prejudicial thing to say based on playing loud music of a single genre.

    Improvolone on
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  • Ziac45Ziac45 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I was around these guys at the hall meeting, they were talking about a lot of stuff I don't want to associate with. Please don't jump on me when you haven't heard my whole reasoning.

    Ziac45 on
  • SkyGheNeSkyGheNe Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    The first two years I didn't have many friends. Did the whole club thing, but none of them really stuck or we didn't have much in common.

    The third year I moved into a dorm and found a lot of awesome people.

    I then started my own club that was video game related.

    Met a lot of people that I have remained friends with outside of college...even met my girlfriend in the club. So yeah, do what you can and don't settle for shitty friends. Ride it out if you don't have anyone and bide your time by joining clubs and doing activities.

    SkyGheNe on
  • TheGreat2ndTheGreat2nd Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    If you're at all inclined to doing athletic things, join a club team. Meeting up with people and working out together really brings people together. Just my $.2. The more clubs you join, the more you people you meet. After you meet them, it's up to you on how far you want to take it. You get what you give.

    Also, just walking around the halls and commenting on cool shit that people have is not bad. If somebody is playing a video game, just ask what they're playing and see if you can get next (smash bros?), or if somebody has a guitar, or if somebody is watching a movie, or if somebody is studying for a class you have too, or etc.

    And if you don't see anything cool, or if you don't wanna talk to them, then don't talk to them. Simple as that really.

    Enjoy college! It's the last step before "real life" and "a job". Urgh.

    TheGreat2nd on
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  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Ziac45 wrote: »
    I was around these guys at the hall meeting, they were talking about a lot of stuff I don't want to associate with. Please don't jump on me when you haven't heard my whole reasoning.

    Look man, thats fine. I was only going off of "this guy listens to rap music too loud!"
    Either way, be friendly eh? Living quarters like that can suck if everyone doesn't smile.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • SkyGheNeSkyGheNe Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I'm pretty sure anyone who opens their door only to blast their choice of music to the rest of the residents is an asshole I would rather not be associated with - other people live in the same building, and I don't blame you for not wanting to really interact with that type.

    I moved my girlfriend into her dorm this weekend and someone down the hall was blasting their techno dance music. So a few of us just hopped into the room and started dancing. The person kinda freaked and gave us a "what the hell is this" face and I had to shout over the music: dance party.

    I think they got the hint.

    SkyGheNe on
  • Ziac45Ziac45 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    No the door is closed its blasting Insanely loud that I can hear every lyric and beat down the hall. When its open its unbearable to the point of waking me up.

    Ziac45 on
  • SkyGheNeSkyGheNe Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Ziac45 wrote: »
    No the door is closed its blasting Insanely loud that I can hear every lyric and beat down the hall. When its open its unbearable to the point of waking me up.

    Yeah, that's just a kid being an asshole and generally inconsiderate. I remember my freshman year being pretty friendly, going door to door, and I made the mistake of trying to associate with people that weren't worth my time.

    Your best bet is to just knock and ask them to turn it down. I'm a cynical individual when it comes to these types though, so I'm inclined to believe it won't end with them making any sort of visible effort.

    It's worth a shot though.

    SkyGheNe on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Thats also what RAs are for.
    It's also entirely possible he is very self-centered and has no idea his music is that loud to anyone else.

    Improvolone on
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  • SkyGheNeSkyGheNe Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Thats also what RAs are for.
    It's also entirely possible he is very self-centered and has no idea his music is that loud to anyone else.

    Yes - narcissism is one of the greatest diseases amongst the collegiate student body. He might be so enamored with himself that thinking of others is like thinking of whether or not he will get trampled by elephants this evening...as in, it never happens :P

    SkyGheNe on
  • wallabeeXwallabeeX Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Look man, I'm not jumping on you at all. I'm just speaking completely from experience, because I *was* you.

    If you don't want to be friends with those guys, that's your perogative. That said, I learned real quick the way *not* to make friends in college was to close my door and pretend like that was solving any problems. If I had to guess, based on what you've said, those guys are having a great time sharing with each other who they are. They're the guys that, six weeks from now, will have people coming in and out of their rooms and they'll still be playing their music really loudly. They're social.

    Now, I'm not saying this is okay or should make you comfortable. But for the sake of living with people for a full year, it can often work to your advantage to put your most charismatic attitude on, and go make some inroads with these guys. Whether or not you want to be friends doesn't really matter - you'll find that having someone thinking you like them will make it a lot easier to have them turn their tunes down when it's 2 and you're trying to sleep.

    wallabeeX on
  • Ziac45Ziac45 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I havent been mean to these people I say hi to them in the hall, and my door is open everytime I am in my room. . So you had it wrong.

