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Emeril Sucks - [The Cooking Thread]

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    WreckTechWreckTech Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I hate it when people put like, raisins and that kind of shit in my yogurt, I mean, wtf. Don't give me this crap.

    WreckTech on
    I don't know what I'm doing.
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    DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    No, that's English food you're describing.

    (Oh no I didn't.)

    DarkPrimus on
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    SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Stale wrote: »
    pfft

    yoghurt

    more like faghurt

    you're just jealous


    also, Sil approves of a cooking thread, and he's English


    Everyone knows the English are cold and logical.


    They're like Vulcans

    Cooking is awesome.

    This is cold hard fact.





    I made home made herb breaded chicken nuggets last night, and they were delicious.

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
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    SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    No, that's English food you're describing.

    (Oh no I didn't.)


    I will gut you.




    And then serve you in a pie.



    jtpb2.jpg

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
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    StaleStale Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    fuck I meant to say cooking forum

    fuck

    why can't I be perfect


    like a vulcan

    Stale on
    easysig2.jpg
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    DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Silmaril wrote: »
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    No, that's English food you're describing.

    (Oh no I didn't.)


    I will gut you.




    And then serve you in a pie.



    jtpb2.jpg

    At least I'd taste better than whatever parts of the sheep you usually stuff in there.
    I kid, I kid.

    DarkPrimus on
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    SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Stale wrote: »
    fuck I meant to say cooking forum

    fuck

    why can't I be perfect


    like a vulcan


    With more cooking, it will happen.

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
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    StaleStale Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    English food is, by and large, kinda iffy


    I mean, hey, I'm all for frying everything or stuffing it in pastry.... but fuck people...

    Stale on
    easysig2.jpg
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    WreckTechWreckTech Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Stale wrote: »
    fuck I meant to say cooking forum

    fuck

    why can't I be perfect


    like a vulcan

    Hey..
    edit.gif

    WreckTech on
    I don't know what I'm doing.
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    SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    Silmaril wrote: »
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    No, that's English food you're describing.

    (Oh no I didn't.)


    I will gut you.




    And then serve you in a pie.



    jtpb2.jpg

    At least I'd taste better than whatever parts of the sheep you usually stuff in there.
    I kid, I kid.


    Steak and Kidney.

    The best Pie ever to exist.

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
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    SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Stale wrote: »
    English food is, by and large, kinda iffy


    I mean, hey, I'm all for frying everything or stuffing it in pastry.... but fuck people...



    There is so much more.

    Lancashire hotpot
    Shepherd's or Cottage pie. Or Ocean/Fish pie. (not pastry!)
    Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding
    Mushy peas
    Spotted Dick
    Summer Pudding
    Various fruit crumbles
    Tikka Masala.

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
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    WreckTechWreckTech Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Silmaril wrote: »
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    Silmaril wrote: »
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    No, that's English food you're describing.

    (Oh no I didn't.)


    I will gut you.




    And then serve you in a pie.



    jtpb2.jpg

    At least I'd taste better than whatever parts of the sheep you usually stuff in there.
    I kid, I kid.


    Steak and Kidney.

    The best Pie ever to exist.

    Ingredients plz

    WreckTech on
    I don't know what I'm doing.
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    SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
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    StaleStale Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    WreckTech wrote: »
    Silmaril wrote: »
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    Silmaril wrote: »
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    No, that's English food you're describing.

    (Oh no I didn't.)


    I will gut you.




    And then serve you in a pie.



    jtpb2.jpg

    At least I'd taste better than whatever parts of the sheep you usually stuff in there.
    I kid, I kid.


    Steak and Kidney.

    The best Pie ever to exist.

    Ingredients plz

    steak
    kidney
    pie

    Stale on
    easysig2.jpg
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    Bob The MonkeyBob The Monkey Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    man, I am loathe to share this because it is my ultimate secret

    but here we go


    Bob's Traditional Family Rice Recipe
    Two whole portions!

    Ingredients:
    One knob (teehee) of butter
    One bag of Basmati (preferably) rice
    One vegetable (or chicken, but vegetable is better) stock cube
    A little salt
    Some cumin seeds
    One small cup (technically not an ingredient, should not be eaten)

    The method:
    First of all, grab a large bowl. Put the knob of butter inside and put it in the microwave for 40 seconds (or until melted). While you're doing this, begin to boil a pint or so of water (using a kettle is fine).

