As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options

inter-religious marriage

jeddy leejeddy lee Registered User regular
edited June 2008 in Debate and/or Discourse
So, I've used the term my "wife" for a while, pretty much since I proposed last july, but the score will be settled on 08/02/08. Now, she is the daughter of an Independent Baptist pastor, and we all know what kind of girl that makes her! :winky: Seriously though, she is amazing, fun, open-minded, intelligent, but she is in the end Christian, and has strong faith, but does not feel the need to have her belief be pressed upon anyone else (of course she does wish I were Christian, but it is not a neccesity).

Her dad is great. Creative, funny, honest, hard working, and always available for advice on any subject including religion. He is well aware of the fact that I am mostly agnostic, and that I do not protest against any religion, but I was raised devoid of it. Again, he is amazing and welcoming, and wants nothing more than for me to be part of his family. Again, he wishes I were Christian, but believes that it is no ones choice but my own, and he can only steer me through good example.

Now her brother is a huge douchebag that is a holly roller for a couple weeks, then a complete deadbeat dad rock and roller the other few weeks. He apparently has a sudden desire for his sister, (my to-be wife) to tell me I must have faith in god or the marriage is off. She become incredibly offended (as she should be) but ultimately was very upset that her brother would feel this way about what should be the happiest day of her life(my level of offense was incredible, but I didn't actually talk to him).

I guess the whole point of the story, is that even in Christian/Agnostic there was atleast 1 major religious kink that had to happen in this marriage. Not that his opinion matters, but it does upset the mood when your only brother all of a sudden becomes vocally outspoken against your husband to be due to his religion. All in all though, I am very impressed by how smoothly things are going, and that no one except for douchebag mcgee has a problem with it.

Any of you married inter religion, and was there any problems, any interesting stories/funny happenings?

Backlog Challenge: 0%
0/8

PS2
FF X replay

PS3
God of War 1&2 HD
Rachet and Clank Future
MGS 4
Prince of Persia

360
Bayonetta
Fable 3

DS
FF: 4 heroes of light
jeddy lee on
«1345678

Posts

  • Options
    MikeMcSomethingMikeMcSomething Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I had premarital sex with a couple Catholic girls

    Does that count

    MikeMcSomething on
  • Options
    hellobuddyhellobuddy Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    My only advice would be to check out a couple of seasons of 'Seventh Heaven'. Then run.

    hellobuddy on
  • Options
    SpeakeasySpeakeasy Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Getting married on my birthday, eh.

    Don't know if you're superstitious, but the last two couples I know that did ('98 and '03) got divorced a year later.

    Good luck though!

    Speakeasy on
    smokeco3.jpg
  • Options
    QinguQingu Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I hooked up with my on-again off-again evangelical Christian ex-girlfriend. Later, I found out that, at the time, she was engaged to this super-evangelical kid who was kind of my nemesis on a Christian online message board, and that they broke up because of it. Best adultery I've ever had.

    I think inter-religious dating is only a good idea if neither of you actually take your religiosity or lack thereof seriously.

    Qingu on
  • Options
    QuidQuid Definitely not a banana Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    My wife to be is agnostic and I'm a deist, so we're trying our best to reconcile "I don't know" with "Probably."

    That's really all I've got.

    Quid on
  • Options
    MikeMcSomethingMikeMcSomething Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Quid wrote: »
    My wife to be is agnostic and I'm a deist, so we're trying our best to reconcile "I don't know" with "Probably."

    That's really all I've got.

    That's fucking awesome

    MikeMcSomething on
  • Options
    JamesJames Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Her brother is just being an enormous dick. It's not his wedding and you have her father's blessing so frankly neither of you should care what her brother thinks. Hopefully one day he'll grow out of it.

    Best of luck with your (soon to be) marriage!

    James on
  • Options
    mcdermottmcdermott Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I think inter-religious dating is only a good idea if neither of you actually take your religiosity or lack thereof seriously.

    This is kind of my feeling. I think if somebody actually believes in an afterlife and specific criteria for getting there, and that their spouse isn't meeting those criteria, the idea of spending eternity without them will eventually become an issue.

