While we're on farts, there were these two asian guys on our dorm floor who boasted their loud farts. One time my roommate offered 10 bucks to whomever could bust out the loudest, nastiest fart. We had ordered chinese/pizza earlier (yeah there's this one place that does both) so we were set up in the lounge (balcony, couches, pool table, etc). The first guy drops a 5 second bomb that is a raunchy as it is loud. It was like someone shuffling a deck of extra large playing cards.
The next dude (small, short cambodian) proceeds to rip one out. Now, words fail me for the most part. But it started light and slow kinda like how a toddler would normally fart, then a pause, and then is was like a sperm whale beaching itself and proceeding to puke out its guts in the most violent way. Loud and smelly enough to make the lounge room clear out.
As he danced happily he had an aftershock fart that made him stop dancing and stand still. Then he proceeds to screech out "OH GOD NO!" and runs to the restroom. Apparently, he sharted something fierce.
So here's an old one that I'd completely forgotten about until a friend of mine brought it up the other day.
So I was trying to figure out this song's piano part, right? I think it was Konstantine by Something Corporate, but I'm not certain. So I had my iPod on, the music turned way up, and I'm walking towards the most accessible piano on campus sort of playing a non-existant keyboard, trying to figure this thing out. I am totally dead to the world.
The most accessible piano on campus is in the chapel.
So I walk in, and I get about halfway up the aisle towards the altar - the piano's right up front and to the left - when I look up. And realize I'm in the middle of someone's fucking wedding. Like, bride and groom at the altar exchanging vows in the middle of a goddamned wedding. And everyone in the three-quarters-full chapel is staring at me like I'm autistic or something. I believe I might have said "..." very very loudly. Screamed it even.
So I just vaugely gesture towards the door, spin on my heel, and walk out.
The door closes.
Vast amounts of laughter, audible from across the street.
Salvation122 on
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SmasherStarting to get dizzyRegistered Userregular
edited October 2007
How the fuck do you forget about something like that?
I was at a house party a friend of mine was throwing with a few old friends of mine and ended up getting pretty drunk. Eventually, for some reason, I end up staggering out onto the street to get some air or something. The next thing I know, everyone is screaming and yelling, I'm back in the kitchen and people are either looking really worried or laughing hysterically. The guy who's party it is tells me I should probably go and for some reason I'm convinced this is a very good idea, but I can't remember why.
The next day I find out I'd accidentally walked into his neighbour's house, gotten confused and started yelling at his neighbour. Eventually she threatened to stab me and I ended up figuring out I was in the wrong place and got the fuck out of dodge.
Well, i figure i'd better post this in. though, my storytelling ability tends to make a great story just fall to pieces. anyway-
Im working at wal-mart, and i have to go to the bathroom, so i slip out of my register monkey hutch, and head to the bathroom. standing alone at the urinal, im doing my business silently and quickly, so that the CSM's (manager types) dont get all up in my face about it. so im almost done, and i notice that a small asian child (About 12 or 14) is now in the stall next to me... LOOKING OVER THE PARTITION. we catch eye contact... and he pauses and says "konichiwa" and i quickly leave... completely weirded out.
I'd been in Tokyo for a couple of years when some people and I went out to Roppongi for New Years. On that particular day, Roppongi sucks. It's like shoulder to shoulder in every bar. Needless to say, I became drunk, belligerent, and somehow separated from my friends. I stumbled around, bar hopping by myself. And that's about all I remember.
I woke up the next morning in a strange room. It was all red curtains and leopard print blankets. My clothes were piled in the corner and I was ass naked. I started dressing, still wondering where the hell I was, when an old Asian lady stuck her head through the curtains and asked, "Daijobu?" I asked her where I was, but I don't speak Japanese, so all I got from her was the time. I dressed, checked my wallet (no money left) and ran out.
Turns out I was at a brothel. It was about 10am when I stepped outside. Of course the streets were crowded and people kept staring at me. I didn't have any money, but I somehow managed to slip past the turnstile at the station and make my way home without paying. Don't even know how I managed that.
The_Most_Fantastic on
“You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time; all else is grandiose romanticism or politics.â€
~CB
I'd been in Tokyo for a couple of years when some people and I went out to Roppongi for New Years. On that particular day, Roppongi sucks. It's like shoulder to shoulder in every bar. Needless to say, I became drunk, belligerent, and somehow separated from my friends. I stumbled around, bar hopping by myself. And that's about all I remember.
