Emily Vanderwerff, a writer who I've followed since her days at the AV Club for her amazing writing, came out as trans this week in a really beautiful piece:
For most of my life, the inside of my head has felt like a cluttered apartment. I would hang on to everything I could — every memory, every phone number, every piece of information possible — because the more I could distract my brain, the more I could keep from thinking about who I really was. Trying to remember things instead of writing them down is not, in and of itself, a sign of someone ignoring a central truth about themselves, but it was for me. Disorganization helped me avoid confronting the facts of myself. I knew that if I did confront them, I would have to come out. I feared what would happen when I did. I imagined losing my marriage, my family, my friends, my job.
The one senior manager who I was on a project with and am now putting together a proposal with can’t fucking do my pronouns
Like in two days I have three times heard him go “she—uhhhh I mean he uhh [credeiki]”
I like this guy and he likes me as well and he does self-correct so there isn’t really something for me to do here, I think. But it’s just this thing where I get a reminder that someone who interacts with me regularly simply can’t conceive of me as male because my presentation is just so androgynous. Which I have mixed feelings about (if I like how I look, who cares if this guy reads me right; my identity is defined by how other people see me so if people see me as androgynous I become more nb I guess; do I only like how I look because I am just set up to be vain and happy but actually I do secretly aim to look different than I do now).
Mixed feelings aside, it is undeniably awkward for someone to consistently fuck up your pronouns in a professional setting, though, and I wish he didn’t.
Emily Vanderwerff, a writer who I've followed since her days at the AV Club for her amazing writing, came out as trans this week in a really beautiful piece:
Holy shit, that's awesome! I've also been following her for years and feel especially connected to her writing because she's a South Dakota native like me!
Corporate fluff, but... MS posted a Windows 10 Theme that looks like the default theme, but with the colors of various QUILTBAG flags. It seemed like a neat way to spruce up a desktop.
Corporate fluff, but... MS posted a Windows 10 Theme that looks like the default theme, but with the colors of various QUILTBAG flags. It seemed like a neat way to spruce up a desktop.
I'm sitting here in a client's empty office and I am very tempted to just start installing that on all their desktops and not tell them.
Corporate fluff, but... MS posted a Windows 10 Theme that looks like the default theme, but with the colors of various QUILTBAG flags. It seemed like a neat way to spruce up a desktop.
I'm sitting here in a client's empty office and I am very tempted to just start installing that on all their desktops and not tell them.
Why are you messing with their computers? Are internet ghosts real? Can they haunt a wifi???
Corporate fluff, but... MS posted a Windows 10 Theme that looks like the default theme, but with the colors of various QUILTBAG flags. It seemed like a neat way to spruce up a desktop.
I'm sitting here in a client's empty office and I am very tempted to just start installing that on all their desktops and not tell them.
Why are you messing with their computers? Are internet ghosts real? Can they haunt a wifi???
Corporate fluff, but... MS posted a Windows 10 Theme that looks like the default theme, but with the colors of various QUILTBAG flags. It seemed like a neat way to spruce up a desktop.
I'm sitting here in a client's empty office and I am very tempted to just start installing that on all their desktops and not tell them.
Why are you messing with their computers? Are internet ghosts real? Can they haunt a wifi???
Endo reckons cyproterone acetate is pretty good, so that's what I'm on. Apparently it can cause some downiness in moods so we'll see how that goes. The dosage is 12.5mg/day but the pills are 50mg so I have to quarter them.
So at the end of the last thread I showed off the design I came up with for my Ghostbuster group to support pride and I wanted to get as good of a splash across the identity spectrum as I could, and I ended up with this:
I made it our social media avatar and put it on a t-shirt on our TeePublic store.
I had a few people ask for clarification on the flags involved and they are the following:
Currently we have the following flags featured:
Main shield - Philadelphia People Of Color Inclusive Flag
This was chosen as an umbrella flag to cover the full diversity of our city.
Top field - Bisexual + Pansexual
These two identities are distinct but both can be used to express an attraction to all genders both same and different from the individual.
