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Strange and Embarrassing Moments: Italy: Land of Homoerotic Escapades

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Posts

  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    clsCorwin wrote: »
    Pony... seriously... you need to write a damn book.. Oh god... lol

    Tucker Max made a movie and wrote a chart topping book on strictly being an asshole. Pony has a wider berth.
    I wonder how not profiting from your crimes plays into this though.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I'm starting to wonder if, when regular things happen to Pony, he doesn't either freak out or demand that things get weirded up.

    Like, y'know, things are going well with a chick.

    Really well.

    Everyone's having fun.

    If, I dunno, he has to stop and make sure that her brother is jacking off about it outside, or that he's somehow related to her, or she's part of a sting operation to get him somehow, and if not, he just puts his pants back on and leaves.

    What I'm getting at is "does Pony's life have some kind of weirdness/fuckedupness quota"?

    Would he be strangely embarassed by perfectly normal situations?

    Guys, careful, we're glancing beyond the looking glass here.

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • SpectrumSpectrum Super High-School Level ??? Hope's Peak AcademyRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I would think at this point he has a contact list. If something's too normal, he can just whip it out, dial whoever's closest, and someone will show up in 20 minutes to start something crazy.

    Spectrum on
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  • ThegreatcowThegreatcow Lord of All Bacons Washington State - It's Wet up here innit? Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Spectrum wrote: »
    I would think at this point he has a contact list. If something's too normal, he can just whip it out, dial whoever's closest, and someone will show up in 20 minutes to start something crazy.

    *RING!*

    "Hello? Yes this is...oh...oh god it's you...wh-what do you want?"

    "But we got chased out of town last time we did that....with PITCHFORKS....and TORCHES. There was some serious Dr. Frankenstein shite going down there..."

    "What? You want me to get...what? Ok hang on I gotta write this down....Ok...ok...ok....so 3 Packages of hot dogs.....20lbs of Primacord.....6 Rhubarbs....a goat....a pumpkin....a monkey-no wait, TWO monkies...12 M-80s....and 6 bottles of Everclear....got it"

    "....."

    "....YES I do like holding onto my soul thank you very mu-NO I WILL NOT GIVE YOU A PINT OF MY BLOOD!"

    "....I'm going to regret what we're going to do tonight aren't I?"

    "*Sigh*....hookay....I'll be there in a couple of hours, gotta go knockoff the local zoo and liquor store"

    Thegreatcow on
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Pony I love your stories more than anything else on this forum (and those were amazing), but you gotta space this shit out over several pages, and not just blow your wad over an hour's worth of posts.

    You know, add some suspense to it.

    Gammarah on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    you know i have lots of instances of "this one time i picked up a dude in a bar and we went back to his place and fucked and then i talked to him for a couple days after but we never went out again the end"

    they just aren't interesting things that happen

    i'm 26, dudes. i've had a lot of fucked up shit that happened to me, and much of it was in some way my own fault. while it's easy to say "what're you some kind of weirdness magnet, pony?" the reality is through almost all of my high school years i did a lot of drugs, hung out with criminals, and was callously promiscuous. in the years after, i was pretty normal, although i still enjoyed casual dating and sex, periodic drug use, and i was still into kickboxing and amateur MMA.

    all of that besides the periodic drug use is behind me now, so really when you lead a lifestyle which is that self-destructive and full of fucked up people and screwy interactions, the odds of you coming out of it with a strange anecdote or two is pretty high.

    i'm probably never going to write a real biography, because the reality is large swaths of it would be very depressing or horrifying and not in a way that would entertain people or make them want to read on. so, unless i wanted to edit the events of my own life to make them seem more collectively awesome than they were, i don't think i really want to write about the whole thing.

    instead i will tell isolated incidents like this where even if they are terrible or make me look bad, they at least entertain people.

    Pony on
  • adytumadytum Registered User regular
    edited August 2011
    ...

    adytum on
    etxvv5.jpg
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Those swab tests suck
    "Oh sorry Improvolone, we ran out of the swabs we use for men so we have to use the one we use for women."
    "Is there a difference?"
    "They're just a bit bigger."

