I've always heard, "Let's kick this pig!" as a reference to kicking a football to start a game.
And that's American football, not that other communist one that happens to be the most popular sport in the world by a large margin and inspires hundreds of millions of children to participate in a healthy team activity that goes beyond the arbitrary lines on a map that segregate human beings.
I've always heard, "Let's kick this pig!" as a reference to kicking a football to start a game.
And that's American football, not that other communist one that happens to be the most popular sport in the world by a large margin and inspires hundreds of millions of children to participate in a healthy team activity that goes beyond the arbitrary lines on a map that segregate human beings.
Goddamned socialism, that's what that is.
Studies show that soccer players are also more likely to take up Diving and Acting as well!
I've always heard, "Let's kick this pig!" as a reference to kicking a football to start a game.
And that's American football, not that other communist one that happens to be the most popular sport in the world by a large margin and inspires hundreds of millions of children to participate in a healthy team activity that goes beyond the arbitrary lines on a map that segregate human beings.
Goddamned socialism, that's what that is.
Studies show that soccer players are also more likely to take up Diving and Acting as well!
Well yeah, power-sliding across the field in a victory pose is second only to flailing on the ground in agony when a butterfly farts on a European footballer; notable exceptions to the 'European Injury Performance' are German and UK footballers because they routinely train in various drinking establishments along with rugby players.
0
Options
Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
Also I had a friend in college that would screw up idioms accidentally. A few gems include:
Don't kill my thunder.
Chopped full of fun.
Ding ding, you get a chicken (winner winner chicken dinner)
My favourite ever came from a Lithuanian chap I was working with and teaching to swear in English. At the height of some very niggly hard/software issues he stood up and shouted "You piece of my mother!". It has since become a treasured part of my vocabulary.
ArtreusI'm a wizardAnd that looks fucked upRegistered Userregular
Not as bad as pulling the 9 loaves of bread out of the oven at work and noticing that they are all black bricks because you forgot to tell the person who put them in that the oven should be at 350, not 500
Gmail saved me from awkward by pointing out that I forgot to attach a file to an email.
I love Gmail.
I do similar all the time, I'll IM a friend with all these comments and stuff pertaining to specific link, then I leave for work without actually giving the link to go with it.
my husband called me from work yesterday laughing so hard he could hardly talk
they've had a wild squirrel living in their store for months and they haven't seen it, just heard it scrabbling around in the ceiling and caught it on surveillance camera a few times
they had the ceiling open to work on something and the squirrel jumped out and they managed to open the door and kind of chase it out of the building but it kept trying to run around them and get back up in the ceiling the whole time
my husband's new coworker was like man, that squirrel was freaking out trying to get back in the ceiling! do you think its eggs were in there and that's why it is so freaked out??
and everyone was like ..... squirrel... eggs? and the guy said yeah you know like maybe he had a nest of eggs in there he was trying to get back to
my husband called me from work yesterday laughing so hard he could hardly talk
they've had a wild squirrel living in their store for months and they haven't seen it, just heard it scrabbling around in the ceiling and caught it on surveillance camera a few times
they had the ceiling open to work on something and the squirrel jumped out and they managed to open the door and kind of chase it out of the building but it kept trying to run around them and get back up in the ceiling the whole time
my husband's new coworker was like man, that squirrel was freaking out trying to get back in the ceiling! do you think its eggs were in there and that's why it is so freaked out??
and everyone was like ..... squirrel... eggs? and the guy said yeah you know like maybe he had a nest of eggs in there he was trying to get back to
Is his name Ricky?
+1
Options
Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
my husband called me from work yesterday laughing so hard he could hardly talk
they've had a wild squirrel living in their store for months and they haven't seen it, just heard it scrabbling around in the ceiling and caught it on surveillance camera a few times
they had the ceiling open to work on something and the squirrel jumped out and they managed to open the door and kind of chase it out of the building but it kept trying to run around them and get back up in the ceiling the whole time
my husband's new coworker was like man, that squirrel was freaking out trying to get back in the ceiling! do you think its eggs were in there and that's why it is so freaked out??
and everyone was like ..... squirrel... eggs? and the guy said yeah you know like maybe he had a nest of eggs in there he was trying to get back to
Is his name Ricky?
Or is the squirrel's name Rocky? Maybe he is hiding from Boris and Natasha!
Today at lunch, I noticed a poster advertising Pitch Perfect 2. In it, there is a row of young women, and on her knees in front of them, the only black woman in the group.
I tweeted at #PitchPerfect2 asking why the only person of color was on her knees before her white superiors. Ignoring the fact that there were other women of color (just not black) in the row of women.
Good job, asshole.
+1
Options
Blake TDo you have enemies then?Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered Userregular
Oh I have a funny story.
The other week I went to the physio to get my back worked on, and after the massage, he took me to their fitness area and we did some work with a fitball and a few other things. He did the exercises with me.
Anyway we finish and walk back to the room to pick up my keys and wallet. As we walk back we go by the waiting area where there is the mid forties lady looking really disgusted at me, and I was kinda confused and turned around for a second glance.