I woke up the next morning in a strange room. It was all red curtains and leopard print blankets. My clothes were piled in the corner and I was ass naked. I started dressing, still wondering where the hell I was, when an old Asian lady stuck her head through the curtains and asked, "Daijobu?" I asked her where I was, but I don't speak Japanese, so all I got from her was the time. I dressed, checked my wallet (no money left) and ran out.
Turns out I was at a brothel. It was about 10am when I stepped outside. Of course the streets were crowded and people kept staring at me. I didn't have any money, but I somehow managed to slip past the turnstile at the station and make my way home without paying. Don't even know how I managed that.
so, uh. did you end up with herpes or a horrible crotchrot?
cuz thats usually what happens when you get real drunk, and wake up in strange places.
The place I worked at for my co-op had a phantom shitter in the men's room. The cleaning crew described it to the administration and it trickled down to my ears. Apparently, it occurred multiple times in a variety of different ways.
So here's an old one that I'd completely forgotten about until a friend of mine brought it up the other day.
So I was trying to figure out this song's piano part, right? I think it was Konstantine by Something Corporate, but I'm not certain. So I had my iPod on, the music turned way up, and I'm walking towards the most accessible piano on campus sort of playing a non-existant keyboard, trying to figure this thing out. I am totally dead to the world.
The most accessible piano on campus is in the chapel.
So I walk in, and I get about halfway up the aisle towards the altar - the piano's right up front and to the left - when I look up. And realize I'm in the middle of someone's fucking wedding. Like, bride and groom at the altar exchanging vows in the middle of a goddamned wedding. And everyone in the three-quarters-full chapel is staring at me like I'm autistic or something. I believe I might have said "..." very very loudly. Screamed it even.
So I just vaugely gesture towards the door, spin on my heel, and walk out.
The door closes.
Vast amounts of laughter, audible from across the street.
You probably just made their wedding. That's a story their kids will hear.
Similar story that happened to a friend of mine.
I can't remember if it was the Men's Ensemble or the Concert Choir, but we were singing at a church on a Sunday morning, and one of our members had to leave after we were done singing, but before the service ended because he had something else he had to get to that morning. Anyway, we finish our songs and sit down, and he tries to do his stealth exit. Unfortunately, he tried to exit through the door at the front of the church on the side. The pastor had told him he could, but apparently someone had stacked a bunch of chairs in front of the exit door or something. So he goes in, the whole church can see him, but doesn't say anything. We hear some scuffling, and the he comes out looking really sheepish and kind of scurries down the side aisle to the back exit. Classic exit into the closet. There was a lot of laughter.
Something like that happened to me last year. I was setting things up for a Workshop we were hosting, and at that particular time I was checking that stuff we had ordered (tables, boards, etc.) had been delivered. It should have been delivered to a lounge and the classroom next to it. So I check the lounge, find some of the stuff. Then I decide to check the classroom.
Setting: It's a large amphitheatre with the doors at the back. There's a short hallway of a few steps before getting to the back of the class.
So I walk in, not really paying attention, thinking about the stuff that's supposed to have been delivered, turn the corner of the short hallway, and find myself at the back of a lecture with full attendance. What's worse is that I must have made some noise, because the prof had stopped lecturing, and everyone in the amphitheatre was looking right at me. I just froze there for two seconds, then took a step back behind the corner of the hallway. Then I popped my head in again to look, and everyone was still staring at me, and the prof said "you can join us if you'd like". I just backed away again and left the room, hearing an amphitheatre's worth of people laughing.
Richy on
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Irond WillWARNING: NO HURTFUL COMMENTS, PLEASE!!!!!Cambridge. MAModeratormod
Something like that happened to me last year. I was setting things up for a Workshop we were hosting, and at that particular time I was checking that stuff we had ordered (tables, boards, etc.) had been delivered. It should have been delivered to a lounge and the classroom next to it. So I check the lounge, find some of the stuff. Then I decide to check the classroom.
Setting: It's a large amphitheatre with the doors at the back. There's a short hallway of a few steps before getting to the back of the class.
