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There is a [Conspiracy Thread] here, and I will seek it out!
Metzger Meister
It Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered User regular
It Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered User regular
Ok! It's not gonna be a good OP though.Bogart wrote:Someone make another one of these.
Aliens. Bigfoots. Celebrity pedophage cults. Bigfoot Alien Pedophile Celebrity Cults. This is the continuation of the previous conspiracy theories thread! Don ye now thine tinfoil hat and brave the kookier corners of the internet, plumb the depths of the human psyche and come out the other side more confused than ever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vpqffgak7To+8
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No reason to let the work go to waste:
The internet is bad. The reasons are manifold but conspiracy theories is the one this thread is about.
"Conspiracy theory," means something slightly distinct from the sum of its constituent terms. Most conspiracy theories involve actual theorization of conspiracies among some shadowy They (usually Jews), but this isn't what the term has come to mean. What it ultimately means is a pattern of argument wherein facts not in evidence are used to pursue conclusions they don't support.
Here's just a few fun examples (see also thelast OP):
Homeopathy
Water is magic, and the less magic it is the MORE magic it becomes. To make water more magic you dilute the magic out with more regular water, adding a drop from the sample to a flask, then a drop of that to a different flask, repeated until no molecule from the original sample would remain even if the final flask were larger than the observable universe. That sounds like a lot, but you can do this on a modest sized kitchen counter, a drop in just a cup of water multiplies the dilution incredibly fast.
Anti-vaxx
Vaccines are bad and will do things. Getting sick is good and won't do things. Pioneered by "doctor" Andrew Wakefield, who linked vaccines to autism so he could... uh... sell more vaccines.
Geocentrism
Flat earth's little brother, living in the shadow of his more successful and talented siblings like the Ronald Weasley of bunk. This is Flat Earth theory for people who've done the math correctly and can no longer deny the Earth is flat, but can sure as hell deny everything else about modern science.
Flood Geology
A specific subset of Young Earth Creationism wherein Noah's Flood is responsible for everything we interpret as the geological record - the entire geological column was deposited in a few months and all the animals Noah deemed unworthy were sorted into the layers neatly by species rather than size the way actual tests have shown (these tests still prove the theory, though, totally trust us!). Replaces the more traditional God the Deceiver version where the geological column and fossil record were created from nothing on the First Day with enough Magic Water to satisfy a million generations of homeopaths.
Bible Code
Not strictly limited to the bible, there's also older Torah and Kabballah and other versions, and even US Code and Uniform Code of Military Justice versions popular among Sovereign Citizens. I lump them all into the Bible Code because the practice was widely popularized in the 90's by Michael Drosnin's book The Bible Code. Basically, you play a large volume of text like a crossword puzzle looking for the words you need to prove your point. Closely related to our next contestant...
Numerology
Another one often associated with the Bible today but far more widespread, nearly every system of belief has some history with the practice. Numerology is the nonsensical mashing together of arbitrary figures to divine Truth. What is and is not Truth is usually decided upon before the Numerologist starts calculating.
Cryptozoology
Encompassing too many separate groups to really be called a unified theory, but if I get started this whole list would be cryptids. Examples include the fantastic (like Mothman, fae, and mermaids), the living extinct species (Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot), the unproven variant of a real species (black tigers, gray/brindled lion), the real species in a place it doesn't exist (the African Nandi bear and the American eastern cougar), the just plain silly (Jackalope), and the local prank on outsiders (snipe or drop bear). Cryptozoology is rife with hoaxes and swear-to-god claims but extra short on solid evidence.
Eschatology
Broadly, the study or speculation on any religious end-of-the-world scenario. More specifically, there is a primarily Christian movement to actually bring about the events of Revelation. There are disputes on how to achieve this, but there are multiple movements which use the linguistic word-crime, "Immanentize the Eschaton," which is to say, make the end of the world immanent. There are two schools of thought in this. Liberal protestants say the way to do this is to make Earth more like heaven, until there's nothing left to gain except eternity. Evangelical Fundamentalists believe the way is to satisfy the nebulously defined initial condition in the book of Revelation. This often involves a unified Israel being destroyed by an army of brown people.
QAnon/The Storm
There exists a omnipresent global reason for me to use this image again.
Just... The less said the better. Just read the thread, like half of it's going to be this shit.
In actual conspiracy theory news, just guess what theory was espoused by the guy who crashed a truck full of guns through the gate to Justin Trudeau's house.
Just guess. You'll never get it. Did you guess yet? What is your guess? Oh, well, then. Got it in one.
I definitely would not be surprised if he were high on his own supply (of conspiracy theories), though, he just probably doesn't believe in the literal baby-eating democratic sewer goblins and whatnot. Definitely still a huge racist, sexist, and all-around asshole, just maybe not quite as much as what he presents to his fans (who probably lean towards the sewer goblins being real).
