We have a new update on The Future of the Penny Arcade Forums.

Your [job] is to hand me that report from a safe distance

12122242627100

Posts

  • David_TDavid_T A fashion yes-man is no good to me. Copenhagen, DenmarkRegistered User regular
    edited May 2020
    Magic Pink wrote: »
    vampires don't shit jedoc ur dumb

    Right. They have to go to upscale all-night clinics where licensed professionals slap it out of them.

    Edit: Even with the quote that works less well than I hoped as a TOTP.

    David_T on
    13iepvv6o8ip.png
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    My municipality went from having ~1mil breathing room in this year's budget to having to find budget cuts to the tune of 5mil. All this after we never recovered from the previous crisis and the mismanagement of 10 years of right wing rule.

    At least I received my contact today. I am now employed indefinitely.

  • David_TDavid_T A fashion yes-man is no good to me. Copenhagen, DenmarkRegistered User regular
    Weird day for me today.

    On one hand, I got my annual bonus (my "normal" one) and it's just over a months wages in addition to my normal paycheck. My personal score, which is part of how they calculate the bonus, was very good and my supervisor described me as the hardest worker in the office.

    On the other, two people in my department were informed today that they're being let go as part of a re-org. One of them has been low key looking for a new job for close to a year, so she's handling it OK, the other I'm afraid was probably totally blindsided by it. I've reached out both by phone and on Teams (he's in a different part of the country) but... yeah.

    13iepvv6o8ip.png
  • Captain InertiaCaptain Inertia Central OhioRegistered User regular
    On a “requirements elicitation” session with a BSA and solutions architect pretending I know what language they’re using

    Sure I’ll sign off on this, I trust you all even though I feel like I detected a lack of confidence it would work...

    l7ygmd1dd4p1.jpeg
    3b2y43dozpk3.jpeg
  • Ashaman42Ashaman42 Registered User regular
    They don't shit which means there's a lot of shit in them to slap out. God!

  • JragghenJragghen Registered User regular
    For the first time in effectively a month, everything's not on fire when I logged on Monday morning.

    We get next Monday off. I already discussed how my team is basically pushing us to take Friday off, too. I decided to burn a vacation day and take Thursday off, as well.

    So Wednesday is extra mega ultra fridaxxxxx, and it's looking like the 3 days this week won't be in crisis mode.

    I kinda don't know what to do with myself :D

  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    Gods can you imagine the kind of shits an all-blood diet would produce. I wouldn't ever want to poop either.

  • 3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    Your poop is already mostly dead red blood cells and dead gut bacteria, with whatever indigestible matter is leftover (it's a relatively small portion of feces matter). The color of feces is caused by the eventual breakdown products of hemoglobin. So your poops probably wouldn't change much, maybe slightly less solid than regular poops.

    A quick google suggests that vampire bat guano is not notably distinct from regular guano, but it does smell much more strongly of ammonia due to the breakdown products from having to digest that volume of blood. So your poops might reek of ammonia assuming vampire biology follows similar breakdown pathways.

    Basically, if anyone you know has a house that always smells strongly of cleaning supplies, don't spend the night.

  • 3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    ...I thought I was handling quarantine okay but maybe that's not true.

  • L Ron HowardL Ron Howard The duck MinnesotaRegistered User regular
    3clipse wrote: »
    ...I thought I was handling quarantine okay but maybe that's not true.

    Well, they do say cough like a vampire, so......

  • RoyceSraphimRoyceSraphim Registered User regular
    Just learned specialties, a 33 year old franchise, is shutting down due to the economy.

    If you ever wanted to solve your problems with decadent paistries, you'd go there.

    steam_sig.png
  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    I solve all my psychological problems with pastries.

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • FFFF Once Upon a Time In OaklandRegistered User regular
    That's a shame. There was a Specialty's right by my office that'd I'd get tasty treats from occasionally, but their service was terrible. I'd see employees arguing regularly, dude's would just walk away from the register and disappear, they'd constantly screw up orders if you were getting sandwiches/salads, etc.

    Huh...
  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    3clipse wrote: »
    Your poop is already mostly dead red blood cells and dead gut bacteria, with whatever indigestible matter is leftover (it's a relatively small portion of feces matter). The color of feces is caused by the eventual breakdown products of hemoglobin. So your poops probably wouldn't change much, maybe slightly less solid than regular poops.

