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We're all just doing our best for our [Kids]

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Posts

  • El SkidEl Skid The frozen white northRegistered User regular
    Brody wrote: »
    I know he just pushed my buttons this morning. I get up, get myself showered and dressed and make breakfast and lunch for me and my wife and breakfast for him. It's frantic and not pretty but it gets done.

    To have him blame me for not reminding him to email his teacher about making up tests just sent me over the edge and kind of opened up a big can of frustration. When he then argued everything I said and ended up in tears over stupid shit like wanting him to stop screen time earlier to get more sleep it just completely set me off. I can't police everything in his life, he's old enough that I need him to take care of some things on his own. And frankly he needs to give a damn about things other than anime and Xbox occasionally.

    Yeah, sorry to vent, I'm just so frustrated with life right now.

    That's kind of the point of this thread. And also teenagers are obnoxious, and I am terrified of what that is going to be like.

    Yeah, we're approaching this level of obnoxiousness at 8 1/2... Teenagehood legitimately terrifies me.

    mrpaku wrote: »
    my name is precisionk and i'm ten tanks

    wrath God fear traitor evil
  • PeenPeen tw1tch0rz occasionallyRegistered User regular
    if my kids don't try to RKO me at some point i'll feel like a failure tbh

    MNC DoverTheStig
  • mrpakumrpaku Registered User regular
    My first two boys, at least, will be behemoths by the time puberty gets anywhere *near* them, they're already far too large for their age

    I'm doing everything I can to plant the seeds of intimidation now, for when threats and being larger no longer work, and all I have to fall back on is mind-fuckery and "is Dad secretly a ninja, or has he just been bullshit-ing us"

    ElvenshaeSlacker71Devlin_DragonussponoSmrtnikJaysonFour
  • the wookthe wook Registered User regular
    mrpaku wrote: »
    My first two boys, at least, will be behemoths by the time puberty gets anywhere *near* them, they're already far too large for their age

    I'm doing everything I can to plant the seeds of intimidation now, for when threats and being larger no longer work, and all I have to fall back on is mind-fuckery and "is Dad secretly a ninja, or has he just been bullshit-ing us"

    My daughter is almost 2 1/2, and she slots right where she should for her age. Weighs ~27 pounds. My son is 7 months and is in 18 month clothing. Already weighs 21 pounds. He's such a fatass. I know he'll lose it when he starts getting more mobile, but holy shit.

    mrpakuDisruptedCapitalistkimePerrsunHardtargetElvenshaeSlacker71davidsdurionsJaysonFourFishman
  • mrpakumrpaku Registered User regular
    My seven year old and four year old are both beanpoles; solid but just this side of lanky. Which is surprising! Given family history, I sort of expected my eldest to be a bit beefier. And both have been 90-85 percentile range for basically everything size related from the beginning. But my guess is they'll both end up like their uncles: a good six-four to six-seven, even if the eldest eventually does add some bulk (I think middle guy has my Dad's ungodly metabolism, which means he will possibly never gain weight, no matter how hard he tries)

    Meanwhile, Tiny Wonder is 20th percentile for everything, and must see the eventual prospect of joining the tussle on the floor like getting into a two-on-one Dark Souls fight

  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist rugged, weathered Registered User regular
    Both my girls are in the 10th percentile which I guess is exactly what their mother was at their ages respectively. I was devouring everything in sight throughout my childhood so it's really bizarre to me that they just pick at their food all the time.

    f36tsqisrl51.png
  • PeenPeen tw1tch0rz occasionallyRegistered User regular
    My girls are ridiculously opposite, older daughter's been in the 40th percentile for things her whole life while my younger one's consistently been in the 90-off charts. They're around 3 inches different in height, despite being 2 1/2 years apart. It's a hell of a thing, they eat pretty much the same amount as each other but have completely different bodies.

    JansonSmrtnik
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    The kids dragged their feet this morning.

    Anya was playing on her DS five minutes after I’d asked her to get dressed. I took away her DS (which to be fair I should have done earlier) and told her sharply (but didn’t yell!) to get dressed.

    Later, when I was dropping them off at the inlaws’, Anya upset Niko, too.

    She folded her arms and frowned deeply and exclaimed, with deep sarcasm, ‘great! Today I have already made two enemies!’

