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Riverdale Hotness Rating [chat]
Bogart
Streetwise HerculesRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
Streetwise HerculesRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
In a recent unscientific Twitter poll Betty vs Veronica ended up as a dead heat. Obviously this will not stand, as we need to discover who is the hottest teen heartthrob in Riverdale, the TV show about the stupidest boys and and most awesome girls in existence. I'm an avid watcher and have done a lot of research, and also I'm pretty unbiased so there's no hint of favouritism in these character recaps.
Cheryl Blossom
Attacks intruders with a bow and arrow, keeps her brother's embalmed corpse around the house to keep it homey, currently in a relationship with a gorgeous biker chick, raising two kids that aren't hers and taking care of an elderly relative. Objectively the best.
Betty Cooper
Can recognise serial killers by looking at their photos because she has a magic gene, occasionally does bad things when her alter-ego, Dark Betty, comes out, once euthanised a cat with a rock.
Veronica Lodge
Daughter of Riverdale's half-arsed mob boss villain and its currently jailed ex-Mayor, runs a speakeasy underneath a diner, dances, sings and cheats her way to victory.
Archie Andrews
The kind of idiot who could be outwitted by a tree, Archie enjoys taking his shirt off, fighting bears and prisoners, punching his way through frozen lakes and not believing his dumb luck in having Ronnie as his main squeeze.
Jughead Jones
Not as dumb, but still not too bright, he's a writer and the impulsive son of Riverdale's bad boy biker leader turned sheriff.
Reggie Mantle
He's carrying a torch for Ronnie, but Reggie's greatest loves are his car, looking confused whenever plot occurs nearby and doing dumb, impulsive things that make even Archie look smart.
Kevin Keller
He joined a cult because the show couldn't find anything else for him to do except cruise around woods looking for hot boys and be a confidant of Ronnie and Betty, but he's still not as dumb as Archie or Reggie.
Cheryl Blossom
Attacks intruders with a bow and arrow, keeps her brother's embalmed corpse around the house to keep it homey, currently in a relationship with a gorgeous biker chick, raising two kids that aren't hers and taking care of an elderly relative. Objectively the best.
Betty Cooper
Can recognise serial killers by looking at their photos because she has a magic gene, occasionally does bad things when her alter-ego, Dark Betty, comes out, once euthanised a cat with a rock.
Veronica Lodge
Daughter of Riverdale's half-arsed mob boss villain and its currently jailed ex-Mayor, runs a speakeasy underneath a diner, dances, sings and cheats her way to victory.
Archie Andrews
The kind of idiot who could be outwitted by a tree, Archie enjoys taking his shirt off, fighting bears and prisoners, punching his way through frozen lakes and not believing his dumb luck in having Ronnie as his main squeeze.
Jughead Jones
Not as dumb, but still not too bright, he's a writer and the impulsive son of Riverdale's bad boy biker leader turned sheriff.
Reggie Mantle
He's carrying a torch for Ronnie, but Reggie's greatest loves are his car, looking confused whenever plot occurs nearby and doing dumb, impulsive things that make even Archie look smart.
Kevin Keller
He joined a cult because the show couldn't find anything else for him to do except cruise around woods looking for hot boys and be a confidant of Ronnie and Betty, but he's still not as dumb as Archie or Reggie.
Riverdale Hotness Rating [chat] 77 votes
Cheryl Blossom, objectively the hottest.
16%
13 votes
Betty Cooper, who has the serial killer gene.
16%
13 votes
Veronica Lodge, too good for Archie.
35%
27 votes
Archie Andrews, thicker than a whale omelette.
7%
6 votes
Jughead Jones, a heart of gold but also kinda dumb.
14%
11 votes
Reggie Mantle, so dumb.
5%
4 votes
Kevin Keller, not quite as dumb but prone to joining cults.
3%
3 votes
+12
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Steam: Korvalain
Come Overwatch with meeeee
If this poll starts to chill you after a couple of moments' consideration, then don't be alarmed. A feeling of intense and crushing religious terror at the concept indicates only that you are still sane.
apparently he needed a colostomy bag during the wedding
honestly i'm never going to be comfortable again
i like the noisy messy article design kind of
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/11/14/magazine/internet-future-dream.html
i will read it later
jeezey petes
Wait, there were words? I just saw Bell and was done.
Come Overwatch with meeeee
Tearing
Just like Moist
Betty would definitely never call again so it's the safe choice
Good god, it's like don't worry Son the cult will keep you safe. Don't worry, the gang will keep you safe from the cult.
Hmm, tough call
10000 years gulag
There was that season
What the fuck
was he wearing sandpaper underwear or what
what the fuck
I can't decide if Kristen Bell is less attractive because she has terrible taste in men or more attractive because she is overly charitable and I would clearly have a chance vs Dax Shepherd
Come Overwatch with meeeee
This article just hit me with an immediate paywall, not even the usual opening paragraph, and I'm not convinced that that isn't actually the point.
The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Steam: Korvalain
Betty would definitely never call but I feel like she would starfish you in bed. You know Jug would really put in some effort.
but they're listening to every word I say
to quote a great philosopher
what the fuck
I can see Jug giving me the best night of my life and telling me that he doesn't think I'm pulling my weight, yeah. Just disappointment written all over his face.