i think i'm gonna come out to my parents about being trans this week
i got given the advice that it's probably best to have something organised with some friends afterwards. It's a bit hard atm bc all my friends have moved pretty far away and they all have actual jobs. But hopefully i can at least call some of them.
it's a weird thing where i don't think things are going to go terribly, but they're probably gonna take some time and a lot of explaining. it's not so much the coming out that i'm worried about, it's the living with things afterwards.
i think i'm gonna come out to my parents about being trans this week
i got given the advice that it's probably best to have something organised with some friends afterwards. It's a bit hard atm bc all my friends have moved pretty far away and they all have actual jobs. But hopefully i can at least call some of them.
it's a weird thing where i don't think things are going to go terribly, but they're probably gonna take some time and a lot of explaining. it's not so much the coming out that i'm worried about, it's the living with things afterwards.
Hey so I found this really helpful when thinking about coming out to my parents:
There are a bunch of other resources out there like this too, Google has a ton of results, but this particular page felt like the best advice for me personally. I'd encourage you to give it some thought rather than just winging it (not saying that's your plan, but just general advice), even if you're not super concerned about your parents rejecting you or being super shitty. I wrote a script and read from it, and even though it felt a little cheesy to do it that way, it helped me be sure I was saying everything I wanted to say without forgetting anything and kept me on track when I started getting emotional.
Lastly, just because your parents don't pitch a fit and disown you doesn't mean there aren't many ways this could be disappointing for you. I'm not saying this to scare you or anything, I just want you to know it's totally valid for you to come out of that conversation with some negative feelings, even if 'all' that happens is your parents being indifferent and minimizing the importance of your transness (as mine did) or inadvertently saying something ignorant and hurtful (which is what I was expecting heh). I think having friends to talk to right after is a great idea; I wish I'd thought of it.
I hope everything goes well, though, and that your parents are supportive and positive about it! My sister was amazing when I came out to her and it's lovely when that happens. Wishing you the best
Hi I'm Vee! on
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ElldrenIs a woman dammitceterum censeoRegistered Userregular
I really need a guide for coming out like, for the second and subsequent times
Because it is real fucking hard after being guilt-tripped back into the closet
Honestly I don't really see a world where I ever speak to my parents about myself, but also that mostly just speaks to my relationship with them, me knowing their regressive beliefs, and me being an adult that's been out of the house and state for years. I don't need to tell them anything and it's not like they reach out to talk to me
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
It's just occured to me that I've still never had the Coming Out conversation with anyone. Managed to dodge that entirely by doing it all via email, facebook, or by proxy. A lifetime of honing my talent at avoiding awkward conversations really paid off.
That sucks @Elldren, hang in there **
I kind of had a 2nd more intense coming out to some of my family - felt really liberating and good
The whole planned conversation thing... that was OK, but just screaming "I'm bi and don't want to hear another horrible prejudiced gay joke from you in my life!" into their faces in a crowded restaurant worked way better. They will have a harder time forgetting that conversation, heh. Why would I pretend to be straight just to make them feel better? Screw that, they have no right to demand that
(though I'm guessing you're facing different more complex issues so not sure this is any help)
Also, some good news...
friend struggling with supporting her kid with gender dysphoria is working hard and reading resources. I get the sense that she's carrying a lot of guilt for noticing before and supporting her kid differently in the past, but she has access to Mermaids and other support sites now. So, thanks for recommending that and other parent-friendly resources on this forum, I'm hoping it will make a difference and everything will work out well for that family.
Proud of her that she's among the parents willing to get educated about LGBTQ+ issues and change for the better
And in 2021 I hope I can finally adopt a kid and stop meddling in my friends lives... heh..