    I've had the "are you gay/are you on drugs" question from my mother before. A lot of people wasn't sure if i was gay or not even into college.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • TheMarshalTheMarshal Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    My college roommate was, according to several of the girls living in my dorm, "too hot to be straight".

    TheMarshal on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    For the record, I wasn't exactly helping the case. During an improv show I was playing a game with two others where on the bell ding we would switch characters. It was a Peter Pan scene and guess who started with Tinker Bell? This guy (who used to have long hair to his shoulders).
    How do you make it look like Tinker Bell is flying? By putting on your t-rex arms and flapping your hands like little fairy wings.
    What does Tinker Bell say?
    "Twinkle twinkle" friends, "twinkle twinkle".

    I also recall the girl I dated seriously my senior year being asked on more than one occasion, "wait, isn't he gay?" when she mentioned who she was dating.

    Oh, and my dad has called me his special little snowflake. That was in college.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • admanbadmanb unionize your workplace Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    For the record, I wasn't exactly helping the case. During an improv show I was playing a game with two others where on the bell ding we would switch characters. It was a Peter Pan scene and guess who started with Tinker Bell? This guy (who used to have long hair to his shoulders).
    How do you make it look like Tinker Bell is flying? By putting on your t-rex arms and flapping your hands like little fairy wings.
    What does Tinker Bell say?
    "Twinkle twinkle" friends, "twinkle twinkle".

    I also recall the girl I dated seriously my senior year being asked on more than one occasion, "wait, isn't he gay?" when she mentioned who she was dating.

    Oh, and my dad has called me his special little snowflake. That was in college.

    I don't even think you're gay and I still think you're gay. Figure that one out.

    admanb on
  • adytumadytum Registered User regular
    edited August 2011
    ...

    adytum on
    etxvv5.jpg
  • SirUltimosSirUltimos Don't talk, Rusty. Just paint. Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Ever since Pony's last story I haven't even read any stories. I am in complete and utter awe. I'll get to them eventually... but Jesus Christ.

    SirUltimos on
  • RenegadeSilenceRenegadeSilence Registered User
    edited September 2009
    Man I was going to tell a couple stories but after reading Pony's I completely blanked.
    It would be hilarious if Pony wrote a biography, and then seeing him on Oprah, It would be like the Million Pieces dude except he would be omitting stuff that happened to him because no one would believe him.

    RenegadeSilence on
  • The Last GentThe Last Gent Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I have to ask this. After reading Pony's "destroy the councilor's life" story. Was it worth it in the end?

    Edit: I mean was it worth going through that massive crazy scheme just for revenge on a preachy, kinda bigoted councillor?

    The Last Gent on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I have to ask this. After reading Pony's "destroy the councilor's life" story. Was it worth it in the end?

    Edit: I mean was it worth going through that massive crazy scheme just for revenge on a preachy, kinda bigoted councillor?

    not really

    Pony on
  • The Last GentThe Last Gent Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Pony wrote: »
    not really
    Alright, just checking. I'm not really sure why, but I just had to say SOMEthing after reading that.

    The Last Gent on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    the thing is, i don't even know what happened to that guy. for all i know, he hung himself or something after that

    i don't know.

    was it worth it, or right, or justifiable? no, not at all

    basically i fucked up his life for no other reason than he was annoying and offensive

    that was the sort of person i was in those days

    i try not to let it bother me.

    Pony on
  • SkutSkutSkutSkut Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Well on the plus side he could've had a mental break down and went on a serial killing rampage if you hadn't have ruined him.

    SkutSkut on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    SkutSkut wrote: »
    Well on the plus side he could've had a mental break down and went on a serial killing rampage if you hadn't have ruined him.

    who knows

    i like to think that maybe somewhere down the line the whole thing was somehow positive for him and maybe coming out in the end did him more a favor than if he had remained angrily in the closet for so many years

    but really, that's just me trying to justify it to myself so i don't feel so guilty

    Pony on
  • The Last GentThe Last Gent Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Meh, everyone's a jerk when they're younger. We all loose that sense of selfishness at different points.