    Ziac45 on
  • IogaIoga Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Honestly, I don't think you need any advice. You're (hopefully) going to be there for YEARS - making friends and stuff will be a pretty organic process. It'll just happen. You have the right attitude so just go with the flow my brotha.

    Ioga on
  • wallabeeXwallabeeX Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Ziac45 wrote: »
    I havent been mean to these people I say hi to them in the hall, and my door is open everytime I am in my room. . So you had it wrong.

    No, I had it through the window you painted me of the "guys on my floor that are just obnoxious, blaring crappy music". I was just trying to give you advice I wish others had. But best of luck, it sounds like you're doing great. :winky:

    wallabeeX on
  • KistraKistra Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    This advice is probably a little late, but go to all of the dorky sounding "welcome to college" stuff. Yeah, the actual events will be stupid but you will be in a big group of people, all of whom are looking for friends.

    And really don't worry about meeting your best friends for life in the first couple weeks of college. Meet a couple of people to hang out with and you will meet a lot more people over the next couple of years.

    Kistra on
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  • TheGreat2ndTheGreat2nd Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    First day of classes!
    chyeah
    srsly, as an RA, i command you to go have fun and talk to people :)

    TheGreat2nd on
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  • PandionPandion Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Pick out the biggest guy and give him the beat down. Oh wait...that's for a different place.

    Pandion on
  • StormCrow420StormCrow420 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    You want friends outside of the gamer club? Go down the hall and start hanging our with the hip hop guys. Looking for common interests? At 18 you're interests should be 1) Bitches 2) Forties 3) Reefer.

    I am dead FUCKING serious.

    StormCrow420 on
  • Foolish ChaosFoolish Chaos Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    You don't have to be friends with these guys, but I would seriously suggest walking into that guys room the next time the door is open and introducing yourself to everyone there. it will make things way easier, and who knows, there might be a guy or two there just hanging out for the sake of hanging out, and are not actually interested in deafening you.

    Foolish Chaos on
  • SmurphSmurph Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Do you have any roommates? Try to get along with them. I only knew like 2 people at my college in the beginning of freshman year but I managed to make friends with all of my roommate's friend not to mention the random-person roommate himself becoming one of my best friends. Don't judge people because they aren't into the same stuff as you. But yeah blasting-music guys sounds like an ass.

    Smurph on
  • A BearA Bear Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    It looks like you are already trying to take some of the classic steps towards making friends in the first weeks of college. For some keeping the door open, asking about clubs and going to hall meetings is all they will need to do to be flush with friends. For others, especially shy folks, it might take a bit more. Just keep in mind that while in the first few weeks most everyone is super friendly, its not the only time to make friends. I met a ton of folks in the first few weeks of undergrad and some became longtime buds, and some I never saw again.

    Now I'm not a super shy guy, but I not the most outgoing either--but the big trick is going to be putting yourself out there and stepping outside of your comfort zone--again and again. Right now at the start of college you can go anywhere and everyone is looking for new people to meet. There might be times when you will look and feel out of place, but I'm telling you, its worth it. I went to frat houses, drum circles, concerts, house parties, dance clubs, hall meetings, sports games, you name it (and many of these places seemed intimidating at first). I made friends with people I never thought I would, and did things I didn't think I ever would, all because when I felt awkward or out of place I just tried to be myself. Some people just wont mesh, but you'd be amazed the cool folks you can meet if you just get over some of your internal hangups and let it all out. College is the place to step out a bit, and if anything, I regret not being "out there" even more. I'm in law school now, and while there are some parallels, almost nothing is going to match your years in college.

    If you have a roommate bring him along too, its great to have a wingman but not necessary. Just remember, you might not be the coolest kid in the room--or in any room--but few people are going to on hate you for being genuine, and those who do suck anyways.

    A Bear on
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  • Ziac45Ziac45 Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    So Ia m trying to take everyones advice and be open and say hi to everyone and just generally meet people. However I only had one class today and was not used to the massive amount of freetime so I figured I would beat batman again and just left my door open like always. Two guys walked in talked to them for a minute added one on live seemed to be going great.

    Some girl walks in and asks me if she has a nice ass. I am pretty incredibly introverted so I was taken back and didn't know how to respond to that. She leaves and later she walks by and I hear her telling her friends about it and saying that all I ever do is play video games, which for some reason really depressed me and just got me to close the door and work on getting more organized.

    Ziac45 on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Two sides to that
    1) To hell with her.
    2) Don't always have your door open. I had mine open for the first week or so when I was just fuckin' around on the computer or cleaning. If I was "busy", that shit got shut.

    Improvolone on
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