    Doubly so once kids become involved.

    Not saying it can't work, of course...just that it's a handicap that some relationships definitely fail to overcome.

    mcdermott on
  • Options
    MagicPrimeMagicPrime FiresideWizard Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I married a satanist because she's a demon in the sack.

    Get it?
    :winky:

    MagicPrime on
    BNet • magicprime#1430 | PSN/Steam • MagicPrime | Origin • FireSideWizard
    Critical Failures - Havenhold CampaignAugust St. Cloud (Human Ranger)
  • Options
    Wonder_HippieWonder_Hippie __BANNED USERS regular
    edited May 2008
    You got pretty lucky even with just the brother. The only person from my girlfriend's family that will talk to me anymore is her father, and we just talk about beer and Mel Brooks movies. Everybody else has shunned because I basically turned the only college educated, intelligent, open-minded member of their family into a fairly confrontational tree hugging atheist. Her mother sends us cards dripping with Jesus crap every chance she gets. To get an idea of her pedigree, her mother's sister teaches all the kids from that side of the family and all the kids from her father's side of the family in this tiny little private church that's built off the side of Dayton Baptist Temple. The kids went on a trip to the creation museum last year, and when I heard about that I... well, I did what all of you would probably expect me to do. Right to her grandmother and everybody else in the family.

    So, yeah, since then they won't even aknowledge my existence to her. She went back home for a few months for her sister's pregnancy. I'm deathly afraid that she's not going to come back because I've driven too much of a rift between her and that fuckass of a family of hers. I haven't really slept in a week because of it. She took our bunnies too, so I don't even have anything to cuddle with.

    If I lose the single most important person in my life because of this kind of shit, I'm just going to fucking lose it. I talk to her every day, and the worst part is that we share views now, but she's extremely attached to her family. I just feel helpless at this point. It's entirely up to her.

    God, I'm stressed out now. Didn't mean to rant like that. I'm going to call my girlfriend.

    Wonder_Hippie on
  • Options
    shrykeshryke Member of the Beast Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Your Brother-In-Law is just being a dick.

    And if you can't resolve your religiousness or lack there of with hers, you shouldn't be getting married.

    It seems like you've got it all in hand though. So Good Luck friend.

    Dick In-Laws are just a fact of life. Although, it's best when your Significant Other ALSO thinks their a dick.


    PS - Wonder_Hippie, that sucks. Hope it works out for you.

    shryke on
  • Options
    jeddy leejeddy lee Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Oh, I think everything will work out just fine. We's gotten along like peas and carrots for years. I wasn't really looking for advice, just thought it was an interesting thing to bring up.

    jeddy lee on
    Backlog Challenge: 0%
    0/8

    PS2
    FF X replay

    PS3
    God of War 1&2 HD
    Rachet and Clank Future
    MGS 4
    Prince of Persia

    360
    Bayonetta
    Fable 3

    DS
    FF: 4 heroes of light
  • Options
    ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited May 2008
    Quid wrote: »
    My wife to be is agnostic and I'm a deist, so we're trying our best to reconcile "I don't know" with "Probably."

    That's really all I've got.

    My wife is Christian and I'm deist, and we have no issues. Her faith is important to her, she likes to go to church sometimes, and she wants our kids to be raised Christian. I have no problems with that, and so we're all good.

    Kids might be a sticking point, so make sure you're agreed on how to handle that prior to your marriage. As a Christian, she'll probably want her kids to be raised as such. You'll need to be okay with that, and you'll need to agree on what happens if and when the kids find out you're agnostic. In my case, we agreed that the kids could be raised Christian, but if they ever asked me about my beliefs, I would be completely honest with them, and they would be allowed to decide.

    ElJeffe on
    I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
  • Options
    ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    edited May 2008
    jack eddy wrote: »
    Oh, I think everything will work out just fine. We's gotten along like peas and carrots for years. I wasn't really looking for advice, just thought it was an interesting thing to bring up.

