Don't assume you know what other people are thinking.
Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean it like that exactly.
I mean to say, I really know what it feels like to fuck up in school because of ADD. I can't assume you've had the exact same experience that I've had, but the things you've said so far remind me a lot of myself.
Winky, I wasn't criticizing your empathy at all in case you thought I was. Here's what you said, bold part is what I was talking about "I know what it feels like to think that you're lazy, and a burden, and a failure, and for everyone else to believe it too, when you honest to god are trying your hardest to succeed (but you are having a really hard time being really sure that you are trying your hardest, because the issue is in the trying itself). "
Don't assume people think you're a failure on purpose.
It's hard not to sometimes. And the honest truth is that I know that some people explicitly do think that. A lot of teachers I've had all the way up until college have explicitly told me or my parents that I'm undermotivated and if I really applied myself I could be really successful. I mean, there are plenty of people around here who hear me whining all the time that I always fuck everything up for myself and they believe that if I just worked harder and followed through that I wouldn't have these problems.
Back when I was in high school, just about to graduate and go to college, I went on vacation with my dad and stepmom. I don't recall what it was, but I had forgotten something and we were running late for our rafting trip and my dad had to take me to the store and buy it. I remember very distinctly my stepmom furiously storming past me, muttering just low enough for me to hear it "he'll never last a second in college."
I can't explain how devastating that was to me. It sounds dumb, I guess, that I would be so affected by it, I mean it was such a small thing. But my stepmom is a really hard-working, successful businesswoman who travels the world and runs clinical trials, and she's someone who really knows me but at the same time someone who doesn't just feel proud of me no matter what I do like my dad and my mom. Her opinion of me really matters, because I feel like she's the most likely to have an honest idea of what it takes to succeed and who I am. She has always been really friendly much of the time but occasionally really cold and aloof around me, and I can tell that when I'm around or when the subject of giving me money comes up it causes a lot of conflict between her and my dad. It just hurt so much to realize that was the way she really felt about me; like I'm worthless, like I'm wasting her and everyone else who invests in me's time and money. It's really embarrassing to admit that I still tear up about it when I think about it.
It's like I'm letting everyone down all the time. Getting way more than I deserve and never changing, never being able to make myself the person I should be. I know that other people view me as just as much of a burden as I view myself. If I try to use my ADD as an excuse I'm just using a scapegoat. There's no way to win.
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LudiousI just wanted a sandwich A temporally dislocated QuiznosRegistered Userregular
i imagine that my financial status informs my guessing what kind of not-poor-person i'll be in ten years
but my guess is that when i'm 35 and i get my christmas bonus and also i take my next vacation
i'll be like i'd rather go volunteer on my days off then write a check
even though optimally i should probably do both if i'm able
When you get 10 days off per year and all the nonprofits are closed on weekdays, volunteering becomes a far less attractive option.
hahaah all the nonprofits.
Go visit a soup kitchen, dude. They're open on Sunday.
You just want someone to case the joint so can rob it for the embattled 1%
You got it all wrong, see. I need someone to report which brands of food the place is buying - then I buy the food companies. Charitable donations, straight into my pocket!
OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
I can't explain how devastating that was to me. It sounds dumb, I guess, that I would be so affected by it, I mean it was such a small thing.
You need to work on your self esteem, Winky. Maybe via therapy. You don't have to apologize or explain to people for the way you feel because she made you feel worthless.
Don't assume you know what other people are thinking.
Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean it like that exactly.
I mean to say, I really know what it feels like to fuck up in school because of ADD. I can't assume you've had the exact same experience that I've had, but the things you've said so far remind me a lot of myself.
I got that. It's good to be reminded that you're not the only one with your problems.
ADD is tough because you just can't help but feeling it's nothing and you're just not putting in the same effort as everyone else. No one ever thought I had ADD as a kid because I had so much interest in learning, so it just went undiagnosed (even though everyone kept calling me lazy and irresponsible), but as the difficulty of school ramped up I just couldn't keep up no matter how hard I tried.
Yes, I know exactly.
My last psychiatrist was flabbergasted that I went so long without any treatment, even though I had been diagnosed when I was 15, and even now I feel like a total asshole when I try to use my ADD as an excuse for something.
I just didn't believe that I had it, or at least didn't believe that I could say that my failures were because of it; I've just always felt as though my failures are because I'm a lazy person and that I only have myself to blame for them.
Don't assume you know what other people are thinking.
Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean it like that exactly.
