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Sal wants YOU to read this [Embarrassing Sexual Story]?

VoproSTEINVoproSTEIN howdyRegistered User regular
edited October 2011 in Singularity Engine++
This is stupid, but @Sal needs it to be shared with the world. Spoilered for NSFW content.
[12:46 AM] tomtom: sal i am officially a bad kid now
[12:46 AM] tomtom: i did....something bad
[12:46 AM] tomtom: saturday
[12:46 AM] sal: wha...
[12:46 AM] trenog: did you dance in the pale moonlight?
[12:46 AM] sal: what did you do tom
[12:47 AM] tomtom: well
[12:47 AM] tomtom: when a man and a woman are super drunk at a club
[12:47 AM] sal: oh
[12:47 AM] sal: that doesn't sound bad at all!
[12:47 AM] tomtom: well ill let you fill in the gaps. but there was a bathroom involved.
[12:47 AM] tomtom: im not proud
[12:47 AM] trenog: tom, did you sanitize?
[12:47 AM] muse: sure you are
[12:47 AM] sal: you look proud
[12:47 AM] muse: you are telling us
[12:47 AM] muse: smug face
[12:48 AM] trenog: he is kissing a telling
[12:48 AM] muse: lookit that
[12:48 AM] tomtom: well i mean yeah im pretty happy about it but man
[12:48 AM] trenog: lookit that
[12:48 AM] tomtom: crwth put them feet away
[12:48 AM] trenog: crwth's feet got the most class in this chat
[12:48 AM] muse: this pm thread is hilarious
[12:49 AM] skull_man: I could probably make bathroom sex happen tonight
[12:49 AM] skull_man: but I think it would just be confusing
[12:49 AM] trenog: skull man, do not make love to a toilet
[12:49 AM] skull_man: all knocking the good towels over
[12:49 AM] trenog: the toilet is not of age
[12:50 AM] trenog: pervert
[12:50 AM] tomtom: look all im saying is that sal asked what i did
[12:50 AM] skull_man: good bath salts all fallin on the floor
[12:50 AM] tomtom: i had to brag a little
[12:50 AM] tomtom: you know, front
[12:50 AM] tomtom: stunt
[12:50 AM] sal: you did good tom
[12:50 AM] crwth: so ask him then!
[12:50 AM] tomtom: crwth
[12:50 AM] tomtom: did you hear the Great News
[12:50 AM] skull_man: all gettin yelled at for not changing the roll
[12:50 AM] crwth: ??
[12:50 AM] tomtom: scroll up
[12:50 AM] skull_man: all I told you I saw ants
[12:50 AM] natek: thomas is being extra smug, crwth, you should know what he did
[12:50 AM] natek: silly
[12:51 AM] crwth: oh cool tom
[12:51 AM] tomtom: in a club bathroom, crwth!
[12:51 AM] tomtom: i swear to all that i hold dear that i did the cooking dance in the club
[12:51 AM] sal: did you use protection
[12:51 AM] sal: that is important
[12:51 AM] tomtom: i didn't do...that
[12:51 AM] muse: we are just LOOKING OUT FOR YOU
[12:51 AM] sal: ...
[12:51 AM] tomtom: i didnt do much, it was mostly her if you follow me HEH HE HEH
[12:51 AM] muse: you dumb fuck!
[12:52 AM] muse: your dick will rot off now
[12:52 AM] tomtom: protection was not necessary given the events that transpired
[12:52 AM] muse: the odds are not in your favor
[12:52 AM] muse: just fall off in chunks
[12:52 AM] trenog: an album cover eh?
[12:52 AM] muse: like termines
[12:52 AM] skull_man: tom is a lame lay pass it on
[12:52 AM] tomtom: i think her mouth was clean! true story!
[12:52 AM] muse: *termites
[12:52 AM] sal: oh i see
[12:52 AM] sal: just a mouthski
[12:52 AM] sal: not the whole shebang
[12:52 AM] tomtom: yeah.
[12:52 AM] sal: i thought you were pro tom
[12:52 AM] tomtom: im not gonna bang somebody in a bathroom
[12:52 AM] tomtom: i have class
[12:52 AM] sal: I THOUGHT YOU WERE PRO
[12:53 AM] muse: dick leprosy?
[12:53 AM] natek: thomas were you sitting on the toilet?
[12:53 AM] tomtom: no i was standing
[12:53 AM] natek: okay good
[12:53 AM] sal: sitting and taking a shit