So I walk in, not really paying attention, thinking about the stuff that's supposed to have been delivered, turn the corner of the short hallway, and find myself at the back of a lecture with full attendance. What's worse is that I must have made some noise, because the prof had stopped lecturing, and everyone in the amphitheatre was looking right at me. I just froze there for two seconds, then took a step back behind the corner of the hallway. Then I popped my head in again to look, and everyone was still staring at me, and the prof said "you can join us if you'd like". I just backed away again and left the room, hearing an amphitheatre's worth of people laughing.
I did something similar, but it was in high school. I walked into what I thought was an empty classroom looking for something I thought I forgot there earlier in the day. It wasn't empty, in fact it was nearly standing room only due to a special guest speaker (Casey FitzRandolph, if anyone cares, he graduated from my high school in 1993). Instead of doing the sheepish thing and backing out, I just continued on my search, said my apologies after finding the item (can't even remember what it was), shook Casey's hand and left.
For the rest of the year, and the year after, I was greeted in the halls by nearly everyone without a clue who they were. That was the more embarrasing, actually.
For the rest of the year, and the year after, I was greeted in the halls by nearly everyone without a clue who they were. That was the more embarrasing, actually.
Oh, that happens to me all the time. I have a horrible memory for people. I'll meet someone then forget about them five minutes later. So two things often happen
1) Someone will walk up to me and chat like we're life-long friends, and I'll have no fucking clue who they are.
2) I'll introduce myself to some complete stranger who'll turn out to be someone I already know.
One of the most memorable instances of #2 happened a few years back. I was at the student association office, and one of the VPs was talking to me and some important person I had never met before. So I introduced myself to him:
(extending my hand to handshake) "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Richy."
(grabs my hand and shakes) "Yeah I know, we've met three times already, you keep forgetting."
A few years ago I went as Satan for Halloween and one of my accessories was a red plastic trident. After Halloween the trident got left in my girlfriend's hallway closet for a pretty long time. It was forgotten until my girlfriend's father, who is a Mennonite minister, had all of the deacons from his church over for dinner. The deacons come in and when he opens the closet to hang up their coats, out falls the trident right at their feet.
I'm pretty sure one of them made some sort of "Well now we know what Dave does on his spare time" crack, but the Minister was not too happy. A few moments later he went into my girlfriend's room, handed her the trident and said, "You keep this in HERE now."
Ahaha, nice one. I'm not too familiar with Ontario Mennonites, but it seems some them are pretty cool about it. Shame her dad didn't didn't follow it up with the only logical response.
Bursting into flames and swallowing their souls in a endless pit of deepest black.
For the rest of the year, and the year after, I was greeted in the halls by nearly everyone without a clue who they were. That was the more embarrasing, actually.
Oh, that happens to me all the time. I have a horrible memory for people. I'll meet someone then forget about them five minutes later. So two things often happen
1) Someone will walk up to me and chat like we're life-long friends, and I'll have no fucking clue who they are.
2) I'll introduce myself to some complete stranger who'll turn out to be someone I already know.
See, once I'm introduced to someone I tend to remember them. The problem I ran into is that people seemingly got info about me from other people and started talking to me. Almost like they were trying to make me a "popular kid" in high school, but I was just too dense to realize. And way too socially introverted to care.
1) Someone will walk up to me and chat like we're life-long friends, and I'll have no fucking clue who they are.
2) I'll introduce myself to some complete stranger who'll turn out to be someone I already know.
1) rarely happens to me because faces generally look familiar, even if I can't remember their name.
2) has happened once recently. It was at a Biology department event, and I was chatting with this guy in the seat next to mine. Later, they started playing music and I went up to dance, and this guy started dancing with me. He walks up to me later and I say, "Hi, I'm [Irene]." And he's like, "I know, we sat next to each other and talked for like 30 minutes." Me: *facepalm*
One of the strangest experiences of my life was waking up in an apartment that was not my own.
I'd been out drinking with some friends, and the DD gave me a lift back to the apartment village I was living in at the time. The parking lot was restricted to residents, so they just let me out on the curb, apparently confident that I was lucid enough to make it home safely.
Well, almost. The next morning I wake up in a chair in the main room of my apartment. Only, it's not my apartment.