    When the butter is melted, add the rice to the bowl. You should find the right quantity by filling the small cup up to half an inch below the rim with rice. You want to use two of these nearly-full cups worth of rice. When all the rice is added, mix it in with the butter until all the rice is evenly coated. Put it back in the microwave on full power for about a minute and a half.

    Your water should now be boiled. Add half of a vegetable stock cube and a teaspoon or so of salt to 3/4 of a pint of boiling water. When the rice finishes in the microwave, add the stock. Ensure the rice is fairly evenly distributed in the bowl, then evenly sprinkle a teaspoon of cumin seeds over the rice/stock mixture. Cover the bowl over with a plate or somesuch, and microwave it on full power for seven minutes (on an 850W microwave. You may want to adjust to suit yours).

    Let the microwaved rice stand for around fifteen to twenty minutes (this stage doesn't have to be terribly precise). After letting it stand, remove the cover and use a fork to 'fluff up' all the rice, ensuring it's all well separated. Pay particular attention to the edges of the bowl where there is an increased risk of the grains 'lumping' together.

    Serve and orgasm.


    (note: people have tried many times, and failed just as many, to make single portions using this recipe. It simply doesn't work: the rice tends to be a lot less fluffy and can clump together to the point of inedibility. Try to keep it at 2 portions or more)

    Bob The Monkey on
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    Peter EbelPeter Ebel CopenhagenRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I grilled some marinated bacon and made a rhubarb crumble for dessert last weekend.

    It was good, but goddamn I should probably start cooking meals where the main ingredient isn't fat.

    Peter Ebel on
    Fuck off and die.
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    ShortyShorty touching the meat Intergalactic Cool CourtRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What the hell is a "knob" of butter?

    Shorty on
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    TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited August 2007
    If you get a george fornby grill bacon is basically as healthy as an apple

    Tube on
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    Bob The MonkeyBob The Monkey Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Shorty wrote: »
    What the hell is a "knob" of butter?

    do you seriously not have that phrase in america?

    it's just... god, how do you describe it. it's not really a defined quantity in any way, just take a knife and cut off a corner of your stick of butter.

    h2g2 gives us this answer: "A knob of butter is defined as an isosceles right-angled tetrahedron whose adjacent is equal to half the height of the block of butter."

    Bob The Monkey on
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    Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    It puzzles me how only the English, Australians and people in heaven eat meat pies.

    You are all missing out.

    Blake T on
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    ShortyShorty touching the meat Intergalactic Cool CourtRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Shorty wrote: »
    What the hell is a "knob" of butter?

    do you seriously not have that phrase in america?

    it's just... god, how do you describe it. it's not really a defined quantity in any way, just take a knife and cut off a corner of your stick of butter.

    h2g2 gives us this answer: "A knob of butter is defined as an isosceles right-angled tetrahedron whose adjacent is equal to half the height of the block of butter."

    No, man. I've never heard that, ever. I've only heard "stick" or "cube" or "pat". "Tablespoon" when one is actually talking about baking, since the wrappers on sticks of butter have tablespoons sectioned off on them.

    Shorty on
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    TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited August 2007
    h2G2 is the most obnoxious acronym ever

    Tube on
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    WreckTechWreckTech Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    h2G2 is the most obnoxious acronym ever

    Let me take a guess...

    "have 2 gingerbread 2"

    ...yeah, that's all I can think of.

    WreckTech on
    I don't know what I'm doing.
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    Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    hitch hikers guide to the galaxy?

    Two H's and two G's.

    Blake T on
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    StaleStale Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Blaket wrote: »
    It puzzles me how only the English, Australians and people in heaven eat meat pies.

    You are all missing out.

    it puzzles me how everytime I attempt to eat a god-forsaken meat-pie it is either:

    -toxic and provides me endless hours of bathroom fun

    -or god-awful and I can't even finish it.

    Stale on
    easysig2.jpg
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    Peter EbelPeter Ebel CopenhagenRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    If you get a george fornby grill bacon is basically as healthy as an apple

    Wont a normal grill have that same effect? I mean, it's not like the fat is collected.

    It just runs down and ignites.

    Peter Ebel on
    Fuck off and die.
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    SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Stale wrote: »
    Blaket wrote: »
    It puzzles me how only the English, Australians and people in heaven eat meat pies.

