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The Even Worse Joke Thread

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    I gave you the perfect cover and you blew it! Now everyone knows we're both dumb!

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    WybornWyborn GET EQUIPPED Registered User regular
    edited March 2018
    This exchange is the greatest joke of all

    Wyborn on
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    3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    I gave you the perfect cover and you blew it! Now everyone knows we're both dumb!

    to be fair it's not hard to discover that I'm dumb

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    It’s a one-liner joke that subverts your expectation of the phrase, “Losing a spouse is very difficult”. Your default reaction to that ought to be that of someone consoling someone else over the death of their spouse. In reality the joke teller is saying that getting rid of their spouse is hard to do.

    "Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind."
    — E. B. White

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    3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    Divorce is easy for real though.

    #JOKEKILLER2018

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    MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    3clipse wrote: »
    Divorce is easy for real though.

    #JOKEKILLER2018

    Shh.. Don't tell my girlfriends!

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    3clipse wrote: »
    Divorce is easy for real though.

    #JOKEKILLER2018

    Spoken like somebody who has never been through one

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    oh its a play on difficult. I was expecting a play on spouse.

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    chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    Losing a spouse is a euphemism for the spouse dying. The joke is that it is difficult to go through the death of a spouse, but even harder if they live.
    Took me a while too.

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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    Yeah I read it as sort of a Rodney Dangerfield type joke

    i.e. I can’t lose my wife no matter how hard I try

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    Goddammit, I really thought I was the only one to explain it.
    And I didn't even get to give the frog dissection quote!

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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Stragint wrote: »
    This is one of my favorite jokes to tell.

    https://youtu.be/noqNIaPQKJA

    FUCK

    BLM - ACAB
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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    edited March 2018
    Edit: Wrong thread. Uh, what's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle?
    Attire.

    Jedoc on
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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Bono fell off the stage recently during a gig

    He was standing too close to The Edge

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    Hi I'm Vee!Hi I'm Vee! Formerly VH; She/Her; Is an E X P E R I E N C E Registered User regular
    zAa63Lv.png

    ffffffffffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

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    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'left's.

    On the one hand, this is just fine, but on the other, it's just not right.

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    destroyah87destroyah87 They/Them Preferred: She/Her - Please UseRegistered User regular
    I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'left's.

    On the one hand, this is just fine, but on the other, it's just not right.

    Do you suspect sinister motivations?

    steam_sig.png
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    PolaritiePolaritie Sleepy Registered User regular
    I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'left's.

    On the one hand, this is just fine, but on the other, it's just not right.

    But the gripping hand comes third, I don't understand the problem here.

    Steam: Polaritie
    3DS: 0473-8507-2652
    Switch: SW-5185-4991-5118
    PSN: AbEntropy
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    I cant believe someone broke into my car just to steal my limbo stick.

    How low can you go?

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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Did you know Dr. Light was a huge fan of Starship?
    Yeah, he built these robots named Rock and Roll

    BLM - ACAB
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    Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    I ate two pieces of string earlier today and then when I pooped, they were tied together.

    I shit you knot.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    edited March 2018
    I’ve just been fired from the clock factory after all those extra hours I put in. :(

    The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…It was tense.

    Bedlam on
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    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    These time jokes have me in stitches!

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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    This isn't a joke, but chris's post reminded me how once in third grade, we were playing some fill-in-the-blank card game, and one of them was "a stitch in time _____"

    I got it right with "saves nine" and the teacher and other kids were like, how on earth did you know that

    And I did not know then, and do not know now, where I had ever heard it or what it even meant.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    My grandma would always have sayings like that I can still remember some of them.

    What she didn't know at the time was that I was trying to wrap my young mind around what kind of metaphysical needle would be needed to literally stich time together.

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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    My grandma would always have sayings like that I can still remember some of them.

    What she didn't know at the time was that I was trying to wrap my young mind around what kind of metaphysical needle would be needed to literally stich time together.

    Yeah this was me too

    "How the hell do you put a stitch in time, why does it save nine, and nine what!?"

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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    It means that if you have like, a piece of clothing or something that's about to rip or just starting to, mending it right away will save you from having to do more mending work in the future.

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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    Straightzi wrote: »
    It means that if you have like, a piece of clothing or something that's about to rip or just starting to, mending it right away will save you from having to do more mending work in the future.

    oh yeah, I mean eventually my child brain figured it out. knowing the real meaning made it way less cool though

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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    So, you can ask Alexa to tell you a joke. Here's a sample of the quality:
    Why do bananas like to drive muscle cars?

    Because they like to peel out.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    Hi I'm Vee!Hi I'm Vee! Formerly VH; She/Her; Is an E X P E R I E N C E Registered User regular
    So, you can ask Alexa to tell you a joke. Here's a sample of the quality:
    Why do bananas like to drive muscle cars?

    Because they like to peel out.

    You can also ask her to tell a dirty joke:
    What do you call a muddy chicken that crosses the road twice?

    A dirty double crosser

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    FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD interior crocodile alligator ⇔ ǝɹʇɐǝɥʇ ǝᴉʌoɯ ʇǝloɹʌǝɥɔ ɐ ǝʌᴉɹp ᴉRegistered User regular
    @visiblehowl told me that this goes here.

    ylhp8j160cvn.png

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.

    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Those not-Legos are tilting me and I don't know why.

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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    Yup, that's a bad joke on several levels.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    My friend was talking about flying tonight (he’s a pilot).

    He started a sentence with, “I spent most of the day trying to pull out...” and he just paused for a minute, which let me interject with, “Phrasing!”

    It might have been a pause that allowed me to poke fun at him, but it wasn’t a pregnant pause.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    I keep getting a Spring Transmitted Disease because these damn flowers won’t keep it in their plants.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    L2dUFbQ.jpg

    dIvimRX.gif

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    chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    Why can't a bike stand on its own? It's two tired.
    Tom walked into his house and was delighted to discover that someone had stolen all his lamps.
    Whiteboards are remarkable.
    A magician was driving down the road and turned into a driveway.
    Shout out to anyone wondering what the opposite of in is.

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    PaperLuigi44PaperLuigi44 My amazement is at maximum capacity. Registered User regular
    A friend of mine was fired from McDonalds for stealing supplies. They told him it was the last straw.

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    MuzzmuzzMuzzmuzz Registered User regular
    So, yesterday, Mr. Muzz was watching an episode of NCIS. Yes, I know, there's no accounting for taste, but whatever.

    Anyways, the good guys are driving, passing a henchman of the bad guy, who pulls out a RPG out of the laundry hamper he was pushing from the hotel. He aims, but misses the good guys's car, only to hit a nearby taxi.

    BOOM! Taxi goes up in a fireball.

    Mr. Muzz remarks, "Well, it looks like the Taxi car didn't fare too well"



    The kicker was that he didn't even know he'd punned, and couldn't figure out why I was groaning.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    I am so sick of people thinking they can just waltz into my room when I'm clearly listening to music in 4/4!

This discussion has been closed.