The apartments in the place were partially furnished and all basically the same, see. So I'd stumbled into the apartment across the way from my own, sat down in one of their chairs, and fallen asleep. Waking up the next morning was profoundly scary, because it was all, 'man I was drunk last night... oh shit, this isn't my apartment.' I have no idea why their door would've been unlocked, or why no one noticed this strange young man sleeping in their easy chair. But, no one did, and it was like 8 AM, so I got the fuck out as quickly as possible.
Eat it You Nasty Pig. on
it was the smallest on the list but
Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
Well, time to Necro this, seeing as its easily the most awesome thread on these forums, with two of my own stories. Not as funny as some on here, but maybe some people will add to this.
1) So i'm in this Critical Thinking class at University that I absolutely LOATHE, right? So one day, I go in and write a test, and horribly bomb it, due to having no time to study because of my job. So I'm mad. After the class, I'm standing in line at the Tim Hortons conveniently located on campus near the classroom, with one of my friends in that class, and we're both just bashing it. I remember concluding an angry rant by saying something to the effect of "Man, FUCK that class. SO hard." Turns out my tutorial leader was standing in line behind us. So my friend notices, and points her out. Now's where I just did something stupid. Our tutorial leader's fairly young, so due to the way my friend pointed her out, I assumed she was a fellow student, and ranted to her, too, about how I wasn't paying my $2.50 I owed them for photocopies because I'd payed enough for the class. Thank God I didn't say anything worse. It wasn't until after she was gone that that my amazed friend clarified the matter for me, and naturally, I turned beet-red. Turns out I got a 75 on that test anyway.
2) The first few weeks working my new part-time retail job were brutal to get used to, as my sleeping schedule was thrown completely out of whack, so I was essentially a zombie for a little while. Anywho, I knew I'd hit the wort point of it when one morning, 7 AM, I stumble out to my car to go to school, turn it on, put it in reverse, and back out, only to hear a loud WHUMP as my car slammed into something. I got out and realized, I was so gone, I hadn't even noticed that my father's LARGE VAN was parked behind me. In the same driveway. And I had backed in to it. So naturally, I'm freaking out. Luckily, he was asleep inside the house, and hadn't heard it. Now, I don't know why I was given this luck, but there was no obvious physical damage to either vehicle. So I carefully repositioned my car, and go get him to move the van. Three weeks later and I still wonder how the hell I didn't notice a big freaking van parked behind me.
2) The first few weeks working my new part-time retail job were brutal to get used to, as my sleeping schedule was thrown completely out of whack, so I was essentially a zombie for a little while. Anywho, I knew I'd hit the wort point of it when one morning, 7 AM, I stumble out to my car to go to school, turn it on, put it in reverse, and back out, only to hear a loud WHUMP as my car slammed into something. I got out and realized, I was so gone, I hadn't even noticed that my father's LARGE VAN was parked behind me. In the same driveway. And I had backed in to it. So naturally, I'm freaking out. Luckily, he was asleep inside the house, and hadn't heard it. Now, I don't know why I was given this luck, but there was no obvious physical damage to either vehicle. So I carefully repositioned my car, and go get him to move the van. Three weeks later and I still wonder how the hell I didn't notice a big freaking van parked behind me.
Anyway, contribute, people!
I did this to my roommates Tiburon the other day. I wasn't going very fast and there was no damage. I maintain it's because it was a cloudy day and the damn car is the same shade as those gray clouds. Looked in the rear view, registered as sky, and started going.
My other roommate saw it happen. I gave him the "shhh" sign and he laughed, but hasn't mentioned anything of it.
September 23, 1992. My 12th birthday party. Ice cream, milk, cookies and cake for all! And I gorged myself on it. I wouldn't figure out until about, ohhh 6 years later that I'm lactose intolerant. You can see where this is going.
All I wanted that year was a new bike. And I got it. A Schwinn Predator. My first BMX, with mags and everything. I was in love. So what do you do when you get a new bike? You and your friends go out and ride, of course! At this point in time, I was living on an Army base outside of Chicago. Fort Sheridan, in the suburb of Highland Park. Basically on one end you had my house, on the other end you had the officers' houses and a bunch of woods, and the commissary (grocery store) and PX (department store) right in the middle. We had been riding for a good hour or so and were all the way on the opposite side of the base, quite far from my house. Maybe 3 miles or so. We were taking our bikes up and down the ditches, jumping as high and far as we could when we came up over the lip of them. It was about this time that I felt it. The rumbling, roiling, stirred-up sensation that precedes any good bout of diarrhea. I tell my friends I need to head for the PX and use the bathroom. It was a good mile or so away, so I frantically start pedaling my way there with my friends in tow. With each passing minute, I feel the urge getting more and more insistent.
