FishmanPut your goddamned hand in the goddamned Box of Pain.Registered Userregular
I mean, Kees learned that one directly at the age of 3 when first my grandmother died followed a month or so later by our big fluffy dog who he grew up with. So you know, there's no good ways for that particular life lesson, but there may be less bad ones. Maybe.
That's unbelievably cool. Your new name is cool guy. Let's have sex.
0
DepressperadoI just wanted to see you laughingin the pizza rainRegistered Userregular
I can like, pinpoint the moment death became a real thing for me. I knew dying was a thing that happened to stuff, but it was abstract.
until about halfway through my poppy's funeral when I realized that we die. everything ends. poppy's not gonna come back. someday I'm gonna die.
I had my very first existential crisis, and ran out of the church and into north Philly, where a very nice woman comforted me and had me tell her all the good things about my poppy. She said "that's what makes dying okay. You leave behind memories for everyone else." and she held snotty, hiccuping little me until my parents found me.
I had three grandparents and a dog all die before I was five. My knowledge of death quickly graduated from "something that will happen to all of us, one day" to "something that might happen to anyone, at any second". It was a less than ideal way to learn, and probably didn't help me be less of a morbid weirdo as a child
+2
KalnaurI See Rain . . .Centralia, WARegistered Userregular
So, it's been about two weeks of the kiddo flirting with his new bed without actually sleeping there at all. Well, last night he slept there from almost 11 (we got to sleep late, sue me) until almost 3, and as far as I can tell the only reason he didn't sleep there longer is because there was no one he could snuggle in the immediate vicinity. He went to mom's side of the bed, got lifted up, and I swear to god was asleep again before his head hit her pillow. He slept until I got up at 9 in the morning.
Progress!
I make art things! deviantART:Kalnaur ::: Origin: Kalnaur ::: UPlay: Kalnaur
+5
ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
My great-grandmother died when I was six, and I loved her. I only vaguely even remember her, but I loved her. I was coping with it. I had been to her funeral and I'd already started to wrap my little head around the fact that I wouldn't see her again. I didn't know how to comprehend "never" or "forever" but you know, I was working on it.
Anyway my mom decided it would be a good idea to get me a book about it to help me with it. Now, I was going to bring up the book on amazon so I could explain what my 6-year-old brain did with the imagery and how it scarred me for life, but when I did a search for "Everybody Dies," which I thought was the title of the book, one of the first results was something called "Silly Jokes For Silly Kids," and now I just don't know.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
0
ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
edited June 2019
I found it. It was "Lifetimes: A beautiful way to explain death to children." Apparently it's actually famous for being a good way to address death. One of the first images was some eggs in a nest. I remember thinking "so are the birds in those unhatched eggs dead or what." A page or two down there are some butterfly wings with the butterfly conspicuously absent, and at that point little me thought "something is going to come along and tear me to shreds maybe tomorrow or even today this is terrifying."
I had her read it over and over, I think she thought it was meaningful to me because I was trying not to cry, but really I was trying to figure out what the deal was with the birds nest and how we got to a shredded butterfly and ended up with someone pulling a splinter out of the hand of a crying child in the children's edition of the tape from Ringu.
ceres on
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
0
BrodyThe WatchThe First ShoreRegistered Userregular
About 4 and half hours into our 8 hour drive. Stopped in Portland for a bit so momma could get some gluten free food, and right now we are crashing the park of some random housing development because I figured Sapling would like to stretch her legs.
"I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."
My first night shift was a bit rubbish for my wife and the baby.
He was very unsettled as I left so she was already stressed.
He did sleep eventually but had a good awake period at 0300. I took so leave so she could get to bed.
Despite struggling for a while before he did fall asleep she's learnt alot and is feeling more confident about being on her own at night.
She's been very upset today due to her mum being a douche but they seem to have smoothed things over just before I left for work.
As far as I can tell they're both asleep (no messages from my wife) already which is a vast improvement over yesterday.
I do worry she's teetering on the edge of post natal depression so I'm doing everything I can to keep her happy. Lots of positive reinforcement and snacks etc
Ah. Here known as The Lilo and Stitch Debacle of 2016.
Yo, that movie brought me to tears. :C
Lilo and Stitch is easily my favorite Disney movie. However, it came out before I had a kid. Now that I have one, I really struggle to enjoy it the same way because it hits very differently.