    You are all missing out.

    it puzzles me how everytime I attempt to eat a god-forsaken meat-pie it is either:

    -toxic and provides me endless hours of bathroom fun

    -or god-awful and I can't even finish it.

    Come to England.

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
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    PkmoutlPkmoutl Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Blaket wrote: »
    It puzzles me how only the English, Australians and people in heaven eat meat pies.

    You are all missing out.

    Chicken pot pie.

    Chicken is meat.

    It is in a pie.

    Pkmoutl on
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    TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited August 2007
    Peter Ebel wrote: »
    If you get a george fornby grill bacon is basically as healthy as an apple

    Wont a normal grill have that same effect? I mean, it's not like the fat is collected.

    It just runs down and ignites.

    No the george fornby grill makes it good for you

    it's a lean mean fat killing machine

    Tube on
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    PkmoutlPkmoutl Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Peter Ebel wrote: »
    If you get a george fornby grill bacon is basically as healthy as an apple

    Wont a normal grill have that same effect? I mean, it's not like the fat is collected.

    It just runs down and ignites.

    No the george fornby grill makes it good for you

    it's a lean mean fat killing machine

    Who's George Fornby?

    Is he the English version of George Foreman?

    Pkmoutl on
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    StaleStale Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Silmaril wrote: »
    Stale wrote: »
    Blaket wrote: »
    It puzzles me how only the English, Australians and people in heaven eat meat pies.

    You are all missing out.

    it puzzles me how everytime I attempt to eat a god-forsaken meat-pie it is either:

    -toxic and provides me endless hours of bathroom fun

    -or god-awful and I can't even finish it.

    Come to England.

    can I crash at your place?

    Stale on
    easysig2.jpg
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    Peter EbelPeter Ebel CopenhagenRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Peter Ebel wrote: »
    If you get a george fornby grill bacon is basically as healthy as an apple

    Wont a normal grill have that same effect? I mean, it's not like the fat is collected.

    It just runs down and ignites.

    No the george fornby grill makes it good for you

    it's a lean mean fat killing machine

    Could you tell me of its other qualities? Does it come with a warranty or support plan?

    Peter Ebel on
    Fuck off and die.
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    SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Stale wrote: »
    Silmaril wrote: »
    Stale wrote: »
    Blaket wrote: »
    It puzzles me how only the English, Australians and people in heaven eat meat pies.

    You are all missing out.

    it puzzles me how everytime I attempt to eat a god-forsaken meat-pie it is either:

    -toxic and provides me endless hours of bathroom fun

    -or god-awful and I can't even finish it.

    Come to England.

    can I crash at your place?

    Once me and the girl have moved in to our new place, yes.

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
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    StaleStale Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    True story:

    A girl I went to school with thought "England" was just another name for London.

    As in... the entire country was London. She was unaware that there was more to England then just the city of London. She was also under the impression Denmark was an island.

    An island "North of Russia or something"



    bitch is a doctor now

    Stale on
    easysig2.jpg
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    Peter EbelPeter Ebel CopenhagenRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Nooooooooo!

    Peter Ebel on
    Fuck off and die.
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    PkmoutlPkmoutl Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Stale, I cannot tell you how many people I have met who think that Europe is "Somewhere over by France."

    I once had a friend of mine tell me that Iowa was in the Deep South, "Somewhere south of Georgia or over by Texas somewhere."

    People

    Suck.

    Pkmoutl on
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    SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I am so glad I'm this much better than so many other people.

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
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    PkmoutlPkmoutl Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Misanthropes need love too.

    Pkmoutl on
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    StaleStale Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Pkmoutl wrote: »
    Stale, I cannot tell you how many people I have met who think that Europe is "Somewhere over by France."

    I once had a friend of mine tell me that Iowa was in the Deep South, "Somewhere south of Georgia or over by Texas somewhere."

    People

    Suck.

    I one asked my social studies teacher why we never learned where other countries really were.

    "Why should we?"

    Because I'd like to know, might be cool to know where everything is...

    "Most of them aren't even real countries, I mean, look at Germany, wherever that is."


    At first I thought he was joking. He was not. This was my freshman year teacher.

    Stale on
    easysig2.jpg
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    SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    So he thought Germany, one of the most crucial nations in the forming of the goddamn current times was not important enough to acknowledge?



    What

    A

    Dick.

    Silmaril on
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