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My wife and I are getting a divorce
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Searching for apartments or thinking about moving all of my shit while going to school and work just makes me cry more. I can't focus and can't do anything. Im at a loss. It seems like my life is over, as shes been the center piece of it and my plans for the future for so long. I don't know how im going to cope.
Spend as much time as you possibly can with your friends for the next while. maybe see if you can stay with a friend for a few nights, or have a friend stay with you.
It's a shitty situation. Let's not try to soften it. It sucks balls, and I feel absolutely awful for you. the only thing I can say is that it will get better with time.
You have friends, use them. go out and get yourself totally hammered one night. Use the comfort of your friends to help you through this. It makes me feel pretty good that you feel like we are really helping you, but honestly, an internet forum can't replace the effect your real friend will have on you. Go be with them, use their help to get through this.
Just stay strong. It'll get better. It wont' get better for a long time, but it will get better.
I think if she offered I would still take her back at this point. Im horrible.
Don't. You aren't horrible, this is emotionally devastating, and this is just one way your mind is trying to find an easy out. Stay strong, and realize that you deserve so much better.
Keep on.
This is good advice man. Take it. You'll pull through, and be stronger for it.
What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger right?
You should talk to your professors about what's going on. I'm sure they'll give you a break of some kind.
There's no reason you should fail a test because some cheating bitch hurt you.
Good idea, the less you have to remind yourself, the less you will think about it as time goes on.
But then, i've only been cheated on once, and i wasn't married to them.
either way, i reiterate the sentiment of getting that stuff away from you.
You'll be ok. In the words of my grandmother, who is never wrong, "this too shall pass".
SE++ Map Steam
good luck man!
It will be. Hang with some non-mutual friends. It helps, it sucks to be in this situation but we can't replace that kind of bond. You'll pull through man.
True on both parts. My dad went to school for marine bio and is an executive chef at a country club now. You could also go get a culinary degree after you graduate from somewhere if you really wanted to.
Also, if that is what you really wanted to do, my dad tells me all the time that he's really glad he studied business in school because as an executive chef he's responsible for keeping the kitchen within their budget and whatnot.
Sorry about your whole situation by the way. Just tell your friends and spend as much time with them as possible. I've both helped friends get over girls and had my friends help me get over girls, and believe me, it works.
I'm a dick so I'd burn them all, but its probably the more stable zen move to not do anything. Then again, no reason letting the pictures prevent you from moving on.
Check and see if Florida is no fault divorce state or not...I think I remember that it is.
Anyways, wow, not alot of advice, but fuck that bitch.
hi5 for sentimentality
you'll look back on it all in a mildly different light years later, when it was more of a learning experience, than a heart-wrenching suckfest.
You'll be fine, for reals.
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If you just don't like accounting on its own, that's one thing. Switching careers out of anguish is another... don't abandon something that you're going to wish you could go back to later. It's really hard to start school again. With accounting, depending on your state's/school's rules, you may even have to re-do some of your coursework, either for a degree or for your certification due to the amount of time between the time you quit and went back to your studies.
And, you can make money as a chef, but you have to be a good one at a good restaraunt/hotel to make real bank at it. Otherwise, you can look forward to a middle-to-modest life, and maybe eventually own a restaraunt. Your accounting background would help with the restaraunt bookkeeping part, but it's still going to take a lot of effort on your part. Even if you just cook and don't manage, you have to have a flexible schedule with flexible hours and be ready to work at the drop of a hat, especially in peak periods. Furthermore, if you want to become recognized, you'll also have to participate in competitions. It's a big committment. My former brother-in-law is a chef, and he works very long, hard hours where he's constantly on his feet, and has experienced some RSIs as a result.
I'm so sorry.. I know it hurts when the one you love falls out of love with you. and you just don't know it yet. It's devastating.
Stay strong.. DON'T take her back. She lied and cheated once (or many times), she would do it again. She doesn't seem to feel guilt for it.
I met a really nice girl through playing WoW. She was smart, beautiful, pretty much the everything you wouldn't expect in a girl that plays an MMO. We got to talking, I jokingly said I would fly out and meet her which ended up in her moving in with me 3 months later.
2 weeks after she moves in, I find out she'd been staying up til 5 AM while I slept talking to another guy in our guild all night long and I found sexual conversations between them on her computer. I really, really liked this girl and thought I had the most amazing catch.. but I think theres a reason why an attractive girl would play WoW. Its all about the attention.
