Gagranar the Warrior fells a mighty beastie, its wings collapsing on the stony and fiery floor of Hell, while the Sorceress Chrystynya and the Rogue Pat look on.
Gagranar: O! Look at this mighty beastie I hath felled with mine King's Sword of Haste. Thank thee to the gods in the heavens that I was wearing this hacked indestructible Godly Plate of the Whale and am adorned with Obsidian Rings of the Zodiac, for without these artifacts we most certainly would have perished thus and would be eternal slaves in the eternal torment of the eternal fires of eternal Hell under the eternal Diablo.
Pat to Chrystynya (aside): Chrys, must he say that after EVERY monster we fight?
Chrystynya to Pat (aside): Foul wench, bite thy tongue and keep thy pickeths in thy pack before I raise a conflagration about thy head!
Pat to Chrystynya (aside): Just checking.
The adventurers do walk on amid the labyrinthine and fiery walls fueled by the hatred of many horrid beasties paying homage to Diablo.
Gagranar: O! Yon thither see that there dost thou? He points ahead into the darkness.
Pat: Wha-?
Chrystynya: -SPEAK NOT TO THE MIGHTY GAGRANAR IN THAT TONE, WENCH! Dearest brave knight of the non-knavish kind, I beseech you point out to me yet again what it is thine eyes hast seen so mine eyes can glimpse that which thine eyes hast seen.
Gagranar: As you wish, witch. He points again, his bulging biceps drawing the attention of Chrystynya.
Chrystynya meekly puts her hand on his ginormous arm, fixated on its manly musculature.
Chrystynya: I see. I see, o mighty warrior! Canst thou not takest me there with thee on thy quest to uncover what the thing might be that thine eyes hast seen?
Gagranar: Indeed, mine eyes have seen whatst thou and thy legs shall us carry forth into the Hellblaze forthwith on our quest to kill the mighty Diablo!
Pat: Groans, shakes her head. Jesus Christ...
Chrystynya: Let us go forth then, brave sire, and I shall be among thee.
Gagranar: Aye.
The team then doth walk henceforth to a dead-end upon which is a chest of the unlockedeth variety.
Chrystynya: O! Look, it is a chest, of the unlockedeth variety. Shallst we openst itst?
Gagranar: Indeed. Let the Rogue do it.
Pat: But the chest isn't locked!
Chrystynya: YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO BEEFY MCHOTTETH IN THAT TONE, VILE WHORE OR I WILL WARP THEE TO A NUNNERY!
Gagranar: No need to be rash, Sorceress.
Chrystynya: Looking down, dejectedly. I see. I doth apologize if I doth mispokenth.
Pat: Look, your verb tenses are all- Nevermind. Here, I'll open it.
Pat walks over and opens the chest of the unlocked variety and inside is a single gold coin.
Gagranar: What chance luck, to find a chancy gold piece in a place such as this!
Chrystynya: Looking at Gagranar's codpiece, sighs. Aye...
CUT TO DIABLO
Diablo: RARRRRR
CUT TO PARTY
Gagranar: O! Look, a mighty beastie up ahead. Let us fight! Runs ahead.
Chrystynya: Gathering her robes about her. Wait! I shall come too thither with thee! She runs off too.
Pat sighs and saunters ahead.
FADE TO BLACK
FADE FROM BLACK. USE STOCK FOOTAGE.
Gagranar the Warrior fells another mighty beastie, its wings collapsing on the stony and fiery floor of Hell, while the Sorceress Chrystynya and the Rogue Pat look on.
Gagranar: O! Look at this mighty beastie I hath felled with mine King's Sword of Haste...
when i first saw the thread name, I thought
FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO
FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO
FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK
NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO
FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK
NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO
but then i saw
and since Legendary Pictures is the company that gave you "300"....
and my fears subsided...
somewhat
i just hope to god they dont make the actors wear the stock armor sets in the game (green robe for sorc, loin cloth and paint for barbarian, etc...)
Okay, for the opening release of this film we need to spread the word for everyone to bring their PC mice and click nonstop during any fight sequences.
In this setting, Tim Curry would be perfect as the Lord of Terror. They wouldn't even need to lower his voice. Just hand him a top hat and a monocle, and we're set.
They should go the minimalist route and make it so it takes place on a single empty stage with the actors just in normal clothing with a single 1980ish synthesizer providing the score. Also no props.
They should go the minimalist route and make it so it takes place on a single empty stage with the actors just in normal clothing with a single 1980ish synthesizer providing the score. Also no props.
Diablo. A film by Lars von Trier. Starring Steve Buscemi as Diablo/The Wanderer/A Cow. Score by Phillip Glass.
