I’m not sure what to work on, though, to be honest. Like, if I give my number or contact information to someone, which also happens occasionally, I don’t think that obligates the person I give my number to to call me back so I generally try not to have any expectations. Though it definitely depends on the circumstances.
I’m also just not always interested in connecting further with people I randomly meet. Or maybe I’m not sure at the time and need time to reflect. Is it better to just let people know up front if they offer their number or whatever that connecting further is possible but there’s a low chance of me getting back to them? I feel like that’s insulting, but I really don’t know. I should mention that most of the time this exchange of contact info is typically at a bar or something similar which is a bit less...serious (?) than your typical social gathering.
IDK. I want to be friendly and I want to be open to things but I don’t always know, when offered a number, if I’m going to actually want to follow up. Sometimes I just want to go out and socialize and I’ll talk to random people but I also don’t necessarily want to “meet” them if that makes sense? But I always feel some guilt even if the other person probably doesn’t care very often.
edit: I guess I feel like a first, random meeting is too early to outright reject someone and it could be unnecessarily mean or insulting. But do people generally expect to be contacted back if contact info is shared, or what? I also think gender dynamics may play a big role here, I don’t know.
edit2: Admittedly, I’m also very used to people not getting back to me about anything, ever, including completely non-romantic stuff, so I’ve kind of normalized that at this point and have completely disabused myself of any expectation, lest I go insane or live my life perpetually depressed. I’m sure that has had a negative aspect on how I interact with people in turn. So maybe I do have something to work on, I just can’t logic out what the right answer is.
I would say that yes, if someone gives you their contact information, there is a clear expectation that you will then contact them. Or if not an expectation, a desire at very least.
If you don't want to, you don't have to, of course. People have been disregarding other people's attempts at communication since the dawn of man, and there are honestly plenty of good reasons to do so, depending on the circumstances. But I feel like if this is a continual pattern you are encountering, maybe some self reflection is in order?
0
Options
3cl1ps3I will build a labyrinth to house the cheeseRegistered Userregular
...and that's stupid because I know exactly where these things go and that's nowhere. Like, I know this.
No you don't.
"Yes I do, Zip."
No you fucking don't, Juggs.
"I used italics, Zip."
Still don't fucking care, Juggs.
Nobody does and it's really that simple. Nobody has any idea where something may or may not go. You can have educated guesses, but even then those are bullshit because these situations involve other people and once another person is involved all your calculus goes right out the window. Sure, you might not want to put yourself out there right now because you're going to focus on you and get some things stowed and squared away before you cast out to sea again (and that is a very ok thing) but don't presume that you know where every relationship is going to go.
You can want it to go somewhere, you can try to get it somewhere, but you still won't know. It's just a part of dating and meeting people. There is an element of the unknown to it. It's why dating is a bit of a trip.
You don't have to put yourself out there for it, nobody here does. That's fine, you do you. But there is an awful lot of self-deprecating "this is just the way it is" shit that permeates this thread and all of it is absolute utter horseshit.
Rereading this is sound like it's pretty harsh and I want to temper it a little, but I'm not willing to change it. This isn't solely directed at you, man, and I'm sorry that you're getting the brunt of this. I do think you're a stellar fellar. It's more a byproduct of the fact that there are a lot of awesome people on this forum (and in this thread) who count themselves out of things because they assume to know how things are going to shake out so they don't even take the swing or they check out far too soon for whatever their own reasons are. Not saying that there might not be valid reasons to it, but pretending to know the future and how something involving another person will turn out sure as shit ain't one of them.
I understand your perspective but I also understand if Juggs isn't being defeatist so much as trusting his gut if he's seeing signs he's seen before. Like you're hanging out with someone for a bit on and off, they go through stages of responsiveness in person and in text, and then after a while you find you're the one initiating almost every conversation. Next their responses get shorter and you notice every other text back is "K" or "that's nice" and no follow up. Then your next meetup they cancel last minute or they tell you they'll call you after something is supposed to be over but don't. I've been there and I'm pretty sure you have too. We aren't prophets but we aren't goldfish brained either. We can see various signs of someone creating/maintaining distance and it feels like shit and I absolutely sympathize with that.
