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Is this [Love]?

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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    So I don't look like I'm going to swallow a live guinea pig with my weird reptile-in-a-person-suit half smile?

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    Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    Uriel, if you don't start with some self appreciation I am going to hurt ye.

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
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    cabsycabsy the fattest rainbow unicorn Registered User regular
    You don't look bad, Uriel, don't get me wrong here. You don't look like you are smiling, and that can be easily fixed. Just take a picture of yourself while you pretend to laugh at a joke instead of trying to 'smile for the camera'.

    Don't take one photo, take so many photos. SO MANY. As fatties it seems like nobody ever takes pictures of us so fuck it, take your own, take pictures of you genuinely laughing even if it feels weird, take selfies while watching something really funny, use the timer function to take full length pictures of you doing dumb shit, the more you have the more you have to choose from, I think someone already said that in here anyway

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    Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    Oh yeah. Like, the one I use for my profile was part of a 'session' for myself where I sat in front of a webcam and tried smiling in a bunch of different ways and took like, 30 or more pictures trying to get it right. Experiment!

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    Actually you don't look bad at all.

    You kinda look a lot like me, actually.

    Which means you should be walking through life with as much of an undeserved sense of cocksure sexual magnetism as I do.


    Seriously, you look good, all you're missing is the awareness that you look good.

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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    edited June 2016
    I changed my message me if section a little bit.

    I already have a joke in mind if anyone asks me about that bit.
    It's the one about drunk superman in the penthouse bar...

    Maybe I'll plug in my old webcam and just practice smiling at it for a bit even though that feels really weird and now that I type it sounds even weirder? Also tonight I'm all stubbly and my shirt is covered in cat hair...

    Uriel on
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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    If taking photos was easy, models would only work 12 minutes a day.

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    durandal4532durandal4532 Registered User regular
    edited June 2016
    @Uriel

    Bit of a lengthy discussion but I hope helpful.
    Your photos: are mostly fine?

    Honestly smiles would help, because people like smiling I think? But then like, a pensive glare to the side also tends to work according to one metric I remember I think. But there's no large-scale complication with your whole situation. One head, no visible signs of eldritch corruption. You're doing alright

    Self-summary: Remove the downer bit! You can just say the "but I am..." part. Dating profiles are about your best self. Don't weigh things down just because it feels more honest. You're being honest by saying you're into meeting new people and trying new things.

    What I'm doing: Having a car is legit a cool thing, that's fine to say! "I've got a car now and [it makes me feel]" or something would be fine. The rest of it is a bit overly downer again. It is cool to know that you'd like to be doing better with regards to education and healthfulness and your appearance but it's not necessary to make this a list of improvements you wish you had already made. What do you like about what you're doing with your life? What's interesting about your education? What action have you taken to be healthier that's making you feel accomplished? What have you done about your appearance that makes you feel better?

    And for real, in all of these cases remember that literally every person is in a similar boat. We're all nervous about our prospects, we're all worried about our health, we're all convinced we aren't as cute as we should be.

    I'm good at: Jokes/laughter is cool! "For a guy with..." is not great, though. "Pretty decent" is also not great. You're knowledgeable, full stop. You're a good conversationalist, full stop. About what? Particular interests? Is there anything you can do that most of the people you know can't?

    Also can you cook at all, anything decent? Because for real everyone likes it if you imply you can make them tasty food.

    Favorites: This is cool! Examples, not giant lists. That's always helpful. Because "I like stuff in this vein" means people can look at it and think ooooh I wonder if he's heard/read/seen .... I'd add at least one or two movies you really dig, though.

    No need for the "I listen alone" part, though! It's cool that you are shy. It will be a part of getting to know you. But to pop into this part and say "oh by the way, here's something I'm a bit sad about" is not a great idea.

    Food! Here it is. Move the first sentence to the what you're good at bit, share a single recipe or a style ("I love cooking Italian food, I grew up working alongside my mom in the kitchen!" or whatnot). And then in the favorite part keep the Sushi comment and add another like comfort food.

    Six things: eh, this one is the worst question, and I think mostly you just want to answer it with something. Something achieved! Maybe pop in one cute thing (I did a giant stuffed animal) because people like cute things?

    Thinking about: Rather than focusing on the fact that you are not yet, focus on the things that you think about surrounding that. You think about becoming more confident, why? Do you like doing something that would be more fun if you were able to gather some confidence and do it more? You talk about things not being perfect, but what's something you spend time on now that you think is pretty dang alright? Do you spend time thinking about videogames and shit? I know I do! It's okay to say you do.

    Typical Friday: Wait, do you live with your brother? This is sudden extra info that brings up questions. It's cool if you live with your brother, but mentioning it in the "what I'm doing" section would make sense if you're going to bring it up here. Otherwise, chill and great. Literally just like "relaxing" instead of "rock climboxing" is a helpful way to get an impression of whether you'll click with a person.

    You should message me if: Dag nabbit come on now. Think of a thing that would excite you if you got a message about it.