Men's weekend was a bit rough. We hit the flea markets and had no retro handheld luck (I did manage to find a few records). So we called a place only to drive there and find their systems were complete junk (broken buttons, bad backlights) and we realized my son had dropped 40 bucks in the flea markets somewhere over an hour away.
Fortunately, it was a week where that wasn't a terrible thing, but boy did he take it to heart. For a teenager he was really shaken by losing the money, I felt so bad. We still bought an Xbox gift card and we share a library between our consoles so that was fun. Overall it was a good weekend but that bump made me feel so bad for him.
0
BrodyThe WatchThe First ShoreRegistered Userregular
We made it! Sapling has decided she's never getting in a car again.
"I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."
I got this book for my wife when she was getting stir crazy a few weeks into her parental leave. It's not much, but it was nice to point to a bunch of the accomplishments on the page that someone else had written and go "see, right there! You did that and you're awesome."
I got this book for my wife when she was getting stir crazy a few weeks into her parental leave. It's not much, but it was nice to point to a bunch of the accomplishments on the page that someone else had written and go "see, right there! You did that and you're awesome."
Ha thanks! I think she'd quite enjoy this.
This thread has been so helpful, not only as somewhere to get other people's experiences but also as somewhere to rant! Thank you everyone for your tips and for listening to me go on!
0
lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
A Kiwi author who uses the pen name Emily Writes has a book out that I'd highly recommend as well. It's called "Rants in the Dark" and from what I can tell it's exactly that. It's the facebook type posts that she wrote while up with her first born. It's hillarious and real and I laughed and I cried and it made me feel seen.
BrodyThe WatchThe First ShoreRegistered Userregular
Was trying to settle Sapling down, gave her a bottle, she just threw up all over herself and the blanket the room had... And it seems like she may have a fever...
"I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."
BrodyThe WatchThe First ShoreRegistered Userregular
I think this is the second time she's ever thrown up, and she seems more confused by it than ever. Ofc the nearest drug store is 20 minutes there and back, which I drove to pretty much right after getting here to get groceries, but we forgot Tylenol/thermometer, so...
"I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."
I think this is the second time she's ever thrown up, and she seems more confused by it than ever. Ofc the nearest drug store is 20 minutes there and back, which I drove to pretty much right after getting here to get groceries, but we forgot Tylenol/thermometer, so...
Never don't have a thermometer, children's tylenol and children's ibuprofen. I'm more careful about making sure we have all 3 at all times than I am about my own daily medicines.
The children's ibuprofen comes in handy for the times when you get a really bad fever, or at least one that's long-lasting, and you need to alternate between the tylenol and the ibuprofen to avoid giving too much of either.
0
BrodyThe WatchThe First ShoreRegistered Userregular
I think this is the second time she's ever thrown up, and she seems more confused by it than ever. Ofc the nearest drug store is 20 minutes there and back, which I drove to pretty much right after getting here to get groceries, but we forgot Tylenol/thermometer, so...
Never don't have a thermometer, children's tylenol and children's ibuprofen. I'm more careful about making sure we have all 3 at all times than I am about my own daily medicines.
The children's ibuprofen comes in handy for the times when you get a really bad fever, or at least one that's long-lasting, and you need to alternate between the tylenol and the ibuprofen to avoid giving too much of either.
Yeah, we just ended having a lot of stuff come up while we were packing, so we forgot a couple of things.
"I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."
By the time we moved out of the apartments and tried again she cried so hard she vomited. Wasn’t going to keep pushing that, myself.
Wow, I'm surprised and a little relieved I'm not the only one with this experience. In retrospect I probably pushed too hard for separate bedtimes and we experienced many vomiting episodes.
It's just so hard and frustrating to have zero free time because you need to go to sleep at the same time as the toddler, every single night.
Fortunately I don't think anyone ever told me that I just hadn't tried hard enough to get her to sleep by herself.
I don't know where he got the scorpions, or how he got them into my mattress.
I got this book for my wife when she was getting stir crazy a few weeks into her parental leave. It's not much, but it was nice to point to a bunch of the accomplishments on the page that someone else had written and go "see, right there! You did that and you're awesome."
Ha thanks! I think she'd quite enjoy this.
This thread has been so helpful, not only as somewhere to get other people's experiences but also as somewhere to rant! Thank you everyone for your tips and for listening to me go on!