[12:53 AM] tomtom: yeah sittin n shittin
[12:53 AM] sal: for maximum efficiency
[12:53 AM] natek: was gonna ask
[12:53 AM] trenog: does tom kiss the lady for a job well done?
[12:53 AM] tomtom: ha
[12:53 AM] natek: if you put pieces of tp down
[12:53 AM] tomtom: not this time trenog
[12:53 AM] natek: so your bum wasnt touching
[12:53 AM] tomtom: not this time.
[12:53 AM] tomtom: that wasnt no lady
[12:53 AM] tomtom: that was a ho
[12:53 AM] natek: oker
[12:53 AM] skull_man: you got a beej while sittin on a toilet?
[12:53 AM] sal: standing
[12:53 AM] tomtom: skullman i was standing up.
[12:53 AM] tomtom: cmon.
[12:53 AM] sal: he was standing on the toilet
[12:53 AM] skull_man: standing on the toilet?
[12:53 AM] natek: standing on the toilet
[12:54 AM] trenog: well a ho's gotta know that it's a blow then a go
[12:54 AM] skull_man: standing IN the toilet
[12:54 AM] tomtom: yeah standing on the toilet tank
[12:54 AM] tomtom: she was splayed on the seat
[12:54 AM] natek: no she was in the tank
[12:54 AM] skull_man: standing on the walls
[12:54 AM] sal: standing with the toilet
[12:54 AM] tomtom: okay yeah good call nate
[12:54 AM] sal: the girl was just a third party
[12:54 AM] skull_man: dancing in the moonlight
[12:54 AM] tomtom: this is the new version of the story
[12:54 AM] skull_man: tom
[12:54 AM] skull_man: did
[12:54 AM] tomtom: what.
[12:54 AM] skull_man: did you press a button
[12:54 AM] tomtom: fraid not
[12:54 AM] skull_man: was there heat coming out
[12:54 AM] sal: press this button to DROP LOADS
[12:54 AM] skull_man: tom did you fuck the hand dryer
[12:54 AM] tomtom: no
[12:55 AM] tomtom: we werent even in a stall!
[12:55 AM] skull_man: man this sounds like hand dryer all the way
[12:55 AM] sal: how was the toilet involved then
[12:55 AM] tomtom: it wasnt
[12:55 AM] skull_man: evidence is pilin up
[12:55 AM] sal: this story is fishy
[12:55 AM] tomtom: the toilet watched
[12:55 AM] sal: ok
[12:55 AM] skull_man: but you weren't in the stall
[12:55 AM] sal: important question
[12:55 AM] skull_man: DETAILS CONFLICT
[12:55 AM] muse: did you put down the little squares across the rim?
[12:55 AM] sal: once you were done
[12:55 AM] sal: did you say
[12:55 AM] tomtom: ?
[12:55 AM] sal: "check please!"
[12:55 AM] tomtom: no i went classier
[12:55 AM] natek: no muse he wasn't sitting
[12:56 AM] natek: his naked bum was in no danger
[12:56 AM] muse: oh that ruins the whole storu
[12:56 AM] muse: *story
[12:56 AM] skull_man: "I would tip you baby but I'm not really very...*flush* right now"
[12:56 AM] sal: he was standing and shitting as far as i can gather
[12:56 AM] tomtom: a player does not sit down on the toilet
[12:56 AM] natek: he was knee deep in a clogged toilet though
[12:56 AM] tomtom: no nate she was
[12:56 AM] muse: I dont know how dudes poop
[12:56 AM] tomtom: out their dicks muse
[12:56 AM] natek: no she was in the tank
[12:56 AM] muse: send me some ethnographics studies
[12:56 AM] tomtom: thats how i poop anyway
[12:56 AM] natek: you were in the bowl
[12:56 AM] sal: we just sort of aim... and...
[12:56 AM] sal: kaPOW
[12:57 AM] tomtom: ill let you guys determine the details okay
[12:57 AM] muse: endlessly fascinating
[12:57 AM] tomtom: lets just say i pooped and climaxed at the same time
[12:57 AM] tomtom: who cares.
[12:57 AM] natek: I think we have determined them rather well
[12:57 AM] skull_man: aim what
[12:57 AM] muse: everything circles back to poop
[12:57 AM] sal: can someone save this chat please
[12:57 AM] muse: okay
[12:57 AM] tomtom: this is your fault sal
[12:57 AM] skull_man: do you have a prehensile colon
[12:57 AM] sal: i think everyone did an A+ job here