I really need a guide for coming out like, for the second and subsequent times
Because it is real fucking hard after being guilt-tripped back into the closet
I think you just get a cake that says "Fuck you all Im out"
I really really can’t just abandon my family
Like if that was a viable option that would leave me happier I’d do it but it really isn’t
Right now it feels like I can either be miserable or be miserable but in a different way and without the anchors I’ve developed to keep thoughts of self-harm away
Coming out was by far the worst part of transitioning for me, and my family took it fairly well. Sure, a lot of them don’t talk to me anymore but we never talked much before either, so not much changed
Good luck! It’s hard but for me at least it was definitely all worth it
It's just occured to me that I've still never had the Coming Out conversation with anyone. Managed to dodge that entirely by doing it all via email, facebook, or by proxy. A lifetime of honing my talent at avoiding awkward conversations really paid off.
Yeah that's how I'm gonna tell my mom and sister. I am real bad at organizing my thoughts on the phone, and wanna be able to list them all without them having the potential to interrupt me.
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FencingsaxIt is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understandingGNU Terry PratchettRegistered Userregular
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
I have been having some Emotions lately that I do not know how to deal with, and I think it's causing me some problems. I feel like I'm constantly holding my breath.
I dreamt last night that I was the old me and being called my old name. It messed me up.
i think i'm gonna come out to my parents about being trans this week
i got given the advice that it's probably best to have something organised with some friends afterwards. It's a bit hard atm bc all my friends have moved pretty far away and they all have actual jobs. But hopefully i can at least call some of them.
it's a weird thing where i don't think things are going to go terribly, but they're probably gonna take some time and a lot of explaining. it's not so much the coming out that i'm worried about, it's the living with things afterwards.
it went pretty well
about as well as i could hope
it's gonna be a process, and it's gonna take them some time to understand, and more time for me to explain
but getting that initial conversation started felt a lot better than i thought it would
I talked with some friends about how getting a new vagina is incredibly gross. Basically just lots and lots of blood.
Cis girls were like hey, you're having your first period
I'm like, listen here, I'm having a lifetime of periods in like 3 weeks
I was then informed that I'm having an ellipsis
I lost
Triptycho: A card-and-dice tabletop indie RPG currently in development and playtesting
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Zilla36021st Century. |She/Her|Trans* Woman In Aviators Firing A Bazooka. ⚛️Registered Userregular
I talked with some friends about how getting a new vagina is incredibly gross. Basically just lots and lots of blood.
Cis girls were like hey, you're having your first period...
I'm like, listen here, I'm having a lifetime of periods in like 3 weeks...
Yeah. I can so relate to this. I bled an absolute shit-TONNE of blood in my first week post-op. Really glad I don't have to dilate. (I went for the Ford-model vagina instead of the Ferrari...) :P
I remember walking to the en-suite bathroom (which was practically only ~10ft from the bed) in my hospital room on roughly day three/four (I think it was) and almost passing out/fainting with blurry/fuzzy/static-y vision and a ringing in my ears due to low blood pressure.
The nurses quickly got me back into bed and soon hooked me up with a blood transfusion. They didn't dare try getting me out of bed again until 24 hours later.
I'd never experienced having such low blood pressure before so it was kind of terrifying, I honestly felt like I was fucking dying. Honestly my fucking scariest moment post-op. :bigfrown:
I will be 12 months post-op come the 9th of January 2021 though (woohoo!), and it really has being wonderfully life-changing for me, something I had to fight for (the surgery), for a WHOLE FUCKING DECADE (2010-2020), but now I'm largely free from the soul-crushing depression caused by gender dysphoria and it's FUCKING WONDERFUL! So worth it! Utterly freeing in so many superlatives! :biggrin:
Good things really do come to those who wait, though IMO it really shouldn't have taken that long -- it's usually supposed(ly) to be ~2 and a half years on the NHS, though with COVID now that wait will be much longer for many more people going through the NHS's GIC system(s). :x
I think my post-op outcome has been pretty good/smooth overall - I only experience a little bit of mild discomfort & mild stinging sensations every now and then if I sit down too quickly, or command what were (formerly?) my ischiocavernosus and bulbospongiosus muscles (they're muscle groups that allows male penises to voluntarily wave/move up and down like little fleshy-beige-flag-poles).
I am still kind of bitter though - it feels like I wasted the majority of 10 years of my life fighting for something I shouldn't have had to fight for at all.
