As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/

Terrible Sex

13468964

Posts

  • JunpeiJunpei Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    neville wrote: »
    I've kinda faked orgasms as a guy

    same.

    Alright, how exactly can we guys fake an orgasm?
    Like, there is a pretty obvious visual cue if a guy just came or not that is sorta hard to fake

    If you're wearing a condom, not difficult at all.

    Junpei on
  • seizureorbsseizureorbs Registered User
    edited August 2008
    man sex is about two people
    why would you want sex with someone who doesn't really want it?

    man sex is so manly that the other person's feelings don't matter

    seizureorbs on
  • WrenWren Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    this one time my friend came in a girls mouth without warning and she was upset so she spat it out into his eye. after washing it out because it stung like a bitch apparently, she thought it was hilarious. so he took all her clothes and tossed them out a window and kicked her out. much more hilarious

    Wren on
    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • JunpeiJunpei Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Wren wrote: »
    Junpei wrote: »
    Go on Neville, spell it out.

    Never been worried about poop on dick, it all washes off. It's when you have a tooth embedded in your dick that I kinda draw the line though.

    I'd be worried if someones butt had teeth

    I knew that girl was different, but I didn't just how different until it was too late.

    Junpei on
  • nevilleneville The Worst Gay (Seriously. The Worst!)Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Druhim wrote: »
    haha saline

    Druhim has solved the puzzle.

    neville on
  • Vampire_GoldfishVampire_Goldfish Registered User
    edited August 2008
    She chews on her own shit.

    Vampire_Goldfish on
  • CptKemzikCptKemzik Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Wren wrote: »
    this one time my friend came in a girls mouth without warning and she was upset so she spat it out into his eye. after washing it out because stung like a bitch apparently, she thought it was hilarious. so he took all her clothes and tossed them out a window and kicked her out. much more hilarious

    hahahaha what

    CptKemzik on
  • WrenWren Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    CptKemzik wrote: »
    Wren wrote: »
    this one time my friend came in a girls mouth without warning and she was upset so she spat it out into his eye. after washing it out because stung like a bitch apparently, she thought it was hilarious. so he took all her clothes and tossed them out a window and kicked her out. much more hilarious

    hahahaha what

    dude was still living at his parents place at the time too. and they were home. I guess they thought it was funny too

    Wren on
    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited August 2008
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    neville wrote: »
    I've kinda faked orgasms as a guy

    same.

    Alright, how exactly can we guys fake an orgasm?
    Like, there is a pretty obvious visual cue if a guy just came or not that is sorta hard to fake
    and how is your partner going to see that if your cock is planted deep in their twat/asshole?
    so yeah, it's not that hard for a dude to fake it

    Druhim on
  • SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Junpei wrote: »
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    neville wrote: »
    I've kinda faked orgasms as a guy

    same.

    Alright, how exactly can we guys fake an orgasm?
    Like, there is a pretty obvious visual cue if a guy just came or not that is sorta hard to fake

    If you're wearing a condom, not difficult at all.
    I faked once. It was pretty shitty.

    SirToasty on
  • ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    I was under the impression that the man had to take his cock out, and shoot his load on to his partner's face.

    These sexual education DVDs have taught me wrong!

    ChicoBlue on
  • seizureorbsseizureorbs Registered User
    edited August 2008
    is your cum blue

    seizureorbs on
  • ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    I don't know.

    I don't have eyes in my mouth.

    ChicoBlue on
  • SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    *snort*

    SirToasty on
  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User
    edited August 2008
    Whoa Chico

    Xhaztol on
  • ZeroFillZeroFill Feeling much better. A nice, green leaf.Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    sometimes when shit just goes on too long and you're so numb from friction you just gotta get it over with

    ZeroFill on
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    hahah oh chico you are a card

    also you're the second person i called a card today
    i think in this very same thread!

    beavotron on
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Well played, Blue.

    Metzger Meister on
  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User
    edited August 2008
    Chico, we need to draw some more. Are people still doing the iSketch?

    Xhaztol on
  • ZeroFillZeroFill Feeling much better. A nice, green leaf.Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    beavotron wrote: »
    hahah oh chico you are a card

    also you're the second person i called a card today
    i think in this very same thread!

    yeah you really get around

    ZeroFill on
  • WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Once I accidentally slipped out and slammed right into the backdoor to full hilt

    Weaver on
  • ZeroFillZeroFill Feeling much better. A nice, green leaf.Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Weaver wrote: »
    Once I accidentally slipped out and slammed right into the backdoor to full hilt

    I didn't know that actually happened

    ZeroFill on
  • Vampire_GoldfishVampire_Goldfish Registered User
    edited August 2008
    The noise she made when I did that.....

    Vampire_Goldfish on
  • ANTVGM64ANTVGM64 Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Last night I was boinking this girl I just met (Picked a chick up at the bar, new for me) and she came before me, then fell asleep.

    ...I can see now why women think men are pigs.

    ANTVGM64 on
  • JunpeiJunpei Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    OH cool you managed to get out your flat then?

    Junpei on
  • ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Xhaztol wrote: »
    Chico, we need to draw some more. Are people still doing the iSketch?

    We seem to be in some sort of iScribble slump.

    I blame Campion.

    Because his tablet breaks every time he tries to iScribble and I cry.

    ChicoBlue on
  • WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    ZeroFill wrote: »
    Weaver wrote: »
    Once I accidentally slipped out and slammed right into the backdoor to full hilt

    I didn't know that actually happened

    Just went with it because if you go ass to pussy you risk giving her a urinary tract infection so heyo

    Weaver on
  • WrenWren Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    ANTVGM64 wrote: »
    Last night I was boinking this girl I just met (Picked a chick up at the bar, new for me) and she came before me, then fell asleep.