    Here's part of mine: "Message me if: "You definitely want to go to [museum I think is fucking great] sometime soon!"

    Because that would 100% break the ice with me! I'd be super happy if someone was like "oh shit I love that too!" and I could talk about how cool the stuff I saw there last was.


    Here is the overall impression I get from your profile: you are not certain I should date you, and you're apologizing for taking up my time. You don't need to do that! If I'm a person who is looking at your profile, there are only three possible reasons why:

    - Oh, high match percentage with this guy. Hm, alright let's see what he's like.
    - Oooh, cutie pie. Yes, let's see if he's neat.
    - That was a nice opening message! Let's make sure he isn't a jerk.

    Everyone who is going to look at your profile already likes you. They think you're cute, they think you're like them, or they think you had a nice opening message. You need to present yourself as someone who will reward their interest. You need to believe that you are someone who would reward their interest. If you spend half the profile telling people that you're not perfect, and you're not doing what you want, and you don't mind if they don't bother because you get it, they're going to assume you're trying to tell them to go away because their first impression was mistaken.

    They are going to trust you, because they think you seem like an alright person.

    durandal4532 on
    Take a moment to donate what you can to Critical Resistance and Black Lives Matter.
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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    edited June 2016
    Thanks Durandal.

    That's a lot of really encouraging and helpful advice.

    Let me see what magic I can work on it here in a few minutes.

    Okay edits made.

    Uriel on
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    CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    dhMKNHX.jpg

    Peace to fashion police, I wear my heart
    On my sleeve, let the runway start
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    chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    You got a doorknob?

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    cabsycabsy the fattest rainbow unicorn Registered User regular
    Uriel wrote: »
    Thanks Durandal.

    That's a lot of really encouraging and helpful advice.

    Let me see what magic I can work on it here in a few minutes.

    Okay edits made.

    Well I'd probably send you a message now!

    It's kinda terrible but this is basically how I browse profiles on Okc:
    - quick skim to see is Ayn Rand, Ron Paul, or Tyler Durden listed or quoted anywhere on the profile
    - if no, actually go back and read the profile and look for: overly self deprecating humor, references to being a nice guy, any hint of trash talking an ex
    - if none of these things are present, check photos and message me if section for something to start a conversation with
    - if I can't find a relatively easy way to start a conversation, move the eff on
    - make some kind of statement that indicates I read through their shit, ask a question or two about them or their interests or whatever
    - if they don't ask me some kind of question or put in work to move conversation forward within two messages, quit responding. ie if they're just answering things I say to them without indicating in some way they're interested in me I'll not bother responding

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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    I think other folks have already hit most of what I would say Uriel

    You've got the basics of a pretty good profile, essentially, and I think it's just some tweaks you'd want (a lot of which is up to personal taste anyways - you do you)

    I would appreciate a bit more picture variety, personally - pictures of you doing something or whatever, something other than the basic complement of selfies - but the pictures you have are pretty good, if you ask me

    (and I'm hardly one to talk on variety anyways; everything on my profile is probably an elaborately posed photo shoot)

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    VeldrinVeldrin Sham bam bamina Registered User regular
    Uriel, I really dig your "winter plumage" shot.

    Also, while I agree with getting a variety of looks/smiles/whatever, I think the smile you have in those photos is absolutely fine and pleasant.

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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    Woof is it really almost 1?

    I should sleep, and tomorrow is time for the sending of a message to this girl who has a neat profile? That's even more scary!

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    lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    @Uriel I do not have an okc account, so i'm sure i'm not seeing everything.

    Howeever, the photo that you have up for your profile pic? the closeup of your face?

    I really, really like it. There is enough of a hint of a smile to show me that not only ca you smile, but it will likely be a dazzling smile that lights up your face. And a part o me really wants to make you laugh, just to see that smile and see you happy.

    You have the look of somebody that will give great conversation about any topic, and if i can just get you talking about that one thing that sets you alight, we will have a great night chatting.

    and that's just going by the little circle profile picture. the more/further i read, the more i want to message you. You come across as self-aware. you know your faults and yu're working on fixing them. you have similar tastes in books. although i'm much more a tv person than movies, personally.

    You've got a sense of humour that shines through even these little blurbs and that is fantatic.

    And i'm always keen for a different bite to eat. let's give it a shot.


    again, this is me, first glance. i'm of course married, with a daughter, out of your preferred age rage and definitely not in your geographical area. But i would totally invite you over for some boardgames with the amily/friend.

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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    Thanks so much guys. You are all wonderful for my self esteem. Especially after having it stomped on again recently. I need to remember that I don't need to hang around people that make me feel bad though. Cause I am not a terrible person and after all I have some pretty good friends on here. :heartbeat:

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    DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    Sassori wrote: »
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    Sassori wrote: »
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    Ugh

    As someone who is invited over almost every other week for burgers out of the Bob's Burgers cookbook I am going to need you to roll your eyes a little more quietly.

    ugh

    Thank you.