Anyways im sorry man. She broke my heart and I know how you're feeling.
Heh, sounds almost like my old roommate. His girlfriend moved in with him. They'd been dating for about 6 or 7 years... Then they decided to start a WoW account up together. He slowly got burned out on it, and she was addicted to it like crack.
Few months later he started noticing a weird behavior with her, where she'd minimize the game every time he went into the room. And found emails/pictures/etc later on in the month between her and some WoW freak in game.
Damn that game to hell.
This.
But I'm on a different side of the spectrum, sort of.
Being a lady gamer myself, I have found that when I play games with dudes there can be 1 or even more of 3 outcomes:
1. Sexism (Ahh, loser chick playing a game, get off, stupid blonde. Blahblah. Girls can't play games.) And it starts to get into my head and I fuck up on whatever game I'm playing, resulting in more harrassment of how crappy I am at it, and it ends up becoming unfun altogether.
2. Joking (Random sexual jokes/jokes about us 'getting together', usually all in good fun.) This isn't what I consider flirting, considering it's just jokes, and my husband gets in on them too, saying, "I'll share her if ya guys want! Everybody wants a hot gamer chick." Or something to that effect. This usually comes from the neat dude gamers out there who enjoy female competition, and find it cool that I play the game.
3. Flirting (I wanna get in your pants sorta thing) This is the bad part, for me at least. I don't play games to become the spectacle of it. I play games cause they're fun, not to get attention because I have a innie instead of an outie. I guess this is what a lot of girls tend to look for from playing games (particuarly chat games like MMOs).. I just don't understand it. I just want to be thought of as part of the guys in a way, not some sex object.
I usually let them think I'm a 12 year old boy, considering that's what everybody sounds like over XBL headsets.
My husband still plays WoW after I quit. It's boring, and I don't get why he plays still. /le sigh.
Anyway, much condolences to you dude, I can't imagine what it must feel like. But like everyone else said, there is plenty of shit that can go wrong in this type of situation and while yes, paying the up-front legal fees can suck at least you can have a bit more certainty. Especially where debt is involved. Nothing worse than being the wronged party but ending up being screwed because you messed up the divorce unintentionally.
When you're going into any sort of legal arrangement with someone, the only reason you need a lawyer is if you suspect the other person might be an asshole. If anything wonky comes up, or an opportunity for someone to be dishonest comes up, and you're dealing with a reasonable person, it's not going to be a problem. But if you're dealing with an asshole, they're going to try to fuck you.
So, your wife is leaving you for a guy she met over WoW, who she lied to you about, and she flew out to California to get her brains fucked out by him while telling you she was just visiting family and trying to organize her thoughts. This is what we call "asshole behavior." Your wife is an asshole. You now have the opportunity to buy asshole insurance for the divorce, knowing that your wife is an asshole. This is like being offered flood insurance as the incoming storm is dropping 48 inches of rain in 22 hours. If you do not at least talk to a lawyer (and most lawyers worth their salt will give you a free consult), you are an idiot, and you're going to deserve it when it comes back to bite you in the ass.
This isn't, like, "oh, I was in a fender bender, and now I'm going to get stuck with a bill for $300 because I didn't report it" type of thing, either; this could come back to severely bite you in the ass down the road if you don't do it right.
And seriously, with one semester to go, you should really finish up your CPA. Move somewhere else afterwards (in fact, I highly recommend it; Florida is a shitty place to be, even moreso if you're young, educated, and single). You can always do accounting jobs while going through culinary school, or whatever else you want to do.
Get that CPA.
Shogun Streams Vidya
No, but seriously, finish up. You've come a hell of a distance to give up over a broad.
BE A SUCCESS*!
FORGET THE WOMAN!
GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!
NOT NECESSARILY IN THIS ORDER!
Being a success might include getting a damn lawyer just in case this stupid woman decides to fuck with you down the road. (Bear in mind that you don't know the dude she's run off with either, and you don't know how much of a twat he is)
SE++ Map Steam
Get tested for STDs ASAP.
I don't believe student loans fall under any type of community property laws. Culinary school isn't cheap, so you'll be adding quite a bit to your current debt.
