darklite_xI'm not an r-tard...Registered Userregular
edited April 2011
Shit man, all those smiles and positive energy. It's too much! For me. Don't change it though because it's good for everyone else. I got nothing. Of course I've been drinking a bit, but it seems like a good profile to me.
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Steam ID: darklite_x Xbox Gamertag: Darklite 37 PSN:Rage_Kage_37 Battle.Net:darklite#2197
I always seem to read about studies showing that something like 50-60% of Americans are overweight or obese, and yet on those charts, by far the most represented category was "average" body type, with a decent percentage on the healthier/"more attractive" side of the scale, and a relatively small amount of people claiming "a little extra" or "overweight."
What you're seeing is the change in meaning for average. If the average American is a little chubby, then an average body type means "a little chubby." Similarly, it means that average is somewhat sedentary, may have a gym membership or workout gear but doesn't usually go, probably eats poorly, and doesn't make a lot of money.
That's average.
The catch for online dating is that online dating is based on having pictures. People of gravity tend to avoid pictures of themselves, and if you don't have any pictures of yourself, you're not going to be interested in putting pictures of yourself online for others to judge you. You're doing that yourself.
Oddly enough, among my friends, the ones that are larger have all met partners via offline methods. The slimmer folks tend to do a mix of online and offline. That's skewed again due to comfortability with technology, of course -- those more keyed in to the Internet saw it as a natural way to interact with others, regardless of personal appearance.
So what do you have to do to be considered "overweight" by people's deluded mindsets, then? Just because more people are overweight doesn't mean you (not you, specifically, just a generic overweight "you") suddenly aren't. Interpreting the body type of "average" in the mathematical sense of the word just seems like a way for people to lie to themselves.
I just don't see why people bother dancing around it when their picture or real life appearance will give away whatever they're trying to hide.
You guys are arguing whether "average" is meant on the bell curve of what body types people have in modern America vs the bell curve of what body types there are.
People can set it so they don't show up as visitors, right? I've been talking with this girl for a bit now, and she has yet to show up as having actually looked at my profile. I don't know why this is bothering me as much as it is.
I think you can set it so that you don't show up as a visitor, but then you don't see visitors to your page either. So, yeah, it's possible that she has viewed your profile and you wouldn't know it.
I think there's some premium service option that also lets you go into stalker mode without having to give up seeing your page's stalkers. I'm kind of curious how much they've made off of that.
A lot of overweight people don't think they're overweight, though. So it's not really like they're "dancing around it." They may be honestly unaware of it, and judging their weight by comparing it to the people around them. And if a lot of people around them are overweight or obese, well . . . I was looking through a kids book written around the 50s, and it had the original illustrations. Including the boy who was described in the text as "rather fat, always eating" and so on. He looks downright healthy compared to most kids today.
Men are more unaware of their body types than women, IMO. "Chunky, stocky, solidly built" . . . A small proportion of men, like body builders, are actually "solidly built." Most of the time you look at the pictures and it's some guy who's just a pillar of fat.
I wasn't even making a "men vs. women" point. In that article, the graph for men had a similarly small proportion of men categorizing themselves in one of the "above normal weight" sort of body types.
In other words, a lot of people on the site are full of shit, regardless of gender.
Edit: I'm sure if I looked at men's profiles, I'd notice all sorts of "average" fat fucks. But that's not what I'm there for!
I think you can set it so that you don't show up as a visitor, but then you don't see visitors to your page either. So, yeah, it's possible that she has viewed your profile and you wouldn't know it.
I think there's some premium service option that also lets you go into stalker mode without having to give up seeing your page's stalkers. I'm kind of curious how much they've made off of that.
I think that option is weird. I guess it comes with other bonuses (special listings or something? idk) but if you cared that much about being able to see your viewers but not viewees, you could just make a second login...
I think you can set it so that you don't show up as a visitor, but then you don't see visitors to your page either. So, yeah, it's possible that she has viewed your profile and you wouldn't know it.