Skyline - Transgender
Trans people have been a key part of Pride since its first moments. They are people who identify as a different gender than the one assigned to them at birth.
Flags - Asexual + Genderqueer
Asexual people are those who do not feel a sexual attraction to any gender and genderqueer people are those who identify as nonbinary, fluid, or agendered. There are other flags that cover this spectrum as well but we chose to use this one.
We hope this helps and that we picked a selection that helps you all feel seen.
For reference:
While I was double/triple-checking my research I realized that I originally had intended the genderqueer flag to be a nonbinary flag, but it was late, it was the end of the design, and I went with genderqueer instead only to realize later that nonbinary might be ultimately more-inclusive.
It's been up a few days now and I don't know if I know any nb people well-enough to ask them to give me guidance. Should I hot-swap the flags, upload a new design to the shirt store, and just roll with that or am I over-thinking it?
So.. I may or may not be NB (I'll figure that out later) and I feel you're overthinking it and should leave it as is, but that's also partially because from an aesthetics standpoint I just prefer the GQ flag to the NB one.
Also if you do change it, you'd be removing something.. which if noticed could be icky. If it's print on demand and doesn't cost you too much more you could always have a few designs with various flag options... but if that's too much I'd say just leave it as is. It's already really great and super inclusive.
came out to my mum as bi and told her about my current partners at lunch today
didn't go amazingly, she kinda just said that she didn't know what to say, and that this was out of her expertise. Then it was just a "are you happy?" and "are you taking care of yourself and looking after your sexual health", and then that was kinda it
didn't go badly, but I was kinda hoping for some proper support. Felt a bit off. Might take her some time.
Okay that does help me relax a bit. I'll pop up another design on the store and just let people pick their route.
The issues seem to be the folks who aren't okay with the word "queer", which I understand since I had a rough middle/high school experience in suburban Massachusetts during the time that word was enjoying a strong amount of usage as a slur. I appreciate it now and feel it has lots of value but I like the idea of giving people the choice.
Nobody has actually complained, I just noticed some campaigns in NYC that used the same flags I did but used the nonbinary flag instead of the genderqueer one and had an "...oh no, what if-?" moment.
Thanks for the guidance. My inbox is open if anyone has anything to add or any objection to voice.
came out to my mum as bi and told her about my current partners at lunch today
didn't go amazingly, she kinda just said that she didn't know what to say, and that this was out of her expertise. Then it was just a "are you happy?" and "are you taking care of yourself and looking after your sexual health", and then that was kinda it
didn't go badly, but I was kinda hoping for some proper support. Felt a bit off. Might take her some time.
Maybe give her a week to let it percolate and sit down for another chat about it? These things can be confronting when they come seemingly out of the blue.
came out to my mum as bi and told her about my current partners at lunch today
didn't go amazingly, she kinda just said that she didn't know what to say, and that this was out of her expertise. Then it was just a "are you happy?" and "are you taking care of yourself and looking after your sexual health", and then that was kinda it
didn't go badly, but I was kinda hoping for some proper support. Felt a bit off. Might take her some time.
Maybe give her a week to let it percolate and sit down for another chat about it? These things can be confronting when they come seemingly out of the blue.
yeah, i figure this is how it's gonna go, especially considering it's happened for some other things in the past when I've told her things, and it's taken her a few days to really process it. Especially since i kinda just stumbled through saying it.
But at least all my siblings are all super supportive. Kinda wish i'd told my parents when we were all over for dinner on sunday.
Once I get back from GB Fan Fest, if I haven't blown all my spending money on autographs and photo ops, I wanna get these custom Chucks.
The text on the side says "Ain't Afraid". 😎
This morning, the sidewalk in front of the next door neighbor's house was covered with different flags, just about every different one I could think of, with the handwriting of the two girls who live there identifying who each flag represents.
