[Queer] thread: A Gay ‘Ol Time

Elldren

MsAnthropy wrote: »

Yeah, I transitioned at 40. It’s pretty common to wish we had done so earlier.

it's the unspoken corollary of "it's never too late"

Platy

In my experience it's online places which skew younger, barely anyone I met outside the internet has been under 30

Twitter specifically has feedback loops which reward youthfulness, beauty, whiteness and other people's voices kinda get lost

MsAnthropy

I was one of two trans folk on my company’s queer ERG leadership council and the other person is less than 5 years younger than me. There is still a generation gap there, because I had been an egg on the outskirts of the community as an ‘ally’ for at least five years before I had my ‘oh shit’ moment of realization (thanks @atomika for posting a link to an interview with Laura Jane Grace that did it).

Platy

I've been reading Jordanes and other authors recently, so when I read the title I always think of dudes on horses and ladies named Amalasuintha

21stCentury

i'm 32 and i'm not closer to transitioning as i was when i realized who i was.

It happens.

Atomika

MsAnthropy wrote: »

I was one of two trans folk on my company’s queer ERG leadership council and the other person is less than 5 years younger than me. There is still a generation gap there, because I had been an egg on the outskirts of the community as an ‘ally’ for at least five years before I had my ‘oh shit’ moment of realization (thanks @atomika for posting a link to an interview with Laura Jane Grace that did it).

Oh jeez I don’t think I knew that 😳

🥰😊🥰

Atomika

I had known I was different since I was really young, but I grew up without any LGBT representation to speak of and in an incredibly toxic and violent home, so I spent probably twenty years telling myself it wasn’t real. Once it became apparent my family was already rejecting me for not being their conservative ideal, choosing to be myself for my own health became easier, even knowing it would likely mean the end of my relationship with them forever.

It unfortunately(?) has shown to be just the case, and I’ve been without my entire family since I came out to them seven years ago, but after a lot of therapy I really stopped feeling any guilt over that and to this day they’re mostly just a memory of a lamentable episode from my past. When I think about them, I’m not really sad or upset, just disappointed in them and for them, to be trapped by such a self-imposed prison of hate and insecurity. I’ve been out for almost a decade*, and it’s been rough losing so many people, but not as rewarding as loving my own life and making it what I want with my own friends and new family and a career who celebrate who I am. I’m a single mom living in the greatest queer city in America being very successful at my job, and generally love almost everything about how things have panned out.

I’ve had a lot of surgeries and medical treatments over the last few years, and I finally, finally see the person in the mirror I knew was there all along. The truth is, you can do it. You can just be that person you know is inside. You don’t need permission to start living your life.


Brief transition timeline pictorial, spoiled for size:

*_{my family were literally the last people I came out to, including my in-laws and coworkers}

Brovid Hasselsmof

I'm 35, transitioned at 33, and sometimes feel like the only trans person in the world because I've totally failed to become part of any kind of queer community. The people in this thread are the closest I've got, and then there's a couple of other online spaces, but it's all really superficial. I've met other trans folk in meatspace a handful of times, but I'm not a social person and I don't make friends easily. It kind of feels like if you aren't a big extravert who likes Events, or someone who is really online, it's hard to actually be a Proper Queer. Things would have been so different if I'd transitioned at uni or whatever.

Sometimes I forget I'm trans. Which is good, but also gives me these moments of genuinely feeling insane.

Atomika

Brovid Hasselsmof wrote: »

I'm 35, transitioned at 33, and sometimes feel like the only trans person in the world because I've totally failed to become part of any kind of queer community. The people in this thread are the closest I've got, and then there's a couple of other online spaces, but it's all really superficial. I've met other trans folk in meatspace a handful of times, but I'm not a social person and I don't make friends easily. It kind of feels like if you aren't a big extravert who likes Events, or someone who is really online, it's hard to actually be a Proper Queer. Things would have been so different if I'd transitioned at uni or whatever.

Sometimes I forget I'm trans. Which is good, but also gives me these moments of genuinely feeling insane.

I have those moments, too, and I’m not a super social person either, but I’m very glad for this place. Those times I forget I’m trans sometimes are quickly set right when I wonder if I’m cis, which is a big fat no. I think because of the environment I grew up in I fixate too much on internalized transphobia and working extra extra hard to pass so I fly under the radar, but honestly I’ve been happiest in the last couple of years where I can just lean into it and be happy about myself regardless of what anyone on the outside sees.

I’m a little over 6’1” and had always hunched and stooped and kept my head down to be as unremarkable as possible before, but now? I wear gold eyeshadow, a huge blonde beehive bun, and pink glitter platform Chuck Taylors to work. Some days I’m like 6’5” and you know what? So is Galadriel. And regardless of if I pass, I won’t diminish.

All that to say, you’re not insane. Probably. 😎

lonelyahava

Hey all.

I'm not going to link things because it's I think against rules.

But there's a few days left for open submissions to the NZ government's plans to ban conversion therapy.

Submissions aren't limited to NZ residents or citizens like I thought, but Anybody can submit.

There's a great Instagram account endconversiontherapynz that has links and templates in their bio.

The crazy churches down here are sending out flags to get help from other international bigots, we need help to fight back.

Thanks

Platy

Brovid Hasselsmof wrote: »

I'm 35, transitioned at 33, and sometimes feel like the only trans person in the world because I've totally failed to become part of any kind of queer community. The people in this thread are the closest I've got, and then there's a couple of other online spaces, but it's all really superficial. I've met other trans folk in meatspace a handful of times, but I'm not a social person and I don't make friends easily. It kind of feels like if you aren't a big extravert who likes Events, or someone who is really online, it's hard to actually be a Proper Queer. Things would have been so different if I'd transitioned at uni or whatever.