If the current movie trend continues, who do you think Shia Labeouf will play?
Wirt.
Haha, didn't even think of that. But I think that kid who played Anakin would fit better.
Dude, that kid is like 17 years old now.
Okay, so Shia is what, 21. Psh.
They should just cast the most annoying pre-teen/teen actor ever and include the sequence where it shows Wirt's leg bidding adieu to the rest of his body.
There were some details floated about this one of which was that Gary Whitta was writing the script. WTF? Wasn't Gary Whitta the guy that was the editor for some PC gaming mag?
Panickd on
Truth is beautiful, without a doubt; but so are lies.
It would be great if the Rock would play the sorcerer. Then, it'd be a running joke through the whole movie about how even though he's so muscular, he's a wizard and can't physically fight well. Then at the end, he punches Diablo in the face and kills him.
It would be great if the Rock would play the sorcerer. Then, it'd be a running joke through the whole movie about how even though he's so muscular, he's a wizard and can't physically fight well. Then at the end, he suplexes Diablo in the face and kills him.
It would be great if the Rock would play the sorcerer. Then, it'd be a running joke through the whole movie about how even though he's so muscular, he's a wizard and can't physically fight well. Then at the end, he Rock Bottom's Diablo and kills him.
It would be great if the Rock would play the sorcerer. Then, it'd be a running joke through the whole movie about how even though he's so muscular, he's a wizard and can't physically fight well. Then at the end, he Rock Bottom's Diablo and kills him.
Why does it seem like they keep picking games that wouldn't translate well without a lot of changes to be a movie, when they could use Second Sight. Sure, it's not as well known, but it was a solid game with a really well written story behind it.
The movie will just be a guy. Standing in a field. There will be tons of monsters. He will hack them to pieces. The sounds of frenzied clicking will echo through the theater.
Why does it seem like they keep picking games that wouldn't translate well without a lot of changes to be a movie, when they could use Second Sight. Sure, it's not as well known, but it was a solid game with a really well written story behind it.
You just answered your own question. The whole point of doing a videogame movie is to cash in on an established brand-name.
Besides, fuck Second Sight. What they really need to do is make Thief into an animated movie. And have Stephen Russell voice Garrett.
Video Game movies make me embarassed to be a video game player. Even the "better" ones, like Mortal Kombat, are cheesy b-movies that you laugh at, not with.
Further consider the genre. I like fantasy, alot. But you can count the number of good fantasy movies on your fingers.
Mortal Kombat is a pretty bad movie. It was "good" compared to what was out at the time in terms of video game adaptations, but as a stand alone film it was just terrible.
Mortal Kombat is a pretty bad movie. It was "good" compared to what was out at the time in terms of video game adaptations, but as a stand alone film it was just terrible.
I disagree. It thought it was a decent popcorn flick. The sequel sucked phenomenal levels though.
Mortal Kombat is a pretty bad movie. It was "good" compared to what was out at the time in terms of video game adaptations, but as a stand alone film it was just terrible.
I disagree. It thought it was a decent popcorn flick. The sequel sucked phenomenal levels though.
Mortal Kombat Annihilation is one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life, and I'm a huge MST3k fan.
I caught it on TV, and oh wow, its unbelievable. You don't know whether to laugh or just stare blankly.
When is Street Fighter gonna be released on HD-DVD or Blu-Ray is what I want to know... I want it digitally remastered, full surround with a tons of bonus features.
PROLOGUE
EXT. TOWN SQUARE
Principals: WARRIOR, SORCERESS, ROGUE, DECKARD CAIN, BLACKSMITH, WIRT
Chorus: RANDOM TOWNSFOLK, TRIO (choir)
Fade from black. Action occurs near enterance to catacombs.
WARRIOR
I see a demon...
CHORUS
A demon?!
WARRIOR
...standing in the dark.
I see a demon...
CHORUS
A demon?!
WARRIOR
...with its bite worse than its bark.
And it wields a sword and implement
Both of which are meant to cause torment
SORCERESS
And the evil that they represent
Is one we hope to circumvent
ROGUE
Yes, the town is very malcontent
For Diablo's reign they do resent
CHORUS
And he must be slain!
Yes, the Evil One.
Oh do not refrain,
From what must be done.
Yes he must be slain!
Yes it must be done.
Speak to Deckard Cain.
He's the wisest one!
DECKARD CAIN
I'm the wisest man in all the land
I can identify each and every band
Just bring all treasure here to me
And I'll describe them for a lowly fee!
For to battle with the demons down
In the pits and darkest underground
You will need to wear some magic rings
And remember what our choir sings:
TRIO (choir)
Take your swords and spells to Hell below
And do not let fear or feelings show
For Diablo, red, horned Lord of Hell
Can but sense when you're not feeling well!
