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Wheel Of Time movies. This should end well...
Posts
On the whole, I think a WoT movie could be good if it had the funding, development, and committed people that Lord of the Rings had. It took seven years to get all 3 of the Lord of the Rings movies made - it should take at least that long to do a WoT movie too. The problem is deciding which material to cut, since there is just so much. And then you have the question of who to direct, which actors to use, etc.
See how many books I've read so far in 2010
At that point it was really all he could fit in. He had trapped himself with so many loose ends that he needed an entire book to resolve a bunch of them before getting on with Tarmon Gai'don.
I'm reading book 12 when that guy finishes it and I'm going to hate that too.
I have to admire Jordan for making reading so... personal.
I wouldn't even mind the filler but I remember that some of the books are mostly made up of filler and that really takes away from all the pretty cool things that happen during the series.
The movies will actually be pretty cool, the filler will be gone, anytime Nynaeve gets annoyed it takes about 20 pages for her to get pissed off, think about how pissed off she is, think back to all the other times she was pissed off and to jerk off her braid but this will all be whittled down to about 1 second of braid pulling in the movies. The movies should hopefully be very action packed in this case.
When he started introducing an ENTIRELY new set of seemingly important sub-characters in the middle of book 7 I said fuck it and haven't been back since. Mostly that was a function of picking up the series shortly after LoC came out, and with the five years or so between books I just proceeded to get more and more pissed off.
The world is incredible in its detail and its commitment to it, there are entire chapters dedicated to all the female characters hating all the male characters and not getting called on their bullshit. It just got old... and then it kept happening over and over taking a little bit longer each time. He started the series with the whole "endless winter" idea and then eventually moved on to "endless drought" and I think he was headed back to "endless winter" last time I checked.
twitch.tv/Taramoor
@TaramoorPlays
Taramoor on Youtube
Why would you do that? Incredible optimism for each new book? Masochism?
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I kind of know what he's talking about. I hated half the characters and what they were doing, and I read mostly to see if they got hurt/killed and because I just wanted to see what happened.
If curiosity is the only reason to keep reading a book you're not enjoying (and you have previously not enjoyed the other ten books that preceded it) why not just read the wiki, or flick through it in the bookshop to satisfy that itch? Or, drastically, not read it at all. Seriously, if you aren't enjoying it, why wouldn't you stop? These things are brick-sized monsters that take time to plough through for apparently little to no reward.
Not to be melodramatic, but you're going to die one day, and when you do you'll want the weeks you spent reading these books you didn't even enjoy and knew you weren't going to enjoy back*.
*OK, maybe a little melodramatic.
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this. My mom kept buying em for me every time a new one came out, even though after like the 6th one, is that Lord of Chaos?, i began to completely lose interest. It just became absolutely impossible to keep up with the goings on of the characters when jordan would spend an entire book on one set, completely neglect another, and add in reincarnated forsaken of unknown origin, people with new names that were other people, and still are but Jordan doesn't let you in on who the fuck they actually are (which would be fine if the motherfucker ever got around to "the big reveal" but he never does... ever) It's easily one of the most aggravating series to try and keep up with.
I found myself skipping things and just going to the parts where the Forsaken were talking, as they were far more interesting than the main characters... if for no more reason than so little time was spent on them. When they were present, something was always going on in some fashion. There weren't 25 pages of how much someone hated it when someone said "what" to them in the wrong tone of voice.
I think Robert Jordan was a jilted housewife and the old fat guy was a front.
Errr.... That's just the way the power works. Using it is addictive, and you have to keep control of your urge to keep sucking in more and more power and burning yourself out. Thats why being stilled/gentled was bad, cause channeling and the power in general were addictive.
That addiction thing had nothing to do with the taint, it had to do with using the power being awesome.
Yeah, I really don't think saidar was ever tainted. The female Forsaken would have noticed a change if that were the case.
what happens if a hermaphrodite is born who's able to channel
also, really, the four elements as the basis for the power? really? come on. try something a bit more sophisticated.
Evil Multifarious: seriously. So much gender-essentialism. I have kind of a fondness for this series, but damn if it isn't infuriating.
When he started coming out with books where nothing happens, and said "wait for the next book, this one was just to lead up to it."