    Her phrasing really tickled me (I did hug her and tell her I wasn’t her enemy, though).

    sig.jpg
    kimeMorivethmrpakuBrodyCogDisruptedCapitalistI ZimbraElvenshaeSlacker71ProlegomenadavidsdurionsRorshach KringlelonelyahavaDevlin_DragonusSporkAndrewSmrtnikNogginJaysonFourLiiya
  • CogCog Registered User regular
    Brody wrote: »
    I know he just pushed my buttons this morning. I get up, get myself showered and dressed and make breakfast and lunch for me and my wife and breakfast for him. It's frantic and not pretty but it gets done.

    To have him blame me for not reminding him to email his teacher about making up tests just sent me over the edge and kind of opened up a big can of frustration. When he then argued everything I said and ended up in tears over stupid shit like wanting him to stop screen time earlier to get more sleep it just completely set me off. I can't police everything in his life, he's old enough that I need him to take care of some things on his own. And frankly he needs to give a damn about things other than anime and Xbox occasionally.

    Yeah, sorry to vent, I'm just so frustrated with life right now.

    That's kind of the point of this thread. And also teenagers are obnoxious, and I am terrified of what that is going to be like.

    My wife had older twin daughters when we got married. For the most part, we had and have a great relationship. We got along super well when they were growing up, and by the time they moved out of the house, they had been with me well longer than they were with their biological dad.

    That said, they were still teenagers. Some of the shit I went through:

    One of them "ran away from home" and hitchhiked 10 miles down the highway in the middle of the night to her boyfriends house after an argument.
    They stole some liquor from our cabinet and got super shitfaced one night, though on the plus side i think the epic hangover put them off drinking.
    One of them cracked two of my ribs when she kicked me because she was mad.
    One of them called the police to our house because they thought we were being unreasonable, only for the police to tell them they were wrong.
    "Inappropriate" cell phone usage.

    And, to be honest, they are 21 now and pretty great adults, and both of them have independently admitted they were a nightmare as teenagers.

    Teenagers are pretty garbage humans, and they grow out of it.

    JansonDisruptedCapitalistElvenshaeBrodySlacker71ChiselphanemrpakucereslonelyahavaDevlin_DragonusSmrtnikJaysonFourschuss
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    I’m fearful for my kids as teens partly because of the laws and consequences that exist. Like, the only reason I have a problem with underage drinking (being that I’m from the U.K. where the legal age is 18, and it’s socially acceptable from the age of 13/14) is that the US can be pretty harsh regarding underage drinking.

    And in the U.K., I could get drunk but walk safely home. We live so far from anywhere that my kids will always have to be driven/get a taxi, which gives them less freedom.

    I remember being a teen and wanting to run away (although I never did) and partying and getting drunk, and I’m torn between not wanting my kids to feel as shitty and moody as I used to feel while also recognizing that’s a teenage stage they’re just gonna go through.

    And I was a good teen - no sex, never got in trouble, A-grades at school, never got into a fight -but I still did plenty of other risqué stuff.

    So yeah... I’m less afraid of my future teens than I am afraid for them.

    sig.jpg
    El Skid
  • HardtargetHardtarget There Are Four Lights VancouverRegistered User regular
    Peen wrote: »
    if my kids don't try to RKO me at some point i'll feel like a failure tbh

    but what if they do try it but it doesn't come out of nowhere?

    steam_sig.png
    kHDRsTc.png
    Elvenshae
  • mrpakumrpaku Registered User regular
    edited April 23
    I'm worried about the combination of "sudden questioning of identity", "realization my parents are just some assholes like all the *rest* of the assholes", and "sex drive" hitting all at once, and my ability to preempt all of that with information and guidance in a unique way for each of my unique boys, and teaching them not to make my mistakes without destroying their opinion of me in the process (all of them- I made all of the mistakes), and letting them learn themselves without attempting to "correct" them or allow my own wrought adolescence inform it all too much

    mrpaku on
  • PeenPeen tw1tch0rz occasionallyRegistered User regular
    Hardtarget wrote: »
    Peen wrote: »
    if my kids don't try to RKO me at some point i'll feel like a failure tbh

    but what if they do try it but it doesn't come out of nowhere?

    they're outta the will, duh

    Hardtarget
  • KorrorKorror Registered User regular
    edited April 23
    Cog wrote: »
    Brody wrote: »
    I just know that to make an effective argument to my wife, I'm going to need some factual evidence of a concerning nature.