Finally, I make it. I toss my bike on the rack and rush into the PX, heading straight for the bathroom which was only about 10 feet away from the entrance. I throw open the door and head for the first stall I see. I basically kick it open and turn around, frantically struggling with my belt while my sphincter is starting to take on a mind of its own. I get the belt undone, and as soon as I grab the waistband of my pants, I lose all muscle control. My pants, tighty whities, shoes and socks are filled to the brim. I just stand there, trying to figure out what to do. I clean up as much as I could, but I still had to ride home. I flush the toilet, wash my hands, and go outside to meet my friends. I walk to the bike rack, poo dropping from the bottom of my jeans, and quietly say, "I have to go home.", completely avoiding any eye contact.
I slowly ride home, trying my best not to get poo all over my shiny new bike. I finally make it, go upstairs and take off my clothes, put them in the washer, and take a shower. After I was done, I made my way outside and spent a good 15 minutes hosing off my bike to make sure nothing was left on it. Amazingly, noone ever mentioned it again.
Seriously. I had a friend do this right around that age, and the rest of us all chipped in (hey, we were 12 year olds and poor) and bought him a pack of diapers from the local pharmacy.
Freshman year of high school, I was in the middle of a test, and I really had to pee. I was almost done with it and I thought I could make it. Nope! Peed myself right there at the desk.
The teacher noticed what was going on pretty quickly and made everyone put their heads down while another girl escorted me to the locker room where I could take a shower and wait for my mom to bring me a change of clothes. I was pretty mortified, but never heard about it from ANYONE in the class ever again. I don't know what the teacher told them, but I'm thankful that no one ever teased me about it because I was terribly embarrassed for quite some time all by myself.
When I was in 6th grade, our teacher read us stories from a book called something like Getting Up at the Crack of Dawn. There were like 4 stories in it about the main character peeing himself, usually at school. Once was on a date with his future wife. It was like center around which his life turned.
Freshman year of high school, I was in the middle of a test, and I really had to pee. I was almost done with it and I thought I could make it. Nope! Peed myself right there at the desk.
The teacher noticed what was going on pretty quickly and made everyone put their heads down while another girl escorted me to the locker room where I could take a shower and wait for my mom to bring me a change of clothes. I was pretty mortified, but never heard about it from ANYONE in the class ever again. I don't know what the teacher told them, but I'm thankful that no one ever teased me about it because I was terribly embarrassed for quite some time all by myself.
Wow that is an awesome quick-thinking teacher to do that. Good save.
Yeah I was pretty sure I was going to die. I really can't believe I never heard about it again because I'm sure it went around the school, though the girl who took me to the locker room said she would tell everyone I had a bladder infection :P.
Hmm I need to ask some of my high school friends if they remember that.
I remember when I was in kindergarden I pee'd myself while going down the slide on the playground, leaving a yellow line behind me.
So I had to go to the bathroom where they gave me some loaner underwear they keep for situations like these until my mom can come pick me up or something (can't quite remember),
However I do remember one thing, the underwear was girls underwear with Beauty and the Beast on it with Belle on the front.
I remember in 3rd or 4th grade when a friend and I were playing during recess around the monkey bars. We were chasing each other around and eventually I chased him towards the sandpit with the slide on it. I tackled him into the sand right in front of the slide-exit area. I remember the look on his face as a big as he looked toward the top of the slide.
As I look up, I see this trail of brownish liquid with chunks of what looks to be vegetables coming down the center of the squeeky clean metal slide. My eyes slowly follow the trail up to where this scrawny asian kid is at the top of the ladder going all "GRAWWWWWWAARRRRRRFFFF!!!" with tears streaming down his face.
I remember my friend and I running the fuck away from there and watching from afar as an adult supervisor picked him up and took him to the nurse. We would mimic his puking noise in class sometimes and we'd laugh our asses off.
I had a similiar experience in pre-school. Was climbing up the ladder of a jungle gym. Felt the one rung was wet, puzzled, I looked up and got a face-full of a 2 year old girls diaper clad ass. A diaper with a rapidly spreading damp spot and yellow liquid trickling out the sides.
