Options

Hi, Bad Joke Thread, I'm Dad

JedocJedoc In the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
This is a thread to contain all our worst humor impulses so we don't inflict them on the world at large. It's like the containment chamber from Ghostbusters, but instead of ghosts it contains terrible, awful, no-good jokes.

For example: what's a crab's best track event?
The side hustle.

Isn't that their favorite dance?
No. You're thinking of the clawcarena.

You get the picture. Do your worst, we all probably deserve it somehow.

GDdCWMm.jpg
«13456757

Posts

  • Options
    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Just when I think Im out they pull me back in!

    lJxGRQk.jpeg

  • Options
    InquisitorInquisitor Registered User regular
    I can’t tell Dad jokes! I don’t have any children! That would make me a faux pas!

  • Options
    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Inquisitor wrote: »
    I can’t tell Dad jokes! I don’t have any children! That would make me a faux pas!
    You don't need children to become apparent.

  • Options
    MayabirdMayabird Pecking at the keyboardRegistered User regular
    Have you ever looked up at geese flying in a V formation? You may have noticed that they're usually not in a perfect V - one side is longer than the other. Want to know why?
    More birds on that side.

  • Options
    MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    This isn't a Dad joke, but it's my favorite joke to tell if I've got enough time for the wind up.

    I stole it from The Newsroom, so I assume Sorkin stole it from someone else more talented.

    Moses and Jesus are playing golf. Moses selects his driver, approaches the tee, and surveys the ground. He takes back and swings, slicing into the rough. Moses frowns.

    Jesus approaches the tee, takes back, swings, and his ball flies off into the woods.

    Moses barks a laugh.

    Jesus lowers his head and closes his eyes.

    There is a thunder clap and a rain storm engulfs the golf course. The rain floods the woods and Jesus' golf ball is carried to the fairway by a new creek. A bird screeches, swoops down, and snatches the ball from the creek. The bird wings around and drops his ball neatly into the hole. The rain departs and the sun begins to shine.
    Moses rolls is eyes. "Are we playing golf here or just fucking around?"

    I am in the business of saving lives.
  • Options
    cursedkingcursedking Registered User regular
    I was talking on the phone to my son last week and he told me in school they were doing Decimals.

    I immediately asked “yeah, but what’s the point?”

    And he was like I don’t know yet we didn’t get that far.

    Humor is lost on the young I swear

    Types: Boom + Robo | Food: Sweet | Habitat: Plains
  • Options
    ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    My wife asked me to grab her some chap stick out of her purse but I accidentally grabbed a glue stick.

    She still isn't talking to me.

    Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
  • Options
    GrisloGrislo Registered User regular
    Where does a mansplainer get his water?
    From a well, actually...

    This post was sponsored by Tom Cruise.
  • Options
    KupiKupi Registered User regular
    I built a nut-powered laser.

    It goes ca-shew, ca-shew, ca-shew~

    My favorite musical instrument is the air-raid siren.
  • Options
    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Can you be sure you're even good enough to have imposter syndrome?

  • Options
    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Do what I do, and have such extensive Dunning-Kreuger that it gives you impostor syndrome and they cancel eachother out.

  • Options
    ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    Just...
    q0iv41b65m8a.png

    ...just gonna leave this here

    Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
  • Options
    see317see317 Registered User regular
    Tox wrote: »
    Just...

    ...just gonna leave this here
    Son.
    of.
    a.
    bitch.

  • Options
    Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    GOD
    DAMN
    IT

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • Options
    chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47jcob3omxz62c4alt1m9aty5usjn1nro4gakhj417&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

  • Options
    zekebeauzekebeau Registered User regular
    Tox wrote: »
    Just...
    q0iv41b65m8a.png

    ...just gonna leave this here

    God I hate having to ask, what's the joke?

  • Options
    CaedwyrCaedwyr Registered User regular
    Imagine each scene conjured by the lyrics and then consider the panel arrangement.