    I'd just be googling for anything concrete, but I seem to recall reading that (your state may vary of course) you have to submit your intended curriculum to your state's DoE for review, and there's possibly some sort of proctored developmental skills testing to ensure you're actually meeting curriculum requirements and, you know, teaching. Plus I'm fairly sure you have to have your home inspected and there has to be a structured learning/classroom area. You can't just teach them while sitting on the couch in your PJs or whatever.

    Again, if you want concrete facts, I'd google for your state's requirements. But, I'm pretty sure it's common that there's progress checkups, curriculum requirements, and you would likely need to invest a non-negligible amount of money in resources/materials and a dedicated learning space.

    EDIT: @Brody I got all curious and looked into my state's laws. Our DoE provides a handbook.

    One big drawback I found almost immediately is that you cannot receive a highschool diploma from being homeschooled here (again, your state may vary). Only school districts are allowed to issue diplomas, and they only do so if you complete their class credit requirements. So, that seems like sort of a big deal. No highschool diploma. GED still an option naturally, but that comes with a stigma, rightfully or not. There are annual assessment tests, and if your kid fails even one of them, they're required to be entered into a public or private school.

    EDIT the 2nd: Homeschooled kids have the same vaccination requirements as public schooled kids, here, which is awesome, so suck it anti-vaxxers.

    I was homeschooled from first grade onward and it worked out really well for me. I was part of an independent study program of a local private school and at least in California that was a very easy process. You get course credit as if you are taking classes at that school and you graduate with a diploma from that school if you continue through highschool there. There is a coordinator who meets with you a few times a month to help out but you didn't have to submit test results or anything of that nature which sounds a bit creepy. Since it was a private school, they had a suggested curriculum and resources but you were also free to use your own. I think for public school ISPs you have to use ones that are pre-approved but you still have a range of choice for each subject.

    As for why I was homeschooled, it was supposed to be a temporary measure. The teachers at the local school went on strike and my mother thought it would be easier to homeschool for a year and then reenroll than find a new school and then transfer back. It ended up being a more permanent arrangement and I did really well. It turns out that a class size of 1 has some real advantages and I went from barely being able to read to loving it. Public school teachers are amazing and my fiancee is a high school teacher so I'm never going to say anything bad about them but teaching a class of 30+ is a really tough job. You can't give the kids that much individual attention and you need to keep everyone going through the same material at roughly the same pace regardless of how well they're responding to it. Being able to go faster or slower and tailor the material to the child is a real advantage for teaching and makes it a lot easier. I could never manage a class room or deal with the stuff my fiancee deals with but even I could tutor a child.

    I think the socialization concern is a bit over emphasized, proper socialization requires work whether the kid is in a classroom or not. You still have to make sure they're involved in after school activities, developing their own interests and interacting with other kids outside of a school setting. The ISP I was part of was very focused on that and I ended up in our student government and so on. I wouldn't recommend homeschooling on your own but there are plenty of support organizations designed for this very purpose to cover the stuff that's harder to provide out of a school environment. It may not be for everyone but it's a real option and some kids flourish in a way that they never would in a more traditional environment.

    Korror on
    Battlenet ID: NullPointer
  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    There are also online schools, which provide structure and lessons plans, while allowing independent learning at home. There are a lot of options outside of "figure it all out on your own".

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    [quote="Lindsay Lohan
    Folks, teenagers are tough. I'm so exhausted.

    like,

    worse than threenagers?

    (yes this is a facetious question and I'm here for you, friend. please tell me it gets better)

    That's a good question. I think they are equally as rational. It's the moodiness and not giving a crap about anything. I'm just completely burned out and this morning ran out of patience entirely. I feel bad about it now, I hate to have drama before school, but I'm just at the lowest I've felt as a parent in a long time.

    That's often my situation with my 15 year old. Too often if I must be honest but it's just the unrelentingness of how he behaves. He never ever lets up on the bullshit and it just wears me down until I get snappy and then I feel like shit because I know full well I was no treat at that age either.