    Peas and carrots are a vile combination. Clearly your marriage is doomed. The only thing that could be worse is if you went polygamous and added corn.

    ElJeffe on
    I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
  • Options
    CauldCauld Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    mcdermott wrote: »
    I think inter-religious dating is only a good idea if neither of you actually take your religiosity or lack thereof seriously.

    This is kind of my feeling. I think if somebody actually believes in an afterlife and specific criteria for getting there, and that their spouse isn't meeting those criteria, the idea of spending eternity without them will eventually become an issue.

    Doubly so once kids become involved.

    Not saying it can't work, of course...just that it's a handicap that some relationships definitely fail to overcome.

    I think this is only really the case if either of the people have an exclusive belief set. What I mean is if I'm a Catholic, and I believe only Catholics can go to heaven and my spouse isn't Catholic, there's probably going to be problems. If I believe in God, but think anyone who is basically 'good' will go to heaven, then I think there's less of a problem. If I believe in Karma and reincarnation then I, again, wouldn't think its very important whether or not my spouse agrees, as long as they're a good person.

    Cauld on
  • Options
    mcdermottmcdermott Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    ElJeffe wrote: »
    jack eddy wrote: »
    Oh, I think everything will work out just fine. We's gotten along like peas and carrots for years. I wasn't really looking for advice, just thought it was an interesting thing to bring up.

    Peas and carrots are a vile combination. Clearly your marriage is doomed. The only thing that could be worse is if you went polygamous and added corn.

    Oh god, could I go for some hot pea/carrot/corn action right about now. You've gone and made me hungry, you bastard.

    mcdermott on
  • Options
    mcdermottmcdermott Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Cauld wrote: »
    I think this is only really the case if either of the people have an exclusive belief set. What I mean is if I'm a Catholic, and I believe only Catholics can go to heaven and my spouse isn't Catholic, there's probably going to be problems. If I believe in God, but think anyone who is basically 'good' will go to heaven, then I think there's less of a problem. If I believe in Karma and reincarnation then I, again, wouldn't think its very important whether or not my spouse agrees, as long as they're a good person.

    True, and I should have qualified that. But nearly every denomination of Christianity is an exclusive belief set...within the whole of Christianity, though not always within the denomination.

    mcdermott on
  • Options
    GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I am a former Catholic, now kinda atheist/dontgiveashitist, and my ex-wife was Buddhist. I've dated women from just about every major religion. I've also known a few inter-faith couples.

    The only time I've ever seen religious issues create problems is with children. Basically, how are the kids you're eventually gonna have going to be raised? If anyone has a strong opinion on this, it should be discussed before the kids arrive. Understand that the opinion may change later on... your Baptist wife may insist on the child being Baptized, going to church, etc. You don't have to be at church, but you may have to go to the Baptism.

    GungHo on
  • Options
    shrykeshryke Member of the Beast Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    mcdermott wrote: »
    Cauld wrote: »
    I think this is only really the case if either of the people have an exclusive belief set. What I mean is if I'm a Catholic, and I believe only Catholics can go to heaven and my spouse isn't Catholic, there's probably going to be problems. If I believe in God, but think anyone who is basically 'good' will go to heaven, then I think there's less of a problem. If I believe in Karma and reincarnation then I, again, wouldn't think its very important whether or not my spouse agrees, as long as they're a good person.

    True, and I should have qualified that. But nearly every denomination of Christianity is an exclusive belief set...within the whole of Christianity, though not always within the denomination.

    Eh, not really. You can easily argue it either way.

    While pretty much every single one says "I'm the Most Right!!", many say (or could easily be interpreted to say) "You don't have to follow my denomination to go to Heaven".

    shryke on
  • Options
    I Am Not A BearI Am Not A Bear Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I'm married to a Muslim girl and I'm Catholic. Go figure how that one went over on both sides of our family. My parents and brother have no issue with her and we're all still close, but my grandparents (both sides) won't talk with me and all four of them say that I don't exist to them anymore. The rest of the family just treat me with mild apathy and disinterest.

