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[Internet Dating] Bisexuals over 30 without smartphones are doomed. DOOOOOOMED!
Richy
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This OP lists general knowledge and tips. After years, this is roughly how much we figured out. Maybe someday we'll add to it.
Remember:
"What I do get is the opportunity to view and be viewed by people outside of the areas I spend 95% of my time (work, gym, apt complex, grocery store, local bar). Maybe they contact me, maybe I contact them, maybe nothing happens. On the off chance no one messages me and no one I message ever replies it just means that I don't meet people that I would never meet in my normal life anyway. The horror! The upside is that I have a profile that is always potentially working for me while I'm doing other things like working, sleeping, watching tv, etc. For free. While I can also pursue other means of meeting women at the same time if I so choose."
Profile write-up tips
STOP being "honest" via self deprecation in your profiles
STOP apologizing to the reader of your profile
STOP making excuses to the reader of your profile
STOP following confident statements with insecure "lol" or "haha" or "i guess"
STOP insulting your own life path in your profile
STOP calling yourself nerdy or geeky or dorky or funny or witty or handsome or sarcastic or any-fucking-thing. Leave out any sentences that say, "I am [adjective]" unless you are prepared to put up or shut up.
YOU ARE TRYING TO WOO A MATE. THIS IS NOT AN HONEST AUTOBIOGRAPHY. YOU'RE SELLING YOURSELF
Also, do not write anything that the OKC Bullshit to English translator will correct for you.
Charts!
Wherein number are plotted against other numbers to look more interesting.
Remember:
"What I do get is the opportunity to view and be viewed by people outside of the areas I spend 95% of my time (work, gym, apt complex, grocery store, local bar). Maybe they contact me, maybe I contact them, maybe nothing happens. On the off chance no one messages me and no one I message ever replies it just means that I don't meet people that I would never meet in my normal life anyway. The horror! The upside is that I have a profile that is always potentially working for me while I'm doing other things like working, sleeping, watching tv, etc. For free. While I can also pursue other means of meeting women at the same time if I so choose."
Profile write-up tips
STOP being "honest" via self deprecation in your profiles
STOP apologizing to the reader of your profile
STOP making excuses to the reader of your profile
STOP following confident statements with insecure "lol" or "haha" or "i guess"
STOP insulting your own life path in your profile
STOP calling yourself nerdy or geeky or dorky or funny or witty or handsome or sarcastic or any-fucking-thing. Leave out any sentences that say, "I am [adjective]" unless you are prepared to put up or shut up.
YOU ARE TRYING TO WOO A MATE. THIS IS NOT AN HONEST AUTOBIOGRAPHY. YOU'RE SELLING YOURSELF
Also, do not write anything that the OKC Bullshit to English translator will correct for you.
OKCupud wrote:
My Self Summary
- Be Specific
- Show, don't tell. Use stories to show that you are interesting
- Don't talk about vague shit like "I like to travel" and "I read books for fun" and "I have maintained possession of both my eyes since birth."
What I'm Doing With My Life
- Don't beat around the bush. Just fucking tell me what you do for money or what you are studying in school. It's going to be a first question on a date and gives a potential suitor something to ask you about.
- Put interesting things in here. Hobbies. Not JUST work-things. Show me why you are awesome to hang out with.
I'm Really Good At
- You are not good at making people laugh or being funny or whatever. Find SKILLS that you have that you are good at. I can cut a deck of cards one-handed. I can drive stick shift. Something interesting that you can do that is awesome.
First Things People Notice
- It's not your smile or your eyes or your sense of humor or whatever.
- Think about something that people would notice across a bar if you were hanging out with your friends in a loud, crowded place.
Favorites
- List YOUR FAVORITES. Not every book, movie, television show, and food you've ever read, seen, watched, or eaten.
- Pick 10-12 things MAXIMUM
- If you must use key words, only key word two or three things in each section. The favorites of your favorites.
- For books, list titles, not authors. Some authors write a wide range of books. Some authors are associated with being a prick or a poser. Book Titles tell a lot more about who you are as a person.
Six Things
- Don't list bullshit like oxygen, air, water, food, friends and family. It's boring and meaningless.
- Don't list your computer, the internet, these forums, or something else pathetic.
- Do list things relating to stuff you love or mention elsewhere in the profile. Feel free to be silly here, but don't list six random things that have no connection or theme.
I Spend a lot of time thinking about
- Don't suddenly get all deep and existential when there's nothing else like that in your profile.
- Don't say "Taking over the world" because that's bullshit.
- Feel free to be funny or silly here, too, but don't make it cliche.
