-to be constructive rather than bitchy, MEADONE, you need to reward that subhead. It's in the passive (unless my grammar education fails me) and makes it really hard to get to the point.
The subhead is actually not in the passive voice. What is wrong with it though is that I used a period at the end of it when it is not actually a sentence, but a fragment. Really there isn't a real sentence on that page. There's there title and the tag-line. The page should read something like "Twenty-five student-movie cliches, twenty-five common crimes against cinema committed by student movie makers"
The mark of the passive voice is a form of the verb "to be." A sentence in the passive voice would look something like "Billy is running," and then, reworded for active voice, it might be "Billy runs." Both those sentences don't mean quite the same thing, so it wouldn't be just to say that one should try and write everything in the active voice, but I do agree the active voice is more compelling.
I know this isn't a grammar thread but that's not what passive voice is either. Passive voice is when the thing performing the action in the sentence is not the subject. "The dog was walked by Billy" (for example). Billy performs the action, yet the dog is the subject. Translated into active voice, that sentence would read "Billy walked the dog." Those two sentences do mean the same thing. What you did was go from present to infinitive with the 'Billy is running vs Billy runs' example.
However, you're right that what you have isn't a sentence, so it doesn't apply to you. It would be a passive voice sentence if it read "25 crimes are committed by students" or something like that.
As far as you actual poster goes, do you know how long the crimes are going to be, text wise? As it is, if they were small enough to fit in the space you've given them, then I think the gigantic '25' is a little overpowering. It might look better if you just make two columns of crimes instead of three? That way it would extend farther down, and maybe balance out the page more.
You are right about the mix up with passive voice, but in my example I actually went from present progressive "is ____ing" to present " ___s"
Anyhow thanks for the suggestion about re-balancing the "25" logo. I'll post my changes soon.
i just want to say that it is amazing how quickly i forget things i learn for classes. i was an ace at everything grammar about 3 months ago. roflcopts. enough sidetracking!
veritas, i like that. i wish i were good at doing that kind of thing. man, to be an artist. rawr
Kealoha on
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TonkkaSome one in the club tonightHas stolen my ideas.Registered Userregular
edited June 2008
Probably the best poster I have ever done. So far...
Also, I have a very urgent question. Actually 12 hours to answer, I guess. But, I'm doing a booklet in InDesign and for some reason one of my paragraph styles is messing up my font. All it does is add an indent, but it makes all of the fonts with that style appear bold and kind of dirty. I don't know why, and it's very subtle but easy to see in PDFs or print. Anyone happen to know? Absolutely NO character formats change aside from the kerning, though it is still set on auto--it just automatically is a bit more.
I think an important part of design is pre-press. Maybe we could discuss our pre-press preparation for getting things print ready. If anyone is interested, I can put together my of pre-press rundown and post it here. I would love to see you guys' rundown, too! Please post.
I'd be keen on hearing this. When ever I've done print stuff I've just outputted to the specs given by the printer, because I've only done fairly standard stuff (album artwork, posters, bumper stickers, newsprint etc).
Probably the best poster I have ever done. So far...
one love and all that. There's something up with your hosting (probably due to the filename), anyway this is on my server. I'm loving this actually (ba da ba ba baaa), although the last line is a bit hard to read.
I think an important part of design is pre-press. Maybe we could discuss our pre-press preparation for getting things print ready. If anyone is interested, I can put together my of pre-press rundown and post it here. I would love to see you guys' rundown, too! Please post.
I'd be keen on hearing this. When ever I've done print stuff I've just outputted to the specs given by the printer, because I've only done fairly standard stuff (album artwork, posters, bumper stickers, newsprint etc).
OH SNAP! I forgot I said I was gonna write this! But, I must say, talking to the printer is the best thing you can do!
Though i am not an art student, i do have a commentary to your design, Sublimus.
The edges of the bolt imho too soft. Also the shadow doesn't really work for me.
Another problem: when i looked at it, the first thing that came to my mind was "WinAmp"
Agreed on the first point, and I can see where you are coming from on the second. (i had to look up the win amp logo, bc I don't use it) I think they are quite a bit different than one another. And seeing as how they are unrelated business fields, I don't think it should cause to much of an issue.
Thanks for your feed back! And don't worry about not being an artist, because most people who see it and react to it wont be!
Hmmm. Also, looking at it now, I need to bring the 'o' quite a bit closer in the the 'b'!
Siblimus: I think my major problem with it is the text. That font doesn't seem to work at all. It's also using a colour which isn't present anywhere else in the scene. While the lighting bolt has a very cartoony and soft aesthetic (with light fuzzy grey stroke) the text is stark and jarring in comparison.