    Y'know, if you don't publish a biography, I at least think you ought to become some kind of writer. If you can somehow replicate your funny tone in a proper, complex narrative format then most these stories would be funny enough to just adapt and publish as fiction, I think. And then you hit them with that serious story too.

    The Last Gent on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Pony wrote: »
    the thing is, i don't even know what happened to that guy. for all i know, he hung himself or something after that

    i don't know.

    was it worth it, or right, or justifiable? no, not at all

    basically i fucked up his life for no other reason than he was annoying and offensive

    that was the sort of person i was in those days

    i try not to let it bother me.

    You should never Facebook anyone without their written permission.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    as an aside i've sucked men's dicks and i'm still less gay than improvolone

    Pony on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Goddamn it.

    For a solid month Amazon thought I was gay.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • RentRent I'm always right Fuckin' deal with itRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Goddamn it.

    For a solid month Amazon thought I was gay.

    Dude, you have a quote from a gay dude asking you to go out with him in your sig

    Just...you know...sayin

    Rent on
  • dice00dice00 Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    So I was texting one of my friends about a concert, and here is how things turn out.

    Me: There is an opener at 7, and gates open at 6.
    Him: Cool, how much are tickets?
    Me: Like 5 bucks.
    Him: Do you feel me inside of you?

    Turns out he was also texting (sexting or what have you) his girlfriend at the time.

    dice00 on
  • Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    dice00 wrote: »
    So I was texting one of my friends about a concert, and here is how things turn out.

    Me: There is an opener at 7, and gates open at 6.
    Him: Cool, how much are tickets?
    Me: Like 5 bucks.
    Him: Do you feel me inside of you?

    Turns out he was also texting (sexting or what have you) his girlfriend at the time.

    Appropriate response: oh thats what that was. I thought it was someone's baby toe.

    Al_wat on
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  • admanbadmanb unionize your workplace Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Al_wat wrote: »
    dice00 wrote: »
    So I was texting one of my friends about a concert, and here is how things turn out.

    Me: There is an opener at 7, and gates open at 6.
    Him: Cool, how much are tickets?
    Me: Like 5 bucks.
    Him: Do you feel me inside of you?

    Turns out he was also texting (sexting or what have you) his girlfriend at the time.

    Appropriate response: oh thats what that was. I thought it was someone's baby toe.

    Or: "I'd rather have the 5 bucks."

    admanb on
  • Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    haha, i probably would have actually responded with "yes", then waited for the "WTF?!" response.

    Al_wat on
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  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    So, I have a fairly strange moment. it's actually not mine, but a friends.

    So, my friend Steph went to college in Boston. As she was walking down the sidewalk to get to her class, she saw a hobo, who then, upon seeing her, asked for change. She dug through her purse, and took out a handful of pennies she happened to have.

    After handing the pennies over to the homeless man begging for her change, he looks her square in the eye and said "I don't take pennies."

    ..and hands them back,


    Apparently beggars can be choosers.

    AlyceInWonderland on
  • dice00dice00 Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Just remembered a great story. My cousin (female if you care) from New York is coming down with her boyfriend to visit my family around Christmas time. We never met this boyfriend, but we figured we would treat him like he was family and cook a family gathering dinner. Think mini thanksgiving.

    So our relatives really like Virginia Ham for some reason (it tastes like any other ham), so me father thought it would make a great meal. So he prepared a ham and placed it on one a plate. Now this is a special sinner plate that needs some back story.

    Half my family is German. And they only came after the second world war. So yes, there was a part of my family that were Nazis (not that they had a real choice in the matter). So later on in life, my family inherited this silver dinner plate when my grandmother dies. This plate has a a little image of an eagle carrying a reef with a swastika on it. We are not proud that a part of our family had any dealings with anything dealing with it, but we are not the types to feel like it was our fault or anything so we use it whenever.

    So cousin and boyfriend come in, and everything goes well. We liked the boyfriend and we liked to think he liked us too. Then dinner came around. We all get ready to eat, and right before my mother asked something about him coming to church with us the next day. He declines. Turns out he is Jewish.

    dice00 on
  • ScalfinScalfin __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2009
    dice00 wrote: »
    Just remembered a great story. My cousin (female if you care) from New York is coming down with her boyfriend to visit my family around Christmas time. We never met this boyfriend, but we figured we would treat him like he was family and cook a family gathering dinner. Think mini thanksgiving.