Aside from that, every time I read a book of his I could feel an extra six months being tacked on to my virginity.
Having said that, I think that they could make a great movie/series if they cut out all the bullshit and go with a very loose adaptation of the main story.
Aside from the fact
The power isn't corrupting because of the Dark One, using it just kicks fucking ass and makes you want to keep using it.
EDIT: I think I'm confused as to what your point actually is now.
The Eye of the World
Tam is my father.
(Nothing happens. Then, nothing happens. Then, unexpectedly, nothing happens. Everything is FRAUGHT with PORTENT.)
Moiraine
Everybody come with me.
Everybody
No. Well, ok.
(They travel a LOT. Something happens that isn't explained. Something happens that doesn't make sense. Something happens.)
Rand al'Thor
Tam is my father.
THE (predictable, cliched, dumb) END
Fans
Yah! Wah hah! This is the greatest book ever! Whoo hoo! This is the greatest series ever! Whoopie! Yee haw!
The Great Hunt
I want to do something. But doing this something is probably what the Aes Sedai want me to do, so I will do something else. But doing that something else may be what they want me to do, because they think I think they want me to do the first thing, so I'll decide to do this other thing instead. So I'll just do the first thing, since I want to do it anyway. Screw them.
(Repeat seven hundred times.)
THE END
The Dragon Reborn
Being the Dragon Reborn stinks. I'm out of here.
(Moiraine and the gang CHASE him. But even though they are on HORSES, and he is WALKING, they never CATCH UP. This is supposed to be MYSTERIOUS but is really just a plot CONVENIENCE for Robert JORDAN.)
Perrin
I hate wolves.
(Mat and others show up out of NOWHERE. This is supposed to be MYSTERIOUS but is really just a plot CONVENIENCE for Robert JORDAN.)
Rand al'Thor
I am the Dragon Reborn. (kills the EVIL SUPREME BAD GUY)
Robert Jordan
Fooled you! That wasn't really the EVIL SUPREME BAD GUY! Now I can write forty more books!
THE END
The Shadow Rising
Rand
I have conquered all sorts of stuff, because I rule.
(Gibbers to self. Five hundred pages pass.)
THE END
The Fires of Heaven
I found an artifact which gives me limitless power. I think I shall brick it up behind a wall.
(A female character SNIFFS and thinks about her NECKLINE.)
THE END
Lord of Chaos
I have a secret plan, but I won't tell you about it.
THE END
A Crown of Swords
Now my secret plan shall be unleashed! Here it is. Are you ready? Are you sure you're ready? I'm going to make it look like I'm attacking this guy. But THEN I will attack some OTHER guy.
(He DOES, and it ALMOST WORKS.)
THE END
The Path of Daggers
I am evil, yaargh! Fear me!
Spooky Voice of Lews Therin
Rand, kill Taim.
Rand
Being powerful sucks. I will brood.
THE END
Winter's Heart
I was going to rescue my wife, but that will have to wait for the next book.
Mat
I was going to escape with my friends, but that will have to wait for the next book.
Egwene
I was going to attack Tar Valon, but that will have to wait for the next book.
THE END
Crossroads of Twilight
Minor Characters
There is a large use of the One Power over there. (repeat indefinitely)
Perrin
I was going to save my wife, but that will have to wait for the next book.
Egwene
I was going to attack Tar Valon, but I won't finish it until the next book.
Mat
I might flirt with Tuon in the next book.
THE END
New Spring
I was going to wait for the next book, but that will have to wait for the next book.
THE END
Best part. A+. Would read again.
(A female character SNIFFS and thinks about her NECKLINE.) :^:
The Collected Work of Anne McCaffrey
Female Lead:
I secretly love Male Lead. He must never know.
Male Lead:
I secretly love Female Lead. She must never know.
(They find out.)
THE END
Outstanding.
Interview With the Vampire
By Anne Rice
The End.
This is a treasure.
A poster named Isam (or mabye ISAM) on the Wheel of Time Book Forum (part of the Wheel of Time game (by Atari) website) who did some awesome, hillarious summaries of the books. I'll see if I can find any, but they may be lost to the internet. I forget when he stopped, but he had most of them done.