I was just playing with my little baby nephew and he was having a great time and laughing, and then I accidentally bumped our heads together and he started crying and now I feel like the worst person on earth, just absolute dog shit, take me into the woods and put me in a cold grave because I don't deserve to draw breath any more
I was playing with a friend's son, lifting him up so he could dunk a basketball through the hoop, and I accidentally lifted him so that his mouth went right into the hoop rim.
I absolutely identify with your feelings, it is the worst.
But the kid forgave me, and his mom forgave me, and it all turned out well.
One time my nephew (when he was maybe 2 and a half or 3) was running around the living room like a bat out of hell playing with one of my aunt's dogs. He rounded the corner from behind the couch and slammed his forehead into the corner of a glass-top coffee table, falling onto his butt and then his torso hitting the ground. For at least a full second, all the air in the room went cold and silent as everyone looked at him, ready to pounce. But he got back up and kept running around like a maniac. Totally unscathed.
Two minutes later the dog growled at him and he started wailing. Kids!
The Walmart money transfer thing worked. The buyer went to a Walmart near them, filled out some form, gave their Walmart money. They sent me a copy of their receipt with a code on it.
I went to a nearby Walmart , showed the worker there a code, and they gave the money.
I said if this person says they didn't actually do that with their money, what happens? And the Walmart worker said they had to sign several forks and scan their drivers license or other official ID to do it, so it's impossible to say they didn't do it.
I'm going to go to the post office and mail the bow on Monday.
+27
Options
JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
Flossing suuuuucks, we were supposed to have nanobots to take care of this by now.
I was just playing with my little baby nephew and he was having a great time and laughing, and then I accidentally bumped our heads together and he started crying and now I feel like the worst person on earth, just absolute dog shit, take me into the woods and put me in a cold grave because I don't deserve to draw breath any more
when i was an english teacher at a preschool in japan, i was goofing around with the kids at recess. they'd line up and i'd pick them up by the hands, swing em around a bit, and put em down. one little girl ran at me while i was looking away and tried to use my hands to do like a little flip, but i wasn't able to grab on fully in time so she basically fell straight on her head. she only cried a little but the look of newfound distrust made me feel maybe the worst i ever have in my entire goddamn life.
I’m not sure what to work on, though, to be honest. Like, if I give my number or contact information to someone, which also happens occasionally, I don’t think that obligates the person I give my number to to call me back so I generally try not to have any expectations. Though it definitely depends on the circumstances.
I’m also just not always interested in connecting further with people I randomly meet. Or maybe I’m not sure at the time and need time to reflect. Is it better to just let people know up front if they offer their number or whatever that connecting further is possible but there’s a low chance of me getting back to them? I feel like that’s insulting, but I really don’t know. I should mention that most of the time this exchange of contact info is typically at a bar or something similar which is a bit less...serious (?) than your typical social gathering.
IDK. I want to be friendly and I want to be open to things but I don’t always know, when offered a number, if I’m going to actually want to follow up. Sometimes I just want to go out and socialize and I’ll talk to random people but I also don’t necessarily want to “meet” them if that makes sense? But I always feel some guilt even if the other person probably doesn’t care very often.
edit: I guess I feel like a first, random meeting is too early to outright reject someone and it could be unnecessarily mean or insulting. But do people generally expect to be contacted back if contact info is shared, or what? I also think gender dynamics may play a big role here, I don’t know.
edit2: Admittedly, I’m also very used to people not getting back to me about anything, ever, including completely non-romantic stuff, so I’ve kind of normalized that at this point and have completely disabused myself of any expectation, lest I go insane or live my life perpetually depressed. I’m sure that has had a negative aspect on how I interact with people in turn. So maybe I do have something to work on, I just can’t logic out what the right answer is.
Work on mustering the gumption to get back to someone. I unno, it seems only polite to text and say hi after someone shares contact info with me. Doubly so if I specifically asked for it. Managing my own expectations has everything to do with managing my own emotional state, and I have worked hard to get comfortable with the notion that the way I interface with the world isn’t also how I expect others to think and react to things: it’s irrelevant if you expect someone to get back to you or not, your expectations are not universal.
By the same token, I don’t think it’s shitty or insulting not to get back to someone who gave their contact info unsolicited, just nice if you do. You’re not beholden to others’ expectations, especially if they’re not clearly communicated. If you asked someone for their digits, then yeah, I think you have created an expectation and are somewhat obligated to at least say hi.
