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Posts

  • Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    edited February 2018
    So I don't know where I picked up the whole "hey she is being nice to you. It means she wants to BONE" line of dumbassed thinking but breaking myself of that has been a long long ongoing issue. I have very little clue what counts as flirting and what is just idle chat and now that ladies seem to open up to me more it takes me a while to wrap my brain around stuff.

    I now just assume nobody is flirting , so it saves me from being weird and making stuff weird. So yeah. If you are ever trying to flirt with me I am likely clueless unless directly told.

    Brains are dumb. Social conditioning is dumb

    Also bodies are dumb. I accidentally bought a Mike's hard margarita and consumed it and IMMEDIATELY fell asleep for like an hour so that was fun.

    Oh lovely, this made top of the page. A+.

    Erin The Red on
    Help a trans woman (me) afford GRS!
    Hi Santa/Satan!
    Video games -> PSN and Twitch: The_Road_Virus Steam: TheRoadVirus
    Rhesus PositiveGoatmonmysticjuicerElldrenwandering
  • pimentopimento they/pim Registered User regular
    I think someone flirted with me once, but I'm not sure yet. Come back in another 10 years and maybe I'll have figured it out by then.

    Probably not though.

    ceresErin The RedFencingsaxLorahaloNightDragonKanaJansonRhesus PositiveGatsbyGoatmonPoketpixiepablo_priceElldrenApocalyptuswanderingNecoZonugal
  • LucedesLucedes never stops, never started Registered User regular
    edited February 2018
    i have pretty much the opposite family issue than most of the posters here.
    my stepdad is trans and it... actually gives me a ton of issues coming out as nonbinary to my parents.
    he was 100% the textbook "trapped in the wrong body" cultural narrative case and it's really intimidating.

    i'm not physically transitioning for a number of reasons,
    but it's mostly because i have difficulty passing as a normal human
    and being visibly trans would make social interaction really, really fucking hard.

    i'm afraid i will be dismissed by my mom as either not serious, or not serious enough about it,
    or somehow that my beliefs about gender will make my dad feel like i feel bad things about his transition.
    which i don't! it made total sense for his situation and was a great move!

    i logically think it'll be fine, but uuuuuhhhhhhgggggggg the fear.
    i still haven't told them, even though i've come out to tons of other people.
    i have managed to not-come-out-to-my-mother for like a month now :<
    while kind of intending to do it.

    edit: i came out as bi early in highschool though and my family was like "okay cool."
    that was actually A+ rad.

    Lucedes on
  • pimentopimento they/pim Registered User regular
    I can't tell you how they're going to react (but it seems like if you can find the right words, they should be fine? Maybe write something first so you can get it all in one hit to them?) but I can tell you that anticipating telling them and not telling them but anticipating it more and all that ramps up anxiety to.. uncomfortable levels. You got this, and you'll probably feel better for doing it.

    Erin The RedtzeentchlingHyperBalladElldren
  • WyvernWyvern Registered User regular
    So I don't know where I picked up the whole "hey she is being nice to you. It means she wants to BONE" line of dumbassed thinking but breaking myself of that has been a long long ongoing issue. I have very little clue what counts as flirting and what is just idle chat and now that ladies seem to open up to me more it takes me a while to wrap my brain around stuff.

    I now just assume nobody is flirting , so it saves me from being weird and making stuff weird. So yeah. If you are ever trying to flirt with me I am likely clueless unless directly told.

    Brains are dumb. Social conditioning is dumb

    Also bodies are dumb. I accidentally bought a Mike's hard margarita and consumed it and IMMEDIATELY fell asleep for like an hour so that was fun.

    Oh lovely, this made top of the page. A+.
    I never know whether or not anyone is flirting with me, and I never know whether or not the things I say to anyone else are considered flirty. My excuse is that before I came out I never really put myself myself in scenarios when I needed to flirt with people or act friendly, so I never learned the distinction.

    Switch: SW-2431-2728-9604 || 3DS: 0817-4948-1650
    Elldren
  • RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    I just flirt with everyone and it only ends in disaster every time, whatever oh well.

    I bought some new lip stuff and it's all so good oh my gosh. A blue lip liner and an orange-red lipstick and a metallic green glossy lip effect thing. All amazing.