Ten wasted years that, although 'all's well that ends well', I guess - I'll never get back that huge chunk out of my life-span that was lost to dysphoria; and the resulting utterly shitty deep depression and misery/suffering I endured.
I said to the surgeon, whilst laid down (on my back, unable to move due to the IV line and leg-circulation pumps) in my hospital bed: "Thank so much, beyond words, thank-you thank-you thank-you! You have literally saved my life!"
I cried/teared up. I kind of expected him to tear up too. But all he said was: "It's what they pay me for!", smiled a wry smile, and left the room, cool as a cucumber. I guess he must just have gottten that kind of comment a lot...
I had to go to the post office today to pick up a package that I was too lazy to get out of bed for on saturday morning. They always ask for ID so I was prepared for that, but the fact that the clerk there said 'no this is [deprecated name]'s ID, I need your ID' was pretty darn gratifying. I said 'yea nah it is mine, it's just a bit out of date' and she said 'oh, right, sorry' and handed me the parcel.
+28
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
Kind of raises the question of why they bother asking for ID if they accept ID they don't think matches the person
Posts
Neat!
If there aren't, there should be!
i got given the advice that it's probably best to have something organised with some friends afterwards. It's a bit hard atm bc all my friends have moved pretty far away and they all have actual jobs. But hopefully i can at least call some of them.
it's a weird thing where i don't think things are going to go terribly, but they're probably gonna take some time and a lot of explaining. it's not so much the coming out that i'm worried about, it's the living with things afterwards.
Steam // Secret Satan
Hey so I found this really helpful when thinking about coming out to my parents:
https://www.strongfamilyalliance.org/how-to-come-out-to-parents/
There are a bunch of other resources out there like this too, Google has a ton of results, but this particular page felt like the best advice for me personally. I'd encourage you to give it some thought rather than just winging it (not saying that's your plan, but just general advice), even if you're not super concerned about your parents rejecting you or being super shitty. I wrote a script and read from it, and even though it felt a little cheesy to do it that way, it helped me be sure I was saying everything I wanted to say without forgetting anything and kept me on track when I started getting emotional.
Lastly, just because your parents don't pitch a fit and disown you doesn't mean there aren't many ways this could be disappointing for you. I'm not saying this to scare you or anything, I just want you to know it's totally valid for you to come out of that conversation with some negative feelings, even if 'all' that happens is your parents being indifferent and minimizing the importance of your transness (as mine did) or inadvertently saying something ignorant and hurtful (which is what I was expecting heh). I think having friends to talk to right after is a great idea; I wish I'd thought of it.
I hope everything goes well, though, and that your parents are supportive and positive about it! My sister was amazing when I came out to her and it's lovely when that happens. Wishing you the best
Because it is real fucking hard after being guilt-tripped back into the closet
Hope it all went well @Lalabox
That sucks @Elldren, hang in there **
I kind of had a 2nd more intense coming out to some of my family - felt really liberating and good
The whole planned conversation thing... that was OK, but just screaming "I'm bi and don't want to hear another horrible prejudiced gay joke from you in my life!" into their faces in a crowded restaurant worked way better. They will have a harder time forgetting that conversation, heh. Why would I pretend to be straight just to make them feel better? Screw that, they have no right to demand that
(though I'm guessing you're facing different more complex issues so not sure this is any help)
Also, some good news...
friend struggling with supporting her kid with gender dysphoria is working hard and reading resources. I get the sense that she's carrying a lot of guilt for noticing before and supporting her kid differently in the past, but she has access to Mermaids and other support sites now. So, thanks for recommending that and other parent-friendly resources on this forum, I'm hoping it will make a difference and everything will work out well for that family.
Proud of her that she's among the parents willing to get educated about LGBTQ+ issues and change for the better
And in 2021 I hope I can finally adopt a kid and stop meddling in my friends lives... heh..
I think you just get a cake that says "Fuck you all Im out"
I really really can’t just abandon my family
Like if that was a viable option that would leave me happier I’d do it but it really isn’t
Right now it feels like I can either be miserable or be miserable but in a different way and without the anchors I’ve developed to keep thoughts of self-harm away
Good luck! It’s hard but for me at least it was definitely all worth it
Yeah that's how I'm gonna tell my mom and sister. I am real bad at organizing my thoughts on the phone, and wanna be able to list them all without them having the potential to interrupt me.
