ummmm.... With no apprent exit or billyclub available behind the bar, I'm going to start whipping light bottles of 151 and other burny alchohol at the robots. If all the 151 is gone, I guess I could just throw bottles at the robots and hope that they are not liquor proof.
uhh... my constume is flame retardent, right? Like, I'm sure I'd know by now, cause with the drugs, drinking and smkoking, I'd have created a situation where I knew.
If all the bottle are gone I guess I'm just going to start talking at the robots so that the magic rainbows and shit blind them.
Origin: Mr. Saw was standing in his bathroom, attempting to to knot a tie that seemed adamantly opposed to being knotted. He was already late for a meeting as it was and did not have time for this kind of shit, so he decided to simply attempt to tie it in the car, grabbed some coffee and a briefcase, and jumped into his car and sped off to work. Well when I say he sped off to work, I really mean he sped to the end of the street, turned left, and then sped for another few hundred meters before promptly getting stuck in a rather large traffic jam.
Mr. Saw angrily blared on his horn and swore rather colorfully before collapsing back into his seat. He went to take a sip from his coffee and was struck from behind by a careless motorist, sending the burning hot beverage spilling all over his chest. It was at this point that Mr. Saw just plain snapped. He got out of his car and calmly walked over to the other driver who was attempting to explain how the accident was likely 50/50, and nonchalantly tore off his lower jaw. He then walked home, opened up his garage, and took a hacksaw off the wall. He then went next door and knocked politely, and courteously waited for a minute before knocking again louder.
His neighbour opened the door smiling, but his face quickly fell when he caught the icey glare of Mr. Saw, and then fell further when he noticed that he was holding a hacksaw in one hand and what appeared to be someones lower jaw in the other.
"I need to borrow your hacksaw"
"B-b-but y-you've already got one" the neighbour stammered, a thin trickle of urine running down his left leg and soaking his bunny rabbit slippers.
"I know, I need a second one, I am..." Mr. Saw paused for a second and thought about his next words. "I am going to be doing some killing and I need your saw. I promise to return it undamaged."
His neighbour stifled a scream, opened his mouth as if to say something, but then closed it again. He nodded slowly, and then backed away from the door. He returned a few moments later holding a hacksaw, and shakily passed it over to the neighbour who, up until two minutes ago, he did not know was the kind of person who chopped up other people with saws. He wondered why he had never thought to bring up this question at any of the neighbourhood barbeques, it seems like a logical enough thing to know about a person, and so he made a note to ask all future neighbours whether or not they were the kind of person who would chop someone up with a saw.
Mr. Saw politely thanked him, turned on his heel, and walked purposefully down the street brandishing the two hacksaws and whistling a happy tune.
Origin: Jinnigan woke up two years ago naked, with a gun in his mouth. He removed it and massaged his jaw, and then began to panic when he saw the blood soaked room around him. He felt around the back of his head, dreading what he might find, but there was no wound. Standing up, he scanned the room for some sign of carnage, a reason for the madness he had awoke to. It was not till he looked up that he saw the bodies, mutilated, and with looks of terror frozen on their faces.
A wave of nausea rolled over him, and he choked back the bile that was attempting to force it's way up from his stomach. He racked his brain for answers, for some possible solution as to what was happening. But he could think of nothing, there was nothing. No names, no faces, no memories, he could remember nothing before waking up. The name "Jinnigan" was tattooed on his right forearm, but it gave no answers, only more questions.
He shakily stood and made for the door, keeping his gaze lowered so that he would not have to see the madness that hung above his head. Next to the door, a black coat hung from a large sword that had been thrust into the ground. He took both with him as he left. He stepped out into the night determined to find answers and to learn the truth about who or what he truly was. He checked the gun. There was a shot missing.
Enter Jinnigan, stage left, gun cocked.
"What appears to be the problem, Mr.... Saw, is it? Is there any way I may be of assistance?"
Jinnigan secretly ponders if his sword is sharp enough to cut through rapebots.
Origin: Disgusted by a variety of police brutality scandals that had been cropping up in the media lately, Jeffe, a tinkerer by trade, decided to do something about it. He designed a robot that would uphold the law and carry it out in the spirit of justice. He imagined his robot bringing criminals to justice regardless of race, creed, or social status. A golden age of law and order, a real candyland.
He spent years designing and building the robot, and programmed into its circuitry all current laws in effect in his city as well as a zero tolerance order for any witnessed transgressions. After a long and arduous struggle, his labor of love was finally complete, and he rubbed his hands gleefully together while eyeing the big red "start" button. He closed his eyes and imagined the parades they would hold in his honour for this great boon he would be giving humanity. Then, unable to hold himself back any longer, he pressed the button down and watched as his creation came to life.
The Lawbot 2000 stood up and stared at Jeffe through it's cold unblinking red eye. Silent except for the quiet hum of its internal workings. Jeffe shouted and cheered and lit a celebratory cigar and puffed on sweet victory. Lawbot turned and observed as Jeffe danced around and then quickly drew its sidearm and leveled it at Jeffe.
Jeffe stared dumbfounded at his creation.
"YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF BYLAW 433 THAT BANS SMOKING INSIDE A NON RESIDENTIAL AREA"
The cigar fell from Jeffes lips.
The robot glanced down at the smoldering cigar, then looked back up at Jeffe and cocked the gun.
"YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF BYLAW 226 THAT PROHIBITS LITTERING"
Jeffe fainted.
The robot observed him for a few seconds.
"YOU ARE RESISTING ARREST"
It then calculated the appropriate level of force to use in such a situation, and after weighing all possible odds and outcomes, it decided that the most appropriate plan of action would be to use lethal force.
