Your not painting a good picture of the gay community if it only takes 6 beers to screw up with the best thing to happen to you.
... straight people do this too.
All the time.
No kidding, had an ex that had ONE LIGHT BEER before she started making out with another guy.
Granted she was a slut so it was just an excuse for her (she told me she was drunk, another friend later told me that she only had the one drink).
Going to weigh in here. It's cheating, and it's only honest to admit to it. In my mind, not coming out and admitting to it is worse than the making out (which really isn't awful but still not right).
Confess, be forgiven or not.
Honesty is not inherently virtuous.
Can you please elaborate?
If someone I find annoying asks me to hang out with them and I lie and say "oh, I'm busy," I don't really consider that to be an asshole move. Telling them "no, I find you annoying," on the other hand, is pretty much an asshole move. Just because something is "honest" doesn't automatically make it "good."
Your not painting a good picture of the gay community if it only takes 6 beers to screw up with the best thing to happen to you.
... straight people do this too.
All the time.
Yeah, I know. Just saying. Gay marriage and all, like, it happened yesterday. I say take a day off from drama so we can all take it in.
If someone I find annoying asks me to hang out with them and I lie and say "oh, I'm busy," I don't really consider that to be an asshole move. Telling them "no, I find you annoying," on the other hand, is pretty much an asshole move. Just because something is "honest" doesn't automatically make it "good."[/
I'm guilty of this.
There's this girl whos been chasing me. She, uh, how you say... not my size or style.
But instead of telling her straight up that I don;t like her how she hopes I do, I just make excuses and limit myself to talking to her on msn and the occasional outing with other people around.
OP: you made out with someone while dating someone else, and needed to invoke the power of the internet to figure out whether or not this was wrong? Geez.
You screwed up, just admit it to your man. Otherwise he is going to judge the relationship on false intel. Oh, and "making out" in my mind is not something that is considered "brief", nor is the horny chimps line really jiving with the "only a kiss" line.
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DynagripBreak me a million heartsHoustonRegistered User, ClubPAregular
And I don't care what totem poll you're use, kissing is pretty damn low. Since Keyscourge is now irrelevant to the conversation, I won't assume it's monkey making out, let's say 2-3 seconds.
And really, the people who harp on this have no business doing so unless they're entirely, 100%, never told a lie honest to their partner at all times throughout their relationship.
well, that's only if they seem to think that this is no big deal. if they consider it cheating then they're right to feel strongly about it.
i think it's been mentioned earlier in the thread, but what's considered inappropriate in a relationship is up to the couple in question. both partners should be on the same page though it's unrealistic (and probably wouldn't go over well) to discuss in detail what would constitute cheating exactly.
And I don't care what totem poll you're use, kissing is pretty damn low. Since Keyscourge is now irrelevant to the conversation, I won't assume it's monkey making out, let's say 2-3 seconds.
And really, the people who harp on this have no business doing so unless they're entirely, 100%, never told a lie honest to their partner at all times throughout their relationship.
well, that's only if they seem to think that this is no big deal. if they consider it cheating then they're right to feel strongly about it.
i think it's been mentioned earlier in the thread, but what's considered inappropriate in a relationship is up to the couple in question. both partners should be on the same page though it's unrealistic (and probably wouldn't go over well) to discuss in detail what would constitute cheating exactly.
Iv had this conversation with a few of the girls Iv dated. Part of the relationship is respect for the other persons feelings. If your feelings on cheating differ so much to the point where its a point of contention then you have to figure if the whole thing is really worth it. Its one of those issues where a difference in opinion can directly effect trust.
And I don't care what totem poll you're use, kissing is pretty damn low. Since Keyscourge is now irrelevant to the conversation, I won't assume it's monkey making out, let's say 2-3 seconds.
