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Hi, Bad Joke Thread, I'm Dad

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Posts

  • JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Hike
    Hike who?
    No, just a joke. I was never any good at poetry.

    Well played, old man. Four stars.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Two for one from a pair of siblings:

    Kid 1: Why couldn't the pony sing? It was a little hoarse.

    Decent pun suffering from widespread overuse. Two stars.

    Kid 2: What's the difference between a brontosaurus and a stegosaurus? Brontosauruses wore brown hats and stegosauruses wore green hats. Not a lot of people know that, because hats don't fossilize very well.

    Unexpected, almost Hedbergian absurdist humor. Five stars, this kid is going places.

    To be clear, my "Awesome" is for Kid 2.
    Kid 1 has merely earned a minor portion of my internet scorn.
    Please, let them know.

  • chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Hike
    Hike who?
    No, just a joke. I was never any good at poetry.

    Well played, old man. Four stars.

    That one would really go next level if it could somehow be turned into a haiku.

  • PolaritiePolaritie Sleepy Registered User regular
    chromdom wrote: »
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Hike
    Hike who?
    No, just a joke. I was never any good at poetry.

    Well played, old man. Four stars.

    That one would really go next level if it could somehow be turned into a haiku.

    No, just a bad joke.
    I was never a poet.
    Sorry about that.

    Steam: Polaritie
    3DS: 0473-8507-2652
    Switch: SW-5185-4991-5118
    PSN: AbEntropy
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    chromdom wrote: »
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Hike
    Hike who?
    No, just a joke. I was never any good at poetry.

    Well played, old man. Four stars.

    That one would really go next level if it could somehow be turned into a haiku.

    Knock Knock/Who's There/Hike
    Hike who?/No, it's just a joke
    It's not a poem

    BLM - ACAB
  • JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    edited August 2022
    Kid literally busted out the original chicken crossing the road joke, no twist. Shameful, lazy, if I'd been at the desk he would not have received a book until he provided a better joke.

    Jedoc on
    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    What do you call a group of whales playing instruments?
    An orca-stra

    Not bad, has a possibly unintended misdirect that had me searching for iPod jokes. Three stars.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    What do you call a magic dog?
    A labracadabrador

    Middling wordplay, but delivered after multiple tries and with some truly contagious laughter. Four stars.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    You're a hero, Jedoc

  • JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    How do you find an elephant?
    Check the last place you left it

    Anyway, you've been great, folks, I'm going home, see you next year.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Hike
    Hike who?
    No, just a joke. I was never any good at poetry.

    Well played, old man. Four stars.

    My wife just came out and said she couldn't sleep so I told her this joke. She groaned, and went back to bed.

    I'm helping!

    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    DisruptedCapitalist wrote: »
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Hike
    Hike who?
    No, just a joke. I was never any good at poetry.

    Well played, old man. Four stars.

    My wife just came out and said she couldn't sleep so I told her this joke. She groaned, and went back to bed.

    I'm helping!

    I was screwing in a cover for my power tubes on my guitar amplifier while my wife watched, and she noticed a thumb tack on the ground next to me, so she said, “Careful, there’s a tack there.”

    As she walked away I replied, “If I put it on top of this cover, it would be a tack on tighten.”

    She kept walking and didn’t turn around, but I heard her audibly sigh.

  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Seen elsewhere in commentary:

    "What's a level above stable genius?"

    "Glue-factory genius."

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    I just saw an article entitled, "How often should you rotate your tires?"

    My immediate thought was, "Every time you want to drive the vehicle, ideally."

    (this is another true story)

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Robert Khoo wrote: »
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
  • chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    I'm torn between the Awesome and Agree, and since we can't do both, you get neither. But still, :+1:

  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    What is a Jawa’s favorite pasta?
    Rotini!

    BLM - ACAB
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at mid-field?

    He was trying to make ends meet

    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    pleasepaypreacher.net
  • DessertedDesserted Dessert desertRegistered User regular
    I had some students come in to my class today asking if Noah was here.