I think there's some premium service option that also lets you go into stalker mode without having to give up seeing your page's stalkers. I'm kind of curious how much they've made off of that.
I think that option is weird. I guess it comes with other bonuses (special listings or something? idk) but if you cared that much about being able to see your viewers but not viewees, you could just make a second login...
Good point. I mean I'd never pay for it, but I have to assume some people are. I guess one thing the "second profile" trick wouldn't let you do is view your match questions with people. Well, I imagine if you wanted to see those as well, you could probably find a way to answer all your questions the same way on that account, but that seems like a pretty big hassle.
I've started talking to someone, and its been very pleasant and all, but I thought she looked painfully familiar. Well I just put it together. It's the older sister of what was essentially my first crush when I was a wee lad.
I don't know if that would be an insanely weird thing to mention, or an interesting topic. I'm thinking insane now, interesting further down the hypothetical road?
OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited April 2011
Why would that be weird at all. That is something you can toss out whenever if you don't make a big deal of it.
It breaks down to, I knew your sister when I was young. She was my first crush. Teehee, isn't it great that we're older now.
(note: don't actually emit the sounds "teehee")
There are tropes to introductory conversations with everyone. It's called small talk. One big topic is "How have our lives intersected in the past" another is "Gee, we're so much older than we were" This hits both.
You guys are overthinking yourselves, but underthinking how conversations actually work.
Why would that be weird at all. That is something you can toss out whenever if you don't make a big deal of it.
It breaks down to, I knew your sister when I was young. She was my first crush. Teehee, isn't it great that we're older now.
(note: don't actually emit the sounds "teehee")
There are tropes to introductory conversations with everyone. It's called small talk. One big topic is "How have our lives intersected in the past" another is "Gee, we're so much older than we were" This hits both.
You guys are overthinking yourselves, but underthinking how conversations actually work.
I agree, but it's the sort of thing that's good to hedge when you bring it up. For example:
"So, your younger sister? Yeah, she was my first crush when I was like 12. Pretty crazy, eh?"
Comes across ambiguously, like, why are you sharing that? what is your intent? Are you actually more interested in the younger sister? Because, well, she's younger? maybe you have more in common with her?
Whereas:
"This is actually a really funny coincidence, but when I was like, 12, I had a random crush on your sister. Obviously I was a chickenshit teenage boy so she probably didn't even know, but I think it's pretty hilarious that you and I are on a date now. Oh man, I would be so embarrassed if she found out -- hopefully she didn't even know who I was."
At least it sounds more you're admitting something that was a phase and random coincidence, versus trying to bring up a subject just for the hell of it.
I'm not saying those are ideal ways to bring it up or that I have some perfect way to broach the subject, but ultimately what I am saying is that OTLC is right, it's a funny coincidence, and you can bring it up early in the relationship. Just make sure you bring it up in light of it being a funny coincidence, rather than a veiled attempt to get with her sister.
Question for fellow agnostic/atheist: Do you all bother messaging people who make it a point to mention their faith? Like when they list God as their number one thing they couldn't do without or say how important faith is to them.
i generally stay the hell away from that kind of stuff, i think it's kind of tacky personally.
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited April 2011
I'm agnostic. Faith, like many things, can go all sorts of ways. The only dis qualifier for me is if they are hateful or disrespectful to other religions/non-religious folks.
Basically, I'm finding that I'm fairly spiritual in that I want to find and fulfill what I think are my greatest strengths. I think that's how you become happy. A deeply religious person who I'd admire (and there are plenty, actually) would want to do the same thing but insert "God's purpose for me" somewhere in there, probably.
A religious person I don't respect wouldn't focus on that and instead on how to convert people, distrust other religions/non-religious and generally be full of bile.
So like all things... it's more complicated than yes/no. I think you do yourself a disservice if you kneejerk dislike all religious folks though. That's on the slope to being hateful yourself. But since we're talking about dating, feel free to filter them if you want.
Question for fellow agnostic/atheist: Do you all bother messaging people who make it a point to mention their faith? Like when they list God as their number one thing they couldn't do without or say how important faith is to them.