    ...I can see now why women think men are pigs.

    and now you have the aids

    Wren on
    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • JedocJedoc Justice. Mercy. Duty. That sort of thing.Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    ANTVGM64 wrote: »
    Last night I was boinking this girl I just met (Picked a chick up at the bar, new for me) and she came before me, then fell asleep.

    ...I can see now why women think men are pigs.

    So did she wake up again before you finished?

    Jedoc on
  • ZeroFillZeroFill Feeling much better. A nice, green leaf.Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Weaver wrote: »
    ZeroFill wrote: »
    Weaver wrote: »
    Once I accidentally slipped out and slammed right into the backdoor to full hilt

    I didn't know that actually happened

    Just went with it because if you go ass to pussy you risk giving her a urinary tract infection so heyo

    hahaha

    and she just went with it? I'd imagine after it happened you would just become trying to see if you could hold on for 8 seconds

    ZeroFill on
  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User
    edited August 2008
    Shit, that reminds me. I knew this guy I used to do theater with, and we were driving to get lunch between rehearsals. Cool guy, not the kind I'd expect to be crude or gross or anything. Totally decides to disclose to me that he gets head in the car from his girlfriend all the damn time. I'm like "Wow, uh, cool dude." Theater people usually tend to keep their cars a friggin' mess, so you usually find a shit ton of empty bottles of water, gatorade, what have you.

    He proceeds to tell me that he uses these receptacles for his semen after getting road head. I was like "Haw haw, that's gross, but funny. Good joke."

    Three days into tech week, I end up leaving my phone in his car. I go out to get it.

    Behind the passenger seat. Gatorade bottle with fucking dried up jizz in it. My phone was laying right next to it in that crack between the seat and the door. I retched a few times, grabbed my phone, and have had to swear off Gatorade to this day. I don't talk to him much anymore and didn't bring it up.

    He didn't even throw it away.




    Wait, this is a thread about terrible sex. Whoops.

    Xhaztol on
  • Cosmic SombreroCosmic Sombrero Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    ZeroFill wrote: »
    sometimes when shit just goes on too long and you're so numb from friction you just gotta get it over with

    drunk sex is just awful

    I'm not very sensitive to begin with and when I've got that much rum in me, I'm really just humoring you. Plus oh god so sore when you wake up.

    Cosmic Sombrero on
  • LucentLucent Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Wren wrote: »
    Junpei wrote: »
    Go on Neville, spell it out.

    Never been worried about poop on dick, it all washes off. It's when you have a tooth embedded in your dick that I kinda draw the line though.

    I'd be worried if someones butt had teeth

    Worried with good reason. (NSFW. Honestly. Really. Don't fucking click this.)

    Lucent on
    s6e07VashAndJennySig2.png
    I'm afraid to click that spoiler. I'm not sure I want to know. I'll just keep trying to fuck everything. -- trentsteel
  • Grey GhostGrey Ghost Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    I sorta knew this guy in high school, he didn't actually go there but he helped out with a lot of the theater productions, tech stuff. He was maybe 20 or 21 at the time I was acquainted with him. Weird goth dude and a total asshole. Had a lot of weird tattoos and piercings, including several piercings on his dick, and was always trying to "show his piercings" to some of the sluttier theater girls.

    I later found out that a girlfriend of his got angry about his various and repeated unfaithfulness, and in the middle of servicing him, got a firm grip and ripped all the piercings out of his dick in one go.

    I wondered in horror what this would do to the structural integrity of one's dick, and was informed that since that day, it was like a lump of cookie dough.

    Grey Ghost on
  • Vampire_GoldfishVampire_Goldfish Registered User
    edited August 2008
    If you say don't click everyone will click.

    Internet rule.

    Vampire_Goldfish on
  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User
    edited August 2008
    FUCK

    Xhaztol on
  • autono-wally, erotibot300autono-wally, erotibot300 love machine Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Junpei wrote: »
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    neville wrote: »
    I've kinda faked orgasms as a guy

    same.

    Alright, how exactly can we guys fake an orgasm?
    Like, there is a pretty obvious visual cue if a guy just came or not that is sorta hard to fake

    If you're wearing a condom, not difficult at all.

    also if it's generally so wet already sou don't notice a bit more fluid

    autono-wally, erotibot300 on
  • JedocJedoc Justice. Mercy. Duty. That sort of thing.Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    I sorta knew this guy in high school, he didn't actually go there but he helped out with a lot of the theater productions, tech stuff. He was maybe 20 or 21 at the time I was acquainted with him. Weird goth dude and a total asshole. Had a lot of weird tattoos and piercings, including several piercings on his dick, and was always trying to "show his piercings" to some of the sluttier theater girls.

    I later found out that a girlfriend of his got angry about his various and repeated unfaithfulness, and in the middle of servicing him, got a firm grip and ripped all the piercings out of his dick in one go.

    I wondered in horror what this would do to the structural integrity of one's dick, and was informed that since that day, it was like a lump of cookie dough.

    Wow. Good story.

    On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to retrieve a pair of testicles from an abdominal cavity? A...friend of mine really needs to know.

    Time is a factor here.

    Jedoc on
  • SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    edited August 2008
    Errrr

    SirToasty on
  • XhaztolXhaztol Registered User
    edited August 2008
    Vacuum hose, full tilt

    Xhaztol on
This discussion has been closed.