And really, the people who harp on this have no business doing so unless they're entirely, 100%, never told a lie honest to their partner at all times throughout their relationship.
well, that's only if they seem to think that this is no big deal. if they consider it cheating then they're right to feel strongly about it.
i think it's been mentioned earlier in the thread, but what's considered inappropriate in a relationship is up to the couple in question. both partners should be on the same page though it's unrealistic (and probably wouldn't go over well) to discuss in detail what would constitute cheating exactly.
Indeed it has been mentioned.
And people still refuse to accept that the other party should get to decide because then the person that was cheated on might decide something they don't want them to.
Your not painting a good picture of the gay community if it only takes 6 beers to screw up with the best thing to happen to you.
... straight people do this too.
All the time.
Yeah, I know. Just saying. Gay marriage and all, like, it happened yesterday. I say take a day off from drama so we can all take it in.
If someone I find annoying asks me to hang out with them and I lie and say "oh, I'm busy," I don't really consider that to be an asshole move. Telling them "no, I find you annoying," on the other hand, is pretty much an asshole move. Just because something is "honest" doesn't automatically make it "good."[/
I'm guilty of this.
There's this girl whos been chasing me. She, uh, how you say... not my size or style.
But instead of telling her straight up that I don;t like her how she hopes I do, I just make excuses and limit myself to talking to her on msn and the occasional outing with other people around.
Wouldn't it be better to tell the truth, though, so that (if she's reasonable) she stops wasting her and your time fruitlessly pursuing an unnattainable goal?
And I don't care what totem poll you're use, kissing is pretty damn low. Since Keyscourge is now irrelevant to the conversation, I won't assume it's monkey making out, let's say 2-3 seconds.
And really, the people who harp on this have no business doing so unless they're entirely, 100%, never told a lie honest to their partner at all times throughout their relationship.
well, that's only if they seem to think that this is no big deal. if they consider it cheating then they're right to feel strongly about it.
i think it's been mentioned earlier in the thread, but what's considered inappropriate in a relationship is up to the couple in question. both partners should be on the same page though it's unrealistic (and probably wouldn't go over well) to discuss in detail what would constitute cheating exactly.
Indeed it has been mentioned.
And people still refuse to accept that the other party should get to decide because then the person that was cheated on might decide something they don't want them to.
so if the other party 'wants' to know if their ass looks big, you tell the other party every time even if it hurts their feelings and upsets them every time you answer truthfully?
I don't advocate cheating multiple times and lying about it, but I think some of these expectations are being unrealistic. Like I said, a kiss has no lasting impact, and it can literally never happen again if the OP doesn't drink a six pack around this guy. Is it worth potentially breaking up this relationship for the sake of honesty?
I think in most cases there is a strong case for honesty. I was in a similar situation and told the truth, and was better off for it. Where do you draw the line with honesty, though? A friendly conversation with a cutie that may have led to flirtation that went nowhere? You're at a dance party and drunk, and someone grinds up against you for a few seconds before you realize 'whoa shouldn't do this.' You tell an attractive [gender] friend that you find him or her very good looking if he or she is down in the dumps?
You're going to be honest about all of these, even if they cause anguish and jealousy and you get nothing in return?
Your not painting a good picture of the gay community if it only takes 6 beers to screw up with the best thing to happen to you.
... straight people do this too.
All the time.
Yeah, I know. Just saying. Gay marriage and all, like, it happened yesterday. I say take a day off from drama so we can all take it in.
If someone I find annoying asks me to hang out with them and I lie and say "oh, I'm busy," I don't really consider that to be an asshole move. Telling them "no, I find you annoying," on the other hand, is pretty much an asshole move. Just because something is "honest" doesn't automatically make it "good."[/
I'm guilty of this.
There's this girl whos been chasing me. She, uh, how you say... not my size or style.
But instead of telling her straight up that I don;t like her how she hopes I do, I just make excuses and limit myself to talking to her on msn and the occasional outing with other people around.
Wouldn't it be better to tell the truth, though, so that (if she's reasonable) she stops wasting her and your time fruitlessly pursuing an unnattainable goal?
it would be a lie to say 'i'm not ready for a relationship right now' rather than 'you're fucking ugly as hell'
Your not painting a good picture of the gay community if it only takes 6 beers to screw up with the best thing to happen to you.