There's also this book. Not as funny as the one mittens mentioned but it falls into the category of Shit We Don't Talk About But Should. I found it helpful to realize it wasn't just me.
0
ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
I found The Good Mother Myth to be one of the most helpful things I've ever read.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
On that same subject: my partner has had this thing where taking care of our little king costs her twice as much energy as it costs me. He gets on her nerves a lot quicker and sometimes can't do anything right. She is very ashamed of this and I can't even tell her why I can deal with him better than her. We are past the baby-stages. Any book recommendations? She is on waiting lists for therapy to deal with her depression, but with the current state of healthcare I am on the lookout for any kind of way to help her get a grip on the situation.
0
FishmanPut your goddamned hand in the goddamned Box of Pain.Registered Userregular
A Kiwi author who uses the pen name Emily Writes has a book out that I'd highly recommend as well. It's called "Rants in the Dark" and from what I can tell it's exactly that. It's the facebook type posts that she wrote while up with her first born. It's hillarious and real and I laughed and I cried and it made me feel seen.
Emily is lovely and funny and has been generally amazing for a while. My wife is in a writers & mothers group with her and they've been friends for a few years. When "Rants in the Dark" came out we had about a dozen signed copies of in our house and just handed them out to every mother we knew. Think we're down to our last copy now, though (other than our own, of course).
they grow up so fast. within a week of turning 5, rex watched all of jurassic park, lost his first tooth, and had the words 'bound and gagged' read to him in his bedtime book
*proud tears*
bsjezz on
+9
lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
A Kiwi author who uses the pen name Emily Writes has a book out that I'd highly recommend as well. It's called "Rants in the Dark" and from what I can tell it's exactly that. It's the facebook type posts that she wrote while up with her first born. It's hillarious and real and I laughed and I cried and it made me feel seen.
Emily is lovely and funny and has been generally amazing for a while. My wife is in a writers & mothers group with her and they've been friends for a few years. When "Rants in the Dark" came out we had about a dozen signed copies of in our house and just handed them out to every mother we knew. Think we're down to our last copy now, though (other than our own, of course).
I haven't read her 2nd book yet. But she put up a post recently about Pride and what happened with her after Pulse 3 years ago and I sobbed my eyes out because she might as well have been writing my story.
My suicidal ideation probably peaked around 5-6 months after the birth of each kid; I’m sure it was exacerbated by the return to work and thus the intense sleep deprivation (I returned to work at 12 weeks each time but that’s probably when I was most exhausted). And I definitely didn’t start to feel more like myself until Niko was 2+, so it’s good to be aware that it can take a long time to ‘recover’ after giving birth.
+1
lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
I think my hardest time with Ellie was around 4 months. My mom had left to go back to the states. and I was struggling.
Luckily, Ecco was working from home until Ellie was about 10 months old, so I never really spiralled too badly. But there were definitely times that if he hadn't been there it would have been very very very bad.
The hardest part for me has probably been the spousal relationship. So the first months were bad, but it wasn't really until after a year that the slow degradation of our relationship and the affectionate communication really started to wear thin and become depressing. Oliver now can be really frustrating, but because of my status as caring authority figure, I'm so much more resistant to it than I am to a random word injected with what I perceive as anger or frustration from my wife. It reeally makes it hard to envision how I could manage a second kid.
My suicidal ideation probably peaked around 5-6 months after the birth of each kid; I’m sure it was exacerbated by the return to work and thus the intense sleep deprivation (I returned to work at 12 weeks each time but that’s probably when I was most exhausted). And I definitely didn’t start to feel more like myself until Niko was 2+, so it’s good to be aware that it can take a long time to ‘recover’ after giving birth.
I wanted to thank you for being so honest and open with your feelings and experiences.
I treasure this thread because it feels like one of the only places to seek truthful advice and experiences. I don't imagine it was easy to write that.
I am in the business of saving lives.
+11
#pipeCocky Stride, Musky odoursPope of Chili TownRegistered Userregular
My wife is bipolar and was under strict psychological observation throughout pre and post natal. She was referred to a dedicated gestational psychiatry department and given care by an extremely well regarded doctor with a PhD in gestational psychiatry and the author of several books.
We were super lucky and only given such care because of Canada's generous healthcare system and my wife's preexisting condition (putting her at about 10 times the risk of post natal psychosis)
And in light of all this I quit my job when she was 12 weeks pregnant and started working freelance so we could both be home for her full year of maternity leave.
