FiggyFighter of the night manChampion of the sunRegistered Userregular
Time is up, folks! Old Smiley has your answers, and here they are!
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to a bleached asshole.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to surprise sex.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to soup that is too hot.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to pretending to care.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to edible underpants.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to natural selection.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to a death ray.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to GoGurt.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to horse meat.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to a defective condom.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to racially biased SAT questions.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to keg stands.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to friendly fire.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to drinking alone.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to dying.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to doin' it in the butt.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to a sassy black woman.
You're all terrible, terrible people. Unfortunately, the answers we were looking for were unjust land acquisition, or the business end of a musket. Lucky for you, neither of those are actual cards. I guess that means I'll have to pick five winners from these vastly inferior alternatives. Here goes:
First, I'm going to go with some very real, very relevant choices. Cerebrus and Cayrus, take a point. Friendly fire was certainly a very important innovation in our nation's history, along with the invention of dying. But that's not all! I want to award some fringe points to some fringe answers. If it weren't for the British dandies, American Indians would have no idea what it was like to live life to the fullest. Nothing says "colonial living" like a bleached asshole, followed by some good old fashioned doin' it in the butt. Capfalcon and pesky know what I'm talkin' about. But let's be fair, I think that introduction went the other way 'round.
And lastly, if segregation wasn't going to last, at least we could still keep our schools White through racially biased SAT questions, right Rius?
So at the end of our bonus round, let's tally up the scores!
Ouch! It looks like Cerebrus is in the lead with a hefty three points! Feelin' lucky, my man? Why not take a GAMBLE and submit an extra answer to the following question:
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food?
I know what I wouldn't want to find. Water chestnuts! That's right. They're revolting. But what about you? Lock in those answers! Oooooh, right. Cerebrus can crawl on down here and sit on old Smiley's lap, because you're going to be walking through the audience and taking a poll! Yes, using our fancy electronic poll-masters would be much easier, but this'll kill more time. Start the timer!
tho I was sure I would have gotten at least one point last time.
I think that's one of the problemsdrawbacks benefits of this game. You have a card you think is utterly perfect, but you forget that the game is designed for almost every card to be utterly perfect.
I don't really like my cards. They're barely offensive at all, and thus not in tune with the spirit of the game. Though I may not be using them creatively enough.
Whassamatter, racist (specist?) organization? HAS SOMEONE OFFENDED YOU? Why don't you go ahead and kill some more [insert alien race here], space hitler?
FiggyFighter of the night manChampion of the sunRegistered Userregular
edited March 2012
Time is up, folks! Looks like we have another Dozy Doris on the panel! Guy Smiley to the rescue to pick from your cards for you, so let's see.... I like this one. Sure, it doesn't make sense grammatically and is in no way funny at all, but it serves you right! You're lucky I don't take you back into the green room and make you pick out all the W's from my bowl of M&Ms.
Ah, who am I kidding? I've already got some production assistant doing that right now. Anywho, let's have a look at your answers!
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? White people
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? A lifetime of sadness
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? AIDS
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? A can of whoop-ass
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? A fetus
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Poor people
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Smallpox blankets
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Actually taking candy from a baby
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Dead babies
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Italians
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? The Blood of Christ
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? A salty surprise
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Smegma
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? A Super Soaker full of cat pee
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Viagra
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? The Hamburglar
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Homeless people
That's pretty good. I can safely say I wouldn't want to find any of those things in my Chinese food. Then again, I can rarely recognize the crap in there regardless. And someone call Kenny Rogers' legal department and tell them we've got a GAMBLER in the studio! So, what do you think, Cerberus? What doesn't the audience want to find? You know, besides you. Stalking between them. Staring down their cleavages. Their butt cleavages. Sicko.
Also, did someone seriously obtain "smallpox blankets" in the very draw after the Indian thing? Because if you had it then and didn't play it, that is baffling.
Also, did someone seriously obtain "smallpox blankets" in the very draw after the Indian thing? Because if you had it then and didn't play it, that is baffling.
This may be an issue that needs delving into, methinks
But that was the first time I read one, by number four I wanted to shoot someone, so you all FAIL!
I was also tempted to vote for this:
Actually taking candy from a baby
As it makes no sense, and is likely the person who didn't put a card it... and I am a Jerk! But I decided against rewarding the person who is slowing down a fun game... So... FAIL!
This made me feel a little ill:
A fetus
This made me laugh:
A salty surprise
And these two made me think of my childhood (don't ask):
The Hamburglar
The Blood of Christ
So, one of these won! The winner is:
A salty surprise (As the point of the game is fun, and it made me laugh... don't judge me!)