    Her side of the family, asides from her sisters, have disowned her.

    Her and I get along quite well without the family blessings.

    I Am Not A Bear on
  • Options
    shrykeshryke Member of the Beast Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    GungHo wrote: »
    I am a former Catholic, now kinda atheist/dontgiveashitist, and my ex-wife was Buddhist. I've dated women from just about every major religion. I've also known a few inter-faith couples.

    The only time I've ever seen religious issues create problems is with children. Basically, how are the kids you're eventually gonna have going to be raised? If anyone has a strong opinion on this, it should be discussed before the kids arrive. Understand that the opinion may change later on... your Baptist wife may insist on the child being Baptized, going to church, etc. You don't have to be at church, but you may have to go to the Baptism.

    Agreed. Kids are ALWAYS the sticking point.

    My Fiance enjoys Catholic stuff and likes coming to Church with me and everything, even if she doesn't really believe in God. So, thankfully, we dodged a big issue there.

    shryke on
  • Options
    EmperorSethEmperorSeth Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    GungHo wrote: »
    I am a former Catholic, now kinda atheist/dontgiveashitist, and my ex-wife was Buddhist. I've dated women from just about every major religion. I've also known a few inter-faith couples.

    The only time I've ever seen religious issues create problems is with children. Basically, how are the kids you're eventually gonna have going to be raised? If anyone has a strong opinion on this, it should be discussed before the kids arrive. Understand that the opinion may change later on... your Baptist wife may insist on the child being Baptized, going to church, etc. You don't have to be at church, but you may have to go to the Baptism.

    There's always the Unitarian Universalist church. It seems to be a good way to compromise on most religious views. Mind you, I'm biased since I regularly attend one despite being an agnostic.

    EmperorSeth on
    You know what? Nanowrimo's cancelled on account of the world is stupid.
  • Options
    WarbadgerWarbadger Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    This is actually a big problem for me. My long-time girlfriend is Catholic, and I was raised Catholic but am now agnostic/atheist (I'm still working it out). I'm pretty worried about our long-term situation, mainly because I am becoming more and more sure that I don't want a religious wedding and I definitely don't want any kids I ever have to be raised Catholic/Christian/whatever. This would probably be a big problem for her.

    Mostly I just completely ignore the issue and my girlfriend seems to be doing this as well. Every once in a while we talk about religion and I will bring up that she is sinning with me over and over and over (:winky:), but she just shrugs and says that she doesn't want to talk about it. It makes her uncomfortable to be reminded of it, I think, and she doesn't really want to put a lot of thought into what she actually believes right now. I'm sure this very scenario has been talked about millions of times here, so I won't go into any more detail.

    I don't know, jack, what you should do. In a situation like this one of you is going to have to make big concessions, and it sounds like it is going to be you saying 'it is fine to raise our kids Christian even though I do not believe in it'. If that is acceptable then I think it could work. In my case, I don't think I would be okay with it and that is why I am thinking that I won't end up marrying my girlfriend unless either I or she changes drastically on the issue. Who knows, though. I've changed quite a bit in the last few years so nothing is impossible.

    Warbadger on
  • Options
    DagrabbitDagrabbit Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I'm agnostic, my wife is Catholic. The only real conflict with her family was that her mother wanted to have Communion during the wedding ceremony, and I said no. There was a brief fight, but she got over it pretty quick.

    It was fun taking the Cosmo Catholic Compatibility Test, a fill-in the bubble test designed to bring up any potential issues in the marriage. We even got to fill out the 20-30 question penalty section for co-habitating before marriage. Even better was the Pre-Cana, six sessions of meeting with other engaged couples to talk about marriage. The leaders were a couple with the last name Passion where the wife overshared everything while the husband looked uncomfortable. Good times.

    Usually the biggest issue in inter-faith marriages is what to do with the kids. She wants to raise the kids Catholic, which is fine by me because having an opinion beats out "I don't know." I'll probably go to church with her when they're young so they don't have to ask why daddy stays home and plays video games while they have to go to church. As long as both halves of the couple support the one's choice in faiths, most problems can be avoided.