    A quick google suggests that vampire bat guano is not notably distinct from regular guano, but it does smell much more strongly of ammonia due to the breakdown products from having to digest that volume of blood. So your poops might reek of ammonia assuming vampire biology follows similar breakdown pathways.

    Basically, if anyone you know has a house that always smells strongly of cleaning supplies, don't spend the night.

    All I know is more carnivorous diets = more horrific smelling dumps

  • 3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    edited May 2020
    3clipse wrote: »
    Your poop is already mostly dead red blood cells and dead gut bacteria, with whatever indigestible matter is leftover (it's a relatively small portion of feces matter). The color of feces is caused by the eventual breakdown products of hemoglobin. So your poops probably wouldn't change much, maybe slightly less solid than regular poops.

    A quick google suggests that vampire bat guano is not notably distinct from regular guano, but it does smell much more strongly of ammonia due to the breakdown products from having to digest that volume of blood. So your poops might reek of ammonia assuming vampire biology follows similar breakdown pathways.

    Basically, if anyone you know has a house that always smells strongly of cleaning supplies, don't spend the night.

    All I know is more carnivorous diets = more horrific smelling dumps

    And farts! Cat farts are awful. But blood is actually a much less rich source of protein (which is the main cause of horrific carnivore farts) than muscle, so I don't think we'd see quite the same effect.

    Blood actually sucks as a nutrition source generally. Vampire bats will starve after two days without a successful feeding.

    3cl1ps3 on
  • JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    3clipse wrote: »
    3clipse wrote: »
    Your poop is already mostly dead red blood cells and dead gut bacteria, with whatever indigestible matter is leftover (it's a relatively small portion of feces matter). The color of feces is caused by the eventual breakdown products of hemoglobin. So your poops probably wouldn't change much, maybe slightly less solid than regular poops.

    A quick google suggests that vampire bat guano is not notably distinct from regular guano, but it does smell much more strongly of ammonia due to the breakdown products from having to digest that volume of blood. So your poops might reek of ammonia assuming vampire biology follows similar breakdown pathways.

    Basically, if anyone you know has a house that always smells strongly of cleaning supplies, don't spend the night.

    All I know is more carnivorous diets = more horrific smelling dumps

    And farts! Cat farts are awful. But blood is actually a much less rich source of protein (which is the main cause of horrific carnivore farts) than muscle, so I don't think we'd see quite the same effect.

    Blood actually sucks as a nutrition source generally. Vampire bats will starve after two days without a successful feeding.

    Har har har

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • 3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week whether you like it or not.

  • TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    3clipse wrote: »
    3clipse wrote: »
    Your poop is already mostly dead red blood cells and dead gut bacteria, with whatever indigestible matter is leftover (it's a relatively small portion of feces matter). The color of feces is caused by the eventual breakdown products of hemoglobin. So your poops probably wouldn't change much, maybe slightly less solid than regular poops.

    A quick google suggests that vampire bat guano is not notably distinct from regular guano, but it does smell much more strongly of ammonia due to the breakdown products from having to digest that volume of blood. So your poops might reek of ammonia assuming vampire biology follows similar breakdown pathways.

    Basically, if anyone you know has a house that always smells strongly of cleaning supplies, don't spend the night.

    All I know is more carnivorous diets = more horrific smelling dumps

    And farts! Cat farts are awful. But blood is actually a much less rich source of protein (which is the main cause of horrific carnivore farts) than muscle, so I don't think we'd see quite the same effect.

    Blood actually sucks as a nutrition source generally. Vampire bats will starve after two days without a successful feeding.

    My cats will just opt not to cover their poops at all which makes a godawful smell. One time managed to poop in such a way that it landed on its end and stayed upright so as to maximize the exposed surface area.

    I was mad about it, but honestly, if I'd managed that I'd probably have left it too.

    steam_sig.png
  • MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    Gods can you imagine the kind of shits an all-blood diet would produce. I wouldn't ever want to poop either.

    Kind of just imagining that sort of coagulated glob you get after a bloody nose

  • Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    3clipse wrote: »
    Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week whether you like it or not.

    Should...

    Should I try the veal?

  • tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Not according to the bad food thread.