[Edit]
Looks like I found them! http://www.cetvrta-dimenzija.users.cg.yu/4th_dimension_site/engsum.htm
i also thought it would have made a better trillogy than it did a library.
also the whole sexual distrust is annoying
having about 20 different bad guys is confusing
having about 20 different good guys is confusing
at least the surprises in the book are real. "im going to do this!.... HAHA I COMPLETELY LIED AND YOU WERE FOOLED SINCE THERE WAS NO HINT IN THE WRITING THAT IT WAS A LIE.... "surprise"
my only other two thoughts are
1: the last book is going to have to be about 1500 pages.
2: how do you movitize weaving? flowing colors that noone can see? bad idea for a movie unless it involves nudity... then itd be ok.
War and Peace
Leo Tolstoy:
History controls everything we do, so there is no point in observing individual actions. Let's examine the individual actions of over 500 characters at great length.
THE END
Steam | Twitter
Microcosm for the whole series ahoy.
Aiel: There he is! From half a mile away! Aan'allein! Well, that about wraps it up for us; let's go home.
Bukama: Arg.
Gitara: He is born again! I feel him! The Dragon takes his first breath on the slope of Dragonmount! [Dies.]
Moiraine: Too bad she didn't specify when and where the Dragon was reborn.
Siuan: Yes, it's quite a puzzle.
Moiraine: Yes, if only there were some specificity to her comments.
Tamra: To be safe, fill this journal with the name of every boy born in the last ten years from here to the ocean.
Lan: Slowly drifting north.
Bukama: Hm.
Elaida: Good luck on your test. DON'T MESS UP!!! DON'T GET NERVOUS!!!!
Moiraine: I made it.
Elaida: Sh*t.
Moiraine: Dresses, dresses, dresses. Oh, so pretty and frilly. One for balls, and one for summer nights...
Siuan: Cut two leg holes in that sack over there. Fine.
Moiraine: Cadsuane!
Cadsuane: Shut up. What are you doing here?
Moiraine: I hear that Borderlanders make great Warders...
Cadsuane: Shut up. Try any more of your newly-acquired Aes Sedai crap on me, and I'll spank you like a baby. Get me some tea.
Moiraine: You treat me like a child. I must run away.
Lan: A woman follows us.
Bukama: Buh.
Lan: You! What do you want here!
Moiraine: How dare you! I am a mature Aes Sedai! Now prepare for wasps and nettles.
Bukama: Er.
Lan: Stop laughing, Bukama.
Bukama: Er, er, er.
Edeyn: I wear the special lock of hair. So we must have sex now...
Lan: Well, if you have the lock of hair, I suppose we must...
Bukama: Er.
Lan: Bukama, get out!
Bukama: Ur.
Lan: Aw, Bukama, don't cry.
Bukama: Ur, ur, ur.
Merean: Moiraine. What are you doing here?
Moiraine: Merean. What are you doing here?
Merean: .....I have to go. Go Light.
Moiraine: Siuan, what are you doing here?
Siuan: Waiting for you to fight the Black Ajah.
Lan: With my friend Bukama dead, who will I have such fascinating conversations with?
Nynaeve: Er.
Ryne: I am a better fighter.
Lan: I know. Yet somehow I beat you.
Merean: I am better with the Power.
Moiraine: I know. Yet somehow I beat you.
Moiraine: Merean was Black Ajah. I must destroy evidence of her existence to protect the White Tower. So the Black Ajah can go about their business, and the other Aes Sedai can pretend they don't exist.
Lan: You are smart. I will be your Warder.
Moiraine: I will learn from Merean. A highly defensive Aes Sedai poking around in a castle where the Dragon Reborn may be. I'll have to remember that for the future. Hello, Liandrin. What are you doing here?
Liandrin: What are YOU doing here? I have to go. Go Light.
The Eye of The World:
Rand: I'm a young lad from a quaint little village.
Tam: Yes, you are.
Emond's Fielders: Rumors of strange things afoot. Wolves howling. Winds blowing. Trouble a-brewin.' Train comin.'
Egwene: Rand al'Thor! What do you think you're doing?
Rand: Aw, shucks, hi, Egwene.
Moiraine: I am mysterious. You will know all you need to know. The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills.
Thom: I'm an old juggler with a big white mustache.
Trollocs: Oook! Aaak! Errrrr!
Moiraine: Come with me, you three.