Typical Friday
- Don't say "there is no typical Friday"
- Don't say "taking over the world"
- Don't say "out with friends or in reading a book" like every other person ever
- This is a bullshit question, but be specific. If you are out with friends, what are you doing? Do you go dancing? Go to bars for trivia night? Watch movies and eat popcorn?
The Most Privet Thing
- ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION
Message me if
- Don't say "if you want to" or any other variation of that. BE SPCIFIC.
POF wrote:Pictures:
- Your main picture should feature you alone, and your face should be visible.
- Other pictures can include other people, but do specify who you are in the picture.
- Do not put up pictures where you are not at all. It's a dating site, not a Facebook album.
- Do not put up pictures with your ex. WTF would you think that's a good idea?
Headline:
- Do not write "I never know what to write in those things". Think of something. It's not hard.
- Do not write "Headlines are stupid". NO U.
I am looking for:
- Not "intimate encounters". Girls do not need the internet to find "intimate encounters". Most of them, in fact, have their accounts set to automatically block messages from guys looking for "intimate encounters".
Question section:
- Do not "prefer not to say". These are simple straightforward questions that give some basic background info on yourself. Answer them. They're not asking the number of girls you slept with or the size of your wang or the hiding place of John Connor. They're asking whether or not you own a car. If you can't answer that with a simple yes/no, you've got issues.
Interests:
- Put some.
- Be specific.
- "Doing stuff" is not an interest. Neither is "taking over the world".
About me:
- Everything from the OKC profile advice applies here.
First date:
- Do not write "i dunno." Do not write "you come up with something." Do not write "we'll talk about it and decide." Do not write "whatever you want to do." It makes you look dull and unimaginative and boring.
- Everyone has a mental picture of an ideal date. Write a one or two line abstract of it.
- This section is important. It gives the other person a good idea of your personality. If your first date idea is chatting over coffee, you might not be a match for someone whose ideal first date is skydiving over a volcano while carrying an active bomb wrapped in barbed wire. See? Important information there.
Charts!
Wherein number are plotted against other numbers to look more interesting.
Lie about your height:
Pictures do matter:
Men are stupid:
Learn to spell better than a cat.
Metal-loving vegetarian zombies rock
Pictures do matter:
Men are stupid:
Learn to spell better than a cat.
Metal-loving vegetarian zombies rock
Richy on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
The biggest issue I see is that I need to appear interesting in a profile, which is problematic for me since I have no hobbies. Besides jogging and hitting the bars on weekends, I haven't really had a lot of time to do fun/interesting things. It doesn't help that I recently moved to a new place and my social circle is pretty limited right now.
Work up a bare bones profile, throw in a few pictures, then post it here. We will help make you interesting.
Failing that, we will photoshop pictures of Ryan Gosling's face onto your face, thus making you irresistible to the ladies.
That doesn't stop a lot of people from putting up profiles based on what I've perused. Happy hours and traveling are the new long walks on the beach.
Some people will work being new to an area into a profile too. You can use it to solicit suggestions for venues for stuff you'd like to do.
Steam Profile
3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
- Really having trouble with this section here. Um, I'm in the military, really enjoy trying new things especially strange food, and I'm new in town so I'm hoping to find people that can point me to fun activities here.
What I'm Doing With My Life
- Currently studying and getting paid to do so. It's awesome.
- I enjoy jogging, movies, and animals, especially cute ones. When I have time, I like to scribble short stories.
I'm Really Good At
- Putting people at ease. I'm pretty easy-going and I like to make others laugh. I'll always be bluntly honest but always with courtesy.
First Things People Notice
- I'm short and I'm Asian. Seriously. People act shocked that I speak English without an accent. Even little Afghan children. Sigh.
Favorites
- Lord of the Rings, A Song of Ice and Fire (thanks Penny-Arcade for the recommendation), scotch, IPA's, Guinness, and sushi. Also the show Man vs. Food.
Six Things
- A warm comforter, a note book to doodle in, and... this is also tough. Internet really is a bad answer? I'm not attached to too many things.
I Spend a lot of time thinking about
- My work, international relations, future writing projects that I still need to get around to.
Typical Friday
- Enjoying a good meal followed by several drinks with awesome friends.
The Most Privet Thing
- I don't get this. Is this something we don't want to share with other people, including our close friends? Or something we DO share with close friends?
Message me if
- If you want to grab a cup of coffee and just hang out. And please point me to where the cool bars are.
That's all I got right now. Please eviscerate this. Still need to find a good picture.
When talking about your interests for the love of God BE SPECIFIC!!!