And people wonder why I'm squeamish about bodily fluids.
Luckliy I dodged the worst of it and spent the rest of the recess washing my hands.
Posts
Made my day. =D
So I was trying to figure out this song's piano part, right? I think it was Konstantine by Something Corporate, but I'm not certain. So I had my iPod on, the music turned way up, and I'm walking towards the most accessible piano on campus sort of playing a non-existant keyboard, trying to figure this thing out. I am totally dead to the world.
The most accessible piano on campus is in the chapel.
So I walk in, and I get about halfway up the aisle towards the altar - the piano's right up front and to the left - when I look up. And realize I'm in the middle of someone's fucking wedding. Like, bride and groom at the altar exchanging vows in the middle of a goddamned wedding. And everyone in the three-quarters-full chapel is staring at me like I'm autistic or something. I believe I might have said "..." very very loudly. Screamed it even.
So I just vaugely gesture towards the door, spin on my heel, and walk out.
The door closes.
Vast amounts of laughter, audible from across the street.
The next day I find out I'd accidentally walked into his neighbour's house, gotten confused and started yelling at his neighbour. Eventually she threatened to stab me and I ended up figuring out I was in the wrong place and got the fuck out of dodge.
Haven't drunk like that since.
Sometimes I Stream Games: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/italax-plays-video-games
Im working at wal-mart, and i have to go to the bathroom, so i slip out of my register monkey hutch, and head to the bathroom. standing alone at the urinal, im doing my business silently and quickly, so that the CSM's (manager types) dont get all up in my face about it. so im almost done, and i notice that a small asian child (About 12 or 14) is now in the stall next to me... LOOKING OVER THE PARTITION. we catch eye contact... and he pauses and says "konichiwa" and i quickly leave... completely weirded out.
I'd been in Tokyo for a couple of years when some people and I went out to Roppongi for New Years. On that particular day, Roppongi sucks. It's like shoulder to shoulder in every bar. Needless to say, I became drunk, belligerent, and somehow separated from my friends. I stumbled around, bar hopping by myself. And that's about all I remember.
I woke up the next morning in a strange room. It was all red curtains and leopard print blankets. My clothes were piled in the corner and I was ass naked. I started dressing, still wondering where the hell I was, when an old Asian lady stuck her head through the curtains and asked, "Daijobu?" I asked her where I was, but I don't speak Japanese, so all I got from her was the time. I dressed, checked my wallet (no money left) and ran out.
Turns out I was at a brothel. It was about 10am when I stepped outside. Of course the streets were crowded and people kept staring at me. I didn't have any money, but I somehow managed to slip past the turnstile at the station and make my way home without paying. Don't even know how I managed that.
~CB
cuz thats usually what happens when you get real drunk, and wake up in strange places.
You probably just made their wedding. That's a story their kids will hear.
Similar story that happened to a friend of mine.
I can't remember if it was the Men's Ensemble or the Concert Choir, but we were singing at a church on a Sunday morning, and one of our members had to leave after we were done singing, but before the service ended because he had something else he had to get to that morning. Anyway, we finish our songs and sit down, and he tries to do his stealth exit. Unfortunately, he tried to exit through the door at the front of the church on the side. The pastor had told him he could, but apparently someone had stacked a bunch of chairs in front of the exit door or something. So he goes in, the whole church can see him, but doesn't say anything. We hear some scuffling, and the he comes out looking really sheepish and kind of scurries down the side aisle to the back exit. Classic exit into the closet. There was a lot of laughter.
Setting: It's a large amphitheatre with the doors at the back. There's a short hallway of a few steps before getting to the back of the class.
So I walk in, not really paying attention, thinking about the stuff that's supposed to have been delivered, turn the corner of the short hallway, and find myself at the back of a lecture with full attendance. What's worse is that I must have made some noise, because the prof had stopped lecturing, and everyone in the amphitheatre was looking right at me. I just froze there for two seconds, then took a step back behind the corner of the hallway. Then I popped my head in again to look, and everyone was still staring at me, and the prof said "you can join us if you'd like". I just backed away again and left the room, hearing an amphitheatre's worth of people laughing.
