As the striking woman walked down the hallway, she glanced again at the summary. Not one random hookup. No one coming out of the closet. The best drama had come from the crazies pretending to be roman emperors, but they'd been revealed as plants at the very end. Maybe she could pitch a spin-off with them, like a re-enactor competition or quiz show. Or maybe just an orgy. She had contacts at HBO too.
She smiled as she saw Steve rush past her. However boring her contestants had been, at least she'd avoided having to deal with Animal Practice. The focus group had been brought in yesterday and from the looks on Steve's face, it hadn't been good.
As she opened the door marked “Zucker,” she saw the room was almost full. She cracked another smile. All the primetime people were here as well. No one was going to care that she hadn't been able to get her contestants to stage a mud wrestling competition when J.J. had just spent another $7 million on his pilot. She leaned against the wall and relaxed.
“Steve,” Mr. Zucker began, “I know we are all have high hopes for Animal Practice. Our strategic move to broad based comedies is vital for our short, medium and long term strategic objectives. Marketing has been getting all of our synergistic relationships in place. We've even got all those Sarah McCloughlin commercials set. How did the focus group go?”
Steve opened his mouth. Nothing came out. Zucker sighed. “Fine. Austin, can you read Steve's summary for all of us.”
The blonde haired man reached over and took the paper from Steve's unmoving hands. “Err, it says they gave it a zero, sir.”
“Apparently, every single member of the focus group walked out before the first ten minutes had finished. Apparently one of them suggested we sell the show to the U.S. Government for use in enhanced interrogations.”
“Hmm, we can use it for Stars Earn Stripes then. Change the advertising campaign as well: 'Are you strong enough to watch Animal Practice?' And get in touch with our social media folks. I want an Animal Practice drinking game going viral yesterday! If we can get the college and hipster crowd, we should be able to get Birkenstock to pony up for some ads. Jerry, give me some good news. How's the new season of The Voice coming?”
“Sir, there's been an accident. Apparently Cee-Lo was trying out a new lightbulb suit when a stage tech accidentally activated the rain machine. He... it wasn't pretty sir.”
“Well, that's unfortunate. Add in a dedication and go find someone else. Or we can make this a memorial season. Have a empty chair where he would've been. The audience will love it!”
“I don't think you understand sir. Cee Lo played all of our judges. We couldn't actually afford Christina's rates, so we just bought the rights to her appearance. We saved enough money to afford the best editing and make-up guys around. Without Cee Lo, there is no Voice.”
“Jerry, we were counting on the Voice to fill 10 hours a week. Why wasn't I informed sooner?” There was a quick nod, and Jerry was forcefully removed from the room.
“Alright people, we have ten hours a week to fill. I need ideas now.”
A small hand went up in the back. “We had one billion people watch the opening ceremonies for the Olympics. Maybe we could just re-air them. Bring back the 'If you haven't seen it, it's new to you' campaign.”
“Olympics... I like it. We can just stage another Olympics. Carolyn, get on the phone with Costas.”
“Sir, I don't think we can stage an Olympics from scratch in three weeks.” Mr. Zucker's eyes narrowed. Another curt nod of his head and the room was slightly emptier once again.
“Let's think positive. We may not be able to get Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt back, but there's got to be another sport we can use. What about gladiator combat? Or fish fighting?”
The sports people looked at one another. “I think those already have television deals, sir.”
The room went dead.
With a measured tone, Mr. Zucker said, “Then tell me a sport that doesn't.”
Then the same small hand at the back was raised again. “There's one possibility. It's a bit of a niche sport, but it's got an ardent following. I have no clue if they're up for it, but we could try Phalla.”
Everyone turned to Zucker. He paused, licked his lips, then said “I like it! Niche is great! The ardent following means we can have our own volunteer sales force. Plus, they'll be so happy to be on TV they won't even charge appearance fees. We'll need to spice it up. We can use Costas for the broadcast, but we'll need someone interesting to do our roving reporting. Give me ideas people!”
Hava leaned back against the wall and let out a sigh. This was perfect. She let the ideas go flying while she bided her time. After all, who else could provide a roman emperor.
Welcome to the Phallympic Games!
The Phallympic Games is a phalla game for 40 players.Game Overview
This is a Phalla game, Penny Arcade Forum's version of the party game Mafia. This particularly game has a heavy faction emphasis as well and may be a bit... different. The game will run for exactly 8 days, with day 1 ending Sunday August 12th, and day 8 ending Sunday, August 19th.Voting
There are whispers of suspicion throughout the games. Each day, vote for the player you suspect of being a cheater in bold red. That player will be removed from the game.
Should there be a tie in the vote, then all players receiving the most votes will be eliminated. Players creating the tie will not be eliminated.
Voting will close each day at 11PM EST SHARP; any votes before the hour (x:59) will count, any votes on the hour and later (x:00) will not.Orders
All orders must be submitted before vote close.