... straight people do this too.
All the time.
Yeah, I know. Just saying. Gay marriage and all, like, it happened yesterday. I say take a day off from drama so we can all take it in.
If someone I find annoying asks me to hang out with them and I lie and say "oh, I'm busy," I don't really consider that to be an asshole move. Telling them "no, I find you annoying," on the other hand, is pretty much an asshole move. Just because something is "honest" doesn't automatically make it "good."[/
I'm guilty of this.
There's this girl whos been chasing me. She, uh, how you say... not my size or style.
But instead of telling her straight up that I don;t like her how she hopes I do, I just make excuses and limit myself to talking to her on msn and the occasional outing with other people around.
Wouldn't it be better to tell the truth, though, so that (if she's reasonable) she stops wasting her and your time fruitlessly pursuing an unnattainable goal?
it would be a lie to say 'i'm not ready for a relationship right now' rather than 'you're fucking ugly as hell'
which would be better to say?
It's possible to be truthful without being cruel. "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" can mean "When I'm ready for a relationship, you have a shot."
"I don't have those kinds of feelings for you" gets the point accross without being needlessly cruel. Honestly, unless he leaves her hanging forever (also cruel) her feelings will be hurt to some degree eventually anyway.
Going to weigh in here. It's cheating, and it's only honest to admit to it. In my mind, not coming out and admitting to it is worse than the making out (which really isn't awful but still not right).
Confess, be forgiven or not.
Honesty is not inherently virtuous.
Can you please elaborate?
If someone I find annoying asks me to hang out with them and I lie and say "oh, I'm busy," I don't really consider that to be an asshole move. Telling them "no, I find you annoying," on the other hand, is pretty much an asshole move. Just because something is "honest" doesn't automatically make it "good."
I tend more heavily toward honesty with people I'm dating. I like the feelings of understanding and of being understood.
I do get called an asshole on occassion, though. Not that they're exclusive, but I prefer the honest asshole to the opposite.
On the six bears thing, some people are lightweights. In my family, we won't let my mom drive after two glasses of wine, and two gin and tonics at a comedy club will make my dad laugh like he got hit by Joker gas.
On the six bears thing, some people are lightweights. In my family, we won't let my mom drive after two glasses of wine, and two gin and tonics at a comedy club will make my dad laugh like he got hit by Joker gas.
If my girl went through six bears I'd let her do anything she wanted.
On the six bears thing, some people are lightweights. In my family, we won't let my mom drive after two glasses of wine, and two gin and tonics at a comedy club will make my dad laugh like he got hit by Joker gas.
True, but unless it's the first time drinking, people tend to know their limits.
Alcohol isn't an excuse for anything unless someone holds you down and pours it down your throat until you black out.
tl;dnr - girlfriend kisses a guy on a trip overseas after drinking and immediately confesses and feels terrible and I forgive her and our relationship is stronger for it.
My girlfriend spent a semester overseas a few years ago and went on a trip to Ireland alone. We have been dating for seven or so years at that point, from high school through most of college. It was still working, you know? We talked every night and saw each other often and it was great. Not always perfect but she was great.
I was a little apprehensive about her trip because I knew that she had a thing for Ireland and, implicitly, I always assumed she had a thing for Irish accents/guys. But what could I do, right? Of course I supported her. In the middle of her trip she stopped calling me. I didn't hear from her until she got back to Rome a few days later. She said it was because she ended up sleeping in places where she couldn't call, and I took her at her word.
Turns out that on the night she stopped calling she was convinced by some local guy to go out to a local bar and have a few drinks. Now, I operate under no illusions here: it was a date. She says it wasn't, but I know it was. My girlfriend, I'm sure, was just completely enamored with the idea that someone else found her attractive enough to approach her and ask her out, and so I assume she went along with it for that reason. I think she is gorgeous and sexy, even if she carries a few extra pounds. I think she is curvy, not fat at all, but she feels otherwise and doesn't flaunt her assets. She thinks that because she is not incredibly skinny that she is unattractive, and she's not the kind that goes out to bars to pick up guys, so this was a new experience for her.