Normally the flag thing is one of those parts of queer culture that just doesn't resonate with me. I'm glad that it's there for other people to enjoy, but I'm a very private person offline, and if I could have a flag that meant "none of your business - ask no questions, and assume no conclusions", I would wear it happily even in the most assertively inclusive space I can imagine.
But this sidewalk full of chalk drawings made me mist up a little as I was picking my way though it, trying not to scuff any of it with my shoes. Whatever the deal is with the family next door, whether one or more of those chalk flags are also for them personally, or if they're just showing support, I just hope that goddamn Utah doesn't break their spirits.
Realizing lately that I don't really trust or respect basically any of the moderators here. So, good luck with life, friends! Hit me up on Twitter @DesertLeviathan
I’m cracking out these chokers again for Pride month.
Hopefully no one asks me “what I am furious about” this time!
(The pendants and many other queer and nerd related jewellery and badges can be found at https://www.femmecraft.com/)
Is that worse or better than people asking you to name your favorite Scott Pilgrim?
I mean, probably worse especially given the first time someone asked me what I was furious about was right in the middle of our shitty, damaging and unnecessary ‘plebiscite’ on marriage equality.
+1
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CambiataCommander ShepardThe likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered Userregular
The Straight Pride event that has been getting coverage is just a white supremacist march in disguise. It's literally being organized by a bunch of nazis
+22
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Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
Whaaaaaaaat that's soooooo surpriiiiisiiiiiiing
I'm soooo surpriiiiiiised!
Not making fun of you, of course, but like... Yeah that definitely makes sense.
Not making fun of you, of course, but like... Yeah that definitely makes sense.
Yeah, I just figured it's worth pointing out because a lot of the dunks I've seen have been targeting het/cis-fragility and miss the far more sinister aspect of it.
+3
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CambiataCommander ShepardThe likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered Userregular
To be clear, the tweet I posted is satire, and not a serious argument for why anyone should go to a straight pride parade.
"If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
To be clear, the tweet I posted is satire, and not a serious argument for why anyone should go to a straight pride parade.
Yeah I know, but the satire is treating it as just cishets being insecure rather than the much more threatening white supremacy propaganda that it is, which is why I wanted to add the additional context
OmnipotentBagel on
+1
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CambiataCommander ShepardThe likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered Userregular
Too late; Walmart has already changed its social media icons to incorporate the gray-tones of the Straight Pride flag.
I thought you were being sarcastic about the banality of the straight pride flag then I looked it up and... wow that's just a little too on the nose, isn't it?
"If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
Too late; Walmart has already changed its social media icons to incorporate the gray-tones of the Straight Pride flag.
I thought you were being sarcastic about the banality of the straight pride flag then I looked it up and... wow that's just a little too on the nose, isn't it?
in classic reactionary fashion it's mostly just a self-own
now wracking my brains trying to remember which piss-addled wazzock had that whole article in the UK press bemoaning that "gays" had "stolen the rainbow".
... or I'll just go on assuming it was a paranoid homophobic leprechaun
So Indianapolis had their Pride Parade and Festival yesterday. It was a very...interesting day, and week for my circle of friends.
Good: One of our friends came out as genderfluid and pansexual, but still mostly using male pronouns. My wife has come to terms with the fact that she is some type of gender nonconforming, but isn't really digging into that much yet (continuing to use female pronouns). We had my niece up with us for part of the day, as she came out over the past winter holidays as a lesbian, so we picked her up and took her to the parade and festival. Side note: as my close friend coming out as pansexual and genderfluid, I am now the token straight person in our friend group (of which most of us have been friends for a decade, except for one lady, who we've known for about 3 years now).