I've lost count of the amount of times I was semi interested in someone and was considering messaging them but didn't because I didn't have the faintest idea what to talk about due to their profile being so ludicrously vague
Also if you dare use the words "my tastes are diverse" you deserve to be shot
XBL, Steam & Tribes: elmartino333
My interests are really all over the place because where as I like 40k I lose and gain interest because of the players. I started to play the guitar again but to talk about how it's fun to play again and pick up old skills is rather a hit or miss conversation
My tastes are diverse but more of a random and rather like the tide because what washed up this time? why am I showing an interest in this again? are more of questions I ask myself
Most of the time when I message people it's because of things they say in thier profile rarely do I get a reply
Some of the things I have written in mine are responses back of questions about mine
Sigh I broke my promise to myself to never post in this thread
You have to be detailed and specific and concise.
You don't need to talk about every single interest you have. Pick some of your interests, maybe the ones that are most interesting or most important to you or most likely to attract your target lady's attention, and talk about those. And write descriptions that are short but contain critical information (i.e. are not vague) and show off something of yourself too.
Examples:
BAD : I like to read.
BAD : Here is a list of the last 50 books I read.
GOOD : I like to read books such as X. I really enjoyed Y in that story! Really made me think about Z. Maybe someday I'll write my own book about it!
Most private thing is an opportunity to share a funny story or embarrassing or otherwise put some colour in your profile. Not something you wouldn't actually say on a first date.
As it stands theres not a lot in your profile thats standing out.
but i has not made words yet
i must make words
I'd say type up your profile just like that and watch the ladies roll in
3DS Friend Code: 1821-8991-4141
PAD ID: 376,540,262
Place your face on the keyboard. Roll from side to side.
Now from there's just editing. Much easier than writing.
Good luck! You'll do great!
well
better than nothing right
Well I have no idea how that went at all.
You're not talking out loud. Drop stuff like "Um," "Uh," and similar stuff you wouldn't actually write in a report.
It's tough to figure out if you like to doodle to short stories or write them. It's also unclear what you like to do involving animals. Zoo trips, playing with pets, helping out shelters/sanctuaries, and finding/sharing cat videos are all distinct activities.
Diction issues here. "Ease" and "easy-going" are too similar and make the two sentences jumbled together. Similar issue with using "always" twice in the same sentence. Also, some women view terms like "Laid back" and "easy going" as red flags for not having drive and ambition so finding a better way to express the latter would be a good idea.
I'd change "short" to "height" to make it less negative. Drop ethnicity from it, it's way too simple and you're trying to make yourself distinct from other people. Drop the "Sigh" at the end. It turns you into a sad sack whereas ending it on the Afghan children note makes it funny.
Build this up more. Since you're new to the area, the food and part can be a building block towards getting recommendations/soliciting them. In addition, it can flesh out how much of your tastes come through.
Also, Game of Thrones is a more recognizable way to refer to that series.
Same thing here. Feel free to mine what got you through the more boring parts of military life.
Drop it to just "writing projects." Basically you want to eliminate anything indefinite if possible.
I'd drop the "several" from this.
Steam Profile
3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
What I do on the weekend (BAD):
In the morning I go running and in the evening I go drinking. I run while looking at the ground and I drink while looking at the bar. I prefer to be unapproachable and so far I have succeeded but now I am online and would like you to date me.
What I do on the weekend (GOOD):
I really enjoy running, mostly for exercise but I have some personal goals. I'd like to run a marathon at some point, but haven't gotten over the training hump yet. I've only been running for the last 3 years, so I figure I have time, but I like having the distance as a long term goal. It gets me out of bed on the cool, misty mornings to hit the pavement. Plus, the calories burned from running make up for getting a couple drinks at [bar i frequent] plus [indulgent junky food i sometimes eat], so it's a nice reward!
Or spin it around and expand on what you do at the bar. I assume you don't just sit at the bar staring at your glass getting drunk. What do you do? Where are you doing it? And give a spin to why. Share a snippet of your history with the thing.
You don't need to list a billion hobbies, and even if you were incredibly diverse, it's overwhelming to be into everything. People will wonder if you're any good at any of the things you list, or if you're just padding out your profile. If you do seem good at those things, then what else do you do in your free time? Do you even have time for a partner? Two or three hobbies in your profile is perfect because it gives you something to talk about and lets you attract people with some similar interests. If your hobbies have some social element to them, that's perfect. I mean, if I read a profile that said "I love books. Basically I come home from work every night and read until I go to bed," I think "wow this person does nothing at all. What are we going to do together, read books?" I can run with someone, or if they have any interest in doing athletic things we can have some overlap. It's the overlap that gets people's interest, not wowing them.
Should I actually keep being Asian and short as the first things people notice about me? Though honest, that was pretty much a joke answer. People do seem surprised that I'm very friendly as opposed to the... I guess stereotypical introverted Asian guy?
Also, what got me through my last deployment was porn, cigars, and a lot of bitching. Definitely not stuff that would make for a positive first impression. And they're all stuff I can live without now that I'm back in a normal setting.