Edit: Also; geometrically you have quite a lot going on there. You have the circle, the diagonal line of the lightning bolt and the horizontal line of the text. Maybe if the text was somehow italisced to follow the diagonal of the lightning bolt?
Second edit: Sorry I keep having ideas. Maybe incorporate the white into the stroke of the lightning bolt? So that it makes it stand out from the sphere a bit more. Or make the text an equivalent shade of the grey that is already in the scene, but perhaps make it darker to stand out from the background?
The problem is that it's not a good logo. It says nothing about the company, it's not balanced, it wouldn't scale well, the typeface doesn't work with the lightning device, the lightning device is so generic a visual device that it's almost devoid of meaning, the execution is full of soft edges and bevelling.
Logo design should start with pages and pages and pages of ideas, and most of them should be obvious front of mind stuff like BOLT = LIGHTNING BOLT, or BOLT = SECURITY BOLT. EDIT: Because this stuff is the stuff any old hack could think of and therefore should be discarded for more interesting or specific solutions. You've usually got to work hard for a good logo.
WOW. Thanks for all of the feedback guys! (if only me drawings could get some of this :P)
Pong: I disagree. The company name is the most important, so it should pop out the most. If it were on a whit background I could re-use the grey. But if the hame isnt there at all, its only three colors. Which is not too many. And I think you're over thinking the 'geometry' of it. Its a really simple logo.
Desperaterobots: Thanks for your input, and I agree that it is not that interesting of a concept. But I was pretty much just updating there current logo
Giga Gopher: Thanks. Funny how this little thing has so many associations with it.
holy jesus what the fuck. That thing doesn't need an update it needs to be swept away quickly. What the fuck does the business do exactly? Destroy your data with static electricity generated by a really enthusiastic hair-metal band?
If they were attached to the thing, I wouldn't throw away the lightning bolt they've already got -- I'd keep the basic shape and orientation, and work on modernising or re-working the rest of it. Because the bolt is probably the most memorable part of that arrangement.
MustangArbiter of Unpopular OpinionsRegistered Userregular
edited June 2008
Hang on a minute, that's (the old logo) just some text with a black background plonked on top of someone else's logo...I can see the edges.
The bolt, is kinda naff, but then again so are most small time dot coms, so I guess it fits. You really don't have much to work with, they've painted you into a corner so to speak.
Been fooling around with some photoshop tutorials the last day or so, been try to refresh all my stagnant skills with snappy Web 2.0 design trends. I'll probably post some more stuff in the next couple of days.
Don't you just wanna click it?
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MustangArbiter of Unpopular OpinionsRegistered Userregular
Oh my god, you guys do some really great stuff! Last year as a Junior I took a high school Graphic design class. If I had kept going to that school I would be continuing it next year. In it I learned Photoshop, InDesign, and several other Adobe programs. It was really great and I'm looking into doing this for my college and eventually as a profession.
Here are some of my work samples. Any advice and criticism would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
A WIP website for a buddy of mine. I started this out as just a comp but kept working on it so I might have some trouble getting this coded properly without redoing a good portion of it or adding to it significantly I think.
Yeah it could be. I mean this is a far cry from minimalism, ultimately the details will be interesting and contribute to the illusion of the map but you could be right on that. I'll have to play around with it to subdue some of the background for content purposes.
MustangArbiter of Unpopular OpinionsRegistered Userregular
edited July 2008
I'm thinking if you lost the faded compass (in the middle) it'd work better.
I really think that cluttered middle area is what's killing it, I could be wrong but I bet I'm right.
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TonkkaSome one in the club tonightHas stolen my ideas.Registered Userregular
edited July 2008
I just finished my band's sleeve for our EP. Enjoy!
Hey design thread! I've stumbled upon you because of the still difficult to use search function. I took a wrong turn at SE++ and ended up here. Anyway since I've found you I might as well whore myself out a little. I've been working at UCSB's recreation department for the last year and now that I've graduated I'm trying to figure out how to continue doing design as a career. Anyway, I'd love to hear some feedback on my web portfolio: blakesmisko.carbonmade.com
Wowee yaaaa new forums, finally. But more importantly a design thread wooo. I like that.
I just made a new font, does that count?
Also before that I made a tiki language for a comic I was working on.
Also I'm working on a new logo and Tshirt, so I'll be sure to post them here when they're finished. Also Also I would love to hear any Toaster knowledge he would be willing to spill.