    Want to join us on Friday or Sunday for burgers and games?

    Yeah I can do either one I think

    I miss you dweebs.

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    AngelinaAngelina Registered User regular
    "Jun 29 11:35 pm

    Join me baby"

    That won't end well for me.

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    VeldrinVeldrin Sham bam bamina Registered User regular
    LET US BECOME ONE FLESH, BABY

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    ShenShen Registered User regular
    We once had a professional photographer take headshots of us at work for our website, he took 46 pics of me and I only kept 3, one because of how bad it was. My sister has quoted similar numbers for her selfie game, keeping 10 out of 500. Non-candids are hard!

    3DS: 2234-8122-8398 | Battle.net (EU): Ladi#2485
    ladi.png
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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    I do find it hilarious that pro photo shoots are basically "well, let's just take as many fucking photos as we can, never know when we might hit paydirt".

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    LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    Cambiata wrote: »
    dhMKNHX.jpg

    Congrats!!!! <3

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    LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    Result: (1) First Class Honours
    Congratulations on achieving a First Class Honours degree (1st).

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    ShenShen Registered User regular
    Liiya wrote: »
    Result: (1) First Class Honours
    Congratulations on achieving a First Class Honours degree (1st).

    Congrats Liiya, that's an amazing result and you definitely deserve it for all the work you put in.

    3DS: 2234-8122-8398 | Battle.net (EU): Ladi#2485
    ladi.png
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    LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    Thank you I'm slightly in shock right now but it says that right there I guess it must be true so hooray!

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    SolarSolar Registered User regular
    Liiya wrote: »
    Result: (1) First Class Honours
    Congratulations on achieving a First Class Honours degree (1st).

    :D:D:D

    I am so proud of you!

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    ProjeckProjeck Registered User regular
    LOVE CAN BE SO UNPREDICTABLE

    TODAY I ATE LOVE POTION IN THE FORM OF STRAWBERRY WAFFLES DIED PINK

    I'M PRETTY SURE IT WORKED! ! !

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    LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    Solar wrote: »
    Liiya wrote: »
    Result: (1) First Class Honours
    Congratulations on achieving a First Class Honours degree (1st).

    :D:D:D

    I am so proud of you!

    Thank you for cheering me on all this time <3

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    lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Liiya wrote: »
    Result: (1) First Class Honours
    Congratulations on achieving a First Class Honours degree (1st).

    AAAHHHHHH!

    so proud of you! oh my goodness! You are so deserving and wonderful and I need your autograph!

    <3<3<3:D:D:D

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    LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    Ahava <3

    I'm gonna buy celebratory cake!

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    Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    Hip hip hooray for liiya!

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
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    Mr FuzzbuttMr Fuzzbutt Registered User regular
    Projeck wrote: »
    LOVE CAN BE SO UNPREDICTABLE

    TODAY I ATE LOVE POTION IN THE FORM OF STRAWBERRY WAFFLES DIED PINK

    I'M PRETTY SURE IT WORKED! ! !

    i ate doughnuts for lunch

    they made me fall (more) in love with doughnuts

    broken image link
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    SolarSolar Registered User regular
    Liiya wrote: »
    Solar wrote: »
    Liiya wrote: »
    Result: (1) First Class Honours
    Congratulations on achieving a First Class Honours degree (1st).

    :D:D:D

    I am so proud of you!

    Thank you for cheering me on all this time <3

    Always!

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    LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    This has been one good thing in a week of awful awful news day after day so I am happy. You are all lovely.

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    SolarSolar Registered User regular
    One great thing Liiya, you worked so hard, you deserve this more than anyone!

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    LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    All the hugs to you my friend!

    I am very happy, they will say my result when I graduate and that is good I will burst with happiness I am certain!!!

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    lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Liiya wrote: »
    This has been one good thing in a week of awful awful news day after day so I am happy. You are all lovely.

    no lies, but i got happy tears when I saw.

    I kinda wish we could share your graduation.

    You are a rockstar, lady. You're gonna build/design the next Central Park.

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    LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    Liiya wrote: »
    This has been one good thing in a week of awful awful news day after day so I am happy. You are all lovely.

    no lies, but i got happy tears when I saw.

    I kinda wish we could share your graduation.

    You are a rockstar, lady. You're gonna build/design the next Central Park.

    I'll post a picture : )! You've all helped me a lot. And I intend to!!

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    DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    Liiya wrote: »
    Liiya wrote: »
    This has been one good thing in a week of awful awful news day after day so I am happy. You are all lovely.

    no lies, but i got happy tears when I saw.

    I kinda wish we could share your graduation.

    You are a rockstar, lady. You're gonna build/design the next Central Park.

    I'll post a picture : )! You've all helped me a lot. And I intend to!!

    LIIYARCHIPARKS is one step closer to reality! Now we just gotta find a way to get you out of that house of cards.

    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
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