I did something similar, but it was in high school. I walked into what I thought was an empty classroom looking for something I thought I forgot there earlier in the day. It wasn't empty, in fact it was nearly standing room only due to a special guest speaker (Casey FitzRandolph, if anyone cares, he graduated from my high school in 1993). Instead of doing the sheepish thing and backing out, I just continued on my search, said my apologies after finding the item (can't even remember what it was), shook Casey's hand and left.
For the rest of the year, and the year after, I was greeted in the halls by nearly everyone without a clue who they were. That was the more embarrasing, actually.
1) Someone will walk up to me and chat like we're life-long friends, and I'll have no fucking clue who they are.
2) I'll introduce myself to some complete stranger who'll turn out to be someone I already know.
One of the most memorable instances of #2 happened a few years back. I was at the student association office, and one of the VPs was talking to me and some important person I had never met before. So I introduced myself to him:
(extending my hand to handshake) "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Richy."
(grabs my hand and shakes) "Yeah I know, we've met three times already, you keep forgetting."
I'm pretty sure one of them made some sort of "Well now we know what Dave does on his spare time" crack, but the Minister was not too happy. A few moments later he went into my girlfriend's room, handed her the trident and said, "You keep this in HERE now."
See, once I'm introduced to someone I tend to remember them. The problem I ran into is that people seemingly got info about me from other people and started talking to me. Almost like they were trying to make me a "popular kid" in high school, but I was just too dense to realize. And way too socially introverted to care.
1) rarely happens to me because faces generally look familiar, even if I can't remember their name.
2) has happened once recently. It was at a Biology department event, and I was chatting with this guy in the seat next to mine. Later, they started playing music and I went up to dance, and this guy started dancing with me. He walks up to me later and I say, "Hi, I'm [Irene]." And he's like, "I know, we sat next to each other and talked for like 30 minutes." Me: *facepalm*
I'd been out drinking with some friends, and the DD gave me a lift back to the apartment village I was living in at the time. The parking lot was restricted to residents, so they just let me out on the curb, apparently confident that I was lucid enough to make it home safely.
Well, almost. The next morning I wake up in a chair in the main room of my apartment. Only, it's not my apartment.
The apartments in the place were partially furnished and all basically the same, see. So I'd stumbled into the apartment across the way from my own, sat down in one of their chairs, and fallen asleep. Waking up the next morning was profoundly scary, because it was all, 'man I was drunk last night... oh shit, this isn't my apartment.' I have no idea why their door would've been unlocked, or why no one noticed this strange young man sleeping in their easy chair. But, no one did, and it was like 8 AM, so I got the fuck out as quickly as possible.
Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
1) So i'm in this Critical Thinking class at University that I absolutely LOATHE, right? So one day, I go in and write a test, and horribly bomb it, due to having no time to study because of my job. So I'm mad. After the class, I'm standing in line at the Tim Hortons conveniently located on campus near the classroom, with one of my friends in that class, and we're both just bashing it. I remember concluding an angry rant by saying something to the effect of "Man, FUCK that class. SO hard." Turns out my tutorial leader was standing in line behind us. So my friend notices, and points her out. Now's where I just did something stupid. Our tutorial leader's fairly young, so due to the way my friend pointed her out, I assumed she was a fellow student, and ranted to her, too, about how I wasn't paying my $2.50 I owed them for photocopies because I'd payed enough for the class. Thank God I didn't say anything worse. It wasn't until after she was gone that that my amazed friend clarified the matter for me, and naturally, I turned beet-red. Turns out I got a 75 on that test anyway.
2) The first few weeks working my new part-time retail job were brutal to get used to, as my sleeping schedule was thrown completely out of whack, so I was essentially a zombie for a little while. Anywho, I knew I'd hit the wort point of it when one morning, 7 AM, I stumble out to my car to go to school, turn it on, put it in reverse, and back out, only to hear a loud WHUMP as my car slammed into something. I got out and realized, I was so gone, I hadn't even noticed that my father's LARGE VAN was parked behind me. In the same driveway. And I had backed in to it. So naturally, I'm freaking out. Luckily, he was asleep inside the house, and hadn't heard it. Now, I don't know why I was given this luck, but there was no obvious physical damage to either vehicle. So I carefully repositioned my car, and go get him to move the van. Three weeks later and I still wonder how the hell I didn't notice a big freaking van parked behind me.
Anyway, contribute, people!