One time my nephew (when he was maybe 2 and a half or 3) was running around the living room like a bat out of hell playing with one of my aunt's dogs. He rounded the corner from behind the couch and slammed his forehead into the corner of a glass-top coffee table, falling onto his butt and then his torso hitting the ground. For at least a full second, all the air in the room went cold and silent as everyone looked at him, ready to pounce. But he got back up and kept running around like a maniac. Totally unscathed.
Two minutes later the dog growled at him and he started wailing. Kids!
Is kissing supposed to be a big deal?
I went on a date last week and it went really well I thought. I'm of the idea that a hug is good enough of an ending to a first date, but my date went in for a kiss. Slight awkwardness for a second, but I saved the moment and we kissed. Since then we've been messaging pretty regularly, but the interaction on her part has been waning I feel like.
I let myself go and it was a great moment, but the effects of it have been pretty deep over these past couple days.
All these weird feelings of doubt and fear.
Anyways, I don't plan on keeping these feelings forever. My hobbies are really great and my family is awesome. I want to message this person about a second date, but scheduling is always a pain. We'll see!
0
Options
astrobstrdSo full of mercy...Registered Userregular
Kinda happy at the moment.
Going to find out sometime soon I think if I'm in a friends who love each other situation or a lovers situation.
Probably as we learn more about each other.
Either way is great.
Got my answer, they haven't been romantic midnight text messages of "I love you".
I can't say I'm not disappointed, but hey, I don't have to lose sleep about it.
It was good to get an answer.
I guess that disappointment makes me a fake.
It is absolutely fine to think you will feel a certain thing and then feel a different way when it happens.
Kinda happy at the moment.
Going to find out sometime soon I think if I'm in a friends who love each other situation or a lovers situation.
Probably as we learn more about each other.
Either way is great.
Got my answer, they haven't been romantic midnight text messages of "I love you".
I can't say I'm not disappointed, but hey, I don't have to lose sleep about it.
It was good to get an answer.
I guess that disappointment makes me a fake.
Disappointment is natural and neither rational nor entirely within the realm of your control. It’s what you do with the initial knee-jerk that matters. If you recognize that you are responsible for building the hopes and expectations that have led to this disappointment, even unconsciously, then you shouldn’t have much trouble putting yourself in the friendship headspace you were in before.
Is kissing supposed to be a big deal?
I went on a date last week and it went really well I thought. I'm of the idea that a hug is good enough of an ending to a first date, but my date went in for a kiss. Slight awkwardness for a second, but I saved the moment and we kissed. Since then we've been messaging pretty regularly, but the interaction on her part has been waning I feel like.
I let myself go and it was a great moment, but the effects of it have been pretty deep over these past couple days.
All these weird feelings of doubt and fear.
Anyways, I don't plan on keeping these feelings forever. My hobbies are really great and my family is awesome. I want to message this person about a second date, but scheduling is always a pain. We'll see!
Like most things, kissing means different things to different people and it is hard to know what it “means” without having a discussion about it.
If you’re not sure if having a discussion about it is comfortable or complicated or whatever, then for now just relax and try not to overthink it.
The Walmart money transfer thing worked. The buyer went to a Walmart near them, filled out some form, gave their Walmart money. They sent me a copy of their receipt with a code on it.
I went to a nearby Walmart , showed the worker there a code, and they gave the money.
I said if this person says they didn't actually do that with their money, what happens? And the Walmart worker said they had to sign several forks and scan their drivers license or other official ID to do it, so it's impossible to say they didn't do it.
I'm going to go to the post office and mail the bow on Monday.
so you're saying.............. you sucessfully armed a sovereign citizen?
+5
Options
3cl1ps3I will build a labyrinth to house the cheeseRegistered Userregular
I guarantee you that sovcit is already armed to the teeth with firearms of questionable legality.
OrcaAlso known as EspressosaurusWrexRegistered Userregular
Why is this a question when the answer is so obvious?
+6
Options
BroloBroseidonLord of the BroceanRegistered Userregular
edited February 2020
I cannot wait until these develop a tiny tear that causes a constant deflating balloon fart sound for like an hour, until you have one giant leg and one sad droopy leg.