Interesting: After I dropped off my niece, we all went out to some clubs to hang out. My wife, our genderfluid friend, my friend who I call my sister (who is the trans lady I've talked about before in here), and her fiance. It was mostly going fine, but as the night went on and sister and genderfluid friend got drunker, it became very clear they were getting very..into each other. But also trying to hide it, and the fiance was also involved. I talk to the fiance about it, and tell her if the three of them are involved in some way, it's fine and we are cool with them. She denies anything is going on. After about an hour of them trying to flirt, dance grind, and hide it by trying to cover it with pulling my wife and I in for some cover snuggles and stuff, the genderfluid friend finally asked me when my wife and I were leaving, and failed to do any convincing subterfuge and eventually stated it was so those three could go back to his apartment to fuck. Doing it in such a way to pretty much dismiss my wife and I entirely (he was very, very drunk). We agree to leave with them (our car was parked at his apartment) and while walking back my sister and her fiance (the fiance sheepishly admitting to lying and saying they had all been involved previously), both also smashed and all kind of wrapped up in each other and the genderfluid friend, proceeded to heckle and kind of shit on our wife and I for being in a hetero relationship and shit. As we got near the apartment, there was some cops (of course) in front of my car (I never did find out why they were here). I walked up to them and made sure I could get my car out, turned around, and all of my friends were gone. My wife said they just kind of ran off to the apartment. My wife was pretty upset over the heckling from them and shitty way they essentially handled the situation. I calmed her down some and drove home (I was DD for the night).
I pretty much don't sleep (per me, earlier in the night, chugging a red bull thinking we were gonna be at the club for much longer than we were), and end up sending a message to the fiance about what the hell happened. I then tried and failed to sleep for most of the night. When she wakes up the next morning, we have a conversation for awhile via text. She explains my sister and the genderfluid friend were black out drunk for most of the night (essentially not even getting to do any of the sexy time really and passing out after getting back), and profusely apologizes for the heckling. I take it much better than my wife does, who is still kind of fuming over the whole thing. The other two friends reach out to my wife and apologize. I continue to text with the fiance and get the whole story. Essentially late last year, after some stumbling through the situation on and off for a better part of the year; the fiance, sister, and genderfluid friend came to the conclusion that while they aren't a full polyamorous relationship, they are all comfortable enough and have enough chemistry together that sometimes if sex happens, it happens. They didn't really know how to bring it up to my wife and I (the other two in the friend group), which is fair, and so just kind of ignored it. But it did lead to this awkward thing where no one wanted to bring it up last night, but also couldn't keep their hands off of each other, so it lead to the cluster of confusion and awkward feelings that the night was. But everyone kind of talks it through like the adults we are, and apologies are made in the separate chats as everyone discusses it. It's all mostly fine now, with only really my wife still kind of upset (the heckling was really shtty).
Posts
Same.
Like in two days I have three times heard him go “she—uhhhh I mean he uhh [credeiki]”
I like this guy and he likes me as well and he does self-correct so there isn’t really something for me to do here, I think. But it’s just this thing where I get a reminder that someone who interacts with me regularly simply can’t conceive of me as male because my presentation is just so androgynous. Which I have mixed feelings about (if I like how I look, who cares if this guy reads me right; my identity is defined by how other people see me so if people see me as androgynous I become more nb I guess; do I only like how I look because I am just set up to be vain and happy but actually I do secretly aim to look different than I do now).
Mixed feelings aside, it is undeniably awkward for someone to consistently fuck up your pronouns in a professional setting, though, and I wish he didn’t.
Holy shit, that's awesome! I've also been following her for years and feel especially connected to her writing because she's a South Dakota native like me!
Corporate fluff, but... MS posted a Windows 10 Theme that looks like the default theme, but with the colors of various QUILTBAG flags. It seemed like a neat way to spruce up a desktop.
I'm sitting here in a client's empty office and I am very tempted to just start installing that on all their desktops and not tell them.
Why are you messing with their computers? Are internet ghosts real? Can they haunt a wifi???
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
Probably exorcising a daemon.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulse_(2006_film)
Endo reckons cyproterone acetate is pretty good, so that's what I'm on. Apparently it can cause some downiness in moods so we'll see how that goes. The dosage is 12.5mg/day but the pills are 50mg so I have to quarter them.
Funny the difference such a small thing can make.