The moral of this story is it's been really hard even on us, even with all the support we've had and nobody is immune and if you're surviving and your kid is healthy and you are able to get out of bed in the morning you're doing so well, you're a hero and I'm so proud of you.
BrodyThe WatchThe First ShoreRegistered Userregular
We're on vacation, and Sapling just brought Brown Bear Brown Bear What do you See to my BiL's gf, so she opened it up to a random page and showed it to Sapling had said "That's a duck." Sapling responded with "Good job." and wandered off. Everyone is close to dying laughing, and so Sapling thinks "Good job" is an instant win card, walking around the living room saying it over and over.
"I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."
ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
My wife is bipolar and was under strict psychological observation throughout pre and post natal. She was referred to a dedicated gestational psychiatry department and given care by an extremely well regarded doctor with a PhD in gestational psychiatry and the author of several books.
We were super lucky and only given such care because of Canada's generous healthcare system and my wife's preexisting condition (putting her at about 10 times the risk of post natal psychosis)
And in light of all this I quit my job when she was 12 weeks pregnant and started working freelance so we could both be home for her full year of maternity leave.
The moral of this story is it's been really hard even on us, even with all the support we've had and nobody is immune and if you're surviving and your kid is healthy and you are able to get out of bed in the morning you're doing so well, you're a hero and I'm so proud of you.
I live in NV and when I told my then-prescribing doctor I was pregnant he wouldn't see me anymore and told me I would need to get prescriptions for my psychiatric medication from my OB/GYN. This was literally impossible, because they don't prescribe that kind of medication. I tried to find a new psych and when I told every office I called that I was pregnant they told me to come back after I delivered because they wouldn't prescribe for me during pregnancy. And I mean nothing. One of the drugs I'm on is considered about as safe as you can get for pregnancy. By about six months in I was very, very badly off, and I'd been trying for months to find someone. I had an almost-3-year-old already so I couldn't just hide in a closet and cry like I had with his pregnancy. Things got pretty bad for a while, and eventually I improvised and got started with a new doctor, about seven months along. That was over 3 years ago and the delivery was so hard, and I just haven't been quite the same since. I think it may have wrecked me on some level.
No one should have to deal with that. This place is terrible for any kind of mental health issues, let alone ones that need special attention.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
+2
#pipeCocky Stride, Musky odoursPope of Chili TownRegistered Userregular
That is completely horrific.
Those doctors literally endangered your life and your children's lives.
America's healthcare system is a scorched wasteland.
Not to veer back to the early marriage discussion, but the wife and I have been having a hard time since the kids arrived. Sorry for the long post, but I really need to type this out for anyone to hear.
She gave birth to our 1 year old back in May of 2018. Fortunately, she got 20 weeks of maternity leave from her job and went back around September. Upon going back to her job, she was given a new role as a team lead. It was exciting, yet stressful leaving the comfort of the team and learning to run a team, but she was ready.
Her boss ended up being a huge pain. Condescending, rude, and political, none of which the wife meshes well with. There were many days when the wife would come home in tears. We came up with a term for it called "code blue" that she could say and I'd immediately help her through whatever was bothering her. This wasn't anything new, but was definitely more of a problem after the kids and job switch.
As time passed, she started dreading coming home. It was super stressful on both of us. Thankfully the kids are still young and don't understand what's going on with mommy. She tried a therapy session, but didn't think it helped much and never went back. Things were getting to a breaking point and we couldn't take it anymore.
Eventually I made her tell me everything going on in her head. When we got together, we agreed that we'd tell each other whatever was going on in our heads instead of holding it in. She'd been holding back...for a long time.
She told me that after our daughter was born (back in 2015), she was feeling miserable and having dark and negative thoughts. She was resentful of me and truly hating her life. She questioned why we were together and thought about leaving me. After about 7-8 months, the negative feelings left and she felt more like herself. She never mentioned this stuff because she thought I would react poorly.
After the boy was born, the feelings came back and were complicated further with the job switch. She told me at one point she was driving home and felt an urge to just swerve into another lane of traffic.
That is a whole different level of depression that I was not prepared to hear. I wasn't going to let this go on and I made her unload all these negative emotions, even though she was saying some truly hurtful stuff. I know I'm not perfect by any means (no really, I can screw up quite a bit), but I listen and love. And took everything she had to say knowing that this wasn't really her, but the depression talking. Thankfully I was right.