  • CormacCormac Registered User regular
    I and the rest of my coworkers are being brought back in for two days a week starting June 1st. The nice thing about that is I'll still qualify for partial unemployment and the CARE act supplement, so I'll still be making more than when I was employed full time. Come the end of July the company will reassess what it's going to do but for now it's at least something.

    This does mean I'll have to spend the next week or so trying to get back to a normal sleep schedule. I've fallen into what seems to be my natural sleep and wake times and they are not compatible with the 'normal' work hours.

    Steam: Gridlynk | PSN: Gridlynk | FFXIV: Jarvellis Mika
  • JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    Since we're now going to start disciplining staff members who refuse to wear masks and gloves, HR has panic-assigned a number of PPE modules. So far I've sat through three industry-agnostic online lessons about gloves, helmets, and goggles. Nary a word has been spoken about what kind of equipment you should wear to prevent contagion in a virus-rich environment.

    On an entirely unrelated note, did you know that Windows solitaire serves up ads for slot machine apps in between hands now? What a despicably lame cyberpunk dystopia this is.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • TynnanTynnan seldom correct, never unsure Registered User regular
    3clipse wrote: »
    Your poop is already mostly dead red blood cells and dead gut bacteria, with whatever indigestible matter is leftover (it's a relatively small portion of feces matter). The color of feces is caused by the eventual breakdown products of hemoglobin. So your poops probably wouldn't change much, maybe slightly less solid than regular poops.

    A quick google suggests that vampire bat guano is not notably distinct from regular guano, but it does smell much more strongly of ammonia due to the breakdown products from having to digest that volume of blood. So your poops might reek of ammonia assuming vampire biology follows similar breakdown pathways.

    Basically, if anyone you know has a house that always smells strongly of cleaning supplies, don't spend the night.

    I thought the color was from bile?

  • tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    I don’t know how y’all found a way to make poop talk even more off putting than usual, but good job,

  • 3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    edited May 2020
    Tynnan wrote: »
    3clipse wrote: »
    Your poop is already mostly dead red blood cells and dead gut bacteria, with whatever indigestible matter is leftover (it's a relatively small portion of feces matter). The color of feces is caused by the eventual breakdown products of hemoglobin. So your poops probably wouldn't change much, maybe slightly less solid than regular poops.

    A quick google suggests that vampire bat guano is not notably distinct from regular guano, but it does smell much more strongly of ammonia due to the breakdown products from having to digest that volume of blood. So your poops might reek of ammonia assuming vampire biology follows similar breakdown pathways.

    Basically, if anyone you know has a house that always smells strongly of cleaning supplies, don't spend the night.

    I thought the color was from bile?

    Nope, bilirubin and its derived breakdown products.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bilirubin
    Bilirubin is excreted in bile and urine, and elevated levels may indicate certain diseases.[5] It is responsible for the yellow color of bruises and the yellow discoloration in jaundice. Its subsequent breakdown products, such as stercobilin, cause the brown color of faeces. A different breakdown product, urobilin, is the main component of the straw-yellow color in urine.

    edit: to be fair bilirubin does color bile, so, you're kinda right?

    3cl1ps3 on
  • bowenbowen Sup? Registered User regular
    tynic wrote: »
    I don’t know how y’all found a way to make poop talk even more off putting than usual, but good job,

    There's always fecal vomiting if we need something to up the ante again.

    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • 3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    bowen wrote: »
    tynic wrote: »
    I don’t know how y’all found a way to make poop talk even more off putting than usual, but good job,

    There's always fecal vomiting if we need something to up the ante again.

    good ol' reverse peristalsis

  • JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    3clipse wrote: »
    Tynnan wrote: »
    3clipse wrote: »
    Your poop is already mostly dead red blood cells and dead gut bacteria, with whatever indigestible matter is leftover (it's a relatively small portion of feces matter). The color of feces is caused by the eventual breakdown products of hemoglobin. So your poops probably wouldn't change much, maybe slightly less solid than regular poops.

    A quick google suggests that vampire bat guano is not notably distinct from regular guano, but it does smell much more strongly of ammonia due to the breakdown products from having to digest that volume of blood. So your poops might reek of ammonia assuming vampire biology follows similar breakdown pathways.

    Basically, if anyone you know has a house that always smells strongly of cleaning supplies, don't spend the night.

    I thought the color was from bile?