Posts
I would say that yes, if someone gives you their contact information, there is a clear expectation that you will then contact them. Or if not an expectation, a desire at very least.
If you don't want to, you don't have to, of course. People have been disregarding other people's attempts at communication since the dawn of man, and there are honestly plenty of good reasons to do so, depending on the circumstances. But I feel like if this is a continual pattern you are encountering, maybe some self reflection is in order?
Missing the important coda:
This is also very true and valid.
I was playing with a friend's son, lifting him up so he could dunk a basketball through the hoop, and I accidentally lifted him so that his mouth went right into the hoop rim.
I absolutely identify with your feelings, it is the worst.
But the kid forgave me, and his mom forgave me, and it all turned out well.
Two minutes later the dog growled at him and he started wailing. Kids!
I've been trying to get my friends to try Zelle since it cuts out the extra transfer step (it's account-to-account) but everyone already has Venmo.
I went to a nearby Walmart , showed the worker there a code, and they gave the money.
I said if this person says they didn't actually do that with their money, what happens? And the Walmart worker said they had to sign several forks and scan their drivers license or other official ID to do it, so it's impossible to say they didn't do it.
I'm going to go to the post office and mail the bow on Monday.
boxing is real weird, y'all
when i was an english teacher at a preschool in japan, i was goofing around with the kids at recess. they'd line up and i'd pick them up by the hands, swing em around a bit, and put em down. one little girl ran at me while i was looking away and tried to use my hands to do like a little flip, but i wasn't able to grab on fully in time so she basically fell straight on her head. she only cried a little but the look of newfound distrust made me feel maybe the worst i ever have in my entire goddamn life.
Work on mustering the gumption to get back to someone. I unno, it seems only polite to text and say hi after someone shares contact info with me. Doubly so if I specifically asked for it. Managing my own expectations has everything to do with managing my own emotional state, and I have worked hard to get comfortable with the notion that the way I interface with the world isn’t also how I expect others to think and react to things: it’s irrelevant if you expect someone to get back to you or not, your expectations are not universal.
By the same token, I don’t think it’s shitty or insulting not to get back to someone who gave their contact info unsolicited, just nice if you do. You’re not beholden to others’ expectations, especially if they’re not clearly communicated. If you asked someone for their digits, then yeah, I think you have created an expectation and are somewhat obligated to at least say hi.
Dang we probably will have nanobots to clean our teeth for us at some point huh?
Now I’m mad i don’t live in this future already.
you shouldn't be
they'll be updated by the same future people who do windows updates and make software for self checkout counters
I went on a date last week and it went really well I thought. I'm of the idea that a hug is good enough of an ending to a first date, but my date went in for a kiss. Slight awkwardness for a second, but I saved the moment and we kissed. Since then we've been messaging pretty regularly, but the interaction on her part has been waning I feel like.
I let myself go and it was a great moment, but the effects of it have been pretty deep over these past couple days.
All these weird feelings of doubt and fear.
Anyways, I don't plan on keeping these feelings forever. My hobbies are really great and my family is awesome. I want to message this person about a second date, but scheduling is always a pain. We'll see!
It is absolutely fine to think you will feel a certain thing and then feel a different way when it happens.
Disappointment is natural and neither rational nor entirely within the realm of your control. It’s what you do with the initial knee-jerk that matters. If you recognize that you are responsible for building the hopes and expectations that have led to this disappointment, even unconsciously, then you shouldn’t have much trouble putting yourself in the friendship headspace you were in before.
Like most things, kissing means different things to different people and it is hard to know what it “means” without having a discussion about it.
If you’re not sure if having a discussion about it is comfortable or complicated or whatever, then for now just relax and try not to overthink it.
so you're saying.............. you sucessfully armed a sovereign citizen?
but now he has a quiet one!
But a bow isn't a firearm. It's more like a...waterarm.
As we all know, a lone wacko with a bow* is the deadliest mutha in the world.
* Rambo, Laura Croft, Robin Hood, JC Denton, etc.
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
Fiberarm
I was in Vegas during this!
I won 110 bucks on the fight!
I promptly lost it!
should I buy a pair
I feel like shit so back to business as usual I suppose.
:bro: I'm sorry about that Juggernut.