She told me almost right away when she got back that she ended up being kissed by the guy at the bar, and that she kissed him back for a minute or so before breaking off and running back to her hotel crying. She felt terrible and couldn't talk to me about it. She told me it had ruined her trip. She was incredibly broken up about it.
I flipped out, of course. I was incredibly angry. I mean, I'm no casanova but I had similar opportunities and actually had the direct proposition to sleep with a girl while my girlfriend was overseas. I turned them all down, because I knew I would feel terrible if she did it to me. Well, I ranted and raved and she cried and I cried and it was horrible. I wanted to hurt her as she had hurt me but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was incredibly complicated because of the distance...lots of misunderstanding. She tried at first to make it seem like I was overreacting but quickly recanted and apologized for accusing me of that. She realized that she was just trying to shift blame.
After I calmed down I realized a few things. First, that I trusted her more now because she told me. Two, that it was kinda hot that another guy was attracted to her. Three, that I loved her and didn't want the relationship to end because of this. And four, that I reacted as strongly as I did because I felt insecure about her overseas trip. I worried that I would be the uncultured guy she came back to after spending all this time around cultured, awesome people. Obviously that was my own insecurity sprouting out...it wasn't as if she came back a different person.
Anyway, we worked it out. She apologized so much and cried hard when she saw each other again. I completely forgave her, and that is that. Now most of our fantasies actually revolve around her with other guys, so I guess that is something.
Golden rule is the absolute key to me. I forgave my girlfriend for the minor transgression because I would want to be forgiven for minor mistakes. Our relationship is rock-solid and has never been better now. Tell him.
so if the other party 'wants' to know if their ass looks big, you tell the other party every time even if it hurts their feelings and upsets them every time you answer truthfully?
1. I've taken care not to date/marry people who ask such a stupid question.
2. Being honest doesn't require being an asshole. When my wife asks me if she looks good in something, I give her my honest opinion.
I don't advocate cheating multiple times and lying about it, but I think some of these expectations are being unrealistic. Like I said, a kiss has no lasting impact, and it can literally never happen again if the OP doesn't drink a six pack around this guy. Is it worth potentially breaking up this relationship for the sake of honesty?
I don't think it's unrealistic to expect my wife to never make out with someone like a horny chimp. And quite frankly, it's up to both parties whether or not the relationship should be ended because of it, not just the one that screwed up.
I think in most cases there is a strong case for honesty. I was in a similar situation and told the truth, and was better off for it. Where do you draw the line with honesty, though? A friendly conversation with a cutie that may have led to flirtation that went nowhere? You're at a dance party and drunk, and someone grinds up against you for a few seconds before you realize 'whoa shouldn't do this.' You tell an attractive [gender] friend that you find him or her very good looking if he or she is down in the dumps?
My wife doesn't care if I flirt or if I tell people they're attractive. About the only one she might have a problem with would be grinding against some other woman's ass when drunk, but in all honesty not especially if I explained I had a lot to drink and stopped soon after once it hit me what I was doing.
You're going to be honest about all of these, even if they cause anguish and jealousy and you get nothing in return?
I'm not seeing anything involving anguish and jealousy.
It's possible to be truthful without being cruel. "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" can mean "When I'm ready for a relationship, you have a shot."
"I don't have those kinds of feelings for you" gets the point accross without being needlessly cruel. Honestly, unless he leaves her hanging forever (also cruel) her feelings will be hurt to some degree eventually anyway.
She dosn't go down easy.
As long as he thinks something is going on, she is content, however, the last time she lost a guy she became a total bitch for a year, she would harrass him to no end, and blame him if she ever cut herself or did anything like that.
It's not like I can move away or go to a new school. We even work in the same goddam store.