She was indeed being grumpy on the second look, and I noticed that my physio who was behind me, was putting on his belt.
Preeeeeeeety sure the lady thought we were boning.
So when I went to pay, I quite loudly said it was a very good session and I'll probably feel it for at least the next day.
I used to live in the unit behind a remedial massage shop. There was a permanently locked connecting door that the scent of massage oil would waft through. It was fun giving directions to people.. "Yea, behind the massage parlour. .. Yea, massage. No I think it's just massage. The walls are thin, so.. Yea."
The other week I went to the physio to get my back worked on, and after the massage, he took me to their fitness area and we did some work with a fitball and a few other things. He did the exercises with me.
Anyway we finish and walk back to the room to pick up my keys and wallet. As we walk back we go by the waiting area where there is the mid forties lady looking really disgusted at me, and I was kinda confused and turned around for a second glance.
She was indeed being grumpy on the second look, and I noticed that my physio who was behind me, was putting on his belt.
Preeeeeeeety sure the lady thought we were boning.
So when I went to pay, I quite loudly said it was a very good session and I'll probably feel it for at least the next day.
Screw you homophobic lady.
To be fair, she might've just been disgusted that you were boning in a public facility rather then being homophobic.
Man there's a place here in Cape Town which proudly proclaims it is both a Sushi restaurant AND a massage parlour. I'm almost certain it's "that" kind too but somehow the combination of cheap raw fish being served by the waitresses who are also the massage therapists kills a whole range of appetites in me.
On subtlety and commerce..there is this place in my hometown called the BackBoys and it's a sauna. The front door is barred and there is a sign that reads "Enter by the backdoor".
Posts
Keep fucking that chicken!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
His dick was stuck in the chicken!
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better
bit.ly/2XQM1ke
And that's American football, not that other communist one that happens to be the most popular sport in the world by a large margin and inspires hundreds of millions of children to participate in a healthy team activity that goes beyond the arbitrary lines on a map that segregate human beings.
Goddamned socialism, that's what that is.
OY nah you're right
We don't have the right cultural heritage to pull it off
Yep, flat out like a lizard drinking.
Studies show that soccer players are also more likely to take up Diving and Acting as well!
Well yeah, power-sliding across the field in a victory pose is second only to flailing on the ground in agony when a butterfly farts on a European footballer; notable exceptions to the 'European Injury Performance' are German and UK footballers because they routinely train in various drinking establishments along with rugby players.
Damnit, that is MY joke about farmers fucking chickens!
My favourite ever came from a Lithuanian chap I was working with and teaching to swear in English. At the height of some very niggly hard/software issues he stood up and shouted "You piece of my mother!". It has since become a treasured part of my vocabulary.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/pablocampy
Here's a dumb one.
Steam Me
You can lead a horse's water, but it is considered animal abuse.
Notice you forgot to put the damn chicken in the actual oven.
45 MORE minutes, soooo hungry
I've been saying it for at least a year and I laugh every time I do.
I love Gmail.
I do similar all the time, I'll IM a friend with all these comments and stuff pertaining to specific link, then I leave for work without actually giving the link to go with it.
they've had a wild squirrel living in their store for months and they haven't seen it, just heard it scrabbling around in the ceiling and caught it on surveillance camera a few times
they had the ceiling open to work on something and the squirrel jumped out and they managed to open the door and kind of chase it out of the building but it kept trying to run around them and get back up in the ceiling the whole time
my husband's new coworker was like man, that squirrel was freaking out trying to get back in the ceiling! do you think its eggs were in there and that's why it is so freaked out??
and everyone was like ..... squirrel... eggs? and the guy said yeah you know like maybe he had a nest of eggs in there he was trying to get back to
Is his name Ricky?
Or is the squirrel's name Rocky? Maybe he is hiding from Boris and Natasha!
I tweeted at #PitchPerfect2 asking why the only person of color was on her knees before her white superiors. Ignoring the fact that there were other women of color (just not black) in the row of women.
Good job, asshole.
The other week I went to the physio to get my back worked on, and after the massage, he took me to their fitness area and we did some work with a fitball and a few other things. He did the exercises with me.
Anyway we finish and walk back to the room to pick up my keys and wallet. As we walk back we go by the waiting area where there is the mid forties lady looking really disgusted at me, and I was kinda confused and turned around for a second glance.
She was indeed being grumpy on the second look, and I noticed that my physio who was behind me, was putting on his belt.
Preeeeeeeety sure the lady thought we were boning.
So when I went to pay, I quite loudly said it was a very good session and I'll probably feel it for at least the next day.
Screw you homophobic lady.
Satans..... hints.....
Yeah like, why aren't they offering those services to me?
You don't think that this is too subtle?
To be fair, she might've just been disgusted that you were boning in a public facility rather then being homophobic.
There is something about anal sex that is not subtle.
Steam Me
STEAM
Are you kidding? Anal sex is all about subtle. It's like hacking. You go through a back door and hope you don't hit a log.
I bet there are medical benefits to getting regular handies, but these prudes keep denying my research grants.