    Dagrabbit on
  • Options
    mcdermottmcdermott Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    shryke wrote: »
    mcdermott wrote: »
    True, and I should have qualified that. But nearly every denomination of Christianity is an exclusive belief set...within the whole of Christianity, though not always within the denomination.

    Eh, not really. You can easily argue it either way.

    While pretty much every single one says "I'm the Most Right!!", many say (or could easily be interpreted to say) "You don't have to follow my denomination to go to Heaven".

    Um...that's what I was trying to say with the bit after the dots. I would have simply said that "Christianity" is an exclusive belief set, but didn't want to get nitpicked with some random denomination that isn't. That's the only reason I mentioned denominations.

    I was just saying that nearly every denomination believes you have be some brand of Christian to get to heaven.

    mcdermott on
  • Options
    shrykeshryke Member of the Beast Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    mcdermott wrote: »
    shryke wrote: »
    mcdermott wrote: »
    True, and I should have qualified that. But nearly every denomination of Christianity is an exclusive belief set...within the whole of Christianity, though not always within the denomination.

    Eh, not really. You can easily argue it either way.

    While pretty much every single one says "I'm the Most Right!!", many say (or could easily be interpreted to say) "You don't have to follow my denomination to go to Heaven".

    Um...that's what I was trying to say with the bit after the dots. I would have simply said that "Christianity" is an exclusive belief set, but didn't want to get nitpicked with some random denomination that isn't. That's the only reason I mentioned denominations.

    I was just saying that nearly every denomination believes you have be some brand of Christian to get to heaven.

    Ahh.

    There's also, btw, for non-Christians getting in too if they lead a good life. I was trying to drive at that, but I got distracted and the post went off message.

    shryke on
  • Options
    WarbadgerWarbadger Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Dagrabbit wrote: »
    Usually the biggest issue in inter-faith marriages is what to do with the kids. She wants to raise the kids Catholic, which is fine by me because having an opinion beats out "I don't know." I'll probably go to church with her when they're young so they don't have to ask why daddy stays home and plays video games while they have to go to church. As long as both halves of the couple support the one's choice in faiths, most problems can be avoided.

    Right on. See, the issue for me is this: If you are Catholic (for example), how can you be okay with your partner missing out on eternal bliss with you? I don't see how you can just support their belief, unless your own belief is pretty lax and you just shrug when it comes up in conversation.

    All this has been said already in the thread, though, so...meh.

    Warbadger on
  • Options
    GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    My current girlfriend is Catholic and I simply tell her I won't take Communion. I've gone to church a few times with her, especially on the "big days" like Palm Sunday, Easter, etc. mostly because it makes her feel better. However, I don't take Communion because I think it'd be disingenuous for me to do it. She understands. Then again, the reason I left the church really wasn't due to a falling out or other event... I just never really "bought" everything and was going through the motions. However, if someone had a negative experience, I'd fully understand if they wanted nothing to do with it.

    GungHo on
  • Options
    mcdermottmcdermott Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    shryke wrote: »
    Ahh.

    There's also, btw, for non-Christians getting in too if they lead a good life.

    Depends on the denomination. I went to a Baptist church for a while, and let's just say this was never mentioned. In fact, most of the folks in that church firmly believed that Catholics weren't getting into heaven, and even referred to them as "non-Christians."

    Crazy bunch, they were.

    EDIT: Also, I think that "good life" clause is generally a higher standard than being a generally cool dude. I think anybody who has actually been exposed to the Gospel and rejected it is held to a pretty high standard there.

    mcdermott on
  • Options
    geckahngeckahn Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    ElJeffe wrote: »
    Quid wrote: »
    My wife to be is agnostic and I'm a deist, so we're trying our best to reconcile "I don't know" with "Probably."

    That's really all I've got.

    My wife is Christian and I'm deist, and we have no issues. Her faith is important to her, she likes to go to church sometimes, and she wants our kids to be raised Christian. I have no problems with that, and so we're all good.