    WhippyJanson
  • Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    Lucedes wrote: »
    i have pretty much the opposite family issue than most of the posters here.
    my stepdad is trans and it... actually gives me a ton of issues coming out as nonbinary to my parents.
    he was 100% the textbook "trapped in the wrong body" cultural narrative case and it's really intimidating.

    i'm not physically transitioning for a number of reasons,
    but it's mostly because i have difficulty passing as a normal human
    and being visibly trans would make social interaction really, really fucking hard.

    i'm afraid i will be dismissed by my mom as either not serious, or not serious enough about it,
    or somehow that my beliefs about gender will make my dad feel like i feel bad things about his transition.
    which i don't! it made total sense for his situation and was a great move!

    i logically think it'll be fine, but uuuuuhhhhhhgggggggg the fear.
    i still haven't told them, even though i've come out to tons of other people.
    i have managed to not-come-out-to-my-mother for like a month now :<
    while kind of intending to do it.

    edit: i came out as bi early in highschool though and my family was like "okay cool."
    that was actually A+ rad.

    Hey props to them for being cool about the bi thing! It's a good step, if nothing else. They were accepting of you embracing your truths.

    And everyone's experiences are different, so mentally comparing yourself to your stepdad isn't doing you any favors, just like him doing that wouldn't do him any favors if he compared himself to someone else.

    We all have our shit to go through. Definitely tell/don't tell on your own time frame. It's totally understandable to be worried about loved ones' reaction but you'll never know until you do it and I'm hopeful that your folks continue to be cool

    Help a trans woman (me) afford GRS!
    Hi Santa/Satan!
    Video games -> PSN and Twitch: The_Road_Virus Steam: TheRoadVirus
    mysticjuicer
  • Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    edited February 2018
    Wyvern wrote: »
    So I don't know where I picked up the whole "hey she is being nice to you. It means she wants to BONE" line of dumbassed thinking but breaking myself of that has been a long long ongoing issue. I have very little clue what counts as flirting and what is just idle chat and now that ladies seem to open up to me more it takes me a while to wrap my brain around stuff.

    I now just assume nobody is flirting , so it saves me from being weird and making stuff weird. So yeah. If you are ever trying to flirt with me I am likely clueless unless directly told.

    Brains are dumb. Social conditioning is dumb

    Also bodies are dumb. I accidentally bought a Mike's hard margarita and consumed it and IMMEDIATELY fell asleep for like an hour so that was fun.

    Oh lovely, this made top of the page. A+.
    I never know whether or not anyone is flirting with me, and I never know whether or not the things I say to anyone else are considered flirty. My excuse is that before I came out I never really put myself myself in scenarios when I needed to flirt with people or act friendly, so I never learned the distinction.

    It feels like this huge obvious social thing to most other folks and the fact that I just can't parse it drives me nuts
    Rainfall wrote: »
    I just flirt with everyone and it only ends in disaster every time, whatever oh well.

    I bought some new lip stuff and it's all so good oh my gosh. A blue lip liner and an orange-red lipstick and a metallic green glossy lip effect thing. All amazing.

    How you doin'?

    Erin The Red on
    Help a trans woman (me) afford GRS!
    Hi Santa/Satan!
    Video games -> PSN and Twitch: The_Road_Virus Steam: TheRoadVirus
  • RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    edited February 2018
    I don't think flirting is obvious to anyone, really. It's such a grey area of intent and subtle stuff I doubt anyone has a clear perspective on it.
    And that gif scares me.

    Rainfall on
    pimentoJansonHyperBallad
  • Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    Sorry! :(
    Removed

    Help a trans woman (me) afford GRS!
    Hi Santa/Satan!
    Video games -> PSN and Twitch: The_Road_Virus Steam: TheRoadVirus
  • AnzekayAnzekay Registered User regular
    Mispy spent like a month flirting with me before I embarrassingly asked him out, fearing he'd turn me down because I'd been completely oblivious

    this was amusing to him because he thought I was aware I'd been flirting back the whole time

    turns out I'm incapable of noticing anyone flirting when it involves me

    Erin The RedmysticjuicerFencingsaxRainfallDarkPrimusV1mRhesus PositiveElldrenApocalyptusShadowenHyperBalladwanderingpimentoGatsbyZonugal
  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) What's up, bootlickers?Registered User regular
    Tube wrote: »
    I've never seen a coherent link between being trans and being misogynist.

    credeiki nailed it pretty well.

    Basically it's tail-chasing over "do I just want to be a man because I see women as inferior; if I don't think women are inferior then why do I want to be a man?"