Never.
SkyCaptain on
The RPG Bestiary - Dangerous foes and legendary monsters for D&D 4th Edition
Question for fellow agnostic/atheist: Do you all bother messaging people who make it a point to mention their faith? Like when they list God as their number one thing they couldn't do without or say how important faith is to them.
I wouldn't bother. If someone just has their religion listed in the sidebar, sure, but if they're religion is one of the dominant features of their life, which will be evident from their profile, probably not worth wasting each other's time.
Why would that be weird at all. That is something you can toss out whenever if you don't make a big deal of it.
It breaks down to, I knew your sister when I was young. She was my first crush. Teehee, isn't it great that we're older now.
(note: don't actually emit the sounds "teehee")
There are tropes to introductory conversations with everyone. It's called small talk. One big topic is "How have our lives intersected in the past" another is "Gee, we're so much older than we were" This hits both.
You guys are overthinking yourselves, but underthinking how conversations actually work.
I agree, but it's the sort of thing that's good to hedge when you bring it up. For example:
"So, your younger sister? Yeah, she was my first crush when I was like 12. Pretty crazy, eh?"
Comes across ambiguously, like, why are you sharing that? what is your intent? Are you actually more interested in the younger sister? Because, well, she's younger? maybe you have more in common with her?
Whereas:
"This is actually a really funny coincidence, but when I was like, 12, I had a random crush on your sister. Obviously I was a chickenshit teenage boy so she probably didn't even know, but I think it's pretty hilarious that you and I are on a date now. Oh man, I would be so embarrassed if she found out -- hopefully she didn't even know who I was."
At least it sounds more you're admitting something that was a phase and random coincidence, versus trying to bring up a subject just for the hell of it.
I'm not saying those are ideal ways to bring it up or that I have some perfect way to broach the subject, but ultimately what I am saying is that OTLC is right, it's a funny coincidence, and you can bring it up early in the relationship. Just make sure you bring it up in light of it being a funny coincidence, rather than a veiled attempt to get with her sister.
If her family comes up I'm sure I'll inadvertently blurt it out at some point. I doubt it would be much beyond funny since if memory serves me correctly, said younger sister is now a lesbian.
Question for fellow agnostic/atheist: Do you all bother messaging people who make it a point to mention their faith? Like when they list God as their number one thing they couldn't do without or say how important faith is to them.
I wouldn't bother. If someone just has their religion listed in the sidebar, sure, but if they're religion is one of the dominant features of their life, which will be evident from their profile, probably not worth wasting each other's time.
This, basically. (Not that I actually message people, but if I did...) I wouldn't rule out someone for checking the box, but if it's something they talk about at length in their profile, it's obviously more than a little important to their life.
OK, so it used to be that when I looked at someone's profile, if I hovered over the "Message" button, it would tell generally how likely the person is to reply ("replies rarely," "replies often," etc.) and it was color coded or something.
I noticed lately that the Message button is always black for me now, and hovering over it doesn't give a tooltip specifying their response rate. I don't check the site that often, and I didn't pay a lot of attention, so I don't know when this started. Did they get rid of that feature or something?
Quick question: telling someone to 'take things at whatever pace is good for them, no pressure at all', in reference to the conversation / dating ect isn't creepy right? The intent was like ' hey cool whatever is good for you ' but now I'm worried it might be taken in some other, unknown but weird way. =/
Bah! I'm probably just over thinking this.
DarkMecha on
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Question for fellow agnostic/atheist: Do you all bother messaging people who make it a point to mention their faith? Like when they list God as their number one thing they couldn't do without or say how important faith is to them.
I move on.
Even when I was religious that would've been my reaction.
so just asked a girl out next week...we'll see how it goes. i tend to have terrible luck even getting messages, and when it comes time for the date i just get uncomfortable. i'd be fine if i did it more, but due to aforementioned luck even getting there it's hard to practice.
oh well, keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.