    As a deist, I can get along totally with anyone who isn't hardcore about religion to the point of pushing it on other people. This includes those pushy holier then thou atheists. Who actually make me more angry than the religious ones, I think.

    geckahn on
  • Options
    shrykeshryke Member of the Beast Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    mcdermott wrote: »
    shryke wrote: »
    Ahh.

    There's also, btw, for non-Christians getting in too if they lead a good life.

    Depends on the denomination. I went to a Baptist church for a while, and let's just say this was never mentioned. In fact, most of the folks in that church firmly believed that Catholics weren't getting into heaven, and even referred to them as "non-Christians."

    Crazy bunch, they were.

    Baptists. What do you expect? :P

    I find it fun what some of the other Christian denominations think of us.

    Romans 2: 12-15 is the one I remember supporting the "Good People Go To Heaven" viewpoint btw. There's a few others I think, but I can't remember them off the top of my head.

    shryke on
  • Options
    CauldCauld Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Warbadger wrote: »
    This is actually a big problem for me. My long-time girlfriend is Catholic, and I was raised Catholic but am now agnostic/atheist (I'm still working it out). I'm pretty worried about our long-term situation, mainly because I am becoming more and more sure that I don't want a religious wedding and I definitely don't want any kids I ever have to be raised Catholic/Christian/whatever. This would probably be a big problem for her.

    Mostly I just completely ignore the issue and my girlfriend seems to be doing this as well. Every once in a while we talk about religion and I will bring up that she is sinning with me over and over and over (:winky:), but she just shrugs and says that she doesn't want to talk about it. It makes her uncomfortable to be reminded of it, I think, and she doesn't really want to put a lot of thought into what she actually believes right now. I'm sure this very scenario has been talked about millions of times here, so I won't go into any more detail.

    I don't know, jack, what you should do. In a situation like this one of you is going to have to make big concessions, and it sounds like it is going to be you saying 'it is fine to raise our kids Christian even though I do not believe in it'. If that is acceptable then I think it could work. In my case, I don't think I would be okay with it and that is why I am thinking that I won't end up marrying my girlfriend unless either I or she changes drastically on the issue. Who knows, though. I've changed quite a bit in the last few years so nothing is impossible.

    This is similar to a problem a friend of mine has. She's a about 50 years old and is divorced. She's Catholic and likes participating and going to Catholic mass. She tells me she consistently has a problem with being accepted into a church until they find out she's divorced, at which point she starts to feel like she's being excluded and looked down on. Especially since she hasn't had her marriage annulled. She tried to get it annulled, but I guess the local group that decides those things decided against her (It was a rather devistating decision, I think).

    This all came up because she was considering getting remarried to another Catholic. But apparently you can't 'remarry' unless your previous spouse died. So she had to get her previous marriage annulled. That presented a whole new set of issues for her, since she'd had children from that marriage and annulling them was like saying her children were mistakes, in a way.

    So, I asked her why she chooses to be part of an organization that doesn't respect her, or her wishes and seems to be making every attempt to exclude her. Her only real response was that she was brought up that way, and that her family are all Catholic, and that its kind of all she knows, religion wise. I've often wondered why she doesn't try out Protestant churches and maybe find one more accomidating, but in the end its her life and her religious beliefs, and not mine. So I don't push her. :|

    Cauld on
  • Options
    CauldCauld Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    GungHo wrote: »
    My current girlfriend is Catholic and I simply tell her I won't take Communion. I've gone to church a few times with her, especially on the "big days" like Palm Sunday, Easter, etc. mostly because it makes her feel better. However, I don't take Communion because I think it'd be disingenuous for me to do it. She understands. Then again, the reason I left the church really wasn't due to a falling out or other event... I just never really "bought" everything and was going through the motions. However, if someone had a negative experience, I'd fully understand if they wanted nothing to do with it.

    I do the same thing, Communian wise. If I'm at a Catholic service for whatever reason (weddings), I won't take Communion. I think it would be demeaning to the people who believe the dogma behind it. I guess I've never concerned myself with what those people think of me obviously not participating. Also, I won't pray in any group setting (before meals, etc.)for the same reason, regardless of the religion involved.