Sometimes I forget I'm trans. Which is good, but also gives me these moments of genuinely feeling insane.

Judging from my experiences you'll find few social butterflies among trans people (although they do exist) which is probably related to all the social stress factors one encounters pre- and post-transition

Atomika

lonelyahava wrote: »

Hey all.

I'm not going to link things because it's I think against rules.

But there's a few days left for open submissions to the NZ government's plans to ban conversion therapy.

Submissions aren't limited to NZ residents or citizens like I thought, but Anybody can submit.

There's a great Instagram account endconversiontherapynz that has links and templates in their bio.

The crazy churches down here are sending out flags to get help from other international bigots, we need help to fight back.

Thanks

done 👍

I grew up next door to a conversion therapy camp and went to high school with the kids forced to go there. They were so beaten, so humiliated, just ruined by their own families. Fucking disgusting.

jaziek

Thx everyone for giving me some perspective.
I'm feeling a little better today than I was yesterday. I think the fact I'm so isolated where I currently live really doesn't help with how difficult it seems to find queer people to socialise with.

Mx. Quill

Yeah I get the same feeling at times, having come out a few months before I turned 33. And I recently have decided to separate myself from my family for at least a month for a multitude of reasons, including them *still* being bad about trans terminology and pronouns (after knowing for 9 months).

But you gotta do what's best for you, even when it is hard.

Grog

You're no less trans or queer or whathaveyou for not socialising with other queers, but lord is it a world of difference being in a space where the people there get it and you don't have to explain to well-meaning people very basic facts about your existence or try and parse whether they are in fact well-meaning. I've no interest in really meeting people or making new friends, but having those spaces can be a balm.

Infidel

I have enjoyed myself at pride events, but also they can be damn exhausting.

I don't really think queer folks have any monopoly or even huge leans on social behaviour, you may get that impression from all the PRIDE stuff but that's really self-selective and not at all the bulk of queer folks ime.

You don't have to socialize/attend/punch your stampcards just to legitimize being queer, you are who you are and there's validation as well in places like this that let you reflect and discuss.

Lucedes

i joined the LGBTQ group meeting at work for a while, it's sort of a monthly thing.

it was nice for a few months but tbh i don't like interacting with other people ~that~ much, so i kinda stopped attending.
still a nice space, very cool of the company to provide for it.

jaziek

I had an alright day today. Went out for a birthday meal with dad and grandma, and got some nice new earrings as a present.

this selfie I took today is one of the first times I've actually been able to look at a picture of me and go
"That's a girl in that picture!"
and I'm quite pleased with that progress

Weaver

I had been slowly shortening my beard ever since I realized that I was agender a year ago, but today I finally shaved it all off. Kinda cut my face up a little bit because it's been years since I did I full shave with a safety razor, but still, feels good!

edit: I wanna make clear I'm not trying to steal any clout by image posting, jaziek's post kinda inspired me to put my face out.

webguy20

So how much younger do you feel?

Weaver

webguy20 wrote: »

So how much younger do you feel?

I'm not; that's not how this works anymore.
edit: yeah babyface beard shave joke, no I don't feel younger, I feel more myself.

Atomika

jaziek wrote: »

I had an alright day today. Went out for a birthday meal with dad and grandma, and got some nice new earrings as a present.

this selfie I took today is one of the first times I've actually been able to look at a picture of me and go
"That's a girl in that picture!"
and I'm quite pleased with that progress

girl you cute af 👍💕

21stCentury

i know nail polish isn't queer in itself but i'm liking my hands a bit more today.



thumbs are clear and sparkly, then two magenta and two black fingers on each hand...

Grog

Hands can be an integral part of self-image, there was a time I'd look at and think of myself by my hands way more than my face (I'm a huge narcissist now so that's probably changed.)

Endless_Serpents

From my limited brain knowledge, hands, eyes and mouths get looked at the most, so making a statement in those areas is good.

If you think about it make-up is most prevalent for those areas, so it must be true.

Endless_Serpents

Also the booty, but you know, I’m thinking from a social perspective.

21stCentury

Endless_Serpents wrote: »

Also the booty, but you know, I’m thinking from a social perspective.

is there such a thing as butt polish?

InfamyDeferred

21stCentury wrote: »

Endless_Serpents wrote: »

Also the booty, but you know, I’m thinking from a social perspective.

is there such a thing as butt polish?

They're far too much for me, but... Vinyl pants would certainly accomplish that :-p

Endless_Serpents

Or latex, but let’s be honest it’s not nice to wear.

Weaver

My partner has an extensive CD based Madonna collection.

Help I'm trying to cook dinner but these tired legs keep dancing.

Weaver

I have the red eye shadow on tonight which means I'm feeling mischievous!

initiatefailure

Oh new Judith butler interview.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/sep/07/judith-butler-interview-gender

Anzekay

Well, I've been on some dates with an agender NB person over the past few weeks, and we clicked really well, and they're super cute and fun... and I guess as of tonight we're now a couple

just gonna be two NB people being as queer as fuckin possible

21stCentury

I’ll buy polish so I can have ace flag nails.

Grog

initiatefailure wrote: »

Oh new Judith butler interview.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/sep/07/judith-butler-interview-gender

Apparently they've cut this section (a quick ctrl F confirms as much) condemning TERFs as neo-fascists.
(spoiled for big)

initiatefailure

but that's the best part!

Whippy

https://twitter.com/dumbassology/status/1435342350117752832?s=21

let’s fucking gooooooooooo

21stCentury

Whippy wrote: »

https://twitter.com/dumbassology/status/1435342350117752832?s=21

let’s fucking gooooooooooo

I don't know the context but that's rad.

initiatefailure

go go power trans girl

Zilla360

Got spat on today. Not sure if it was because of transphobia or not.