I did this to my roommates Tiburon the other day. I wasn't going very fast and there was no damage. I maintain it's because it was a cloudy day and the damn car is the same shade as those gray clouds. Looked in the rear view, registered as sky, and started going.
My other roommate saw it happen. I gave him the "shhh" sign and he laughed, but hasn't mentioned anything of it.
All I wanted that year was a new bike. And I got it. A Schwinn Predator. My first BMX, with mags and everything. I was in love. So what do you do when you get a new bike? You and your friends go out and ride, of course! At this point in time, I was living on an Army base outside of Chicago. Fort Sheridan, in the suburb of Highland Park. Basically on one end you had my house, on the other end you had the officers' houses and a bunch of woods, and the commissary (grocery store) and PX (department store) right in the middle. We had been riding for a good hour or so and were all the way on the opposite side of the base, quite far from my house. Maybe 3 miles or so. We were taking our bikes up and down the ditches, jumping as high and far as we could when we came up over the lip of them. It was about this time that I felt it. The rumbling, roiling, stirred-up sensation that precedes any good bout of diarrhea. I tell my friends I need to head for the PX and use the bathroom. It was a good mile or so away, so I frantically start pedaling my way there with my friends in tow. With each passing minute, I feel the urge getting more and more insistent.
Finally, I make it. I toss my bike on the rack and rush into the PX, heading straight for the bathroom which was only about 10 feet away from the entrance. I throw open the door and head for the first stall I see. I basically kick it open and turn around, frantically struggling with my belt while my sphincter is starting to take on a mind of its own. I get the belt undone, and as soon as I grab the waistband of my pants, I lose all muscle control. My pants, tighty whities, shoes and socks are filled to the brim. I just stand there, trying to figure out what to do. I clean up as much as I could, but I still had to ride home. I flush the toilet, wash my hands, and go outside to meet my friends. I walk to the bike rack, poo dropping from the bottom of my jeans, and quietly say, "I have to go home.", completely avoiding any eye contact.
I slowly ride home, trying my best not to get poo all over my shiny new bike. I finally make it, go upstairs and take off my clothes, put them in the washer, and take a shower. After I was done, I made my way outside and spent a good 15 minutes hosing off my bike to make sure nothing was left on it. Amazingly, noone ever mentioned it again.
You have the nicest friends ever.
Or the most oblivious friends ever.
Seriously. I had a friend do this right around that age, and the rest of us all chipped in (hey, we were 12 year olds and poor) and bought him a pack of diapers from the local pharmacy.
The teacher noticed what was going on pretty quickly and made everyone put their heads down while another girl escorted me to the locker room where I could take a shower and wait for my mom to bring me a change of clothes. I was pretty mortified, but never heard about it from ANYONE in the class ever again. I don't know what the teacher told them, but I'm thankful that no one ever teased me about it because I was terribly embarrassed for quite some time all by myself.
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
Wow that is an awesome quick-thinking teacher to do that. Good save.
Hmm I need to ask some of my high school friends if they remember that.
So I had to go to the bathroom where they gave me some loaner underwear they keep for situations like these until my mom can come pick me up or something (can't quite remember),
However I do remember one thing, the underwear was girls underwear with Beauty and the Beast on it with Belle on the front.
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
It was pink and there was no sign of Beast.
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
Having the Beast on girl's underwear would probably not be the best choice Disney could make.
As I look up, I see this trail of brownish liquid with chunks of what looks to be vegetables coming down the center of the squeeky clean metal slide. My eyes slowly follow the trail up to where this scrawny asian kid is at the top of the ladder going all "GRAWWWWWWAARRRRRRFFFF!!!" with tears streaming down his face.
I remember my friend and I running the fuck away from there and watching from afar as an adult supervisor picked him up and took him to the nurse. We would mimic his puking noise in class sometimes and we'd laugh our asses off.
Oh god... I'm laughing so hard at that last line Smasher.
Then when I pull my pants down I could yell "Unleash the Beast!"
I had a similiar experience in pre-school. Was climbing up the ladder of a jungle gym. Felt the one rung was wet, puzzled, I looked up and got a face-full of a 2 year old girls diaper clad ass. A diaper with a rapidly spreading damp spot and yellow liquid trickling out the sides.
And people wonder why I'm squeamish about bodily fluids.
Luckliy I dodged the worst of it and spent the rest of the recess washing my hands.
STEAM