  • Options
    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    EminemLoseYourself.mp3

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
  • Options
    cursedkingcursedking Registered User regular
    zekebeau wrote: »
    Tox wrote: »
    Just...
    q0iv41b65m8a.png

    ...just gonna leave this here

    God I hate having to ask, what's the joke?

    it's loss.

    Types: Boom + Robo | Food: Sweet | Habitat: Plains
  • Options
    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    I just read a murder mystery set at an EDM rave.

    It was written by Dean Koontz Koontz Koontz Koontz Koontz

  • Options
    RanlinRanlin Oh gosh Registered User regular
    edited May 2021
    zekebeau wrote: »
    Tox wrote: »
    Just...
    q0iv41b65m8a.png

    ...just gonna leave this here

    God I hate having to ask, what's the joke?

    I still don't understand how that stupid comic became such a thing, it has it's own wikipedia entry

    Ranlin on
  • Options
    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    zekebeau wrote: »
    Tox wrote: »
    Just...
    q0iv41b65m8a.png

    ...just gonna leave this here

    God I hate having to ask, what's the joke?

    Your loss.

  • Options
    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    I have to remember to separate "loss" into two entities. The first is that no matter how much it spreads, Buckley is getting dunked on and he absolutely deserves it. The second is that people like a challenge in presenting loss in new ways, but their interest in the meme does in no way detract from dunking on Buckley.

    Otherwise I get upset that people are reminding me Buckley exists and that I read a lot of his comics in the past

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
  • Options
    Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    cursedking wrote: »
    zekebeau wrote: »
    Tox wrote: »
    Just...
    q0iv41b65m8a.png

    ...just gonna leave this here

    God I hate having to ask, what's the joke?

    it's loss.

    IT’S
    ALWAYS
    LOSS

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • Options
    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Awwww I was gonna make the thread again today

    Oh well, gotta pass the torch sometime

    HA HA HA HA HA HA

  • Options
    Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    I'm so glad this thread is back. I love telling dad jokes.
    It always makes me happy to hear him laugh.

  • Options
    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    What do you call JK Rowling in space?
    Astro TERF

    BLM - ACAB
  • Options
    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    What did the zero say to the eight?

    Nice belt.

  • Options
    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
  • Options
    jungleroomxjungleroomx It's never too many graves, it's always not enough shovels Registered User regular
    oyw1wcatpqxp.png

  • Options
    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    What did they call Captain Hook before the crocodile attack?

  • Options
    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    Captain Handsome

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
  • Options
    WotanAnubisWotanAnubis Registered User regular
    Ringo wrote: »
    I have to remember to separate "loss" into two entities. The first is that no matter how much it spreads, Buckley is getting dunked on and he absolutely deserves it. The second is that people like a challenge in presenting loss in new ways, but their interest in the meme does in no way detract from dunking on Buckley.

    Otherwise I get upset that people are reminding me Buckley exists and that I read a lot of his comics in the past

    I have to admit, I enjoy how creative people can get when creating new Loss edits.

  • Options
    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    What did they call Captain Hook before the crocodile attack?
    James Hook.

  • Options
    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    facetious wrote: »

    I resent having to click through to Twitter, but I am satisfied I knew what it was going to be by the 4th tweet (assuming it finishes correctly, didn't read the whole thing)

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
  • Options
    XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    What did they call Captain Hook before the crocodile attack?

    Commander Hook

  • Options
    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    I like to think he was known as Captain Two-Hands.

  • Options
    GrisloGrislo Registered User regular
    Captain Hook is just a particularly interesting case of nominative determinism.

    This post was sponsored by Tom Cruise.
  • Options
    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    Ringo wrote: »
    facetious wrote: »

    I resent having to click through to Twitter, but I am satisfied I knew what it was going to be by the 4th tweet (assuming it finishes correctly, didn't read the whole thing)

    It's honestly kind of worth going through the whole thing just for the ending.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
  • Options
    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    ....

    Fair

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
Sign In or Register to comment.