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[Chat]al warming
Elki
get busyModerator, ClubPA Mod Emeritus
get busyModerator, ClubPA Mod Emeritus
NFL Meteorologists Warn Steaming Black-Guy Heads Occurring Later Every Year
NEW YORK—Steaming black-guy heads, the traditional sign of approaching winter for generations of football fans, have been occurring later in the season with every passing year, a fact that may be evidence of a climatic change with long-term effects on football itself, top scientists in the meteorological department of the National Football League said in a study released Monday.
"The phenomenon of weather-related African-American supracranial vaporous emission, or 'Steaming Black-Guy Heads,' as it is colloquially known, occurs when cold dry winter air comes into contact with hot, humid, shaven heads of football players, causing their personal water vapor to condense and rise on a column of heated air," the statement read in part. "It is then observed by network cameramen, who overwhelmingly choose to film African-American players due to the dramatic contrasts that result—especially when the player in question is backlit—and beamed to millions of households during time-outs, replay reviews, and other stoppages of play. The viewers then realize that winter has come to America."
"However, film review reveals that steaming black-guy heads, which during the 1970s were commonplace in mid-September, have in recent years not been sighted until the weeks after Thanksgiving," the statement continued. "Although further study is definitely called for, we conclude that the pronounced trend for steaming black-guy heads to occur progressively later every year—coupled with the phenomenon of giant triangles of ass-sweat persisting well into November—is a possible indication of a slowly warming climate across the entire NFL."
League commissioner Roger Goodell was not available for comment, saying that, although early-season instances of steaming black-guy heads were obviously preferable, the NFL had no official stance on climate change, global warming, or other meteorological phenomena that did not directly affect the scheduling or outcome of games.
Reaction among coaches and players has been mixed.
"When I came into the league with Tampa Bay, steaming black-guy heads were everywhere in October," said longtime NFL veteran and current Carolina Panthers quarterback Vinny Testaverde. "The Bucs were in the NFC Central back then, and we played in Chicago and Green Bay a lot, and to me, they always meant Halloween was coming. But these days, the rookies think of them as the first sign of Christmas. You can't tell me that's not global warming."
"Early on in my career, I saw them a lot, even in September," said Packers quarterback Brett Favre, who still has fond memories of the steaming heads of such Packer greats as Sterling Sharpe, LeRoy Butler, and Reggie White. "But this year we only started getting them just this week, and it's December already. Listen, I don't know anything about climate change, but I'd hate to see my daughters grow up in a world where steaming black-guy heads are just something you see on ESPN Classic."
NFL climatologist Lee Orfordson, one of the authors of the report, advised caution among those worried about the dwindling instances of steaming black-guy heads around the league.
"Remember that there are more domed stadiums now, that Northern-tier teams are being scheduled for more away games in Southern-tier cities during the winter months, and above all, that steaming black-guy heads are a single, if dramatic, phenomenon," Orfordson said. "There are plenty of numbers still to crunch here before we can say the steaming black-guy head has gone the way of the dodo."
Still, for generations of fans for whom steaming black-guy heads were an important symbol of seasonal change, the announcement has inspired a definite feeling of foreboding.
"I was the very first of the steaming black-guy heads," said former Raider defensive end Otis "The Grandfather Of All Steaming Black-Guy Heads" Sistrunk, whose own vigorously steaming head was noted by ABC color man Alex Karras in the early autumn of 1974 and began a winter-onset sideline-camera tradition that continues to this day. "And I'm very, very proud of that. I just hope I don't live to see the last."
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NO
I WAS THE LAST ONE TO POST
FIRST YOU TAKE MY SECRET SATAN DREAMS
THEN YOU TAKE MY CHAT THREAD
I WANT BLOOD
Man, don't worry about it. I hate Christmas.
EDIT: to Gooey...not the above post...that looks really bad....
You should change your avatar to Eb-
...nevermind.
By watching a Sinbad film or Jason and the Argonauts?
1. Invest in some really good quality make-up brushes
2. Foundation: really, really lightly. A foundation brush really helps here. You don't need more than a drop if you use a brush.
3. Blusher: Smile, now sweep it over the apples of your cheeks in a slightly upwards motion, towards the edge of your face. Again, apply really lightly.
4. Eyes: Even if you want to go dark, begin with light layers. Work from the inner corner of your eye outwards. Darker shade over the actual lid, if it's for nighttime, can use a lighter colour above the lid.
5. Eyebrows: If you use eyebrow pencil, go slowly and highlight the top of the eyebrow, don't drag it down too low.
6. Lips: Man, I never found a good lipstick. Just go bare.
It's not for Christmas, dumb dumb. It's a thank you kind of thing.
Same here.
By the way, I got my eyebrows threaded the day after Thanksgiving. Jesus Christ that hurt. What the fuck do you ladies do to yourselves, and why?!?!
one of these days
one
of
these
days
I'm not married to you. But I guess you probably are fat. :P
Shiseido makes this lipgloss that I love. It's called Grape Glace, I think. And Lancome used to make this lipcolor that you apply with a wand like lipgloss, but it dries very matte, and is super light, but I can't find it anymore.
'Eyebrows threaded'? I am not familiar with the term.
I actually don't wear make-up that often, I don't think it's terribly good for the skin. But it's part and parcel of looking smart, being formal.
I do cleanse and moisturise often, moisturising is the best thing.
By cleanse I mean I have these really handy facial wipes that are great for sensitive skin and are so easy to use.
Plucking, shaving, that just all becomes routine, although I think certain parts of my body will never, ever get used to shaving. :x
They take two pieces of thread and weave them into your eyebrows so that the threads tighten around excess hair and tear them out.
Right now, I have amazing skin so foundation isn't a worry, I just want to look nice and not clownish when Choco and some friends and I go out to the bar tomorrow night.
edit: Drez+DPC - omg what?!
I've never done it, but I think threading eyebrows is when they run a thread through your follicle to kill the cell. Can you say "not worth it?"
I do the same thing as you. I almost never wear makeup but like to keep my face clean. I love these Neutrogena scrubby pads.
edit: Beat'd :P
I think it's safe to say they're doing it wrong, then.
dildos per centimenter
Man, puberty this late in life must be hell for you.
Someone's been writing some fan-fiction.
To da moon!
Actually I'm very hairy but also quite lazy.
Meh, i just really don't like the look of make up. And yeah, i know "if it's done right you can't tell" but imo that's where the "little" comes in.
I WILL PUNISH YOU FOR THIS
IN TEAM FORTRESS 2
RAGE
Not me.
I'm forcing someone else to write it via the Imperius curse.
Bam! Right in the kisser!