So at the end of the last thread I showed off the design I came up with for my Ghostbuster group to support pride and I wanted to get as good of a splash across the identity spectrum as I could, and I ended up with this:
I made it our social media avatar and put it on a t-shirt on our TeePublic store.
I had a few people ask for clarification on the flags involved and they are the following:
For reference:
While I was double/triple-checking my research I realized that I originally had intended the genderqueer flag to be a nonbinary flag, but it was late, it was the end of the design, and I went with genderqueer instead only to realize later that nonbinary might be ultimately more-inclusive.
It's been up a few days now and I don't know if I know any nb people well-enough to ask them to give me guidance. Should I hot-swap the flags, upload a new design to the shirt store, and just roll with that or am I over-thinking it?
Also if you do change it, you'd be removing something.. which if noticed could be icky. If it's print on demand and doesn't cost you too much more you could always have a few designs with various flag options... but if that's too much I'd say just leave it as is. It's already really great and super inclusive.
didn't go amazingly, she kinda just said that she didn't know what to say, and that this was out of her expertise. Then it was just a "are you happy?" and "are you taking care of yourself and looking after your sexual health", and then that was kinda it
didn't go badly, but I was kinda hoping for some proper support. Felt a bit off. Might take her some time.
Steam // Secret Satan
The issues seem to be the folks who aren't okay with the word "queer", which I understand since I had a rough middle/high school experience in suburban Massachusetts during the time that word was enjoying a strong amount of usage as a slur. I appreciate it now and feel it has lots of value but I like the idea of giving people the choice.
Nobody has actually complained, I just noticed some campaigns in NYC that used the same flags I did but used the nonbinary flag instead of the genderqueer one and had an "...oh no, what if-?" moment.
Thanks for the guidance. My inbox is open if anyone has anything to add or any objection to voice.
Maybe give her a week to let it percolate and sit down for another chat about it? These things can be confronting when they come seemingly out of the blue.
yeah, i figure this is how it's gonna go, especially considering it's happened for some other things in the past when I've told her things, and it's taken her a few days to really process it. Especially since i kinda just stumbled through saying it.
But at least all my siblings are all super supportive. Kinda wish i'd told my parents when we were all over for dinner on sunday.
Steam // Secret Satan
The text on the side says "Ain't Afraid". 😎
Normally the flag thing is one of those parts of queer culture that just doesn't resonate with me. I'm glad that it's there for other people to enjoy, but I'm a very private person offline, and if I could have a flag that meant "none of your business - ask no questions, and assume no conclusions", I would wear it happily even in the most assertively inclusive space I can imagine.
But this sidewalk full of chalk drawings made me mist up a little as I was picking my way though it, trying not to scuff any of it with my shoes. Whatever the deal is with the family next door, whether one or more of those chalk flags are also for them personally, or if they're just showing support, I just hope that goddamn Utah doesn't break their spirits.
I do, however, think ANY company doing pride advertising with a “No Fear” type of slogan, needs to show us their Pride ads from 20-30 years ago.
The text is customized by the person ordering the shoe.
"The only real politics I knew was that if a guy liked Hitler, I’d beat the stuffing out of him and that would be it." -- Jack Kirby
Hopefully no one asks me “what I am furious about” this time!
(The pendants and many other queer and nerd related jewellery and badges can be found at https://www.femmecraft.com/)
Is that worse or better than people asking you to name your favorite Scott Pilgrim?
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
Hey all, happy pride, shit’s hard & you deserve to give yourself a break if you can
I'd love it if you took a look at my art and my PATREON!
i have a few friends there and im pretty scared + worried for them
The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Steam: Korvalain
I am still like, 3 blocks from DC pride and no one seems worried about anything like that. Just waiting in line for a table
It's currently being reported as someone having a gun in their backpack, but it wasn't used.
I mean, probably worse especially given the first time someone asked me what I was furious about was right in the middle of our shitty, damaging and unnecessary ‘plebiscite’ on marriage equality.
I'm soooo surpriiiiiiised!