I'm just gonna ride it out till she loses intrests or someone takes her off my hands.
Oh, Craig. Why'd you have to say that? Dear, sweet Craig...I am truly sorry. I'm sorry for the way you feel. I'm sorry for any indication I ever gave you that I consider you anything more than a friend. And I am SO sorry for what I have to do now! Because now I have to crush whatever it is in you that made you do what you just did. I am going to have to hurt you very, very badly, but believe me Craig, it's for your own good.
Number one: NO to everything you just said. NO to what you're thinking. NO to everything you dream. NO to your what-ifs, NO to every single fantasy, wish, dream, and elaborate scenario that involves the two of us. NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Number two: [STAGE DIRECTION: Lois injures Craig's wrist.] REMEMBER THAT PAIN. Whenever a thought creeps into your head wondering if there's anything more to the "hello" I gave you in the morning, you remember that pain.
You have no future with me. You have nothing with me.
Then clearly cheating in a relationship is perfectly healthy so long as both are happy and never find out.
sorry, kissing someone else while drunk doesn't taint an entire relationship.
I agree with you. I'd still own up to it. If for no more reason than to make sure he doesn't hear it from the other guy first. You can't control damage if someone else is doing the damage.
Is it worth potentially breaking up this relationship for the sake of honesty?
Like honesty is some outdated concept.
I might have to sig this just for it's sheer...I don't even know what to call it.
Listen, it's hard to be honest. Especially in this situation, thats for sure. I don't envy the OP's position one iota but relationships aren't easy. You make it especially more difficult when you do questionable douche moves like making out with other people like horny chimps. Even more questionably douchey moves are keeping that to yourself in hopes that the person you cheated on, never finds out and basing that secret on "it's easier not to say anything".
Want to avoid being in difficult situations like this? Don't put your tongue in anyone else's mouth but your significant other's. And if a 6 pack of beer dictates to you to do otherwise, fess the fuck up.
There are two people in this relationship and one of those people isn't armed with the facts they need to be armed with. Ignorant SO brought a knife to a bazooka fight.
KK, not sure what you analogy was trying to say, but in a bazooka fight once the guy runs out of ammo (and even before that he's going to be really slow and obvious) he'd be stabbed through the face.
About the only one she might have a problem with would be grinding against some other woman's ass when drunk, but in all honesty not especially if I explained I had a lot to drink and stopped soon after once it hit me what I was doing.
Is it worth potentially breaking up this relationship for the sake of honesty?
Like honesty is some outdated concept.
I might have to sig this just for it's sheer...I don't even know what to call it.
Listen, it's hard to be honest. Especially in this situation, thats for sure. I don't envy the OP's position one iota but relationships aren't easy. You make it especially more difficult when you do questionable douche moves like making out with other people like horny chimps. Even more questionably douchey moves are keeping that to yourself in hopes that the person you cheated on, never finds out and basing that secret on "it's easier not to say anything".
Want to avoid being in difficult situations like this? Don't put your tongue in anyone else's mouth but your significant other's. And if a 6 pack of beer dictates to you to do otherwise, fess the fuck up.
There are two people in this relationship and one of those people isn't armed with the facts they need to be armed with. Ignorant SO brought a knife to a bazooka fight.
So it is worth breaking up a relationship for the sake of honesty about a non-event?
I'm speaking hypothetically, keyscourge should own up in this case, but you really, really think that if the choice is between a non event like kissing someone while drunk and potentially ending something great and being honest, the choice should be honesty every single time?
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ChanusHarbinger of the Spicy Rooster ApocalypseThe Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered Userregular
I'm speaking hypothetically, keyscourge should own up in this case, but you really, really think that if the choice is between a non event like kissing someone while drunk and potentially ending something great and being honest, the choice should be honesty every single time?
You know, I've somehow managed to be in quite a few relationships in my lifetime and never once accidentally kiss someone other than my girlfriend whilst drunk. Maybe I'm special or something.