OK, so it used to be that when I looked at someone's profile, if I hovered over the "Message" button, it would tell generally how likely the person is to reply ("replies rarely," "replies often," etc.) and it was color coded or something.
I noticed lately that the Message button is always black for me now, and hovering over it doesn't give a tooltip specifying their response rate. I don't check the site that often, and I didn't pay a lot of attention, so I don't know when this started. Did they get rid of that feature or something?
I saw it go away and come back, so that's weird. Should be back now.
I think the last time I got a message out of the blue was january
I'm really not sure what the deal is. I can go to shows and clubs and pick people up but internet hotness eludes me.
I'll trade you.
But anyway, I didn't tell you guys about my coffee date last night! We met a little past 7, had some coffee, and talked until 10. I got a hug and what I interpreted as a rather sincere offer that if I wanted to meet again I should let her know. Today I asked if she wanted to meet for drinks on Saturday, but I haven't heard anything back yet.
I met up with this online girl earlier this week. She's awesome in every way. My intended short coffee meetup turned into a four hour conversation before I knew what happened. She seemed surprise that time flew by as well. I didn't go for a kiss at the end of the night, but then I usually don't do that on the first date anyways.
Texted her the next morning to say I had fun and that I'd get in touch later. She replied saying the same.
The same night I tried to call. She wasn't there. Texted me back that she was away from the phone and missed my call.
Texted her the next night. Chatted a little bit and asked if it's a good time to call. She said she's busy with some stuff. I said cool.
Waited the next two days for her to initiate some kind of contact. It was complete radio silence.
It is now the fifth day after first contact and I still haven't heard from her. Should I take that as a sign to move on or should I call her up one last time to confirm?
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What you're seeing is the change in meaning for average. If the average American is a little chubby, then an average body type means "a little chubby." Similarly, it means that average is somewhat sedentary, may have a gym membership or workout gear but doesn't usually go, probably eats poorly, and doesn't make a lot of money.
That's average.
The catch for online dating is that online dating is based on having pictures. People of gravity tend to avoid pictures of themselves, and if you don't have any pictures of yourself, you're not going to be interested in putting pictures of yourself online for others to judge you. You're doing that yourself.
Oddly enough, among my friends, the ones that are larger have all met partners via offline methods. The slimmer folks tend to do a mix of online and offline. That's skewed again due to comfortability with technology, of course -- those more keyed in to the Internet saw it as a natural way to interact with others, regardless of personal appearance.
I just don't see why people bother dancing around it when their picture or real life appearance will give away whatever they're trying to hide.
/puts on "No Fat Chicks" shirt and goes back to lurking
Steam - Wildschwein | The Backlog
Grappling Hook Showdown - Tumblr
I think there's some premium service option that also lets you go into stalker mode without having to give up seeing your page's stalkers. I'm kind of curious how much they've made off of that.
Men are more unaware of their body types than women, IMO. "Chunky, stocky, solidly built" . . . A small proportion of men, like body builders, are actually "solidly built." Most of the time you look at the pictures and it's some guy who's just a pillar of fat.
In other words, a lot of people on the site are full of shit, regardless of gender.
Edit: I'm sure if I looked at men's profiles, I'd notice all sorts of "average" fat fucks. But that's not what I'm there for!
I think that option is weird. I guess it comes with other bonuses (special listings or something? idk) but if you cared that much about being able to see your viewers but not viewees, you could just make a second login...
I met her on eHarmony where we were 87% match.
I'm thinking OKC is more correct.
WOW. That is pretty dramatic!
I don't know if that would be an insanely weird thing to mention, or an interesting topic. I'm thinking insane now, interesting further down the hypothetical road?
Steam - Wildschwein | The Backlog
Grappling Hook Showdown - Tumblr
It breaks down to, I knew your sister when I was young. She was my first crush. Teehee, isn't it great that we're older now.
(note: don't actually emit the sounds "teehee")
There are tropes to introductory conversations with everyone. It's called small talk. One big topic is "How have our lives intersected in the past" another is "Gee, we're so much older than we were" This hits both.