0
Options
FiggyFighter of the night manChampion of the sunRegistered Userregular
edited March 2012
Thanks you, Cerrybus, for your dedication to the cause.
It looks like Laemkral takes this round, and he'll nab two points because pesky is a greedy, greedy whore.
Cerberus still holds the lead! Let's see if anyone can challenge him after this little number:
What's the next Happy Meal toy?
I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't remind everyone that you can GAMBLE a point to submit an extra answer! Not only will you get a better chance at winning, you can get rid of an extra card you don't like. Maybe it smells funny. Maybe you used it to pick your teeth. Whatever the reason, you've got that option. Majestic Goat, please be a dear and join me over here on the stage. While the rest of the contestants ponder over their options, we're going to entertain the audience. Is anyone a fan of ventriloquism? Goat, you're going to be my dummy. Can we get this man some Tylenol, please? And I'll be needing a rubber glove. Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit.
VanguardBut now the dream is over. And the insect is awake.Registered User, __BANNED USERSregular
At least one of my previous answers was in the running. I feel good about this one, which is to say, I am the terrible-ist of people for suggesting this "toy".
Hohoho guys! Card Czar demands you gamble like no tomorrow!
I just like to see people losing their hard earned point. :ar!
0
Options
FiggyFighter of the night manChampion of the sunRegistered Userregular
And that's the buzzer, let's see what you've got! We've got another sleeper on the panel, so I picked something odd in both grammar and case. Serves ya right.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Land mines.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Barrack Obama.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Estrogen.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? An icepick lobotomy.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Dwarf tossing.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Saxophone solos.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Lady Gaga.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Booby-trapping the house to foil burglars.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? A stray pube.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Public ridicule.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Date rape.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? My humps.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Roofies.
So many wonderful options to choose from, Majestic Goat! No pressure! You're just standing next to America's favourite game show host, that's all! What's the best answer?
These are hilarious. But so were all the other ones. Be unique!
I thought I had something decent, but I can imagine a child opening his happy meal and finding a live land mine. Or a stray pube, gross.
0
Options
Erin The RedThe Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMABaton Rouge, LARegistered Userregular
edited March 2012
I'm pretty sure if I got a video of Oprah sobbing into a lean cuisine, I'd sell that to someone. Somebody's gonna want to buy that, right?
I have also noticed that not once have I lobbied for my own card.
... Oh well!
Posts
Zithra Melitch in Star Wars: An Empire's End
Jellica in In the Shadow of Zeus
Zithra Melitch in Star Wars: An Empire's End
Jellica in In the Shadow of Zeus
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to a bleached asshole.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to surprise sex.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to soup that is too hot.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to pretending to care.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to edible underpants.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to natural selection.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to a death ray.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to GoGurt.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to horse meat.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to a defective condom.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to racially biased SAT questions.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to keg stands.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to friendly fire.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to drinking alone.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to dying.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to doin' it in the butt.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to a sassy black woman.
You're all terrible, terrible people. Unfortunately, the answers we were looking for were unjust land acquisition, or the business end of a musket. Lucky for you, neither of those are actual cards. I guess that means I'll have to pick five winners from these vastly inferior alternatives. Here goes:
First, I'm going to go with some very real, very relevant choices. Cerebrus and Cayrus, take a point. Friendly fire was certainly a very important innovation in our nation's history, along with the invention of dying. But that's not all! I want to award some fringe points to some fringe answers. If it weren't for the British dandies, American Indians would have no idea what it was like to live life to the fullest. Nothing says "colonial living" like a bleached asshole, followed by some good old fashioned doin' it in the butt. Capfalcon and pesky know what I'm talkin' about. But let's be fair, I think that introduction went the other way 'round.
And lastly, if segregation wasn't going to last, at least we could still keep our schools White through racially biased SAT questions, right Rius?
So at the end of our bonus round, let's tally up the scores!
Ouch! It looks like Cerebrus is in the lead with a hefty three points! Feelin' lucky, my man? Why not take a GAMBLE and submit an extra answer to the following question:
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food?
I know what I wouldn't want to find. Water chestnuts! That's right. They're revolting. But what about you? Lock in those answers! Oooooh, right. Cerebrus can crawl on down here and sit on old Smiley's lap, because you're going to be walking through the audience and taking a poll! Yes, using our fancy electronic poll-masters would be much easier, but this'll kill more time. Start the timer!