Now to try and turn this into a not useless thread.

I don't know when the last embarrassing sexual encounters thread was, and I don't know if the PM counts because I didn't read it all the way, and I don't have any of my own, but

It doesn't matter if you're embarrassing,

sarah-palin-1.jpg

Or if you're sexual,

paris-hilton-001.jpg

Or you've had an encounter,

fight.gif

Or especial an embarrassing sexual encounter,

russell_brand.jpg

bill-clinton-photograph.jpg

tumblr_kyigrwZ1Fn1qabwixo1_500.jpg

You can talk about it here in the:

EMBARRASSING SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS THREAD!

VoproSTEIN on
Snerky
«134567110

Posts

  • Skull ManSkull Man Registered User regular
    tl,dr: clint eastwood/tom fucked a hand dryer

  • Skull ManSkull Man Registered User regular
    it wasn't too cool

  • VoproSTEINVoproSTEIN howdyRegistered User regular
    Didn't finish the chat anyway, just thought it was a good reason to make a thread like this.

  • ArangArang Registered User regular
    everyone got burned on this deal

    thenews.jpg
  • TrippyJingTrippyJing Moses supposes his toeses are roses. But Moses supposes erroneously.Registered User regular
    skull man, do not make love to a toilet

    mosesupposes.gif
  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    [12:46 AM] trenog: did you dance in the pale moonlight?

    I would have been pleased if it stopped there.

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
  • Day of the BearDay of the Bear The Qun demandsRegistered User regular
    Dave I cannot BELIEVE you made this thread

    m6eoUgQ.jpg
  • VoproSTEINVoproSTEIN howdyRegistered User regular
    Everyone tell me about your embarrassing sexual encounters.

    I am writing them all down.

  • satansfingerssatansfingers Registered User regular
    one time i had relations with a woman to whom i was not married

    it was a tawdry affair

  • AntimatterAntimatter Registered User regular
    one time i was gonna take a dick pic for a girl
    but first i had to work it up from flaccid

    ...and then it went back to flaccid before i could take advantage of what happened in between

  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    I've had embarrassing sex

    but not embarrassing sex that was also humorous

    so I'll just be providing the pithy commentary for this thread

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
  • miscellaneousinsanitymiscellaneousinsanity grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother, i hurt peopleRegistered User regular
    yeah, didn't read hardly any of that

  • VoproSTEINVoproSTEIN howdyRegistered User regular
    I thought the funniest part was

    [12:57 AM] muse: everything circles back to poop

    I skipped to the bottom and was rewarded well enough

  • satansfingerssatansfingers Registered User regular
    you made a thread for a chatlog even you were unwilling to read?

  • Skull ManSkull Man Registered User regular
    he was coerced by tom

    I saw it

    hubris, tom

    will you let dave suffer for your sins

  • Day of the BearDay of the Bear The Qun demandsRegistered User regular
    the best part of this thread was mustachio putting mustaches on all the images in the OP

    made it allll worthwhile

    m6eoUgQ.jpg
  • VoproSTEINVoproSTEIN howdyRegistered User regular
    I've been meaning to make a thread like this for a while just to hear people's funny stories.

    It's not the best reason for a thread but it got me to make it anyway.

  • animal companionanimal companion Registered User regular
    light the orikae signal

    VdxNI.jpg
  • Skull ManSkull Man Registered User regular
    the best part of this thread was mustachio putting mustaches on all the images in the OP

    made it allll worthwhile
    yes! it just started working for me too

  • nateknatek Registered User regular
    to be fair, nobody involved in the chatlog thought it was any good

  • FirmSkaterFirmSkater Registered User regular
    I'd bang Sarah Palin

    sig2.jpg
  • miscellaneousinsanitymiscellaneousinsanity grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother, i hurt peopleRegistered User regular
    the best part of this thread was mustachio putting mustaches on all the images in the OP

    made it allll worthwhile

    post pics please, some of us are chromeless heathens

  • KusuguttaiKusuguttai __BANNED USERS regular
    one time i literally tossed my penis inside yo mommas butthole

  • TonkkaTonkka Some one in the club tonight Has stolen my ideas.Registered User regular
    Thomas was just hanging out in a stall in the women's room.

    Waiting. . .

    tonkkatrikesig.jpg
    Gamertag: T0NKKA - Steam: evilumpire Twitter Art blog/Portfolio! HEY SATAN
  • VoproSTEINVoproSTEIN howdyRegistered User regular
    I thought about putting Palin in sexual, but

    I don't know why I didn't

  • KusuguttaiKusuguttai __BANNED USERS regular
    one time i fucked sarah palin - nba superstar

  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    oh, here's something I forgot about! after the first time I got laid I went to a messageboard I used to frequent and made one of THOSE threads

    you know the kind I mean

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
  • FirmSkaterFirmSkater Registered User regular
    Was it this messageboard?

    sig2.jpg
  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    This one time I had sex with all your mothers at the same time.