Not making fun of you, of course, but like... Yeah that definitely makes sense.
Yeah, I just figured it's worth pointing out because a lot of the dunks I've seen have been targeting het/cis-fragility and miss the far more sinister aspect of it.
Yeah I know, but the satire is treating it as just cishets being insecure rather than the much more threatening white supremacy propaganda that it is, which is why I wanted to add the additional context
I thought you were being sarcastic about the banality of the straight pride flag then I looked it up and... wow that's just a little too on the nose, isn't it?
in classic reactionary fashion it's mostly just a self-own
... or I'll just go on assuming it was a paranoid homophobic leprechaun
Good: One of our friends came out as genderfluid and pansexual, but still mostly using male pronouns. My wife has come to terms with the fact that she is some type of gender nonconforming, but isn't really digging into that much yet (continuing to use female pronouns). We had my niece up with us for part of the day, as she came out over the past winter holidays as a lesbian, so we picked her up and took her to the parade and festival. Side note: as my close friend coming out as pansexual and genderfluid, I am now the token straight person in our friend group (of which most of us have been friends for a decade, except for one lady, who we've known for about 3 years now).
Interesting: After I dropped off my niece, we all went out to some clubs to hang out. My wife, our genderfluid friend, my friend who I call my sister (who is the trans lady I've talked about before in here), and her fiance. It was mostly going fine, but as the night went on and sister and genderfluid friend got drunker, it became very clear they were getting very..into each other. But also trying to hide it, and the fiance was also involved. I talk to the fiance about it, and tell her if the three of them are involved in some way, it's fine and we are cool with them. She denies anything is going on. After about an hour of them trying to flirt, dance grind, and hide it by trying to cover it with pulling my wife and I in for some cover snuggles and stuff, the genderfluid friend finally asked me when my wife and I were leaving, and failed to do any convincing subterfuge and eventually stated it was so those three could go back to his apartment to fuck. Doing it in such a way to pretty much dismiss my wife and I entirely (he was very, very drunk). We agree to leave with them (our car was parked at his apartment) and while walking back my sister and her fiance (the fiance sheepishly admitting to lying and saying they had all been involved previously), both also smashed and all kind of wrapped up in each other and the genderfluid friend, proceeded to heckle and kind of shit on our wife and I for being in a hetero relationship and shit. As we got near the apartment, there was some cops (of course) in front of my car (I never did find out why they were here). I walked up to them and made sure I could get my car out, turned around, and all of my friends were gone. My wife said they just kind of ran off to the apartment. My wife was pretty upset over the heckling from them and shitty way they essentially handled the situation. I calmed her down some and drove home (I was DD for the night).
I pretty much don't sleep (per me, earlier in the night, chugging a red bull thinking we were gonna be at the club for much longer than we were), and end up sending a message to the fiance about what the hell happened. I then tried and failed to sleep for most of the night. When she wakes up the next morning, we have a conversation for awhile via text. She explains my sister and the genderfluid friend were black out drunk for most of the night (essentially not even getting to do any of the sexy time really and passing out after getting back), and profusely apologizes for the heckling. I take it much better than my wife does, who is still kind of fuming over the whole thing. The other two friends reach out to my wife and apologize. I continue to text with the fiance and get the whole story. Essentially late last year, after some stumbling through the situation on and off for a better part of the year; the fiance, sister, and genderfluid friend came to the conclusion that while they aren't a full polyamorous relationship, they are all comfortable enough and have enough chemistry together that sometimes if sex happens, it happens. They didn't really know how to bring it up to my wife and I (the other two in the friend group), which is fair, and so just kind of ignored it. But it did lead to this awkward thing where no one wanted to bring it up last night, but also couldn't keep their hands off of each other, so it lead to the cluster of confusion and awkward feelings that the night was. But everyone kind of talks it through like the adults we are, and apologies are made in the separate chats as everyone discusses it. It's all mostly fine now, with only really my wife still kind of upset (the heckling was really shtty).
It was certainly a rollercoaster of a Pride.