Her biggest fear was telling me these thoughts and shattering the family apart. But it made us stronger. She was honestly surprised that I took all that dark talk and was able to accept it and move on. Because I understand how our brains can go down dark paths. You think one thing negative, then you think "then this will happen, then this" and, before you know it, you're paralyzed with indecision and fear.
We combined more open communication to nip issues in the bud before they can blossom into bigger problems. In addition, the wife read an article online that helps manage stress and depression. Basically, everyday you write down 5 things that you're thankful for. We just tell each other our 5 things before bed. Oddly enough, it has really helped her out a lot.
It's been just over a year since our boy was born and she's only now turning the corner. I fully believe that a lot of these depression and stress issues were hormonal related. I don't think that women get over these changes quickly and need time to work them out.
Another thing she's been dealing with is being married. Before meeting me, the longest relationship she was ever in was 2 months. I'd been in multiple 3-4 year relationships and knew the ups and downs already. It's totally understandable that she'd be stressed over a complete life flip. 5 years in and she's gone from single to married with 2 kids. It's a huge change and something she wasn't prepared to deal with.
Pile all that stuff on top of that the job switch and it's easy to see why she's been feeling the way she has. Thankfully, she starts a new position on the Xbox Live team on Monday. After meeting the team this week, it's like night and day with the co-workers and upper management.
Life has gotten a lot better over the last two months or so. She's no longer crying on the way home or dreading seeing me. I'm trying to get back into the work force, doing something I enjoy. Hopefully things will get easier with the new job and more open discussion.
Sorry for the long post. Thanks if you read the whole thing. While there are a lot of details I could discuss (namely my faults and why I drive her nuts sometimes), the whole of the narrative is the important part. I just really needed to get this off my chest.
I love my family more than anything and feel like I need to be a punching bag for her feelings to let loose on. She never means the harsh things she says and can't believe I haven't taken offense. I don't, but it doesn't mean it doesn't sting. So I'm dumping this post here to feel better.
Thanks again for letting me vent.
Need a voice actor? Hire me at bengrayVO.com
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051 Steam ID Twitch Page
Thank you for sharing that, MNC Dover. There's a lot going on in your marriage that's currently going on I mine (wife went from no real sustained knowledge of relationships to pregnant; both of us have a history of depression we have to juggle (*and* she has a thyroid thing); she's been sitting on a lot she doesn't want to necessarily share because she feels like she's burdening me when things are hard right now, and she's currently out of work with a pretty bad intestinal issue and everything is compounded like whoa). I believe it can (and will) get better with ongoing love and support and communication. And time, mostly, but also the loving open communication.
I personally had a decision last night to either go sleep on the couch, *or* find an appropriate way to get what I needed to *out*, and I chose to go do what was essentially telling my heaving-sick wife "life sucks and it isn't fair" for fifteen straight-yelling minutes, which ended up being the mature and responsible choice
Posts
Fucked if I know what they are, though.
until about halfway through my poppy's funeral when I realized that we die. everything ends. poppy's not gonna come back. someday I'm gonna die.
I had my very first existential crisis, and ran out of the church and into north Philly, where a very nice woman comforted me and had me tell her all the good things about my poppy. She said "that's what makes dying okay. You leave behind memories for everyone else." and she held snotty, hiccuping little me until my parents found me.
Progress!
Anyway my mom decided it would be a good idea to get me a book about it to help me with it. Now, I was going to bring up the book on amazon so I could explain what my 6-year-old brain did with the imagery and how it scarred me for life, but when I did a search for "Everybody Dies," which I thought was the title of the book, one of the first results was something called "Silly Jokes For Silly Kids," and now I just don't know.
I had her read it over and over, I think she thought it was meaningful to me because I was trying not to cry, but really I was trying to figure out what the deal was with the birds nest and how we got to a shredded butterfly and ended up with someone pulling a splinter out of the hand of a crying child in the children's edition of the tape from Ringu.
The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Steam: Korvalain
He was very unsettled as I left so she was already stressed.
He did sleep eventually but had a good awake period at 0300. I took so leave so she could get to bed.
Despite struggling for a while before he did fall asleep she's learnt alot and is feeling more confident about being on her own at night.
She's been very upset today due to her mum being a douche but they seem to have smoothed things over just before I left for work.