    This is legit a TERF talking point

    in short: TERFs fucking suck

    Miss me? Find me on:

    Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
    Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
    mysticjuicerRainfallV1mceresElldrenjaziekApocalyptusShadowenHyperBalladlonelyahavaNecoZonugalJaysonFour
  • mysticjuicermysticjuicer [he/him] I'm a muscle wizard and I cast P U N C HRegistered User regular
    Flirting is fun right up until the point where I think the other person may be at all interested in me for real and then I immediately begin to audibly blush and must flee into the night to go live out the rest of my life in the woods. Which is dumb and I hate it. The woods don't even have wifi! >:C

    narwhal wrote:
    Why am I Terran?
    My YouTube Channel! Featuring Yomi tournament commentary and tutorials!
    Erin The RedShadowenwanderingEl Fantastico
  • mysticjuicermysticjuicer [he/him] I'm a muscle wizard and I cast P U N C HRegistered User regular
    Also there are bugs in the woods!!! >>>>>:C

    narwhal wrote:
    Why am I Terran?
    My YouTube Channel! Featuring Yomi tournament commentary and tutorials!
    V1mShadowenWhippyLucedesNeco
  • OmnipotentBagelOmnipotentBagel floof Registered User regular
    I'm bad at picking up on signals and also bad at being interested in people who actually like me, so I try to avoid flirting altogether.

    cdci44qazyo3.gif

    Sorceceres
  • The BetgirlThe Betgirl I'm Molly! Registered User regular
    I am an absolute fool and flirting is hard and I just let people hit on me until 6 months later I understand what's happening.

    Steam PSN: The Betman
    You should listen to my Totally Spies rewatch podcast on Audio Entropy!
    ineedmayo.com
    mysticjuicerElldren
  • MorivethMoriveth ESCA FLOWNERegistered User regular
    @Janson had to email a chatlog that a friend sent her of him and another friend talking about how much of a crush she had on me for me to go ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    I am good at the flirts

    Erin The Redmysticjuicerchrishallett83Rhesus PositiveFencingsaxElldrenEinzelShadowenMichaelLCwanderingpimentoGatsby
  • ZxerolZxerol HOW MANY POUNDS IS CAT POOP Registered User regular
    No flirting, no dating. That's been my personal policy for several decades, and look how well I turned out!

    Nailing it.

    mysticjuicerKanaShadowenwandering
  • simulacrumsimulacrum Call me Remi Registered User regular
    I'm usually really bad at noticing flirting but me and my current girlfriend made it it very very obvious that we were into each other.

    RainfallmysticjuicerErin The RedElldrenwandering
  • chrishallett83chrishallett83 Hi! Registered User regular
    Zxerol wrote: »
    No flirting, no dating. That's been my personal policy for several decades, and look how well I turned out!

    Nailing it.

    Maybe so, but not anyone else.

    mysticjuicer
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    I have been accused of flirting with people multiple times, male and female

    I think I’m just bad at social interaction

  • ElldrenElldren Is a woman dammit I'm a good person yes it's trueRegistered User regular
    Anzekay wrote: »
    Mispy spent like a month flirting with me before I embarrassingly asked him out, fearing he'd turn me down because I'd been completely oblivious

    this was amusing to him because he thought I was aware I'd been flirting back the whole time

    turns out I'm incapable of noticing anyone flirting when it involves me

    Yeah, if someone is flirting with someone else I can recognize it.

    But with me?

    I just don’t understand flirting with me

    fuck gendered marketing
    KanaFencingsaxmysticjuicerErin The RedApocalyptusHyperBalladSorceGatsby
  • OmnipotentBagelOmnipotentBagel floof Registered User regular
    Elldren wrote: »
    Anzekay wrote: »
    Mispy spent like a month flirting with me before I embarrassingly asked him out, fearing he'd turn me down because I'd been completely oblivious

    this was amusing to him because he thought I was aware I'd been flirting back the whole time

    turns out I'm incapable of noticing anyone flirting when it involves me

    Yeah, if someone is flirting with someone else I can recognize it.

    But with me?

    I just don’t understand flirting with me

    I have to believe some of that is because of stakes. If you think two other people are flirting and you're wrong, no big deal. If I mistake someone's interactions with me as flirting, it could lead to incredible embarrassment or worse. Best to just assume not.

    cdci44qazyo3.gif

    Fencingsax
  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    edited February 2018
    Never mind for now, I'll ask at a later time.