    Our thing this week is he has tech week for a play he's in, and I have volunteered to run spotlights for the show. The theater is about a 30 minute drive away but he is pitching a huge fit about having to drive there with me because he wants to go with his friends. Which OK I get it but we are both going there anyways and you'll see them there the whole time. Then it degenerates into 'well I dont want them in our car, it smells like pizza'. Buddy I deliver pizza on the weekends to help pay for your theater class in the first place.

    It's this horrible mix of anger, shame and a vague sense that I'm failing him in some way and no idea how to fix it.

    Serious question... is there anything wrong with telling him that? "The car smells like pizza because I deliver pizzas to make the money we need to pay for this class. If you're more embarrassed about the way the car smells than you are eager to go then that's fine." I'm not in love with everything my MIL did when my husband was a kid, but one thing I always really appreciated was that their kids never got anything without knowing exactly where it came from. She didn't feel like trying to keep that behind a curtain did anybody any favors. When they had to do something extra to make a thing or activity possible for the kids, it was explained to them. It was on the kids to be appreciative of the effort put into making sure they could do something they really wanted to do. If they did not act sufficiently appreciative, the thing would be scaled back or taken away.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
    MNC DovermrpakuDisruptedCapitalistSlacker71Smrtnik
  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    ceres wrote: »
    [quote="Lindsay Lohan
    Folks, teenagers are tough. I'm so exhausted.

    like,

    worse than threenagers?

    (yes this is a facetious question and I'm here for you, friend. please tell me it gets better)

    That's a good question. I think they are equally as rational. It's the moodiness and not giving a crap about anything. I'm just completely burned out and this morning ran out of patience entirely. I feel bad about it now, I hate to have drama before school, but I'm just at the lowest I've felt as a parent in a long time.

    That's often my situation with my 15 year old. Too often if I must be honest but it's just the unrelentingness of how he behaves. He never ever lets up on the bullshit and it just wears me down until I get snappy and then I feel like shit because I know full well I was no treat at that age either.

    Our thing this week is he has tech week for a play he's in, and I have volunteered to run spotlights for the show. The theater is about a 30 minute drive away but he is pitching a huge fit about having to drive there with me because he wants to go with his friends. Which OK I get it but we are both going there anyways and you'll see them there the whole time. Then it degenerates into 'well I dont want them in our car, it smells like pizza'. Buddy I deliver pizza on the weekends to help pay for your theater class in the first place.

    It's this horrible mix of anger, shame and a vague sense that I'm failing him in some way and no idea how to fix it.

    Serious question... is there anything wrong with telling him that? "The car smells like pizza because I deliver pizzas to make the money we need to pay for this class. If you're more embarrassed about the way the car smells than you are eager to go then that's fine." I'm not in love with everything my MIL did when my husband was a kid, but one thing I always really appreciated was that their kids never got anything without knowing exactly where it came from. She didn't feel like trying to keep that behind a curtain did anybody any favors. When they had to do something extra to make a thing or activity possible for the kids, it was explained to them. It was on the kids to be appreciative of the effort put into making sure they could do something they really wanted to do. If they did not act sufficiently appreciative, the thing would be scaled back or taken away.

    I would try and make sure its not phrased as "I am doing this thing that sucks for you" though. I definitely somehow ended up with the idea that we never had money as a kid, and it went so far as me not asking for school supplies because I didn't want us to spend money growing up. Also, why would kids be bothered by the smell of pizza?

    "The shore does not dream of you." - Blind poet Gallan.
    MNC DoverDrake ChambersmrpakuSlacker71Thro
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    Yeah I think a 15-year-old whining about pizza smell in your car while you take them to a theater class half hour away that you volunteered a week of your time to help with is a little past worrying about running out of pencils to save money. "We have enough budgeted for these things, I need to do extra work to make sure you can do this thing, quit being a shit about it" seems pretty reasonable to me. I'm not exactly the strong silent type though.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
    Smrtnik
  • Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    I leave work in 5 minutes, I'm sort of dreading going home. I really home we can have a calm talk about things, or maybe he did some thinking during school and apologies. Either way I really hope drama doesn't full the whole night, I really want to play Mortal Kombat.