Case in point: the prefix con has two different meanings, one of which has two different etymologies from hitchhiking in on different root words. And none of them are related to the word con.
That's just what Hevach Prime wants you to think.
OK I'm done spamming nao
It is, instead, a fantastic phrase, being in the first line of the book most famous for having the single greatest list of band names ever.
So there.
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
Ben Collins is a reporter for NBC News
So the mods are in on it? SCATTER.
edit: Holy shit "homeopathy for plants" is the most incredible sentence I have seen today.
Wayfair isn't involved in human trafficking.
That's just stupid.
They're involved with selling furniture to concentration camps, and the camps are doing the trafficking.
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
https://www.npr.org/2020/07/01/885991730/gop-candidates-open-to-qanon-conspiracy-theory-advance-in-congressional-races
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/03/30/qanons-conspiracy-theories-have-seeped-into-u-s-politics-but-most-dont-know-what-it-is/
Google's data on searches for qanon:
I read a book where the villain did something like this. He smuggled artifacts out of the middle east using art auctions. He'd crap out a half ass Jackson Pollock knockoff titled, "Small Bust of Sobek, 3rd Dynasty," and use that to sell the actual artifact, moving the goods and laundering the money in one step, and giving the buyer an overpriced tax write-off they can donate to the local community college.
They're very good at signal amplification, especially with all the bots pushing their shit, and their shit leaks into the mainstream GOP even in the best of scenarios. I expect Flynn knew exactly what he was doing, or at least approximately enough.
Wayfair sells products. Many of their products have names that are also used by people. For example, "Samiyah" (one of the examples) has 25 results. 24 of those products are obviously too cheap to secretly be human trafficking, but the last one is a seven thousand dollar sectional sofa. Suspicious! Or how about Malachi? 81 results, all less than a thousand dollars, except for the $10,000 hand knotted area rug. Now, are these the child trafficking products, or are they just an overpriced sectional sofa and area rug?
A related question: how many people are named Malachi? Google says over 2700 people in the US in 2006 had the name Malachi, and that's just one year in one country. What are the odds that none of them went missing? In fact, a one "Malachi Wiley" went missing last month. Did he turn up later? Maybe, but that's not the point. That rug is now proof of human trafficking, and if I decide my foyer needs a one-of-a-kind rug to really bring out the afternoon sun, I'll end up with a very confused kid showing up in the mail. (Hopefully I sprung for next-day delivery.)
Or maybe Wayfair sells products in the $10k+ range, tend to use human names to describe their products, and if you have a few thousand kids with the same name, one of them is bound to go missing at some point.
Was this the Hobby Lobby / ISIS scandal?
Cause that was a real conspiracy.
Most Americans have probably heard something that is related to QAnon, but that's because QAnon seems to absorb other conspiracy theories (which are then spread by people in power...). But I would definitely believe that just the phrase "QAnon" is a mystery to most Americans because that part doesn't seem to be signal boosted by traditional sources.
It's kind of similar. Hobby Lobby was bringing them in as fakes and then selling them as real (and it turned out a lot of them were fake because honor among thieves is a myth).
The story is Grimiore of the Lamb by Kevin Hearne, and the bad guy is eaten by a demon because the good guy decided it would be funny to mess with his OCD by putting his things very slightly askew... It's not really about the art thing, that's just a background detail that the Wayfair thing reminds me of - using a proxy purchase named after the real purchase.
Everyone is actually a QAnon sleeper agent now.
Well, everyone except you.
Haha yeah, who wouldn’t understand drop shipping
<_<
>_>
What is drop shipping?
coincidence?
It's kind of like the online version of retail slotting, where the store doesn't buy the product wholesale, but provides (either for a fee or a commission) the shelf space for it to a third party. Video games, gift cards, soft drinks, bread, power tools, and appliances, stuff with the As Seen On TV sticker, just for some examples. You might be inside a Walmart, but those categories of product are likely not being bought from Walmart but a third party.
With drop shipping, it's not shelf space but web space. You might be on Wayfair's website, but when you purchase an item its usually coming from a third party. There are online retailers that don't even have a physical existence and are just a middle man.
Edit: note this is distinct from third party sellers or storefronts, where you're actually dealing with the seller and the website is now the third party.
Wikipedia says that "drop shipping" is when a retailer sells goods to a customer, but without ever actually possessing the goods themselves. Instead, they forward all orders received to another retailer or wholesaler who does have it, who then ships the purchases to the customer directly. Applied to this specific case, the reason why the same product has four different prices and names despite having the same appearance is that Wayfair is selling each individual retailer/wholesaler's offering on their behalf-- which those retailers/wholesalers themselves list under different names and prices.
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