Additionally, I only have one card that's even remotely a sensible answer for this question. Fortunately, it's an incredibly sensible answer.
Inquisitor77: Rius, you are Sisyphus and melee Wizard is your boulder
Tube: This must be what it felt like to be an Iraqi when Saddam was killed
Bookish Stickers - Mrs. Rius' Etsy shop with bumper stickers and vinyl decals.
tho I was sure I would have gotten at least one point last time.
I think that's one of the problems drawbacks benefits of this game. You have a card you think is utterly perfect, but you forget that the game is designed for almost every card to be utterly perfect.
Time is almost up, folks!
I don't like being in the audience... The fans are wierd and this one thinks they are at a pro wrestling event...
Also, why is it no one around here gets my name right?
Ahh, sorry. It's spelled properly in my spreadsheet. I'm just an idiot.
Whassamatter, racist (specist?) organization? HAS SOMEONE OFFENDED YOU? Why don't you go ahead and kill some more [insert alien race here], space hitler?
Ah, who am I kidding? I've already got some production assistant doing that right now. Anywho, let's have a look at your answers!
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? White people
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? A lifetime of sadness
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? AIDS
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? A can of whoop-ass
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? A fetus
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Poor people
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Smallpox blankets
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Actually taking candy from a baby
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Dead babies
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Italians
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? The Blood of Christ
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? A salty surprise
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Smegma
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? A Super Soaker full of cat pee
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Viagra
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? The Hamburglar
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Homeless people
That's pretty good. I can safely say I wouldn't want to find any of those things in my Chinese food. Then again, I can rarely recognize the crap in there regardless. And someone call Kenny Rogers' legal department and tell them we've got a GAMBLER in the studio! So, what do you think, Cerberus? What doesn't the audience want to find? You know, besides you. Stalking between them. Staring down their cleavages. Their butt cleavages. Sicko.
Also, did someone seriously obtain "smallpox blankets" in the very draw after the Indian thing? Because if you had it then and didn't play it, that is baffling.
Inquisitor77: Rius, you are Sisyphus and melee Wizard is your boulder
Tube: This must be what it felt like to be an Iraqi when Saddam was killed
Bookish Stickers - Mrs. Rius' Etsy shop with bumper stickers and vinyl decals.
This may be an issue that needs delving into, methinks
White people
Poor people
Italians
Homeless people
But that was the first time I read one, by number four I wanted to shoot someone, so you all FAIL!
I was also tempted to vote for this:
Actually taking candy from a baby
As it makes no sense, and is likely the person who didn't put a card it... and I am a Jerk! But I decided against rewarding the person who is slowing down a fun game... So... FAIL!
This made me feel a little ill:
A fetus
This made me laugh:
A salty surprise
And these two made me think of my childhood (don't ask):
The Hamburglar
The Blood of Christ
So, one of these won! The winner is:
It looks like Laemkral takes this round, and he'll nab two points because pesky is a greedy, greedy whore.
Cerberus still holds the lead! Let's see if anyone can challenge him after this little number:
What's the next Happy Meal toy?
I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't remind everyone that you can GAMBLE a point to submit an extra answer! Not only will you get a better chance at winning, you can get rid of an extra card you don't like. Maybe it smells funny. Maybe you used it to pick your teeth. Whatever the reason, you've got that option. Majestic Goat, please be a dear and join me over here on the stage. While the rest of the contestants ponder over their options, we're going to entertain the audience. Is anyone a fan of ventriloquism? Goat, you're going to be my dummy. Can we get this man some Tylenol, please? And I'll be needing a rubber glove. Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit.
Contestants! Timer starts...
It's one of those different strokes for different folks. I got lucky on the first round and now I have nothing to show for it!
Also, there was a picture. A picture that will haunt me forever.
I am now convinced that smegma is why oral sex was banned in the middle ages.
Zithra Melitch in Star Wars: An Empire's End
Jellica in In the Shadow of Zeus
I just like to see people losing their hard earned point. :ar!
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Land mines.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Barrack Obama.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Estrogen.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? An icepick lobotomy.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Dwarf tossing.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Saxophone solos.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Lady Gaga.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Booby-trapping the house to foil burglars.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? A stray pube.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Public ridicule.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Date rape.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? My humps.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Roofies.
So many wonderful options to choose from, Majestic Goat! No pressure! You're just standing next to America's favourite game show host, that's all! What's the best answer?
I thought I had something decent, but I can imagine a child opening his happy meal and finding a live land mine. Or a stray pube, gross.
I have also noticed that not once have I lobbied for my own card.
... Oh well!