  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    I leave work in 5 minutes, I'm sort of dreading going home. I really home we can have a calm talk about things, or maybe he did some thinking during school and apologies. Either way I really hope drama doesn't full the whole night, I really want to play Mortal Kombat.

    Maybe start with a hug?

    omgbfz5lzi1s.png
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  • ChiselphaneChiselphane Registered User regular
    ceres wrote: »
    [quote="Lindsay Lohan
    Folks, teenagers are tough. I'm so exhausted.

    like,

    worse than threenagers?

    (yes this is a facetious question and I'm here for you, friend. please tell me it gets better)

    That's a good question. I think they are equally as rational. It's the moodiness and not giving a crap about anything. I'm just completely burned out and this morning ran out of patience entirely. I feel bad about it now, I hate to have drama before school, but I'm just at the lowest I've felt as a parent in a long time.

    That's often my situation with my 15 year old. Too often if I must be honest but it's just the unrelentingness of how he behaves. He never ever lets up on the bullshit and it just wears me down until I get snappy and then I feel like shit because I know full well I was no treat at that age either.

    Our thing this week is he has tech week for a play he's in, and I have volunteered to run spotlights for the show. The theater is about a 30 minute drive away but he is pitching a huge fit about having to drive there with me because he wants to go with his friends. Which OK I get it but we are both going there anyways and you'll see them there the whole time. Then it degenerates into 'well I dont want them in our car, it smells like pizza'. Buddy I deliver pizza on the weekends to help pay for your theater class in the first place.

    It's this horrible mix of anger, shame and a vague sense that I'm failing him in some way and no idea how to fix it.

    Serious question... is there anything wrong with telling him that? "The car smells like pizza because I deliver pizzas to make the money we need to pay for this class. If you're more embarrassed about the way the car smells than you are eager to go then that's fine." I'm not in love with everything my MIL did when my husband was a kid, but one thing I always really appreciated was that their kids never got anything without knowing exactly where it came from. She didn't feel like trying to keep that behind a curtain did anybody any favors. When they had to do something extra to make a thing or activity possible for the kids, it was explained to them. It was on the kids to be appreciative of the effort put into making sure they could do something they really wanted to do. If they did not act sufficiently appreciative, the thing would be scaled back or taken away.

    He knows why I do it; it's more that since all of his friends' families are much better off than we are, he's ashamed that I *have* to do it. He won't have his friends over our house for the same reason. And it's just very frustrating because from what I know of his friends they wouldn't care anyways, it's him with the hangup about it.

  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    I kind of get this. One of my best friends in HS was super well off, at least compared to me, and it was a little embarrassing. It doesn't make much sense as an adult, and I know now that my friend didn't give a shit, she dressed just as grunge-like as I did, but at the time it was hard to comprehend.

    "The shore does not dream of you." - Blind poet Gallan.
  • Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    Well things went fine after work. I do think my kid needs far more sleep though. I think that's a big part of it.

    ChiselphaneMulysaSemproniusDisruptedCapitalistElvenshaeceresBanzai5150davidsdurionsBrodyElbasunuNogginJaysonFourmosssnack
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Mortius is correct Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    We are trying the "you don't have to sleep, but you do need to stay in your room because mommy and daddy need to sleep" thing.

    It's been three minutes.

    DisruptedCapitalistSmrtnikBrodyJaysonFourSlacker71
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Mortius is correct Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    She lasted five minutes before climbing into get bed and calling out. Another 35 minutes to fall asleep.

    Every tiny step helps.

    Elbasunu
  • SmrtnikSmrtnik job boli zub Registered User regular
    the wook wrote: »
    mrpaku wrote: »
    My first two boys, at least, will be behemoths by the time puberty gets anywhere *near* them, they're already far too large for their age

    I'm doing everything I can to plant the seeds of intimidation now, for when threats and being larger no longer work, and all I have to fall back on is mind-fuckery and "is Dad secretly a ninja, or has he just been bullshit-ing us"

    My daughter is almost 2 1/2, and she slots right where she should for her age. Weighs ~27 pounds. My son is 7 months and is in 18 month clothing. Already weighs 21 pounds. He's such a fatass. I know he'll lose it when he starts getting more mobile, but holy shit.