You bring up a good point, EggyToasty. I'm not sure if I really do have a lot of time for a partner since my weekdays are so focused on my studies.
Right now, I'm not looking for a future wife or even a relationship. Main thing, since I'm new to this city, is to find more things to do than drink at a bar with my classmates.
Friendly and outgoing are worth putting down, not so much the stereotype. Again, it's about you not who you're not.
I'm assuming that last was done in a social setting as opposed to talking to yourself. There could be a way to work that in.
Steam Profile
3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
This profile thing is actually kind of fun. Now for a good picture...
Did you have fun?
Real life might be blunt and brutal, but dating online seems to be like a mix between Tom and Jerry and Wile E Coyote and the Road Runner.
A lot of us do both. There have definitely been times where a total lack of success online would have been soul crushing had I not had fun flirting with some girls I met in person. And likewise finding out they had boyfriends would have been less pleasant had I not had online as another option.
Steam Profile
3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
Yeah, as the OP states, I'm doing this in addition to trying to meet people in real life. I know I'm brand new, but I've sent 30 messages and got five replies. Out of those I've had two turn in to a conversation. It just feels worse because you spend the time trying to write an interesting message and browsing profiles instead of just running into someone or meeting through friends. But honestly, how many of those turn in to dates?
I did! I have no idea how he felt it went though. We're still texting but I didn't get the vibe that he was interested in more than friendship. I've also realised that not drinking for months makes me a lightweight and two drinks is enough to get me tipsy.
Ah, sorry. It appears there are plenty of other young men in England interested though!
I just accidentally deleted ALL my messages. Good thing I haven't deleted the email notifications so I have something left or anything too crazy in any of them. There isn't a way to get them back is there?
Edit: Coffee, people watching and a walk it is, with the ability to parlay it into dinner if it is going really well. This is pretty crazy because I just messaged this girl last night.
Updated my profile. Again, I welcome suggestions. And sorry for the wall of text earlier:
I'm in the military and I'm new in town so I'm hoping to find people who can point me to fun activities here.
Definitely open to trying new things, especially if it's strange food.
What I'm Doing With My Life
Currently a student, which is a great deal for me.
On my offtime, I enjoy jogging because it helps clear my mind and this city is just gorgeous to run around in. I'm nowhere near marathon status, but I hope to keep on improving.
On weekends, I like relaxing at bars where I can actually have conversations and try beers I've never tasted before. I also enjoy wine-tasting, especially ones that do food-pairings.
I'm Really Good At
Putting people at ease. I like to make people laugh, but I'll always be honest and upfront with them as well.
First Things People Notice
Still empty...
Favorites
Game of Thrones, scotch, Lord of the Rings, Guinness, sushi, steak, IPA's, and Cabernet Sauvignons.
This one probably needs work.
Six Things
-- a warm comforter
-- warm socks
-- a notebook I can jot ideas in
-- a good friend that I can depend on
-- Need to get back to you on the other two. Hmmm....
I Spend a lot of time thinking about
International relations, places I want to travel, and meals I want to attempt cooking for the first time. I enjoy learning from my mistakes
Typical Friday
Relaxing with drinks at a bar, discussing anything from politics to why Jennifer Lawrence won the Oscar. Seriously? She's good but not great.
The Most Privet Thing
- This one is also blank. Ugh.
Message me if
You need a hiking buddy or if you just want to grab a cup of coffee.
This region sucks, I'm at least an hour away from any large city, so I'm gonna take another break from OKC and let the pool refill a bit. The tree of online dating must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of potential suitors and new members.
There's no one set way. There's some language you want to avoid (anything too sexual or creepy, typos, texting shorthand, some other stuff) but some profiles are going to give you a lot more to work on than others. Some people like long messages, others short.
Since you are new to your area, you do have the option of asking a girl about their favorite places in the area for a type of food or activity they mention. That's always an option in general (assuming they actually give you something to work with. A lot of profiles just generically mention being outdoors and traveling), but being new to the area adds another dimension to it. Follow up with other questions about anything you found interesting in their profile.
You can flesh these out more by giving a reason why you need them.
Steam Profile
3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
Not that I'm considering doing this. But it drives me fucking insane and I see it way too often lately.
(No, dude, I'm not going to take the time to copy and paste each of those URLs into a new tab just to find out the answers to your cleverly vague introductory half-sentences. If OKC made those URLs into actual links I probably still wouldn't take that time.)
It's like going to a friend's place and mentioning you haven't heard a band, and they freak out, instantly putting on that band's album(s), and then sit there talking about how great the band is and expecting you to feel exactly the same way. I mean, why are you NOT having a mind-blowing experience?