    I told them there was Noahbody here by that name and they groaned and left. It was a pretty good day.

  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    That reminds me, when I was an 18th century leatherworking apprentice there was a running joke in our shop - we'd often explain to visitors that what type of leather and the many ways it can be processed all have different properties, and not one leather will work for everything. The other guys in the shop would often joke that we suspect unicorn leather would be the exception, that it would transform into what we needed.

    When they did this, I would often mutter in the background, "Thanks, Noah."

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Robert Khoo wrote: »
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    How much does a roof cost?

    Nothing its on the house.

    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    pleasepaypreacher.net
  • UrielUriel Registered User regular
    You hear about the dog that went to school for contracting?

    Yeah he specialized in roofing

  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    https://youtu.be/CKmfP3krpY0

    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    gxka2uahhyhj.png

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Robert Khoo wrote: »
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    See this joke maker thought of an easy mistake. They made sure you can see the windows key, so they don't have a mac person going "lose command?"

    I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.

    pleasepaypreacher.net
  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    That poor frog...

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
  • RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    230kvyq7f1n0.jpg

  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    A horse goes into a bar and asks for a pint.

    The bartender says ‘you know, you’re in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic?’

    The horse says ‘I don’t think I am’ and promptly vanishes from existence.

    ...
    You see this is a joke about Descartes’ famous line from philosophy ‘I think therefore I am.’

    But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke it would have been putting Descartes before the horse

    BahamutZERO.gif
  • ToxTox I kill threads Dilige, et quod vis facRegistered User regular
    Wife and I door-dashed some pasta and I'm nearly done with mine, maybe 20% left, and I'm full. Too full to continue. Wife's like halfway through hers and says she's thinking about just stopping and having the rest for lunch tomorrow, especially seeing me struggling with mine.

    Me: yes, it's too late for me
    Wife: I...
    Me: save yourself!
    Wife:
    Me: ... some lunch ...
    Wife:
    Me: ... for tomorrow ...
    Wife:
    Me:
    Wife: you done?

    maybe the real panopticon was the friends we made along the way
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] regular
    The user and all related content has been deleted.

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    zcxvlz1xw55u.jpeg

  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Well now I want deviled eggs.

    BLM - ACAB
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    Well now I want deviled eggs.

    Another day that ends in "y", huh?

  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    What is Yoda's favorite dinosaur?
    A doceratops, because there is no tri-.

    omgbfz5lzi1s.png
    Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
    Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
  • RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    Groaning, I am

  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    edited August 2022
    What happens when you cross The Onion with disability activism?

    You get The Squeaky Wheel.

    "Stories" include Reviewers Praise Disabled Writer’s Essay on Inspiration Porn as ‘Truly Inspiring’, This Disabled Woman Used Yoga and Positive Affirmations to Transform her Crippled Body Riddled with Pain into a Mythical Creature with the Head of a Chicken and Wings of a Falcon (But Still Riddled with Pain), Disabled Monopoly Player Panics As Assets Approach $2000, ‘Disabled Actors Too Difficult to Work With,’ Claims Studio that Cast the Notoriously Compliant Jared Leto, and more besides.

    AngelHedgie on
    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    At the 18th century governor's home I often lead tours of at my museum, our musicians will occasionally come to play in the ball room. Today only the violinist did, prompting a colleague to wonder if the others had gone on strike.

    I immediately responded that only percussionists can do that.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Robert Khoo wrote: »
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    facetious wrote: »
    At the 18th century governor's home I often lead tours of at my museum, our musicians will occasionally come to play in the ball room. Today only the violinist did, prompting a colleague to wonder if the others had gone on strike.

    I immediately responded that only percussionists can do that.

    I hope in reply he didn't resort to violins.

    BLM - ACAB
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    b2z4bpdnzdha.jpeg

  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    feu9ps3fbcxo.jpeg

  • RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    58ipuos1kpm5.jpg

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Penny Arcade Forums› The Whirlpool