    Right before my daughter started walking she was a butterball. Once she started walking though, it all melted off her.

    steam_sig.png
  • Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    Smrtnik wrote: »
    the wook wrote: »
    mrpaku wrote: »
    My first two boys, at least, will be behemoths by the time puberty gets anywhere *near* them, they're already far too large for their age

    I'm doing everything I can to plant the seeds of intimidation now, for when threats and being larger no longer work, and all I have to fall back on is mind-fuckery and "is Dad secretly a ninja, or has he just been bullshit-ing us"

    My daughter is almost 2 1/2, and she slots right where she should for her age. Weighs ~27 pounds. My son is 7 months and is in 18 month clothing. Already weighs 21 pounds. He's such a fatass. I know he'll lose it when he starts getting more mobile, but holy shit.

    Right before my daughter started walking she was a butterball. Once she started walking though, it all melted off her.

    That's not fair - I've been walking for years and my weight hasn't melted off yet.

    BrodyJansonElvenshaeMNC Doverm!ttensDevlin_DragonuslonelyahavaMorivethTheStigJaysonFourMulysaSemproniusSlacker71MusicDragondiscriderRorshach Kringle
  • NogginNoggin Registered User regular
    We have an ultrasound appointment tonight where we should find out the twins' sexes!

    Counting the in-laws it's already about to be 4 boys:1 girl... so ya. We'll be happy with whatever of course, but we're hoping it's at least one girl.

    Battletag: Noggin#1936 || PSN > Noggin37 < Origin (Anthem) || Steam
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  • NogginNoggin Registered User regular
    Update: “A” is a girl and “B” is a boy! Hooray!

    Battletag: Noggin#1936 || PSN > Noggin37 < Origin (Anthem) || Steam
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  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    Noggin wrote: »
    Update: “A” is a girl and “B” is a boy! Hooray!

    Congrats! And cute names. Very progressive.

    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment · Website : www.nathanswyers.com
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  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Game Designer/Stay-at-home Dad Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    My little guy is coming up on 1-year old in a few weeks. Where did that little baby go and who replaced him with this handsome dude?

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  • mosssnackmosssnack Yeah right, man, Bishop should go! Good idea!Registered User regular
    Total vent post. We’re spending a couple of days in Seattle, both boys, mama, and the FIL. And man, I am just not having a good time. Like, at this very moment I’m good since my body wakes up at 0430. I’ve been chilling in the lobby drinking coffee waiting for the rest of them to get up. Then we’re gonna check out the zoo.

    But these boys are just in a wild phase where doing anything in public where I need them not running around like maniacs is just not a fucking thing. Or listening to anything we say. My FIL is great, he really is, but he spoils the shit out of my 5 year old that is beginning to be irritating. He’ll whine about being hungry shortly after we all sat down for lunch. Mama and I both will tell him he should have eaten more and will need to wait for a snack.

    But haha, soon as we turn our heads, FIL is sitting at a table with my oldest with a giant ass donut he just bought him. I won’t ever say anything about it, because my FIL really is great and is probably the nicest human being on this planet. I’m just irritated and in a shit mood is all.

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  • PeenPeen tw1tch0rz occasionallyRegistered User regular
    Everyone has those days, the important thing is that you've recognized it now. If you do your best to have a good time and shield your kids from the worst of it then it's a win.

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  • EntriechEntriech Registered User regular
    I'll join in with a venting post. This is something that both my parents and my MIL do, and it drives me up the wall. It's the "Good job" problem. The amount of non-specific praise that tumbles out of them verges on pathological. My wife and I have worked hard to ensure that when we praise our kid, we always specify why. "That was awesome, you worked really hard on that" or "You did a really good job remembering to say please and thankyou at lunch today" because by all accounts, all non-specific praise does is generate an expectation of being acclaimed for every action, or at least mistaking what the praise is for.

    But these grandparents, it's like punctuation. The worst thing is when they apply it to things that DO NOT NEED PRAISE. "You ate a lot at lunch today, good job!" like no, don't. I'm sure we're all familiar with the tale of the picky kid, or the distracted kid, or the kid who just wants to get back to playing and so they don't eat enough at a given meal. The way you handle that is via natural consequences, not by praising them for eating. This is a particular sore spot for me, because both my wife and I are obese (though improving) and in a large part we can recognize root causes for that in how we were raised.