I mean to say, I really know what it feels like to fuck up in school because of ADD. I can't assume you've had the exact same experience that I've had, but the things you've said so far remind me a lot of myself.
I got that. It's good to be reminded that you're not the only one with your problems.
ADD is tough because you just can't help but feeling it's nothing and you're just not putting in the same effort as everyone else. No one ever thought I had ADD as a kid because I had so much interest in learning, so it just went undiagnosed (even though everyone kept calling me lazy and irresponsible), but as the difficulty of school ramped up I just couldn't keep up no matter how hard I tried.
Yes, I know exactly.
My last psychiatrist was flabbergasted that I went so long without any treatment, even though I had been diagnosed when I was 15, and even now I feel like a total asshole when I try to use my ADD as an excuse for something.
I just didn't believe that I had it, or at least didn't believe that I could say that my failures were because of it; I've just always felt as though my failures are because I'm a lazy person and that I only have myself to blame for them.
Yeah I don't think I could ever explain something with my ADD, like last week I couldn't finish a project because of it and the professor asked me why. I just said I didn't want to talk about it.
It just feels like you're lying to get out of responsibility.
Don't assume you know what other people are thinking.
Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean it like that exactly.
I mean to say, I really know what it feels like to fuck up in school because of ADD. I can't assume you've had the exact same experience that I've had, but the things you've said so far remind me a lot of myself.
I got that. It's good to be reminded that you're not the only one with your problems.
ADD is tough because you just can't help but feeling it's nothing and you're just not putting in the same effort as everyone else. No one ever thought I had ADD as a kid because I had so much interest in learning, so it just went undiagnosed (even though everyone kept calling me lazy and irresponsible), but as the difficulty of school ramped up I just couldn't keep up no matter how hard I tried.
Yes, I know exactly.
My last psychiatrist was flabbergasted that I went so long without any treatment, even though I had been diagnosed when I was 15, and even now I feel like a total asshole when I try to use my ADD as an excuse for something.
I just didn't believe that I had it, or at least didn't believe that I could say that my failures were because of it; I've just always felt as though my failures are because I'm a lazy person and that I only have myself to blame for them.
Yeah I don't think I could ever explain something with my ADD, like last week I couldn't finish a project because of it and the professor asked me why. I just said I didn't want to talk about it.
It just feels like you're lying to get out of responsibility.
Well because, if you're like me, it would be like this:
Me: I couldn't finish my project because of my ADD.
Prof: Why?
Me: I forgot.
or worse
Me: Because I didn't want to do it and I surfed the internet instead.
And that's just what it's fucking like, like this is how the disorder works. It's no wonder that so many people don't believe that it's real, or that people who claim to have ADD are just looking for excuses. For all intents and purposes it is just "lazy disorder".
Winky i think i understand how you feel. i feel pretty similarly. It'll get better, don't worry. it's bound to.
I've actually gone full-bore on this shit.
Like I decided that I'm going to fix this crap one way or another.
I've been trying to be really targeted in how I use my medicine and figuring out the best way and time to take it. I spent 5 hours programming an Excel sheet to hold a daily schedule for me and reminders and to-do lists and junk. I've also been trying to use a journal to record how successful various strategies have been. Of course, I keep forgetting to use all these things, but maybe if I can make them an established part of my routine I can eventually make them into habits.
I can't really say how successful I've been, but at least I really know that I'm trying.
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Podlyyou unzipped me! it's all coming back! i don't like it!Registered Userregular
every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
Damn, man. Just add small habits. Use habit judo. 5 hours on a spreadsheet to track your daily tasks is what I was talking about when I said you make your life way more epic than it actually is.
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
Posts
that was a dark, dark monday
you can ride the werewolves too.
When you get 10 days off per year and all the nonprofits are closed on weekdays, volunteering becomes a far less attractive option.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Added to reading list
Oh god.
Laboratory Animal life.
hahaah all the nonprofits.
Go visit a soup kitchen, dude. They're open on Sunday.
i can volunteer to teach 19 year olds how to orgasm on saturdays, feral
fuck this oppressive west coast
new version of Starfarer is out today: http://fractalsoftworks.com/forum/index.php?topic=1869.0
It's hard not to sometimes. And the honest truth is that I know that some people explicitly do think that. A lot of teachers I've had all the way up until college have explicitly told me or my parents that I'm undermotivated and if I really applied myself I could be really successful. I mean, there are plenty of people around here who hear me whining all the time that I always fuck everything up for myself and they believe that if I just worked harder and followed through that I wouldn't have these problems.