You guys are overthinking yourselves, but underthinking how conversations actually work.
But when I plugged it into my dating algorithm it only returned a 14% chance of success!
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I agree, but it's the sort of thing that's good to hedge when you bring it up. For example:
"So, your younger sister? Yeah, she was my first crush when I was like 12. Pretty crazy, eh?"
Comes across ambiguously, like, why are you sharing that? what is your intent? Are you actually more interested in the younger sister? Because, well, she's younger? maybe you have more in common with her?
Whereas:
"This is actually a really funny coincidence, but when I was like, 12, I had a random crush on your sister. Obviously I was a chickenshit teenage boy so she probably didn't even know, but I think it's pretty hilarious that you and I are on a date now. Oh man, I would be so embarrassed if she found out -- hopefully she didn't even know who I was."
At least it sounds more you're admitting something that was a phase and random coincidence, versus trying to bring up a subject just for the hell of it.
I'm not saying those are ideal ways to bring it up or that I have some perfect way to broach the subject, but ultimately what I am saying is that OTLC is right, it's a funny coincidence, and you can bring it up early in the relationship. Just make sure you bring it up in light of it being a funny coincidence, rather than a veiled attempt to get with her sister.
Basically, I'm finding that I'm fairly spiritual in that I want to find and fulfill what I think are my greatest strengths. I think that's how you become happy. A deeply religious person who I'd admire (and there are plenty, actually) would want to do the same thing but insert "God's purpose for me" somewhere in there, probably.
A religious person I don't respect wouldn't focus on that and instead on how to convert people, distrust other religions/non-religious and generally be full of bile.
So like all things... it's more complicated than yes/no. I think you do yourself a disservice if you kneejerk dislike all religious folks though. That's on the slope to being hateful yourself. But since we're talking about dating, feel free to filter them if you want.
Never.
That's really the point of mentioning it in the first place.
I would never date someone who isn't a practicing Christian, so if my mentioning God in my profile scares someone else off - Success!
I wouldn't bother. If someone just has their religion listed in the sidebar, sure, but if they're religion is one of the dominant features of their life, which will be evident from their profile, probably not worth wasting each other's time.
If her family comes up I'm sure I'll inadvertently blurt it out at some point. I doubt it would be much beyond funny since if memory serves me correctly, said younger sister is now a lesbian.
Steam - Wildschwein | The Backlog
Grappling Hook Showdown - Tumblr
This, basically. (Not that I actually message people, but if I did...) I wouldn't rule out someone for checking the box, but if it's something they talk about at length in their profile, it's obviously more than a little important to their life.
I noticed lately that the Message button is always black for me now, and hovering over it doesn't give a tooltip specifying their response rate. I don't check the site that often, and I didn't pay a lot of attention, so I don't know when this started. Did they get rid of that feature or something?
Bah! I'm probably just over thinking this.
I move on.
Even when I was religious that would've been my reaction.
oh well, keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.
I saw it go away and come back, so that's weird. Should be back now.
I'm really not sure what the deal is. I can go to shows and clubs and pick people up but internet hotness eludes me.
Assuming this is OKC, do you change something on your profile regularly? If you don't, your profile basically settles into the sludge pile.
If change something regularly, it shows up in people's feeds.
I'll trade you.
But anyway, I didn't tell you guys about my coffee date last night! We met a little past 7, had some coffee, and talked until 10. I got a hug and what I interpreted as a rather sincere offer that if I wanted to meet again I should let her know. Today I asked if she wanted to meet for drinks on Saturday, but I haven't heard anything back yet.
Texted her the next morning to say I had fun and that I'd get in touch later. She replied saying the same.
The same night I tried to call. She wasn't there. Texted me back that she was away from the phone and missed my call.
Texted her the next night. Chatted a little bit and asked if it's a good time to call. She said she's busy with some stuff. I said cool.
Waited the next two days for her to initiate some kind of contact. It was complete radio silence.
It is now the fifth day after first contact and I still haven't heard from her. Should I take that as a sign to move on or should I call her up one last time to confirm?