    It his our daughter quick, too, when she's exposed to it. Like there's a brief one or two day period after a visit to see my MIL where she becomes especially praise-seeking in her attitudes. Just, man.

  • ChiselphaneChiselphane Registered User regular
    The boy calmed down and has been decent-to-good about bringing people in the car so that's something, I guess. The play itself is shaping up to be a disaster though so maybe that's distracting him lol

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  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    This last weekend we went to Red Robin with the MIL, and I was trying get Sapling to eat her mac n cheese, but MIL kept handing her french fries.

    "The shore does not dream of you." - Blind poet Gallan.
  • m!ttensm!ttens Registered User regular
    Mrs Mittens just forwarded me an article about the World Health Organization updating guidelines on screen-time for little ones. The updated guidelines are basically no screen-time whatsoever for babies less than 2 years and up to one hour "sedentary" screen-time allowed per day for children 2-5.

    Our little one just turned 5 months and while we aren't giving her any dedicated screen time she sure loves looking at the TV when we're watching a show or a baseball game or will actively turn her head to look at my monitors when I'm holding her while on my computer. I'm guessing this isn't what those pinball wizards at the WHO are referring to since we're still interacting with her and the screen is not her sole focus. I'm guessing this is more like handing off a phone/tablet or propping them in front of the TV to watch Sesame Street.

    Since she's starting to be more active and able to hold attention for longer spans now I'm sure this issue will start to crop up soon enough. What's everyone's policy around screens with their kids? Ages, activities, limitations, etc.? I understand why these recommendations are as such, but I feel like kids also need to learn how to use technology in the world. My parents bought an Apple IIgs when I was only a few years old and I credit my comfort with and interest in computers and tech to being able to play with and use technology as a young child.

  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    I prefer to take the approach that Mike pointed out in one of his news posts. Its less about whether or not a screen is on, and more what/how your child is interacting with the content. If the kid is learning something useful through their interaction, then they should be able to spend more time on it than if they are watching teletubbies or w/e.

    "The shore does not dream of you." - Blind poet Gallan.
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  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited April 25
    Brody wrote: »
    I prefer to take the approach that Mike pointed out in one of his news posts. Its less about whether or not a screen is on, and more what/how your child is interacting with the content. If the kid is learning something useful through their interaction, then they should be able to spend more time on it than if they are watching teletubbies or w/e.

    I get that, but I have a pretty similar perspective here as I do with languages. We speak to my daughter pretty exclusively in Chinese. She can say, like, "doggie" in English and some animal sounds (because I never learned those in Chinese :P ). I 100% want her to grow up fluent in two languages. I sometimes get questions about just teaching her Chinese, and it really just comes down to: she's growing up in America. She's going to learn English 100% without me having to try. In fact, I'm pretty confident that pretty soon I'm going to have to try hard to get her to speak anything but English.

    In a similar way, I know that I spend a lot of time in front of a screen. When she's growing up, I'm pretty confident her life will be pervasive with screens. I have no doubt in my mind that she will get plenty of screen time in her life, even when she's young. I want to make sure that I'm putting 100% of my focus for her to be doing other things, so that she at least has some fundamentals in that before she gets older.

    Also, I know that screens can be pretty addictive. So again, I'm really not worried that she's not gonna get enough screen time, my priority is limiting that as much as possible.

    She's.... 22 months old now. Almost 2. She gets <10 minutes or so of Facetime a week on average, because her grandparents live in a different country. Maybe she gets to play with a phone (pushing buttons to turn it on and off or whatever) on rare occasions, easily less than once a week. Maybe 1-2 a month, probably less. She's watched a couple episodes of like, Peppa Pig while at a friends' house (because I'm not going to tell my friend they aren't allowed to let their child watch TV...). So we really stick with as close to no screen time as we can. That's not going to just change at 2. Like, I just can't imagine sticking her in front of a TV for "sedentary" screen time for an hour a day when she turns two. Not for a long time.

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  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Game Designer/Stay-at-home Dad Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    My daughter watches a lot of youtube which made me feel like I was a terrible parent for the longest time. Then we got to preschool and she knew way more about numbers, colors, letters, and shapes than her classmates. Yeah, so it might be bad she watches stuff, but at least it was educational?

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