    Cauld on
  • Options
    shrykeshryke Member of the Beast Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Cauld wrote: »
    Warbadger wrote: »
    This is actually a big problem for me. My long-time girlfriend is Catholic, and I was raised Catholic but am now agnostic/atheist (I'm still working it out). I'm pretty worried about our long-term situation, mainly because I am becoming more and more sure that I don't want a religious wedding and I definitely don't want any kids I ever have to be raised Catholic/Christian/whatever. This would probably be a big problem for her.

    Mostly I just completely ignore the issue and my girlfriend seems to be doing this as well. Every once in a while we talk about religion and I will bring up that she is sinning with me over and over and over (:winky:), but she just shrugs and says that she doesn't want to talk about it. It makes her uncomfortable to be reminded of it, I think, and she doesn't really want to put a lot of thought into what she actually believes right now. I'm sure this very scenario has been talked about millions of times here, so I won't go into any more detail.

    I don't know, jack, what you should do. In a situation like this one of you is going to have to make big concessions, and it sounds like it is going to be you saying 'it is fine to raise our kids Christian even though I do not believe in it'. If that is acceptable then I think it could work. In my case, I don't think I would be okay with it and that is why I am thinking that I won't end up marrying my girlfriend unless either I or she changes drastically on the issue. Who knows, though. I've changed quite a bit in the last few years so nothing is impossible.

    This is similar to a problem a friend of mine has. She's a about 50 years old and is divorced. She's Catholic and likes participating and going to Catholic mass. She tells me she consistently has a problem with being accepted into a church until they find out she's divorced, at which point she starts to feel like she's being excluded and looked down on. Especially since she hasn't had her marriage annulled. She tried to get it annulled, but I guess the local group that decides those things decided against her (It was a rather devistating decision, I think).

    This all came up because she was considering getting remarried to another Catholic. But apparently you can't 'remarry' unless your previous spouse died. So she had to get her previous marriage annulled. That presented a whole new set of issues for her, since she'd had children from that marriage and annulling them was like saying her children were mistakes, in a way.

    So, I asked her why she chooses to be part of an organization that doesn't respect her, or her wishes and seems to be making every attempt to exclude her. Her only real response was that she was brought up that way, and that her family are all Catholic, and that its kind of all she knows, religion wise. I've often wondered why she doesn't try out Protestant churches and maybe find one more accomidating, but in the end its her life and her religious beliefs, and not mine. So I don't push her. :|

    Damn, where's she live? I've never had anything like that happen in any Catholic Churches I've been to/known.

    shryke on
  • Options
    DagrabbitDagrabbit Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Warbadger wrote: »
    Dagrabbit wrote: »
    Usually the biggest issue in inter-faith marriages is what to do with the kids. She wants to raise the kids Catholic, which is fine by me because having an opinion beats out "I don't know." I'll probably go to church with her when they're young so they don't have to ask why daddy stays home and plays video games while they have to go to church. As long as both halves of the couple support the one's choice in faiths, most problems can be avoided.

    Right on. See, the issue for me is this: If you are Catholic (for example), how can you be okay with your partner missing out on eternal bliss with you? I don't see how you can just support their belief, unless your own belief is pretty lax and you just shrug when it comes up in conversation.

    All this has been said already in the thread, though, so...meh.

    My wife's interpretation of heaven allows non-believers to be there. I figure she's my golden ticket in.

    I've heard from extremely religious people before that they'd feel like they couldn't share all of their life with someone if their mate didn't share their beliefs, but my wife doesn't fall into that category.