The choice isn't between whether or not you should be honest about what you did... it's between doing it or not doing it in the first place. You fuck up that choice, you need to own up and face the consequences. It stops being your choice whether or not the relationship is "great" once you do something stupid and betray the trust of your partner.
The selfishness expressed in this thread is kind of mind boggling.
About the only one she might have a problem with would be grinding against some other woman's ass when drunk, but in all honesty not especially if I explained I had a lot to drink and stopped soon after once it hit me what I was doing.
double standard much?
How so?
The part where I tell her what I did?
Or the part where I don't pretend drinking gets me a free pass to lie to her?
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ChanusHarbinger of the Spicy Rooster ApocalypseThe Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered Userregular
It's possible to be truthful without being cruel. "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" can mean "When I'm ready for a relationship, you have a shot."
"I don't have those kinds of feelings for you" gets the point accross without being needlessly cruel. Honestly, unless he leaves her hanging forever (also cruel) her feelings will be hurt to some degree eventually anyway.
She dosn't go down easy.
As long as he thinks something is going on, she is content, however, the last time she lost a guy she became a total bitch for a year, she would harrass him to no end, and blame him if she ever cut herself or did anything like that.
It's not like I can move away or go to a new school. We even work in the same goddam store.
I'm just gonna ride it out till she loses intrests or someone takes her off my hands.
I think's its the most logical solution.
The most logical solution is to realize she's a fucking nutjob and get her as far out of your life as possible. Restraining orders aren't difficult to obtain if it comes down to it.
I assume you're in high school, if she starts harassing you tell someone in a position of authority about it.
If she's cutting herself and blaming it on other people, she needs fucking help (and someone should be made aware of her cutting as well, that shit is not a joke). It's not your responsibility to sugarcoat her world to avoid hurting her.
You're probably just an immune carrier then, the only way you don't have it is if you've only kissed one person whose also only ever kissed you.
Man, what? Oral herpes can only be transmitted when you're actually having a break out. Otherwise it stays dormant in the cells. It is entirely possible not to get it and have kissed many people.
Posts
... straight people do this too.
All the time.
No kidding, had an ex that had ONE LIGHT BEER before she started making out with another guy.
Granted she was a slut so it was just an excuse for her (she told me she was drunk, another friend later told me that she only had the one drink).
EDIT:
I was thinking the same thing....
Yeah, I know. Just saying. Gay marriage and all, like, it happened yesterday. I say take a day off from drama so we can all take it in.
I'm guilty of this.
There's this girl whos been chasing me. She, uh, how you say... not my size or style.
But instead of telling her straight up that I don;t like her how she hopes I do, I just make excuses and limit myself to talking to her on msn and the occasional outing with other people around.
i think it's been mentioned earlier in the thread, but what's considered inappropriate in a relationship is up to the couple in question. both partners should be on the same page though it's unrealistic (and probably wouldn't go over well) to discuss in detail what would constitute cheating exactly.
Iv had this conversation with a few of the girls Iv dated. Part of the relationship is respect for the other persons feelings. If your feelings on cheating differ so much to the point where its a point of contention then you have to figure if the whole thing is really worth it. Its one of those issues where a difference in opinion can directly effect trust.
And people still refuse to accept that the other party should get to decide because then the person that was cheated on might decide something they don't want them to.
Wouldn't it be better to tell the truth, though, so that (if she's reasonable) she stops wasting her and your time fruitlessly pursuing an unnattainable goal?
so if the other party 'wants' to know if their ass looks big, you tell the other party every time even if it hurts their feelings and upsets them every time you answer truthfully?
I don't advocate cheating multiple times and lying about it, but I think some of these expectations are being unrealistic. Like I said, a kiss has no lasting impact, and it can literally never happen again if the OP doesn't drink a six pack around this guy. Is it worth potentially breaking up this relationship for the sake of honesty?