Jeffe was found the following monday by the cleaning staff at his labratory. His body was riddled with bullets and two tickets for bylaw violations had been laid on his chest.
ElJeffe on
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Rape is against the law. These rapebots must be brought to justice.
I draw my firearms and order the rapebots to immediately cease any and all illegal activities.
ElJeffe on
I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
The worlds fastest snail
Oboro was tired of being a boring old snail watching the world fly past her at such incredible speeds. Mostly, she was tired of slithering and wanted to walk. Unfortunately, being a snail, she did not have the correct appendages required for walking, and so she decided to think herself up some arms and legs. She sat there for the longest time thinking, and thinking. Imagining what her legs and arms would look like, and what she could do with them. She thought and she thought, sitting there for days with her eyes closed tight. And eventually, when she opened them, she saw that she had managed to do just that.
Overjoyed with her success, Oboro decided to travel the world and spread her message of good will and positive thinking.
Assuming I've actually arrived at the scene, I will attempt to intimidate the rapebots into submission by exercising my extreme speed!!!
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Irond WillWARNING: NO HURTFUL COMMENTS, PLEASE!!!!!Cambridge. MAModeratormod
Wait instead of doing what I last wrote, can I go into the ship where the rape bots came from and turn their power switch off. I'm sure there's a button or something in their pod that shuts them off, no super villain is smart enough to not include some easily accessed shut off button/switch.
Origin: Kakos had always been rather attracted to math. Not sexually, at least I don't believe so, but attracted in the non sexual way. I guess you could say he really like math as a friend. Wanting to help others share in his love for math, Kakos attempted to show the beauty of linear regressions to a rather large group of men of the sporting variety. I guess the scientific term for such an individual would be a "jock."
These Jocks were quite enthused by Kakos' impromptu math lesson. So much so that they could not help but show their joy by beating Kakos senslessly with a math textbook. One jock was so overjoyed that he grabbed ahold of Kakos' underwear and pulled it gleefully upwards, and then stretched the elastic band over Kakos' head as a sign of respect.
Kakos lay crumpled on the ground, overwhelmed by how well his lesson had been received. He clutched his highly advanced math book to his chest and weeped for joy whilst occasionally coughing up blood, when suddenly, his body began to absorb the cumbersome textbook. His head filled with numbers and equations, and he began to realize all the math in the world around him. No longer did he see shapes and angles, but rather formulas and complex equations.
Once again determined to bring math into the lives of others, Kakos became the Lambda Knight, and showed others his joy for math by showing them what happens when the limit approaches infinity. (The answer is a mace to the skull)
The Lambda Knight quickly stands up, his hands going to his legendary mace, The Fundamental Theorem of Awesome, and lifting it into a ready position.
"Have no fear, fellow heroes! Math will save the day. Math ALWAYS saves the day!"
Charging towards one of the rapebots, The Lambda Knight pulls The Fundamental Theorem of Awesome behind his head, ready to strike.
"Oh ho! Let us see if these rape bots have a removable singularity where my mace approaches their head!"
With a mighty swing, The Lambda Knight brings his mace to the head of one of the rapebots!
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HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
edited January 2007
I ply Kusu from the Rapebot's cold, metallic grasp, tie a bungie chord around his waist, and just start swingin' him around all over the place and shit, knocking over Rapebots.
But wait, what's that emerging from the ominous darkness of the Rapebots' artillery shell landing pod? Can... can it be?! It is! It's Rapetimus Prime.
Let it be known that regardless of the rapebots' response to my order to cease and desist, I shoot them all in their metallic noggins, anyway. And then I issue them citations.
Which, if they don't pay, will result in them being shot again.
ElJeffe on
I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
Posts
uhh... my constume is flame retardent, right? Like, I'm sure I'd know by now, cause with the drugs, drinking and smkoking, I'd have created a situation where I knew.
If all the bottle are gone I guess I'm just going to start talking at the robots so that the magic rainbows and shit blind them.
Bring him back!!"
will, that is going to be rough if anyone starts playing with explosives.
Shit you guys smell just alike.
Has the same alpha been peeing on both of you?
Enter Jinnigan, stage left, gun cocked.
"What appears to be the problem, Mr.... Saw, is it? Is there any way I may be of assistance?"
Jinnigan secretly ponders if his sword is sharp enough to cut through rapebots.
You didn't see a exit back near the pisser did you?"
you were standing next to me at the bar on page 1
Here is me:
I draw my firearms and order the rapebots to immediately cease any and all illegal activities.
Assuming I've actually arrived at the scene, I will attempt to intimidate the rapebots into submission by exercising my extreme speed!!!
[spoiler:dd3b4ba780]On your MacBook![/spoiler:dd3b4ba780]
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
"Have no fear, fellow heroes! Math will save the day. Math ALWAYS saves the day!"
Charging towards one of the rapebots, The Lambda Knight pulls The Fundamental Theorem of Awesome behind his head, ready to strike.
"Oh ho! Let us see if these rape bots have a removable singularity where my mace approaches their head!"
With a mighty swing, The Lambda Knight brings his mace to the head of one of the rapebots!
But wait, what's that emerging from the ominous darkness of the Rapebots' artillery shell landing pod? Can... can it be?! It is! It's Rapetimus Prime.
Which, if they don't pay, will result in them being shot again.
That sounds like a job for math guy!"
I stop chucking bottle and spraying dazzeling lolipops and rainbows, and duck back behind the bar.
It'll come right of in 48 hours, I swear! ...I think.
I'll take it.
edit: fuck you Hacks.
I thought medical school was only 2 or 3 or so years, after 4 years of pre-med.
You must be retarded.
*hic*
The hell you do! I didn't say I was letting you put it on me. I was taking it from you.
Now has anyone seen my prescription pad?