    Dagrabbit on
  • Options
    SlickShughesSlickShughes Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Cauld wrote: »
    This all came up because she was considering getting remarried to another Catholic. But apparently you can't 'remarry' unless your previous spouse died. So she had to get her previous marriage annulled. That presented a whole new set of issues for her, since she'd had children from that marriage and annulling them was like saying her children were mistakes, in a way. |

    My parents are divorced, both remarried, and my mother insisted on getting an Annulment on top of it so she could be really remarried. Seems kind of asinine to both my father and me, but neither of us cared and let it go as she wanted. I do know from looking into it though that there's a loophole for legitimacy of children. Again, I didn't care either way, but it's there if it matters to your friend I guess, if she can get the approval for it. I know my parent's marraige didn't fit any of the usual criteria, so I don't know what's really required. I get the feeling there was some sort of pay-off involved.

    SlickShughes on
  • Options
    geckahngeckahn Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Cauld wrote: »
    GungHo wrote: »
    My current girlfriend is Catholic and I simply tell her I won't take Communion. I've gone to church a few times with her, especially on the "big days" like Palm Sunday, Easter, etc. mostly because it makes her feel better. However, I don't take Communion because I think it'd be disingenuous for me to do it. She understands. Then again, the reason I left the church really wasn't due to a falling out or other event... I just never really "bought" everything and was going through the motions. However, if someone had a negative experience, I'd fully understand if they wanted nothing to do with it.

    I do the same thing, Communian wise. If I'm at a Catholic service for whatever reason (weddings), I won't take Communion. I think it would be demeaning to the people who believe the dogma behind it. I guess I've never concerned myself with what those people think of me obviously not participating. Also, I won't pray in any group setting (before meals, etc.)for the same reason, regardless of the religion involved.

    You are doing the right thing. If your girlfriend is trying to get you to take communion, and youre not catholic, she's actually a horrible catholic.

    I was raised Catholic, and . . yeah, I'm not anymore, but theres no way I'd be cool with someone that came to church with me taking communion who wasn't Catholic. I guess its just stuck with me.

    Being a former Catholic is another issue. and thats fine.

    geckahn on
  • Options
    GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    geckahn wrote: »
    You are doing the right thing. If your girlfriend is trying to get you to take communion, and youre not catholic, she's actually a horrible catholic.

    I was raised Catholic, and . . yeah, I'm not anymore, but theres no way I'd be cool with someone that came to church with me taking communion who wasn't Catholic. I guess its just stuck with me.

    Being a former Catholic is another issue. and thats fine.
    FYI, Catholics aren't the only Christians that practice the Eucharist, though I don't know if there's any cases where they'll take it in another sect's church.

    GungHo on
  • Options
    SlickShughesSlickShughes Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    GungHo wrote: »
    geckahn wrote: »
    You are doing the right thing. If your girlfriend is trying to get you to take communion, and youre not catholic, she's actually a horrible catholic.

    I was raised Catholic, and . . yeah, I'm not anymore, but theres no way I'd be cool with someone that came to church with me taking communion who wasn't Catholic. I guess its just stuck with me.

    Being a former Catholic is another issue. and thats fine.
    FYI, Catholics aren't the only Christians that practice the Eucharist, though I don't know if there's any cases where they'll take it in another sect's church.

    The difference come in that Catholics and some other denominations believe the act literally transforms the bread/wine, while most other believe it is symbolic only. Catholics tend to be compatible with Orthodox churches on this, from memory.

    SlickShughes on
  • Options
    geckahngeckahn Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    GungHo wrote: »
    geckahn wrote: »
    You are doing the right thing. If your girlfriend is trying to get you to take communion, and youre not catholic, she's actually a horrible catholic.

    I was raised Catholic, and . . yeah, I'm not anymore, but theres no way I'd be cool with someone that came to church with me taking communion who wasn't Catholic. I guess its just stuck with me.

    Being a former Catholic is another issue. and thats fine.
    FYI, Catholics aren't the only Christians that practice the Eucharist, though I don't know if there's any cases where they'll take it in another sect's church.

    The difference come in that Catholics and some other denominations believe the act literally transforms the bread/wine, while most other believe it is symbolic only. Catholics tend to be compatible with Orthodox churches on this, from memory.

    Yeah. Protestants don't believe that. Catholics/Eastern Orthodox is it as far as I'm aware.

    geckahn on
Sign In or Register to comment.