WARRIOR
Do not fear, provincial residents.
For we shall uproot his residence
ROGUE
Yes, we'll slay his evil presidents
And in doing set some precidents!
SORCERESS
And I'll blast him with apocalypse
And we'll bring his life to full eclipse
BLACKSMITH
Mighty fighter, take this iron sword,
For to battle all the demon horde
WARRIOR
Oh I thank thee, this was crafted well
And with it I shall many beasties fell!
DECKARD CAIN
And to you my humble, sorceress,
Please use this scroll with much finesse
TRIO (choir)
And though we hate your thieving acts,
Dearest Rogue please take these magic slacks!
ROGUE and SORCERESS
Oh thank you all, we'll use these right
As we go below into Hell and fight!
DECKARD CAIN
And on that, my dearest journeymen,
We bid you well till we meet again!
WIRT
And don't worry I die very soon
You can count on that, you big buffoon
CHORUS
Yes indeed go but come back unscathed
And in glory you will all be bathed
Posts
It's going to be really taxing on his gold if he needs to keep buying town portal scrolls.
INT. HELL
Gagranar the Warrior fells a mighty beastie, its wings collapsing on the stony and fiery floor of Hell, while the Sorceress Chrystynya and the Rogue Pat look on.
Gagranar: O! Look at this mighty beastie I hath felled with mine King's Sword of Haste. Thank thee to the gods in the heavens that I was wearing this hacked indestructible Godly Plate of the Whale and am adorned with Obsidian Rings of the Zodiac, for without these artifacts we most certainly would have perished thus and would be eternal slaves in the eternal torment of the eternal fires of eternal Hell under the eternal Diablo.
Pat to Chrystynya (aside): Chrys, must he say that after EVERY monster we fight?
Chrystynya to Pat (aside): Foul wench, bite thy tongue and keep thy pickeths in thy pack before I raise a conflagration about thy head!
Pat to Chrystynya (aside): Just checking.
The adventurers do walk on amid the labyrinthine and fiery walls fueled by the hatred of many horrid beasties paying homage to Diablo.
Gagranar: O! Yon thither see that there dost thou? He points ahead into the darkness.
Pat: Wha-?
Chrystynya: -SPEAK NOT TO THE MIGHTY GAGRANAR IN THAT TONE, WENCH! Dearest brave knight of the non-knavish kind, I beseech you point out to me yet again what it is thine eyes hast seen so mine eyes can glimpse that which thine eyes hast seen.
Gagranar: As you wish, witch. He points again, his bulging biceps drawing the attention of Chrystynya.
Chrystynya meekly puts her hand on his ginormous arm, fixated on its manly musculature.
Chrystynya: I see. I see, o mighty warrior! Canst thou not takest me there with thee on thy quest to uncover what the thing might be that thine eyes hast seen?
Gagranar: Indeed, mine eyes have seen whatst thou and thy legs shall us carry forth into the Hellblaze forthwith on our quest to kill the mighty Diablo!
Pat: Groans, shakes her head. Jesus Christ...
Chrystynya: Let us go forth then, brave sire, and I shall be among thee.
Gagranar: Aye.
The team then doth walk henceforth to a dead-end upon which is a chest of the unlockedeth variety.
Chrystynya: O! Look, it is a chest, of the unlockedeth variety. Shallst we openst itst?
Gagranar: Indeed. Let the Rogue do it.
Pat: But the chest isn't locked!
Chrystynya: YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO BEEFY MCHOTTETH IN THAT TONE, VILE WHORE OR I WILL WARP THEE TO A NUNNERY!
Gagranar: No need to be rash, Sorceress.
Chrystynya: Looking down, dejectedly. I see. I doth apologize if I doth mispokenth.
Pat: Look, your verb tenses are all- Nevermind. Here, I'll open it.
Pat walks over and opens the chest of the unlocked variety and inside is a single gold coin.
Gagranar: What chance luck, to find a chancy gold piece in a place such as this!
Chrystynya: Looking at Gagranar's codpiece, sighs. Aye...
CUT TO DIABLO
Diablo: RARRRRR
CUT TO PARTY
Gagranar: O! Look, a mighty beastie up ahead. Let us fight! Runs ahead.
Chrystynya: Gathering her robes about her. Wait! I shall come too thither with thee! She runs off too.
Pat sighs and saunters ahead.
FADE TO BLACK
FADE FROM BLACK. USE STOCK FOOTAGE.
Gagranar the Warrior fells another mighty beastie, its wings collapsing on the stony and fiery floor of Hell, while the Sorceress Chrystynya and the Rogue Pat look on.