Also, us.
I get cold feet all the time now and have to wear thick socks
I used to never have problems with the cold before, so it's a stark contrast
I have chronically cold feet and got an electric foot warmer (basically an electric blanket with a pocket in it for feet)
It’s changed my life
I dreamt last night that I was the old me and being called my old name. It messed me up.
Feelings are stupid and I don't like them.
I got this one
https://www.amazon.com/Heating-Electric-Heated-Foot-Warmer/dp/B07B957W66
I suspect they all function about the same
Unwilling though I was, to follow my namesake's instructions, it has all come down to this:
The ultimate risk!
For the ultimate prize!
A DAY OF RECKONING!
it went pretty well
about as well as i could hope
it's gonna be a process, and it's gonna take them some time to understand, and more time for me to explain
but getting that initial conversation started felt a lot better than i thought it would
Steam // Secret Satan
This comment is way funnier with your oglaf avatar.
...
nice
imagine if everyone had one
Happy for them.
Congrats @Lalabox , so brave of you to start that conversation
Also, hope you're doing OK @Brovid Hasselsmof and found some breathing space**
Cis girls were like hey, you're having your first period
I'm like, listen here, I'm having a lifetime of periods in like 3 weeks
I was then informed that I'm having an ellipsis
I lost
Yeah. I can so relate to this. I bled an absolute shit-TONNE of blood in my first week post-op. Really glad I don't have to dilate. (I went for the Ford-model vagina instead of the Ferrari...) :P
I remember walking to the en-suite bathroom (which was practically only ~10ft from the bed) in my hospital room on roughly day three/four (I think it was) and almost passing out/fainting with blurry/fuzzy/static-y vision and a ringing in my ears due to low blood pressure.
The nurses quickly got me back into bed and soon hooked me up with a blood transfusion. They didn't dare try getting me out of bed again until 24 hours later.
I'd never experienced having such low blood pressure before so it was kind of terrifying, I honestly felt like I was fucking dying. Honestly my fucking scariest moment post-op. :bigfrown:
I will be 12 months post-op come the 9th of January 2021 though (woohoo!), and it really has being wonderfully life-changing for me, something I had to fight for (the surgery), for a WHOLE FUCKING DECADE (2010-2020), but now I'm largely free from the soul-crushing depression caused by gender dysphoria and it's FUCKING WONDERFUL! So worth it! Utterly freeing in so many superlatives! :biggrin:
Good things really do come to those who wait, though IMO it really shouldn't have taken that long -- it's usually supposed(ly) to be ~2 and a half years on the NHS, though with COVID now that wait will be much longer for many more people going through the NHS's GIC system(s).
I think my post-op outcome has been pretty good/smooth overall - I only experience a little bit of mild discomfort & mild stinging sensations every now and then if I sit down too quickly, or command what were (formerly?) my ischiocavernosus and bulbospongiosus muscles (they're muscle groups that allows male penises to voluntarily wave/move up and down like little fleshy-beige-flag-poles).
I am still kind of bitter though - it feels like I wasted the majority of 10 years of my life fighting for something I shouldn't have had to fight for at all.
Ten wasted years that, although 'all's well that ends well', I guess - I'll never get back that huge chunk out of my life-span that was lost to dysphoria; and the resulting utterly shitty deep depression and misery/suffering I endured.
I said to the surgeon, whilst laid down (on my back, unable to move due to the IV line and leg-circulation pumps) in my hospital bed: "Thank so much, beyond words, thank-you thank-you thank-you! You have literally saved my life!"
I cried/teared up. I kind of expected him to tear up too. But all he said was: "It's what they pay me for!", smiled a wry smile, and left the room, cool as a cucumber. I guess he must just have gottten that kind of comment a lot...
TLDR; #ReasonsWhyBeingTransSucks #ButIsAlsoKindOfWonderful #MixedFeelings #SurgeryStories