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Tumblr Behance Carbonmade PAAC on FB
BFBC2
I know this isn't a grammar thread but that's not what passive voice is either. Passive voice is when the thing performing the action in the sentence is not the subject. "The dog was walked by Billy" (for example). Billy performs the action, yet the dog is the subject. Translated into active voice, that sentence would read "Billy walked the dog." Those two sentences do mean the same thing. What you did was go from present to infinitive with the 'Billy is running vs Billy runs' example.
However, you're right that what you have isn't a sentence, so it doesn't apply to you. It would be a passive voice sentence if it read "25 crimes are committed by students" or something like that.
As far as you actual poster goes, do you know how long the crimes are going to be, text wise? As it is, if they were small enough to fit in the space you've given them, then I think the gigantic '25' is a little overpowering. It might look better if you just make two columns of crimes instead of three? That way it would extend farther down, and maybe balance out the page more.
facebook.com/LauraCatherwoodArt
Anyhow thanks for the suggestion about re-balancing the "25" logo. I'll post my changes soon.
Your Current Signature Picture[/SIGPIC]
veritas, i like that. i wish i were good at doing that kind of thing. man, to be an artist. rawr
Also, I have a very urgent question. Actually 12 hours to answer, I guess. But, I'm doing a booklet in InDesign and for some reason one of my paragraph styles is messing up my font. All it does is add an indent, but it makes all of the fonts with that style appear bold and kind of dirty. I don't know why, and it's very subtle but easy to see in PDFs or print. Anyone happen to know? Absolutely NO character formats change aside from the kerning, though it is still set on auto--it just automatically is a bit more.
I'm using Minion Pro as a font, for reference.
I'd be keen on hearing this. When ever I've done print stuff I've just outputted to the specs given by the printer, because I've only done fairly standard stuff (album artwork, posters, bumper stickers, newsprint etc).
one love and all that. There's something up with your hosting (probably due to the filename), anyway this is on my server. I'm loving this actually (ba da ba ba baaa), although the last line is a bit hard to read.
OH SNAP! I forgot I said I was gonna write this! But, I must say, talking to the printer is the best thing you can do!
The edges of the bolt imho too soft. Also the shadow doesn't really work for me.
Another problem: when i looked at it, the first thing that came to my mind was "WinAmp"
Thanks for your feed back! And don't worry about not being an artist, because most people who see it and react to it wont be!
Hmmm. Also, looking at it now, I need to bring the 'o' quite a bit closer in the the 'b'!
Edit: Also; geometrically you have quite a lot going on there. You have the circle, the diagonal line of the lightning bolt and the horizontal line of the text. Maybe if the text was somehow italisced to follow the diagonal of the lightning bolt?
Second edit: Sorry I keep having ideas. Maybe incorporate the white into the stroke of the lightning bolt? So that it makes it stand out from the sphere a bit more. Or make the text an equivalent shade of the grey that is already in the scene, but perhaps make it darker to stand out from the background?
Logo design should start with pages and pages and pages of ideas, and most of them should be obvious front of mind stuff like BOLT = LIGHTNING BOLT, or BOLT = SECURITY BOLT. EDIT: Because this stuff is the stuff any old hack could think of and therefore should be discarded for more interesting or specific solutions. You've usually got to work hard for a good logo.
Oh it's such a nice day, I think I'll go out the window! Whoa!
Pong: I disagree. The company name is the most important, so it should pop out the most. If it were on a whit background I could re-use the grey. But if the hame isnt there at all, its only three colors. Which is not too many. And I think you're over thinking the 'geometry' of it. Its a really simple logo.
Desperaterobots: Thanks for your input, and I agree that it is not that interesting of a concept. But I was pretty much just updating there current logo
Giga Gopher: Thanks. Funny how this little thing has so many associations with it.
If they were attached to the thing, I wouldn't throw away the lightning bolt they've already got -- I'd keep the basic shape and orientation, and work on modernising or re-working the rest of it. Because the bolt is probably the most memorable part of that arrangement.
The bolt, is kinda naff, but then again so are most small time dot coms, so I guess it fits. You really don't have much to work with, they've painted you into a corner so to speak.
Don't you just wanna click it?
It's not working!
Here are some of my work samples. Any advice and criticism would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Tumblr Behance Carbonmade PAAC on FB
BFBC2
Tumblr Behance Carbonmade PAAC on FB
BFBC2
I really think that cluttered middle area is what's killing it, I could be wrong but I bet I'm right.
I just made a new font, does that count?
Also before that I made a tiki language for a comic I was working on.
Also I'm working on a new logo and Tshirt, so I'll be sure to post them here when they're finished. Also Also I would love to hear any Toaster knowledge he would be willing to spill.
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