Gagranar: O! Look at this mighty beastie I hath felled with mine King's Sword of Haste...
FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO
FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK
NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO
FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK
NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO FUCK NO
somewhat
i just hope to god they dont make the actors wear the stock armor sets in the game (green robe for sorc, loin cloth and paint for barbarian, etc...)
also
I'm not thirsty.
0431-6094-6446-7088
In this setting, Tim Curry would be perfect as the Lord of Terror. They wouldn't even need to lower his voice. Just hand him a top hat and a monocle, and we're set.
Wirt.
Diablo. A film by Lars von Trier. Starring Steve Buscemi as Diablo/The Wanderer/A Cow. Score by Phillip Glass.
Haha, didn't even think of that. But I think that kid who played Anakin would fit better.
Dude, that kid is like 17 years old now.
Okay, so Shia is what, 21. Psh.
They should just cast the most annoying pre-teen/teen actor ever and include the sequence where it shows Wirt's leg bidding adieu to the rest of his body.
You're the script writer.
Fixed.
More Fixed.
I'd pay to see it.
I am a freaking nerd.
Ron Perlman will probably be Diablo.
You just answered your own question. The whole point of doing a videogame movie is to cash in on an established brand-name.
Besides, fuck Second Sight. What they really need to do is make Thief into an animated movie. And have Stephen Russell voice Garrett.
"Stay awhile and listen, haha!"
My eyes popped wide open when i opened that door for the first time. Such a great game, and the scapegoat for the constant pain in my index finger.
Further consider the genre. I like fantasy, alot. But you can count the number of good fantasy movies on your fingers.
I disagree. It thought it was a decent popcorn flick. The sequel sucked phenomenal levels though.
Mortal Kombat Annihilation is one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life, and I'm a huge MST3k fan.
I caught it on TV, and oh wow, its unbelievable. You don't know whether to laugh or just stare blankly.
PROLOGUE
EXT. TOWN SQUARE
Principals: WARRIOR, SORCERESS, ROGUE, DECKARD CAIN, BLACKSMITH, WIRT
Chorus: RANDOM TOWNSFOLK, TRIO (choir)
Fade from black. Action occurs near enterance to catacombs.
WARRIOR
I see a demon...
CHORUS
A demon?!
WARRIOR
...standing in the dark.
I see a demon...
CHORUS
A demon?!
WARRIOR
...with its bite worse than its bark.
And it wields a sword and implement
Both of which are meant to cause torment
SORCERESS
And the evil that they represent
Is one we hope to circumvent
ROGUE
Yes, the town is very malcontent
For Diablo's reign they do resent
CHORUS
And he must be slain!
Yes, the Evil One.
Oh do not refrain,
From what must be done.
Yes he must be slain!
Yes it must be done.
Speak to Deckard Cain.
He's the wisest one!
DECKARD CAIN
I'm the wisest man in all the land
I can identify each and every band
Just bring all treasure here to me
And I'll describe them for a lowly fee!
For to battle with the demons down
In the pits and darkest underground
You will need to wear some magic rings
And remember what our choir sings:
TRIO (choir)
Take your swords and spells to Hell below
And do not let fear or feelings show
For Diablo, red, horned Lord of Hell
Can but sense when you're not feeling well!
WARRIOR
Do not fear, provincial residents.
For we shall uproot his residence
ROGUE
Yes, we'll slay his evil presidents
And in doing set some precidents!
SORCERESS
And I'll blast him with apocalypse
And we'll bring his life to full eclipse
BLACKSMITH
Mighty fighter, take this iron sword,
For to battle all the demon horde
WARRIOR
Oh I thank thee, this was crafted well
And with it I shall many beasties fell!
DECKARD CAIN
And to you my humble, sorceress,
Please use this scroll with much finesse
TRIO (choir)
And though we hate your thieving acts,
Dearest Rogue please take these magic slacks!
ROGUE and SORCERESS
Oh thank you all, we'll use these right
As we go below into Hell and fight!
DECKARD CAIN
And on that, my dearest journeymen,
We bid you well till we meet again!
WIRT
And don't worry I die very soon
You can count on that, you big buffoon
CHORUS
Yes indeed go but come back unscathed
And in glory you will all be bathed
WARRIOR
So we go
ROGUE
We do
SORCERESS
And we'll fight
ROGUE
For you
WARRIOR
And be back
ROGUE
We will
SORCERESS
After all
ROGUE, WARRIOR and SORCERESS
We kill!
CURTAIN DROP
Remember? My name is Deckard Cain and I come from Tristram, if you're looking for Diablo, then you just missed him!