    Platy on
  • ZxerolZxerol HOW MANY POUNDS IS CAT POOP Registered User regular
    edited February 2018
    Zxerol wrote: »
    No flirting, no dating. That's been my personal policy for several decades, and look how well I turned out!

    Nailing it.

    Maybe so, but not anyone else.

    So because I realize that can come across kinda wrong or condescending or whatever, know that statement is half joking, half serious. I've run that gauntlet of really bad social issues in my life, the kind I don't care to talk about. So, way back in the day, even if I thought, hey, maybe dating is something I would like to do, my brain went, no, the fuck you are. It felt real messed up, especially the fear that this is how the rest of my life is going to play out.

    Nowadays, after a lot of introspection, it's more like, man, whatever. Whether it's due to sheer attrition, giving up, and rationalizing it, or maybe it's the realization it never actually mattered to me at all, and I pretty much don't care about it at this point. Just being comfortable with myself is good enough, which is better than, like, 20-some-odd years of my life.

    Maybe someday it'll be a thing? If not, I'm not beating myself over it, and hey, my parents haven't bugged about me not hooking up in a while, so that's nice.

    So there you go, just a dumb jab at myself.

    Zxerol on
    mysticjuicer
  • chrishallett83chrishallett83 Hi! Registered User regular
    Zxerol wrote: »
    Zxerol wrote: »
    No flirting, no dating. That's been my personal policy for several decades, and look how well I turned out!

    Nailing it.

    Maybe so, but not anyone else.

    So because I realize that can come across kinda wrong or condescending or whatever, know that statement is half joking, half serious. I've run that gauntlet of really bad social issues in my life, the kind I don't care to talk about. So, way back in the day, even if I thought, hey, maybe dating is something I would like to do, my brain went, no, the fuck you are. It felt real messed up, especially the fear that this is how the rest of my life is going to play out.

    Nowadays, after a lot of introspection, it's more like, man, whatever. Whether it's due to sheer attrition, giving up, and rationalizing it, or maybe it's the realization it never actually mattered to me at all, and I pretty much don't care about it at this point. Just being comfortable with myself is good enough, which is better than, like, 20-some-odd years of my life.

    Maybe someday it'll be a thing? If not, I'm not beating myself over it, and hey, my parents haven't bugged about me not hooking up in a while, so that's nice.

    So there you go, just a dumb jab at myself.

    No for real that's just a cheap dig at you - "You might be nailing 'it' but you're not nailing anybody", nothing more than a quick joke that DEFINITELY wasn't meant as a personal attack on you.

  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) What's up, bootlickers?Registered User regular
    Crushes and flirting are super casual things in my life

    might be a thing certain queer groups experience? it's the same way for a bunch of my friends

    like, I get so many crushes that it's not even a meaningful thing anymore

    Miss me? Find me on:

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  • mori1972mori1972 FF14: Rhotfyr Thosinmharsyn (Y)UKRegistered User regular
    I think I can be very flirty and, I think pretty much all the time, its because I genuinely did not think that the person I am flirting with would in any way, shape or form ever be likely to reciprocate.

    It's like there was a voice in my brain basically acting out what I think the other person is likely to be thinking to me flirting and its pretty much a dialogue of "oh bless, the ugly little troll is actually trying to flirt with me, as if he ever stood any chance".

    So like, on the one hand, my brain processing that as being the attitude of the person I'm flirting with did wonders for removing some of the anxiety aspects of getting closer to people (because hell, at best my brain has decided I might as well be flirting with a lump of concrete for all the likely reciprocity, and at worst I'll get the cold indifference that I'd already assumed was the default state of the other person anyway).

    But I guess, on the other hand, it really probably didn't do much for my utter distaste for my physicality.

    Ah well...brains be weird y'all.

    It's all saltwater these days:
    Ocean, tears and heartbreak soup
    Half alive in a whitecap foam
    Half in love with a white half moon
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    This is why meeting my husband on grindr was rad. No flirting or interpreting signals, just "hey u want sum fukk" ant then after a few of those we were like "we should like actually go out and stuff" and the we did and now we're married.