As far as I can tell they're both asleep (no messages from my wife) already which is a vast improvement over yesterday.
I do worry she's teetering on the edge of post natal depression so I'm doing everything I can to keep her happy. Lots of positive reinforcement and snacks etc
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
Lilo and Stitch is easily my favorite Disney movie. However, it came out before I had a kid. Now that I have one, I really struggle to enjoy it the same way because it hits very differently.
Men's weekend was a bit rough. We hit the flea markets and had no retro handheld luck (I did manage to find a few records). So we called a place only to drive there and find their systems were complete junk (broken buttons, bad backlights) and we realized my son had dropped 40 bucks in the flea markets somewhere over an hour away.
Fortunately, it was a week where that wasn't a terrible thing, but boy did he take it to heart. For a teenager he was really shaken by losing the money, I felt so bad. We still bought an Xbox gift card and we share a library between our consoles so that was fun. Overall it was a good weekend but that bump made me feel so bad for him.
The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Steam: Korvalain
I got this book for my wife when she was getting stir crazy a few weeks into her parental leave. It's not much, but it was nice to point to a bunch of the accomplishments on the page that someone else had written and go "see, right there! You did that and you're awesome."
Ha thanks! I think she'd quite enjoy this.
This thread has been so helpful, not only as somewhere to get other people's experiences but also as somewhere to rant! Thank you everyone for your tips and for listening to me go on!
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Steam: Korvalain
The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Steam: Korvalain
Never don't have a thermometer, children's tylenol and children's ibuprofen. I'm more careful about making sure we have all 3 at all times than I am about my own daily medicines.
The children's ibuprofen comes in handy for the times when you get a really bad fever, or at least one that's long-lasting, and you need to alternate between the tylenol and the ibuprofen to avoid giving too much of either.
Yeah, we just ended having a lot of stuff come up while we were packing, so we forgot a couple of things.
The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Steam: Korvalain
Wow, I'm surprised and a little relieved I'm not the only one with this experience. In retrospect I probably pushed too hard for separate bedtimes and we experienced many vomiting episodes.
It's just so hard and frustrating to have zero free time because you need to go to sleep at the same time as the toddler, every single night.
Fortunately I don't think anyone ever told me that I just hadn't tried hard enough to get her to sleep by herself.
http://newnations.bandcamp.com
There's also this book. Not as funny as the one mittens mentioned but it falls into the category of Shit We Don't Talk About But Should. I found it helpful to realize it wasn't just me.
Emily is lovely and funny and has been generally amazing for a while. My wife is in a writers & mothers group with her and they've been friends for a few years. When "Rants in the Dark" came out we had about a dozen signed copies of in our house and just handed them out to every mother we knew. Think we're down to our last copy now, though (other than our own, of course).
*proud tears*
I haven't read her 2nd book yet. But she put up a post recently about Pride and what happened with her after Pulse 3 years ago and I sobbed my eyes out because she might as well have been writing my story.
I'm jealous of your friendship with her, btw.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Steam: Korvalain
though i'm skeptical about the 'fever' that seems to keep appearing and then receding. she's certainly whiny enough
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
Luckily, Ecco was working from home until Ellie was about 10 months old, so I never really spiralled too badly. But there were definitely times that if he hadn't been there it would have been very very very bad.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
I wanted to thank you for being so honest and open with your feelings and experiences.
I treasure this thread because it feels like one of the only places to seek truthful advice and experiences. I don't imagine it was easy to write that.
We were super lucky and only given such care because of Canada's generous healthcare system and my wife's preexisting condition (putting her at about 10 times the risk of post natal psychosis)
And in light of all this I quit my job when she was 12 weeks pregnant and started working freelance so we could both be home for her full year of maternity leave.
The moral of this story is it's been really hard even on us, even with all the support we've had and nobody is immune and if you're surviving and your kid is healthy and you are able to get out of bed in the morning you're doing so well, you're a hero and I'm so proud of you.
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I live in NV and when I told my then-prescribing doctor I was pregnant he wouldn't see me anymore and told me I would need to get prescriptions for my psychiatric medication from my OB/GYN. This was literally impossible, because they don't prescribe that kind of medication. I tried to find a new psych and when I told every office I called that I was pregnant they told me to come back after I delivered because they wouldn't prescribe for me during pregnancy. And I mean nothing. One of the drugs I'm on is considered about as safe as you can get for pregnancy. By about six months in I was very, very badly off, and I'd been trying for months to find someone. I had an almost-3-year-old already so I couldn't just hide in a closet and cry like I had with his pregnancy. Things got pretty bad for a while, and eventually I improvised and got started with a new doctor, about seven months along. That was over 3 years ago and the delivery was so hard, and I just haven't been quite the same since. I think it may have wrecked me on some level.