    It was pretty embarrassing when we all woke up the next day.

    the-place-beyond-the-pines-03_thumb_zps3d4e0ec7.jpg
    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStigCFN: Stiggles
  • MetroidZoidMetroidZoid Registered User regular
    Oh god not this thread. It's only 10:00 and I have to work tomorrow dammit! But if I leave this here, it'll hit 500 pages by morning and then I'm up shit creek without a paddle DAMMIT WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?

    Anyways, the only thing(s) I have are me and my-wife-then-girlfriend being caught by her brother, then a month later by mine. Eh, it happens. Mine's done the self-memory wipe, not sure how hers handled it.

    9UsHUfk.jpgSteam
    3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
  • godmodegodmode Nooo-ooo-ooo... That ain't dancin', SallyRegistered User regular
    edited October 2011
    I posted this story in a thread not too long ago, but it fits here:
    I was a young lad, still living at home, a few months from graduating high school. My girlfriend and I were in the living room at my parents' house, parents were upstairs. We were watching a movie, started fooling around. She went down on me. Things were going well, I came, and then she sneezed.
    Huge mess.
    And I just could not stop laughing.

    (So I guess it was embarassing for her, really)

    godmode on
  • Fire TruckFire Truck I love my SELFRegistered User regular
    wtf, I was just on tiny chat and noone was there. You guys suck

  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    FirmSkater wrote:
    Was it this messageboard?

    no, I would have done a search if it was

    but it is a spinoff board! I'm sure some intrepid detective could find it without much trouble, I can't be arsed myself

    it was the Citadel of Truth

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
  • BalefuegoBalefuego Registered User regular
    do we really need another fucking one of these

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • FirmSkaterFirmSkater Registered User regular
    I have no embarrassing sexual stories.

    Except I've been almost caught by my parents like eight hundred times

    Once my mom walked into my bedroom when both me and my lady were bare-ass naked. Somehow in a matter of milliseconds we managed to be under blankets pretending to be sleeping with no bare skin showing.

    Also another time she was on top and behind her through an open window I just see the back of my dad's head. I didn't even know what to do in that situation. I'm pretty sure we didn't even stop and just hoped he didn't turn around.

    sig2.jpg
  • Skull ManSkull Man Registered User regular
    godmode wrote:
    I posted this story in a thread not too long ago, but it fits here:
    I was a young lad, still living at home, a few months from graduating high school. My girlfriend and I were in the living room at my parents' house, parents were upstairs. We were watching a movie, started fooling around. She went down on me. Things were going well, I came, and then she sneezed.
    Huge mess.
    And I just could not stop laughing.

    (So I guess it was embarassing for her, really)

    holy christ

    thread over

  • Skull ManSkull Man Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    Balefuego wrote:
    do we really need another fucking one of these

    Skull Man on
  • GatsbyGatsby ElsewhereRegistered User regular
    I made a couple of posts after I lost my virginity here.

    I blame 2am drunk me for that silly act.

    Steam ID/Twitter/Women Write About Comics
    Friend Code: 2766 - 9202 - 0140
  • godmodegodmode Nooo-ooo-ooo... That ain't dancin', SallyRegistered User regular
    Skull Man wrote:
    godmode wrote:
    I posted this story in a thread not too long ago, but it fits here:
    I was a young lad, still living at home, a few months from graduating high school. My girlfriend and I were in the living room at my parents' house, parents were upstairs. We were watching a movie, started fooling around. She went down on me. Things were going well, I came, and then she sneezed.
    Huge mess.
    And I just could not stop laughing.

    (So I guess it was embarassing for her, really)

    holy christ

    thread over

    Nah, I know there are better stories.

  • ShortyShorty JUDGE BROSEF Registered User regular
    FirmSkater wrote:
    I'd bang Sarah Palin

    that lantern jaw she's got going on is really off-putting

    she's pretty enough I guess

    what's crazy to me is that this is the sort of woman, her and michelle bachman, who represents the ideal beauty of the republican party

    like, really guys

    these crinkled, overpowdered reptiles are the best you can do

    chillaxton.jpg
    and I broke parole just to get to you
«134567110
This discussion has been closed.