I think in most cases there is a strong case for honesty. I was in a similar situation and told the truth, and was better off for it. Where do you draw the line with honesty, though? A friendly conversation with a cutie that may have led to flirtation that went nowhere? You're at a dance party and drunk, and someone grinds up against you for a few seconds before you realize 'whoa shouldn't do this.' You tell an attractive [gender] friend that you find him or her very good looking if he or she is down in the dumps?
You're going to be honest about all of these, even if they cause anguish and jealousy and you get nothing in return?
it would be a lie to say 'i'm not ready for a relationship right now' rather than 'you're fucking ugly as hell'
which would be better to say?
It's possible to be truthful without being cruel. "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" can mean "When I'm ready for a relationship, you have a shot."
"I don't have those kinds of feelings for you" gets the point accross without being needlessly cruel. Honestly, unless he leaves her hanging forever (also cruel) her feelings will be hurt to some degree eventually anyway.
I tend more heavily toward honesty with people I'm dating. I like the feelings of understanding and of being understood.
I do get called an asshole on occassion, though. Not that they're exclusive, but I prefer the honest asshole to the opposite.
If my girl went through six bears I'd let her do anything she wanted.
True, but unless it's the first time drinking, people tend to know their limits.
Alcohol isn't an excuse for anything unless someone holds you down and pours it down your throat until you black out.
tl;dnr - girlfriend kisses a guy on a trip overseas after drinking and immediately confesses and feels terrible and I forgive her and our relationship is stronger for it.
I was a little apprehensive about her trip because I knew that she had a thing for Ireland and, implicitly, I always assumed she had a thing for Irish accents/guys. But what could I do, right? Of course I supported her. In the middle of her trip she stopped calling me. I didn't hear from her until she got back to Rome a few days later. She said it was because she ended up sleeping in places where she couldn't call, and I took her at her word.
Turns out that on the night she stopped calling she was convinced by some local guy to go out to a local bar and have a few drinks. Now, I operate under no illusions here: it was a date. She says it wasn't, but I know it was. My girlfriend, I'm sure, was just completely enamored with the idea that someone else found her attractive enough to approach her and ask her out, and so I assume she went along with it for that reason. I think she is gorgeous and sexy, even if she carries a few extra pounds. I think she is curvy, not fat at all, but she feels otherwise and doesn't flaunt her assets. She thinks that because she is not incredibly skinny that she is unattractive, and she's not the kind that goes out to bars to pick up guys, so this was a new experience for her.
She told me almost right away when she got back that she ended up being kissed by the guy at the bar, and that she kissed him back for a minute or so before breaking off and running back to her hotel crying. She felt terrible and couldn't talk to me about it. She told me it had ruined her trip. She was incredibly broken up about it.
I flipped out, of course. I was incredibly angry. I mean, I'm no casanova but I had similar opportunities and actually had the direct proposition to sleep with a girl while my girlfriend was overseas. I turned them all down, because I knew I would feel terrible if she did it to me. Well, I ranted and raved and she cried and I cried and it was horrible. I wanted to hurt her as she had hurt me but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was incredibly complicated because of the distance...lots of misunderstanding. She tried at first to make it seem like I was overreacting but quickly recanted and apologized for accusing me of that. She realized that she was just trying to shift blame.
After I calmed down I realized a few things. First, that I trusted her more now because she told me. Two, that it was kinda hot that another guy was attracted to her. Three, that I loved her and didn't want the relationship to end because of this. And four, that I reacted as strongly as I did because I felt insecure about her overseas trip. I worried that I would be the uncultured guy she came back to after spending all this time around cultured, awesome people. Obviously that was my own insecurity sprouting out...it wasn't as if she came back a different person.
Anyway, we worked it out. She apologized so much and cried hard when she saw each other again. I completely forgave her, and that is that. Now most of our fantasies actually revolve around her with other guys, so I guess that is something.
Golden rule is the absolute key to me. I forgave my girlfriend for the minor transgression because I would want to be forgiven for minor mistakes. Our relationship is rock-solid and has never been better now. Tell him.
