Iruka wrote: »
On the vampire stuff, the visual representation of the lady possessing the body is really strange and confusing. I feel like there is too little exaggeration going on there, because I just sort of thought she was getting slung over his shoulder or something of the sort. In context you know that that is what must be happening, but without a proper read through there's nothing really helping me understand whats happening there. I feel like that's a missed opportunity to something a little less ridged and go for something that's really visually interesting.
Iruka wrote: »
Its a biased crit, but I figured it may be a useful thought anyway. Some slightly more crazy/interesting/unique panels would probably benefit you, when it comes to getting your work out there. That's the kind of thing that looks good by itself on tumblr and tells a little of the story all on its own. I would just consider pushing yourself into more experimental directions, but how that actually translates into your work would be up to who/what influences you.
RICHARD and CHERNOSE are in the club. It’s dark, full of people, painfully loud music.
RICHARD : So where’s the DJ?
CHERNOSE: Dude in the sunglasses.
RICHARD looks annoyed.
RICHARD : That guy? He doesn’t even have turntables!
RICHARD : Well what’s that about? We waited in line for half an hour and paid ten bucks to listen to some guy hit play on his iTunes playlist?
CHERNOSE spots an incredibly attractive black girl in hotpants and a bikini top. He is putting a sticker on her as RICHARD talks.
CHERNOSE: Yeah, sure. Hey little lady. You just won Chernose’s star prize!
RICHARD : I mean how does he scratch? Is he going to wiggle the mouse about?
CHERNOSE puts the sticker on her top.
GIRL (Reading): Fittest girl in the club? That’s funny.
CHERNOSE: And you know that! Want to dance?
RICHARD walks over to the “DJ”, we can see Chernose grinding against her ass in the background.
She has pushed CHERNOSE away and is shouting at him. RICHARD in the foreground has made it up to the DJ.
RICHARD : You really should be ashamed of this
DJ: Sorry, Grandad. No requests.
Again in the background we can see the girl throwing a drink in Chernose’s face. Chernose has his hands up in defense.
RICHARD : I mean I’d feel bad. Do you feel bad?
DJ: I’m sorry?
RICHARD : Well at least you’re sorry.
m3nace wrote: »
Cool! Love seeing your process!
Iruka wrote: »
It looks a lot more coherent so far. If colors are not you main concern, you could really get away with something as simple as this, too. I don't know how much further you plan to take it, but you could work pretty well under some restrictions, doing some monotone panels, and having very limited pallets.
The girl who’s party it is is standing up. She’s the fifth element girl. For the script’s sake let’s call her AMBER. People are wandering over and sitting round in a circle. STU is walking up.
AMBER: Okay everyone gather round. We’re playing a drinking game. It’s called ‘I have never’. We go around and everyone has to say something they’ve never done and then you drink if you have done that thing.
LAURA: Are you allowed to lie about the thing you’ve never done?
AMBER: Of course!
Everyone has gathered round. All the kid characters are there except Cool Tommy B, Edward and Rupert. They are mostly drinking with glasses from the large pitcher in the middle.
GIRL: Okay, I’ll start as it’s my party. I have never... drunk alcohol. Okay? So everyone drinks.
MARY: Okay so I could say like... I have never had sex?
Most people drink. Stu and Sarah don’t and look at each other.
LAURA and VORENICA laughing and Stu.
LAURA: Yeah, we knew YOU wouldn’t be drinking, Stu.
VORENICA: Ha. Of course not. Virgin!
LAURA: Okay... I have never had sex... in the last week!
GIRL: Oh god, I’d better drink.
LAURA: Me too!
LAURA and ROB are both drinking and smiling at each other. STU looks bored. TEDDY and MARY are drinking.
AMBER: Oh my God! Laura and Rob! Are you guys back together?
VOICE (off): Okay, so whose turn is it now?
CHERNOSE is standing at the table RICHARD is sat at, grinning. RICHARD looks depressed.
CHERNOSE: Come on, Richard. I’ve already pulled three girls! You need to get out there.
RICHARD: I didn’t realise it was a competition.
CHERNOSE still stands. RICHARD reaches up trying to take the stickers off him.
CHERNOSE: Really? I thought I’d made that clear. Aight, I’ll spot you three points.
RICHARD: Jesus, alright. Well give me one of those stickers.
CHERNOSE sits giving RICHARD some of the stickers. RICHARD still sat, looks at the stickers, still looking sad.
CHERNOSE: Aight, now you’re talking. So just go up to some fly honey and slap one of these on her tits.
RICHARD: Seriously? That’s how you’re talking now? I’m not sure I like this my-soggeny.
RICHARD is pointing and laughing in CHERNOSE’s face.
CHERNOSE: It’s pronounced misogyny, Richard. Also it was ****ing steeped in irony so get over it.
RICHARD: I was totally ****ing with you! It was ME who was the ironic one!
CHERNOSE: How ironic.
RICHARD is standing and slapping a sticker on a brunette girl. She is wearing a wedding veil and an L plate (Learning plate from a car)
RICHARD: Hey sugarpop! Have one of these.
GIRL (Reading it): I’m one of the fattest girls in the club?
The GIRL slaps Richard hard in the face.
RICHARD sits back down, his hand on his face where he was slapped.
CHERNOSE: Ha! I’ll give you half a point cause that was funny.
RICHARD: Well... at least I’m winning.
Iruka wrote: »
I'm guessing you cant post the magazine illustrations yet? I would love to see them.
Iruka wrote: »
Grats on the inking job!! can you talk about it at all?
I'm glad that, overall, this thread helped you grow, I hope you keep posting work despite the Sundays drawing to a close. I'm excited to see you tackle new things.