No one should have to deal with that. This place is terrible for any kind of mental health issues, let alone ones that need special attention.
Those doctors literally endangered your life and your children's lives.
America's healthcare system is a scorched wasteland.
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Bonus Kees in a bubble pic:
Her boss ended up being a huge pain. Condescending, rude, and political, none of which the wife meshes well with. There were many days when the wife would come home in tears. We came up with a term for it called "code blue" that she could say and I'd immediately help her through whatever was bothering her. This wasn't anything new, but was definitely more of a problem after the kids and job switch.
As time passed, she started dreading coming home. It was super stressful on both of us. Thankfully the kids are still young and don't understand what's going on with mommy. She tried a therapy session, but didn't think it helped much and never went back. Things were getting to a breaking point and we couldn't take it anymore.
Eventually I made her tell me everything going on in her head. When we got together, we agreed that we'd tell each other whatever was going on in our heads instead of holding it in. She'd been holding back...for a long time.
She told me that after our daughter was born (back in 2015), she was feeling miserable and having dark and negative thoughts. She was resentful of me and truly hating her life. She questioned why we were together and thought about leaving me. After about 7-8 months, the negative feelings left and she felt more like herself. She never mentioned this stuff because she thought I would react poorly.
After the boy was born, the feelings came back and were complicated further with the job switch. She told me at one point she was driving home and felt an urge to just swerve into another lane of traffic.
That is a whole different level of depression that I was not prepared to hear. I wasn't going to let this go on and I made her unload all these negative emotions, even though she was saying some truly hurtful stuff. I know I'm not perfect by any means (no really, I can screw up quite a bit), but I listen and love. And took everything she had to say knowing that this wasn't really her, but the depression talking. Thankfully I was right.
Her biggest fear was telling me these thoughts and shattering the family apart. But it made us stronger. She was honestly surprised that I took all that dark talk and was able to accept it and move on. Because I understand how our brains can go down dark paths. You think one thing negative, then you think "then this will happen, then this" and, before you know it, you're paralyzed with indecision and fear.
We combined more open communication to nip issues in the bud before they can blossom into bigger problems. In addition, the wife read an article online that helps manage stress and depression. Basically, everyday you write down 5 things that you're thankful for. We just tell each other our 5 things before bed. Oddly enough, it has really helped her out a lot.
It's been just over a year since our boy was born and she's only now turning the corner. I fully believe that a lot of these depression and stress issues were hormonal related. I don't think that women get over these changes quickly and need time to work them out.
Another thing she's been dealing with is being married. Before meeting me, the longest relationship she was ever in was 2 months. I'd been in multiple 3-4 year relationships and knew the ups and downs already. It's totally understandable that she'd be stressed over a complete life flip. 5 years in and she's gone from single to married with 2 kids. It's a huge change and something she wasn't prepared to deal with.
Pile all that stuff on top of that the job switch and it's easy to see why she's been feeling the way she has. Thankfully, she starts a new position on the Xbox Live team on Monday. After meeting the team this week, it's like night and day with the co-workers and upper management.
Life has gotten a lot better over the last two months or so. She's no longer crying on the way home or dreading seeing me. I'm trying to get back into the work force, doing something I enjoy. Hopefully things will get easier with the new job and more open discussion.
Sorry for the long post. Thanks if you read the whole thing. While there are a lot of details I could discuss (namely my faults and why I drive her nuts sometimes), the whole of the narrative is the important part. I just really needed to get this off my chest.
I love my family more than anything and feel like I need to be a punching bag for her feelings to let loose on. She never means the harsh things she says and can't believe I haven't taken offense. I don't, but it doesn't mean it doesn't sting. So I'm dumping this post here to feel better.
Thanks again for letting me vent.
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I personally had a decision last night to either go sleep on the couch, *or* find an appropriate way to get what I needed to *out*, and I chose to go do what was essentially telling my heaving-sick wife "life sucks and it isn't fair" for fifteen straight-yelling minutes, which ended up being the mature and responsible choice