2. Being honest doesn't require being an asshole. When my wife asks me if she looks good in something, I give her my honest opinion.
I don't think it's unrealistic to expect my wife to never make out with someone like a horny chimp. And quite frankly, it's up to both parties whether or not the relationship should be ended because of it, not just the one that screwed up.
My wife doesn't care if I flirt or if I tell people they're attractive. About the only one she might have a problem with would be grinding against some other woman's ass when drunk, but in all honesty not especially if I explained I had a lot to drink and stopped soon after once it hit me what I was doing.
I'm not seeing anything involving anguish and jealousy.
Neither?
"I'm sorry, but I'm not really interested in having a relationship with you."
It's not a crime if you don't get caught...
...or so various criminals have told me.
She dosn't go down easy.
As long as he thinks something is going on, she is content, however, the last time she lost a guy she became a total bitch for a year, she would harrass him to no end, and blame him if she ever cut herself or did anything like that.
It's not like I can move away or go to a new school. We even work in the same goddam store.
I'm just gonna ride it out till she loses intrests or someone takes her off my hands.
I think's its the most logical solution.
I agree with you. I'd still own up to it. If for no more reason than to make sure he doesn't hear it from the other guy first. You can't control damage if someone else is doing the damage.
What does that have to do with anything? Is he running the Pride float this year?
Like honesty is some outdated concept.
I might have to sig this just for it's sheer...I don't even know what to call it.
Listen, it's hard to be honest. Especially in this situation, thats for sure. I don't envy the OP's position one iota but relationships aren't easy. You make it especially more difficult when you do questionable douche moves like making out with other people like horny chimps. Even more questionably douchey moves are keeping that to yourself in hopes that the person you cheated on, never finds out and basing that secret on "it's easier not to say anything".
Want to avoid being in difficult situations like this? Don't put your tongue in anyone else's mouth but your significant other's. And if a 6 pack of beer dictates to you to do otherwise, fess the fuck up.
There are two people in this relationship and one of those people isn't armed with the facts they need to be armed with. Ignorant SO brought a knife to a bazooka fight.
Ever Had a cold Sore? If so yeah you do have oral herpes. Sorry.
KK, not sure what you analogy was trying to say, but in a bazooka fight once the guy runs out of ammo (and even before that he's going to be really slow and obvious) he'd be stabbed through the face.
double standard much?
So it is worth breaking up a relationship for the sake of honesty about a non-event?
I'm speaking hypothetically, keyscourge should own up in this case, but you really, really think that if the choice is between a non event like kissing someone while drunk and potentially ending something great and being honest, the choice should be honesty every single time?
You know, I've somehow managed to be in quite a few relationships in my lifetime and never once accidentally kiss someone other than my girlfriend whilst drunk. Maybe I'm special or something.
The choice isn't between whether or not you should be honest about what you did... it's between doing it or not doing it in the first place. You fuck up that choice, you need to own up and face the consequences. It stops being your choice whether or not the relationship is "great" once you do something stupid and betray the trust of your partner.
The selfishness expressed in this thread is kind of mind boggling.
The part where I tell her what I did?
Or the part where I don't pretend drinking gets me a free pass to lie to her?
The most logical solution is to realize she's a fucking nutjob and get her as far out of your life as possible. Restraining orders aren't difficult to obtain if it comes down to it.
I assume you're in high school, if she starts harassing you tell someone in a position of authority about it.
If she's cutting herself and blaming it on other people, she needs fucking help (and someone should be made aware of her cutting as well, that shit is not a joke). It's not your responsibility to sugarcoat her world to avoid hurting her.
If it results in a break up it wasn't a non-event.
You're probably just an immune carrier then, the only way you don't have it is if you've only kissed one person whose also only ever kissed you.
I take issue with this statement. People can (and do) break up with others for non-events.
Or one of the parties is unreasonable, even in cases where acting in such a way is against his or her interests.
Yes, unreasonable people can fall in love, and people can fall in love with them.
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