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STUFF YOUR COCK IN A TURKEY [Thanksgiving]

2456

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    AirAir Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    all like 'pardon me ma'am, just on my way to mexico and didnt look where i was going'

    Air on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Air wrote: »
    what does she define as sexual assault

    because it sounds like itd be hard not to brush up on her from across the room

    Ugh dude I don't even know.

    She tells so many fucking ridiculous stories that it's honestly hard to tell what's true and what's false.

    I have a feeling this "rape" may be completely false or at least a gigantic exaggeration. I mean I hate to doubt rape victims, but this is a person who blantantly lies or is wildly wrong a lot of the time. She's also claimed to be the victim of serious physical abuse that I know didn't happen. Claimed I was abused in the same manner, and I am certain that I was not.

    Defender on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    and instead of death at the bottom of the quicksand

    you've got fat chicks

    all a-rapin'.

    One time this fat chick I knew (and hated) in highschool tried to make a move on me at a party.

    I told her I was gay. She was like "ha ha you're not gay."

    So I tapped my inner internet - the little bit of the internet that never leaves your soul - and I summoned up something that would horrify her.

    "You know what the best part about getting three fingers in your ass is?"

    Niiiiice!

    Defender on
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    SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    edit: hur hur I am dumb

    Snowbeat on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    HUNTER

    GET IN HERE

    WE'RE TELLIN STORIES

    YOU TOO CALLIUS

    Defender on
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    SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Air wrote: »
    all like 'pardon me ma'am, just on my way to mexico and didnt look where i was going'
    best delivered when standing in Wisconsin.

    Snowbeat on
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    STATE OF THE ART ROBOTSTATE OF THE ART ROBOT Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Defender from the sounds of it you got most of the brains and that left little for your sister. You should give her some of your brains Defender.

    STATE OF THE ART ROBOT on
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    SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    a good chance to carve that stupid head open

    also, gives you a decent chance at an insanity plea.

    Snowbeat on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Dude I will not give her any organs. If she needs a kidney, tough fucking shit. Die. I'm sorry, but I take extremely good care of myself. You know, I mean, diet, exercise, doing my martial arts stuff really hard but not to the point where I can get injured, the whole bit. I really, really take care of myself. I would rather feed my organs to a dog than give them to her, because at least the dog will be healthier for the meat.

    That last sentence, by the way, I actually said to my mother about my sister. Totally serious. I will not give her anything except advice, which she doesn't ever take anyway.

    Defender on
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    SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    dogg you're hatin' on your family in a serious way.

    let's talk about your parents and see where it goes from there.

    Snowbeat on
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    STATE OF THE ART ROBOTSTATE OF THE ART ROBOT Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    daaaaaaaaaaaaamn defender.

    STATE OF THE ART ROBOT on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Also, my "brains" come from the fact that I spent my free time programming video games and reading books (and playing video games, of course) and learning fencing and all sorts of other stuff. Learning all the time. She watched Full House and laughed whenever the laugh track told her to. She started life as a really pretty little girl with a good chance at being intelligent. She was kinda clumsy, but that's something you can overcome. She pissed away everything she's been given. She's currently a phone monkey, a pizza delivery driver for an under-the-table pizza parlor, and a school bus driver. She has a college degree, which cost our parents like $100,000 AFTER her private-school education. She just pisses away everything.

    Defender on
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    KhavallKhavall British ColumbiaRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Dammit people, haven't we learned what happens when we tell stories?

    Stale comes in and makes us all take an hour to recover because of his awesome life.



    Oh. Oh wait. Yeah, keep going.

    Khavall on
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    SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    invite her to a meat factory late at night

    tell her it's important, she'll be dumb enough to drive over

    have all the machinery on and spooky

    then push her in a grinder

    Snowbeat on
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    M.D.M.D. and then what happens? Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    and instead of death at the bottom of the quicksand

    you've got fat chicks

    all a-rapin'.

    One time this fat chick I knew (and hated) in highschool tried to make a move on me at a party.

    I told her I was gay. She was like "ha ha you're not gay."

    So I tapped my inner internet - the little bit of the internet that never leaves your soul - and I summoned up something that would horrify her.

    "You know what the best part about getting three fingers in your ass is?"

    I am going home for Thanksgiving. And my mom runs a Kennel.

    She has this fat chick working there who won't leave me the hell alone. Keeps saying she really really likes me and I shouldn't have to meet any girl after her and I haven't even met this girl yet.

    I may have to say i'm gay to keep her away or something.

    M.D. on
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    AirAir Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    if your sister is ever at a formal gathering or something where she needs to appear nice or whatever

    instead of relying on her words and basic appearance to trip her up you should turn up with a bucket of kfc and give it to her with no napkins


    i just like the idea of some high class black tie party where everyone is dressed in suits and shit and making witty banter while some girl is sitting in the corner stuffing herself and dripping with grease all night
    all wiping her hands on her dress

    Air on
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    Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    I am becoming more and more convinced that a dicking wouldn't even help the situation in the slightest. I'm rather certain that she wouldn't get any better, and the hapless man would be mentally damaged beyond repair. Defender, your sister is the Humanist's vietnam.

    Volucrisus Aedrius on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    dogg you're hatin' on your family in a serious way.

    let's talk about your parents and see where it goes from there.