Players are expected to make one vote and one non-vote post every day. Failure to do so will be seen as a lack of commitment to the Phallympic ideals and will result in your replacement or removal.Signing Up
Sign up with the phrase "I !sign up" or similar phrase in bold limegreen. After signing up, please PM the host with your “Real” name. This name will be used to identify you in narration.Clarifications
Any questions about the general game rules may be made by highlighting the question in bold darkorange text. Answers will be posted in the thread and collected in the below section. Player-specific inquiries that are not addressed in the general rules may be asked via PM to the host.Other Rules
Standard Phalla rules apply: no sharing of host-provided PMs via screenshots or direct quotation. However, information may be shared indirectly, such as through rephrasing. You may not add new players to preexisting private conversations after the first message - start a new conversation instead. No anonymous contact is allowed. All messages must be traceable to a player in the game. Once you are eliminated, you may not make any more game conversation with players remaining in the game.
If any players create proboards for private communication or interesting conversations including more than two players, please send links for them to the host and add him as an admin.
Please include the host on all game PM's.Villager Role PM:
Congratulations! You have made it through the grueling selection process and are going to the inaugural Phallympic Games. You are a member of team <TEAM>, competing in <Sport1> and <Sport 2>.
You just KNOW that people are going to cheat at this Phallympics, though. Adding people to conversations, taking screenshots of their PMs, you just can’t stand it. They are clearly in it only for themselves.
Victory Condition: At the end of the closing ceremonies, your team must lead in the medal count. Your team will receive 3 points for every gold, 2 points for every silver and 1 point for every bronze medal. Be aware that cheaters are in it only for themselves. Any medal earned by a cheater will be counted towards the cheaters, not towards their team.Special RulesAbsolutely NO editing of posts.
This applies to all posts, not just vote posts. Once PMs and day 1 narration are out, I will be stringently enforcing this. A first offense will get a warning. A second offense will result in a messy death. Seriously, if you need to correct something, just make a new post.Details for the day's event will be sent out at vote close to the appropriate players.
To allow players to start on the events as soon as possible and avoid any confusion, dead players will receive a PM after vote close. Once you have been informed of your death, please refrain from having further impact on the game.Each event will have three medalist: Gold, Silver and Bronze.
Should a medal winner be eliminated from the game, the medals will trickle down to the next in line. An updated medal count will be provided every night. Please note this will not include any medals won by cheaters.PM your “Real” name to the host when signing up.
You are playing phalla. While you all have your forum names as logins, your “real” name will be used to identify winners. Having some anonymity is good, so try not to pick something that is OBVIOUSLY you ;)The game will end on Day 8 regardless of whether the cheaters have all been caught.
Medal totals will be tallied then and the winners will be declared.Clarifications
what happens in the event of a tied vote?
From the OP: Should there be a tie in the vote, then all players involved in the tie will be eliminated.
Are there points awarded for Gold, SIlver, Bronze... i.e. 3,2,1 points....
and then if any of them dies, would the 4th place person from that day move into 3rd place and the other medal winners shift up accordingly? Or does the medal shift to another place on the winning factions team
Yes, there are points awarded for medals. Gold - 3 points, Silver - 2 points, Bronze - 1 point.
If someone were to die ahead of them, the 4th place player (regardless of affiliation) would then receive the bronze.
Does someone's medal that they win get reduced from the team's total count if they are removed from the game at any time?
So if Alegis won gold tonight in archery, and was killed on day 3, would his medal points be removed from team infidel?
The IPC and PILL take a zero tolerance policy towards cheating whenever it is discovered. Regardless of how long ago the event was, medal will still be stripped from any suspected cheaters.
(Short answer - Yes. Whenever a player (village or mafia) is removed from the game, through the vote or other mechanics, they will be stripped of their medals and placing. The medals (and full standings) will be updated with that player removed. These medal shifts will be reflected in the narration.
In this example, Alegis (and team infidel) would lose their gold medal. The second place Archer would be awarded the gold and the corresponding points, the third place would get the silver and so on.)
For clarity, this means that if a player wins an event on Day 1 and is eliminated on some later day, the medal trickles down? In other words, succession occurs even if the player is not eliminated the same day he wins the medal?
That is correct.
What is the order of events, especially in regards to team proboards count and deaths.
Proboards will be assessed before the vote or any other kills are taken into effect. All other effects will occur simultaneously.
Oh god I hope he doesn't mean all players on both bandwagons die. That is too much power to put in to someone's hands. I think he means just the top tied vote-getters die.
The IPC feels that ties make for good drama and thus good ratings.
In the event of a tie vote, only the top vote receivers will be removed. The player(s) who create the tie will not be removed.
Are the ranks we got for archery before or after eliminating Anialos? For example, if Anialos would have gotten 5th place, and I received 6th place, does that mean I would have gotten 7th if Anialos had survived, or does that mean that I really was 6th, and no one got 5th place?
While competitions occur before deaths, the final rankings sent out each night take into account any deaths that occurred that night.
So your archery ranks sent out in PM have been adjusted for day 2 deaths.