Back when I was in high school, just about to graduate and go to college, I went on vacation with my dad and stepmom. I don't recall what it was, but I had forgotten something and we were running late for our rafting trip and my dad had to take me to the store and buy it. I remember very distinctly my stepmom furiously storming past me, muttering just low enough for me to hear it "he'll never last a second in college."
I can't explain how devastating that was to me. It sounds dumb, I guess, that I would be so affected by it, I mean it was such a small thing. But my stepmom is a really hard-working, successful businesswoman who travels the world and runs clinical trials, and she's someone who really knows me but at the same time someone who doesn't just feel proud of me no matter what I do like my dad and my mom. Her opinion of me really matters, because I feel like she's the most likely to have an honest idea of what it takes to succeed and who I am. She has always been really friendly much of the time but occasionally really cold and aloof around me, and I can tell that when I'm around or when the subject of giving me money comes up it causes a lot of conflict between her and my dad. It just hurt so much to realize that was the way she really felt about me; like I'm worthless, like I'm wasting her and everyone else who invests in me's time and money. It's really embarrassing to admit that I still tear up about it when I think about it.
It's like I'm letting everyone down all the time. Getting way more than I deserve and never changing, never being able to make myself the person I should be. I know that other people view me as just as much of a burden as I view myself. If I try to use my ADD as an excuse I'm just using a scapegoat. There's no way to win.
You just want someone to case the joint so can rob it for the embattled 1%
If you're volunteering, you're probably doing something somebody could do for minimum wage.
But if you're in a professional position you could be making upwards of $30 or $40 or $50 an hour.
So the only reason to volunteer instead of moonlight is if you get some personal gain out of doing so.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
You got it all wrong, see. I need someone to report which brands of food the place is buying - then I buy the food companies. Charitable donations, straight into my pocket!
bwaahahahaha :ar!
This would only be true if you weren't salaried and were able to work extra hours whenever you wanted without cause or authorization.
Actually I do Red Cross and Medshare on weekends when there's available shifts, but there aren't always available shifts.
So yeah obviously not literally all of the nonprofits are closed on weekends but only having weekends free is pretty limiting.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
soooo.
Microsoft matches donations of their employees and also if you volunteer time they give cash as if they were paying you for that time as well.
i give to charity long and hard
You need to work on your self esteem, Winky. Maybe via therapy. You don't have to apologize or explain to people for the way you feel because she made you feel worthless.
Yes, I know exactly.
My last psychiatrist was flabbergasted that I went so long without any treatment, even though I had been diagnosed when I was 15, and even now I feel like a total asshole when I try to use my ADD as an excuse for something.
I just didn't believe that I had it, or at least didn't believe that I could say that my failures were because of it; I've just always felt as though my failures are because I'm a lazy person and that I only have myself to blame for them.
I feel for you this IS exactly how it is for me.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
Yeah I don't think I could ever explain something with my ADD, like last week I couldn't finish a project because of it and the professor asked me why. I just said I didn't want to talk about it.
It just feels like you're lying to get out of responsibility.
/golfclap
and the gengars who are guiding me" -- W.S. Merwin
Well because, if you're like me, it would be like this:
Me: I couldn't finish my project because of my ADD.
Prof: Why?
Me: I forgot.
or worse
Me: Because I didn't want to do it and I surfed the internet instead.
And that's just what it's fucking like, like this is how the disorder works. It's no wonder that so many people don't believe that it's real, or that people who claim to have ADD are just looking for excuses. For all intents and purposes it is just "lazy disorder".
I've actually gone full-bore on this shit.
Like I decided that I'm going to fix this crap one way or another.
I've been trying to be really targeted in how I use my medicine and figuring out the best way and time to take it. I spent 5 hours programming an Excel sheet to hold a daily schedule for me and reminders and to-do lists and junk. I've also been trying to use a journal to record how successful various strategies have been. Of course, I keep forgetting to use all these things, but maybe if I can make them an established part of my routine I can eventually make them into habits.
I can't really say how successful I've been, but at least I really know that I'm trying.
shit's pretty cheap with a prescription
Me too. Neuroenhancers are the future.
and the gengars who are guiding me" -- W.S. Merwin
Yeah, with insurance.
I'm on my last few pills right now because my health insurance ran out.
I'm going to have to figure out how to get more of that.
just sayin
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
I have tried adrafinil, the precursor to provigil. You can import it legally w/o a prescription.
I would like to try adderall.