Since you don't have too much in the way of assets, you should be able to get divorced pretty cheap. You probably don't have to hire a lawyer exactly, but definitely get a consultation. For my dad's last divorce, he filled out all of his own paperwork, had his lawyer look it over, then submitted it himself - I think it cost him a couple hundred bucks. However, it was his second divorce, so he had a better idea of what to do.
Also, once it's final - make sure you do something for yourself. Always wanted to go to Europe? go. Skydive? do it. Drive a convertible? well, rent one if nothing else
(lame joke, thanks to my dad)
The Best in Terms of Pants on JCCC3
Go talk to that lawyer. Hell the free consult alone is worth it just for the information they will give you.
Finish your degree. Your 8 months away from a piece of paper that will give you the ability to earn 50-60k a year. ITS WORTH IT.
Don't be sad BE angry! Make it your goal to Improve yourself and find someone better!
You're better than her damn it. You can do this and you are going to get better! you finish your school get a good job get a new place and you will meet a better person who wont lie to you and go hook up with creepy wow losers.
Be strong and move onward. You don't need to have someone in your life that treats you that poorly and is that irresponsible. Move on with your life and bring happiness back into your life. Hanging around this situation in any form will only bring on sadness.
Also I like what Thanatos said about the asshole insurance, hahah. Honestly it would be a good idea to get a lawyer if she was lowly enough to do something like that. Don't put it past her to try and stick it to you during the divorce. Be on your guard and just be sure to defend yourself.
and FINISH YOUR DEGREE!! Suck it up and knock that bitch out. You're almost there. I don't care if you feel miserable during every single day of it, it will be worth the pay out.
Just remember you are the better person here by a long shot. Stand tall and be happy that you still have your dignity, while she threw hers right in the garbage. Just move on with your life and know that you'll more than likely end up happier than she ever will be.
I came here to copy/paste this.↑
I presume you're in that annoying state of still caring for her, but being rabidly angry. If it grants that latter status any solace, I have yet to see a woman stop going down this path once they get on it (I do, of course, hope I am wrong about what that suggests). Some people sound far more charismatic in text form, and on that basis finally meeting them for the first time makes them this wonderful combination of already well known, but also a shiny new toy. It's very likely she will grow bored with this guy relatively soon, only to move on to the next thing to leech attention from.
After all the divorce matters are finished, if she comes back later and says she wants to try with you again, say no, and, grim as it sounds, enjoy saying it as much as you can, because that's what she deserves.
Do I sound bitter?
Best of luck.
I came to C&P this.
Girlfriend (promise-ringed) of 3 years decided she wanted to see others, including girls, so I moved out. She tried to come back, was litterly crawling, begging to come back, but I held firm after all the stuff she said she did (people, drugs) during/after our relationship.
Just don't do it.
Man I actually applauded when I read this reply, good god I couldn't agree more. What she did to you is completely unforgivable man and you need to stick her with whats rightfully coming her way and that is half your debt. Show her that leaving you isn't going to be easy and it's not all fine and dandy. She needs to realize that this is the real world and there are conciquences to taking a sacred vow like that lightly not only with the law but in the eyes of the Lord (if your at all religious). No remorse man stick her with what she desereves for doing this and you have every right to take advantage of this situation to better yourself in the long run. DO NOT let this cripple you my friend and become a better stronger person because of it.
With that, I'm truly sorry to see a story like this. Talk about a terrible situation and my condolences are going out to you man. Stay strong. Get a revenge lay ;]
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And while it's healthy to get out there and learn to have fun again, 'a revenge lay' might not be a healthy way to look at such dealings, but I suppose that's another/D&D topic.
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I don't want to become vindictive or hateful or spiteful towards her. No matter she did, I still love her right now and my heart will not listen to my brain. I want to act with dignity and calmness, not horrible behavior. Its just so hard to tear myself away.
Hell, shes been outright nice to me for the last few days, even going as far to cuddle me when I cry and I hate myself that I yearn for it so much that I just let it happen for the temporary relief from the situation.
I decided to stay with accounting and finish my CPA, then change later if I want. I need a new hobby, as my old ones dont seem too interesting right now and all I seem to do is lurk on these forums. Im also having a hard time finding motivation to eat/shower/whatever, but that seems to be a normal part of the Kübler model.
Theres tons of good advice in this thread that should be followed, but is hard to do. Typical. Also a revenge lay is not in the future methinks. I let hate and anger run my life so long that I dont need to add this to the stack.
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