    So our relatives really like Virginia Ham for some reason (it tastes like any other ham), so me father thought it would make a great meal. So he prepared a ham and placed it on one a plate. Now this is a special sinner plate that needs some back story.

    Half my family is German. And they only came after the second world war. So yes, there was a part of my family that were Nazis (not that they had a real choice in the matter). So later on in life, my family inherited this silver dinner plate when my grandmother dies. This plate has a a little image of an eagle carrying a reef with a swastika on it. We are not proud that a part of our family had any dealings with anything dealing with it, but we are not the types to feel like it was our fault or anything so we use it whenever.

    So cousin and boyfriend come in, and everything goes well. We liked the boyfriend and we liked to think he liked us too. Then dinner came around. We all get ready to eat, and right before my mother asked something about him coming to church with us the next day. He declines. Turns out he is Jewish.

    Well, at least you can be fairly certain that the plate wasn't stolen from somebody related to him.

    Scalfin on
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  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Serving ham on a Nazi sliver platter to a Jew on Thanksgiving?

    The faux paus are just staggering.

    DarkPrimus on
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  • Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    I think I would be apprehensive about using dinnerware with swastikas on it when dining with guests.

    I mean the ham can be excused; it was lack of knowledge.

    Al_wat on
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  • underdonkunderdonk __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2009
    dice00 wrote: »
    Just remembered a great story. My cousin (female if you care) from New York is coming down with her boyfriend to visit my family around Christmas time. We never met this boyfriend, but we figured we would treat him like he was family and cook a family gathering dinner. Think mini thanksgiving.

    So our relatives really like Virginia Ham for some reason (it tastes like any other ham), so me father thought it would make a great meal. So he prepared a ham and placed it on one a plate. Now this is a special sinner plate that needs some back story.

    Half my family is German. And they only came after the second world war. So yes, there was a part of my family that were Nazis (not that they had a real choice in the matter). So later on in life, my family inherited this silver dinner plate when my grandmother dies. This plate has a a little image of an eagle carrying a reef with a swastika on it. We are not proud that a part of our family had any dealings with anything dealing with it, but we are not the types to feel like it was our fault or anything so we use it whenever.

    So cousin and boyfriend come in, and everything goes well. We liked the boyfriend and we liked to think he liked us too. Then dinner came around. We all get ready to eat, and right before my mother asked something about him coming to church with us the next day. He declines. Turns out he is Jewish.

    Hitler would be proud.

    underdonk on
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  • GrisloGrislo Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Al_wat wrote: »
    I think I would be apprehensive about using dinnerware with swastikas on it when dining [strike]with guests[/strike].

    The thought process behind 'yeah, it's got a swastika on it, but it's not like we actually killed any jews ourselves. Also, it's silver!' is quite close to the very definition of strange and embarrassing.

    Grislo on
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  • ArchArch Neat-o, mosquito! Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    Serving ham on a Nazi sliver platter to a Jew on Thanksgiving?

    The faux paus are just staggering.

    hahahahaha

    Arch on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    Serving ham on a Nazi sliver platter to a Jew for Christmas?

    The faux paus are just staggering.
    Actually, it gets better.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • LaOsLaOs Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    Serving ham on a Nazi sliver platter to a Jew for Christmas?

    The faux paus are just staggering.
    Actually, it gets better.

    Exactly.

    LaOs on
  • THEPAIN73THEPAIN73 Shiny. Real shiny.Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    So, I have a fairly strange moment. it's actually not mine, but a friends.

    So, my friend Steph went to college in Boston. As she was walking down the sidewalk to get to her class, she saw a hobo, who then, upon seeing her, asked for change. She dug through her purse, and took out a handful of pennies she happened to have.

    After handing the pennies over to the homeless man begging for her change, he looks her square in the eye and said "I don't take pennies."

    ..and hands them back,


    Apparently beggars can be choosers.

    Haha. That is one classy Hobo.

    THEPAIN73 on
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This discussion has been closed.