    Nope, bilirubin and its derived breakdown products.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bilirubin
    Bilirubin is excreted in bile and urine, and elevated levels may indicate certain diseases.[5] It is responsible for the yellow color of bruises and the yellow discoloration in jaundice. Its subsequent breakdown products, such as stercobilin, cause the brown color of faeces. A different breakdown product, urobilin, is the main component of the straw-yellow color in urine.

    edit: to be fair bilirubin does color bile, so, you're kinda right?

    Which breakdown product was in Superman cereal that made me produce bright green Incredible Hulk turds?

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • 3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    3clipse wrote: »
    Tynnan wrote: »
    3clipse wrote: »
    Your poop is already mostly dead red blood cells and dead gut bacteria, with whatever indigestible matter is leftover (it's a relatively small portion of feces matter). The color of feces is caused by the eventual breakdown products of hemoglobin. So your poops probably wouldn't change much, maybe slightly less solid than regular poops.

    A quick google suggests that vampire bat guano is not notably distinct from regular guano, but it does smell much more strongly of ammonia due to the breakdown products from having to digest that volume of blood. So your poops might reek of ammonia assuming vampire biology follows similar breakdown pathways.

    Basically, if anyone you know has a house that always smells strongly of cleaning supplies, don't spend the night.

    I thought the color was from bile?

    Nope, bilirubin and its derived breakdown products.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bilirubin
    Bilirubin is excreted in bile and urine, and elevated levels may indicate certain diseases.[5] It is responsible for the yellow color of bruises and the yellow discoloration in jaundice. Its subsequent breakdown products, such as stercobilin, cause the brown color of faeces. A different breakdown product, urobilin, is the main component of the straw-yellow color in urine.

    edit: to be fair bilirubin does color bile, so, you're kinda right?

    Which breakdown product was in Superman cereal that made me produce bright green Incredible Hulk turds?

    That's just expected with kryptonite.

  • ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    kraptonite more like

  • JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    Why would you put kryptonite in Superman's cereal? Was this all an extremely clumsy trap? Because we all know that Superman would be way too humble to eat his own cereal.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Why would you put kryptonite in Superman's cereal? Was this all an extremely clumsy trap? Because we all know that Superman would be way too humble to eat his own cereal.

    When adorable and adoring fans offer him bowls of the cereal he'd be far too polite to refuse. It would be literally killing him with kindness! HIS OWN KINDNESS!! MWA-HA-HA!!!

    Nod. Get treat. PSN: Quippish
  • MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Why would you put kryptonite in Superman's cereal? Was this all an extremely clumsy trap? Because we all know that Superman would be way too humble to eat his own cereal.

    When adorable and adoring fans offer him bowls of the cereal he'd be far too polite to refuse. It would be literally killing him with kindness! HIS OWN KINDNESS!! MWA-HA-HA!!!

    It's a time-honored tradition in myths and legends to kill the hero through their own politeness or other obligations.

  • schussschuss Registered User regular
    On a “requirements elicitation” session with a BSA and solutions architect pretending I know what language they’re using

    Sure I’ll sign off on this, I trust you all even though I feel like I detected a lack of confidence it would work...

    If your BSA is being too jargony it's their fault. The entire job is translation.

  • RoyceSraphimRoyceSraphim Registered User regular
    Stop back talking me and let me explain how our tech is making you look bad!

    steam_sig.png
  • FlarneFlarne Registered User regular
    schuss wrote: »
    On a “requirements elicitation” session with a BSA and solutions architect pretending I know what language they’re using

    Sure I’ll sign off on this, I trust you all even though I feel like I detected a lack of confidence it would work...

    If your BSA is being too jargony it's their fault. The entire job is translation.

    BullShit Artist?

  • SorceSorce Not ThereRegistered User regular
    A recommendation:

    If you need to ship 4 vehicle tires, slap a label on each of them before they go out. Using 1 label then trying to use plastic straps to keep them together does not work. Either the straps break on their own, meaning there's a good chance you won't get the tires, or all of the straps end up in the same spot like the world's most uncomfortable necklace, so the shipper has to cut them apart and print out individual labels anyway.

    sig.gif
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited May 2020
    super hyper Fridaxxx for me: tomorrow: standard day off, Thursday is Ascension Day (natl. holiday), friday and all of next week: holiday, Monday 2nd Pentecost Day (natl. holiday).

    Aldo on
This discussion has been closed.