Lan: Don't even know how to fight Shadowspawn. Dumb sheepherders.
Rand, Mat, and Perrin: We'll come with you.
Egwene: Me too! Weeee!
Rand: It might me dangerous.
Egwene: Rand al'Thor! You can't tell me what to do!
Rand: Maybe you could tell me what this is all about.
Moiraine: You will know what you need to know. The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills.
Rand: Thanks.
Egwene: This is scary! Rand al'Thor! You got me into this!
Rand: Gee whiz, Egwene.
Moiraine: Dreams can be dangerous. Have you all had any scary dreams?
Mat: I don't know if we can trust Aes Sedai. Let's keep it a secret.
Rand and Perrin: Good idea.
Nynaeve: You are dragging them into some Aes Sedai plot!
Moiraine: Maybe I should have left them to die in Emond's Field.
Nynaeve: We would have been happy that way!
Moiraine: DO NOT go out into Shadar Logoth, or touch anything!
Mat: Let's go out into Shadar Logoth and touch things!
Rand and Perrin: Good idea.
Moiraine: That was dangerous.
Lan: Don't even know how to fight Mordeth. Dumb farmboys.
Egwene: Rand al' Thor! You are a woolhead!
Rand: Holy moly, Egwene.
Mat: I'm sweaty and pale and grabbing my dagger.
Rand: Sounds good.
Thom: I once had nephew Owyn, who died because of Aes Sedai. Now I must go fight a Myrddraal. See you in Book 2.
Mat: I'm still sweaty and pale and grabbing my dagger.
Rand: That's fine. I'll play my flute for our supper.
Lan: Nice tracking.
Nynaeve: I'm secretly blushing.
Perrin: I'm talking to Wolves.
Egwene: I'm dancing with beautiful Aram.
Lan: We must rescue Perrin and Egwene from the Whitecloaks. You must hold my hand. To help the rescue.
Nynaeve: Yes, I must hold your hand. To help the rescue. I hope there aren't spots of color blossoming on my cheeks.
Master Bunt: Legend has it that Tigraine disappeared after the old queen died. Soon after that Luc disappeared into the Blight, and Taringail died, leaving young Morgase on the throne.
Rand: Couldn't you just leave it all in a big family tree inside the cover?
Master Gill: Legend has it Old Thom was closer to the queen that was proper. Then he disappeared and when he later returned, Queen Morgase was mad, so he fled the city, a step ahead of the headsman's axe.
Rand: Couldn't you just leave it in a big exposition section inside the cover?
Mat: I'm even sweatier and paler, and more crazy.
Rand: Good work. Well, I have to go meet the royal family.
Elayne: I've got long golden tresses.
Rand: Jinkies, Elayne.
Morgase: This boy is dangerous.
Lord Bryne: Yes, he is.
Elaida: Yes, he is.
Morgase: Good. Let him go.
Gawyn: You look like an Aielman...oh, that's crazy talk. Never mind.
Rand: Okay.
Everyone: Yayyyy! We're all together!
Egwene: You're telling us you talked with the Daughter-Heir! Rand al'Thor! I am making presumptions about you, and therefore must yell at you. Just wait until Elayne, Nynaeve and I do this for the entire series.
Rand: Gosh, Egwene...
Perrin: We heard a second-hand story about a dying man who said the Dark One means to blind the Eye of the World.
Loial: I heard the same story, from an different second-hand source.
Moiraine: Therefore, we must go to the Eye of the World!
Agelmar: Legend has it that Lan is the last of the Malkieri. You see, two score years ago...
Rand: Couldn't you just add this to the big family tree section in the front cover?
Agelmar: Use a Post-It.
Nynaeve: I have held your hand. I have brought you tea. I cannot shame myself any further!
Lan: I am not emotional. My emotions are cold like a winter blizzard. Loving me is like loving a frozen ice sculpture. That is why I have fallen head over heels in love with you, and you with me. Now excuse me while I martyr myself.
Rand: Aginor, being the least significant Forsaken until you are reborn, you are now dead.
Aginor: See you in book 6. I mean, "Noooo."
Rand: You too, Balthamel.
Balthamel: Mmmmph.
Mat: We found some things. Bloody ashes.
Egwene: Matrim Cauthon! You better...