    I like every member of my family except her. I don't actually like all of my half-siblings, either, actually, but that's because they're raised with no rules and often act like little assholes. Not all of them, though. I don't talk to my father very often at all, but, again, dude has five kids and a wife and a hot German chick in his house, he doesn't exactly have a lot of free time. Oh, plus they got a dog within the last year.

    Oh, right, my mother's father is a supreme psycho asshole. But everyone in the family hates him, so he doesn't count.

    So really there are two people I don't like in my family. My mother, her one remaining brother, the whole extended Italian and Irish families (which are goddamn huge), and my father's two sisters, his father, and my current step-grandmother, as well as my actual grandmother on that side who is long dead...all good people.

    Defender on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Air wrote: »
    if your sister is ever at a formal gathering or something where she needs to appear nice or whatever

    instead of relying on her words and basic appearance to trip her up you should turn up with a bucket of kfc and give it to her with no napkins


    i just like the idea of some high class black tie party where everyone is dressed in suits and shit and making witty banter while some girl is sitting in the corner stuffing herself and dripping with grease all night
    all wiping her hands on her dress

    Why bother with paying for fried chicken? She fucking shouts about animal abuse and dog penis in front of bereaved 80-to-90-year-old Irish Catholic women who likely refer to their own underwear as "unmentionables" and probably have never said "fuck" even when they were 22 and newly married and in the act of fucking.

    Defender on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    YEAH GOOD POINT

    STALE

    GET IN HERE AND TELL STORIES

    WE'RE TELLIN STORIES EVERYBODY

    IF I TYPE IN CAPS THEY CAN HEAR ME BETTER

    I NEED TO TYPE BIG FOR STALE

    HE'S CRIPPLED

    Defender on
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    SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    alright this is a Thanksgiving thread

    forgetting the cranberry sauce

    thinking about how much you hate your relatives

    sigh

    Snowbeat on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Thanksgiving is all about being grateful not to see these fuckers again for at least a month.

    Halloween is the best holiday. Hot chicks in "costumes," candy, and no fucking relatives.

    Defender on
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    Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    I have a friend who does not understand what is, and is not, appropriate to say. This includes voicing his observations.

    So a few years ago I get home from hanging out with my friend, the normal dude, and my other friend, crazy mc crazy pants. My parents are watching Tears of the Sun, a movie about genocide in Liberia or something. We sidle into the room to catch the last few minutes. There's some action. Then the emotional finale. One of the women from the village is thanking the soldiers for saving her and her family - she's weeping and smiling.

    My friend goes "Jesus Christ that woman has really white teeth."

    Volucrisus Aedrius on
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    SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    once my mom's side of the family came for Thanksgiving.

    however, a couple of relatives from my dad's side came too.

    it was somewhat like WW2, but the only Germans were angry old people.

    EDIT: Tears of the Sun was a goddamn awful movie.

    Snowbeat on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    HAHAHA THAT'S GREAT

    Defender on
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    SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    oh yes. thrilling.

    all hiding in my room, reading sci-fi.

    Snowbeat on
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    Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    The best part is that its racist in a way he didn't even understand at the time.

    Volucrisus Aedrius on
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    SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    alright doggs

    I'm off to play TF2.

    don't talk about too many fat people while I'm gone, aight?

    Snowbeat on
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    Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Yeah, I'd love to tell more stories, guys, but its 7:42am and I haven't slept yet and I work a 9 hour shift at 2:00pm.

    I'd like to get at least like 3 hours sleep today.

    Volucrisus Aedrius on
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    KhavallKhavall British ColumbiaRegistered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Man, I'm home on thanksgiving break. With my normal computer setup since this is the only time that I get to work without having to go somewhere and play piano for someone, or even sometimes go to class.

    My family is going to have a bunch of people, a lot of whom have kids over for thanksgiving. Like 3 feet away from me right now is about $2,000 worth of recording equipment and my MIDI Keyboard. Fuck if I want stupid kids running around trashing my preamp and mic and headphones.

    Dammit.

    Khavall on
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    Dely AppleDely Apple Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Thanksgiving is all about remembering how we dicked over the natives with some smallpox and beads for helping us survive long enough to make sure they didn't, for the most part.

    And hand turkeys.

    Mostly the hand turkeys.

    Dely Apple on
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    CrossBusterCrossBuster Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Pass the white guilt

    CrossBuster on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    Yes Thanksgiving is all about backstabbing those who helped us.

    Defender on
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    Dely AppleDely Apple Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    I mean, the Spanish had 200 years on us pulling that kind of jive in the Americas.

    Honorary turkey tacos in memorial!

    Dely Apple on
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    STATE OF THE ART ROBOTSTATE OF THE ART ROBOT Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    "Enjoy those tacos because in 2000 years they will be illegal. And i think we all know why. ANTI-TACO LEGILATION!"

    STATE OF THE ART ROBOT on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    I wish my sister were forced to eat on the lawn. Or could be chucked outside by a robot.

    Defender on
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    STATE OF THE ART ROBOTSTATE OF THE ART ROBOT Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    "Don't take another step towards that turkey Defender, or your sister gets it!"
    Defender: *Pauses for a second* "I call drumstick!"

    STATE OF THE ART ROBOT on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    HELL YEAH

    Defender on
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    STATE OF THE ART ROBOTSTATE OF THE ART ROBOT Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    See the only reason you paused was you were deciding whether you want a drumstick or breast.

    STATE OF THE ART ROBOT on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited November 2007
    I actually prefer the thigh

    Defender on
This discussion has been closed.