    Just do what I did and get incredibly lucky.

    chrishallett83tzeentchlingErin The RedEinzelDarkPrimusRainfallShadowenHyperBalladmysticjuicerDoobhwanderingInfamyDeferredNightDragonApocalyptusSorceGundiJansonpimentoAllyxiaGatsbyInfidelFencingsaxSporkAndrewAnialosCurly_BraceGiggles_FunsworthcredeikiAndy JoeUsagiBlameless ClericRhesus PositiveZonugalkime
  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) What's up, bootlickers?Registered User regular
    BERSERKER

    Miss me? Find me on:

    Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
    Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
    PoketpixieMetzger MeistermysticjuicerRainfallLucedesShadowenToxUsagiEl Fantastico
  • HyperBalladHyperBallad A ball of vivid colour and barely contained emotions Sydney. Lost in time and space.Registered User regular
    I flirt with people. People don't flirt with me. Such is life.

    Steam: poetic_gecko.
    2DS/3DS Friend code 0361-7385-2366
    Twitter: @PoeticGecko
  • PoketpixiePoketpixie Registered User regular
    What is this 'flirting' you speak of? :?

    I am soooo clueless when it comes to stuff like that.

    HyperBalladpimentoApocalyptusFencingsax21stCenturyMr Fuzzbutt
  • GundiGundi Serious Bismuth Registered User regular
    I have never flirted. And it's been a loooooong time since I've had a crush. Like, since high school. I dunno... it feels weird to entertain romantic feelings for folks I regularly interact with when our relationship is super... not that. And not likely to become that. And celebrities and actors are often super hot... but there are tons of hot people and I don't actually know them. So celebrity crushes have never been a thing for me.

    mysticjuicerJansonHyperBallad
  • RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    edited February 2018
    I flirt with people. People don't flirt with me. Such is life.

    People definitely flirt with you. I have a reliable source who can confirm!
    (I am the source)

    Rainfall on
    DoobhmysticjuicerFencingsaxZonugalwandering
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    Yeah I do not know what a crush is

    But I’ve mentioned that before

    sig.jpg
  • HyperBalladHyperBallad A ball of vivid colour and barely contained emotions Sydney. Lost in time and space.Registered User regular
    Rainfall wrote: »
    I flirt with people. People don't flirt with me. Such is life.

    People definitely flirt with you. I have a reliable source who can confirm!
    (I am the source)

    Wait, what? I’m genuinely confused. You? But.... why?

    Steam: poetic_gecko.
    2DS/3DS Friend code 0361-7385-2366
    Twitter: @PoeticGecko
    Rainfallmysticjuicer
  • RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    Rainfall wrote: »
    I flirt with people. People don't flirt with me. Such is life.

    People definitely flirt with you. I have a reliable source who can confirm!
    (I am the source)

    Wait, what? I’m genuinely confused. You? But.... why?

    Coz yer cute and I like you, obviously! The only reason to flirt! :winky:

    mysticjuicerFencingsaxwandering
  • HyperBalladHyperBallad A ball of vivid colour and barely contained emotions Sydney. Lost in time and space.Registered User regular
    Rainfall wrote: »
    Rainfall wrote: »
    I flirt with people. People don't flirt with me. Such is life.

    People definitely flirt with you. I have a reliable source who can confirm!
    (I am the source)

    Wait, what? I’m genuinely confused. You? But.... why?

    Coz yer cute and I like you, obviously! The only reason to flirt! :winky:

    No seriously. Why?

    Steam: poetic_gecko.
    2DS/3DS Friend code 0361-7385-2366
    Twitter: @PoeticGecko
  • RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    edited February 2018
    Rainfall wrote: »
    Rainfall wrote: »
    I flirt with people. People don't flirt with me. Such is life.

    People definitely flirt with you. I have a reliable source who can confirm!
    (I am the source)

    Wait, what? I’m genuinely confused. You? But.... why?

    Coz yer cute and I like you, obviously! The only reason to flirt! :winky:

    No seriously. Why?

    Because you're a lovely person with nice eyes, you got a gecko tattoo and that's rad? I don't need a lot of reasons to flirt but I can keep providing them, you certainly keep providing reasons for me to like you!

    Rainfall on
    mysticjuicerToxRhesus Positive
  • Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    edited February 2018
    Should we make a forum chart of who flirts with who(m?) so everyone can figure out who is hitting on who

    Erin The Red on
    Help a trans woman (me) afford GRS!
    Hi Santa/Satan!
    Video games -> PSN and Twitch: The_Road_Virus Steam: TheRoadVirus
    mysticjuicerUsagiElldren
This discussion has been closed.