Lan: Here's a gag.
Readers: Yay!
Moiraine: See you in Book 2.
The Great Hunt:
Rand: I really should be going.
Lan: Yes, you should. Another lesson?
Rand: Sure.
Lan: This move is called "Ending the Book." Use it in a climactic battle at the end of the book against a bad guy.
Liandrin: Soon we will capture al'Thor's friends on Toman Head, and then he will be ours! Then the Great Lord will rule the known World!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Moiraine: Did you say something?
Liandrin: No. Go Light.
Rand: Why haven't you helped me, or talked to me at all?
Moiraine: The best way to help you is to coldly ignore you.
Rand: That frustrates me.
Moiraine: That's because you are stubborn. By the way, you were adopted and are the Dragon Reborn. The entire fate the the world rests on your shoulders. Now go save the world.
Rand: Could you help me? Or at least give me a family tree?
Moiraine: Can a bird teach a fish to fly?
Rand: Are you the fish?
Verin: Remarkable.
Liandrin: Tell me what you know!! Or by the Great Lord, whom I love, I swear I will rip you limb from limb!!
Moiraine: What are you doing?
Liandrin: Nothing. Go Light.
Verin: 'Daughter of the night, she walks again.' Lanfear, who was in love with Lews Therin, must be free. She may well come after him again.
Moiraine: Yes, she must. No point in telling Rand. Now, what other ways are there to tell Rand we can't help him?
Siuan: You can't get water from a stone?
Moiraine: That's a good one! Or is it blood from a stone?
Siuan: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink?
Lan: I love you. You take ring. I give you.
Nynaeve: Me like ring.
Egwene: Rand al'Thor! Don't you just have a grand opinion of yourself! Just because everyone's trying to kill or use you, you think everyone's trying to kill or use you. Also, you are woolheaded and being a mule. And a mule-head.
Rand: Egwene, I will miss your neverending yammering.
Fain: The dagger is mine! My precious! Er, I mean, it's mine.
Hurin: Smells bad along this trail of blood that you could follow just by looking at it.
Rand: You have a useful gift for sniffing violence. Too bad we'll never see you again, or think to use you further.
Ingtar: We must find the Horn. For I must use the Horn to erase the promise I made to the Dark One.
Rand: Did you say something?
Ingtar: No. Go Light.
Hurin: You must help us get back to the real world, Lord Rand.
Rand: Stop calling me that. I command you.
Ba'alzamon: Join me or I will continue to taunt you until you kill me.
Lanfear: I'm just your average flawlessly beautiful woman trapped in an alternate world. This is my disquise, which is not quite as flawlessly beautiful as I actually am.
Rand: Sounds good to me. Join us.
Lanfear: I like powerful men. My favorite is the Great Lord of the Dark.
Rand: Did you say something?
Lanfear: No. Go Light.
Verin: Fascinating.
Siuan: We must break through your block.
Nynaeve: &#@&%!
Siuan: Now we're getting somewhere. I've gutted me a tough fish. I've netted a silverpike.
Nynaeve: What are you talking about?
Siuan: I have no idea.
Rand: I don't what to play your Great Game!
Cairheinin: Oooo, he's good!
Egwene: Elayne, so you did meet Rand, but I will never apologize to him for accusing him of lying that he met you.
Elayne: I am short with red-gold tresses. I know Rand, and love giving lectures.
Egwene: I am short with dark brown tresses. I know Rand, and love giving lectures. We are now sisters.
Liandrin: You will come with me. Now get into this sack.
Elayne, Egwene, Nynaeve: We will come with you. And get into the sack.
Min: A voluntary self-sack-putting-into?! No one's leaving ME out!
Verin: It says "Five Will Ride Forth."
Rand: What does?
Verin: Oh, who the hell knows? Some prophecy somewhere.
Rand: Oh, okay. Uh, Hurin. Come along.
High Lord Turak: Watch out, because I have long fancy fingernails and partially shaven head.
Rand: I have a Void in my head.
Ba'alzamon: Ha! Ha! This time it will be different, young al'Thor! NO ONE makes Ba'alzamon look stupid two times in a row...
Rand: You mean three times in a row?
Ba'alzamon: Yes, I did.
Moiraine: Luckily I was here just in time to do nothing.