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So I got home alright. Apparently I just need to pick up a packet of papers from the courthouse tomorrow, fill them out, and return it with $275 and BAM, were divorced. Since we own little (just the car -which im getting) jointly and have no kids we can just do this. I called her and told her this, then hung up. It immediately sunk in what im doing and broke down. Ive been curled up in a ball for 20 minutes just crying, not comprehending what to do.
Searching for apartments or thinking about moving all of my shit while going to school and work just makes me cry more. I can't focus and can't do anything. Im at a loss. It seems like my life is over, as shes been the center piece of it and my plans for the future for so long. I don't know how im going to cope.
So I got home alright. Apparently I just need to pick up a packet of papers from the courthouse tomorrow, fill them out, and return it with $275 and BAM, were divorced. Since we own little (just the car -which im getting) jointly and have no kids we can just do this. I called her and told her this, then hung up. It immediately sunk in what im doing and broke down. Ive been curled up in a ball for 20 minutes just crying, not comprehending what to do.
Searching for apartments or thinking about moving all of my shit while going to school and work just makes me cry more. I can't focus and can't do anything. Im at a loss. It seems like my life is over, as shes been the center piece of it and my plans for the future for so long. I don't know how im going to cope.
Spend as much time as you possibly can with your friends for the next while. maybe see if you can stay with a friend for a few nights, or have a friend stay with you.
It's a shitty situation. Let's not try to soften it. It sucks balls, and I feel absolutely awful for you. the only thing I can say is that it will get better with time.
You have friends, use them. go out and get yourself totally hammered one night. Use the comfort of your friends to help you through this. It makes me feel pretty good that you feel like we are really helping you, but honestly, an internet forum can't replace the effect your real friend will have on you. Go be with them, use their help to get through this.
Just stay strong. It'll get better. It wont' get better for a long time, but it will get better.
Just got off the phone with a good friend in Clearwater and im going over there tonight after my test (that I have no urge to study for) to hang with them/live there for a few days. Once again I appreciate all the feedback and it helps to vent. I just hope I dont get too depressed in the next few days.
I think if she offered I would still take her back at this point. Im horrible.
I think if she offered I would still take her back at this point. Im horrible.
Don't. You aren't horrible, this is emotionally devastating, and this is just one way your mind is trying to find an easy out. Stay strong, and realize that you deserve so much better.
I think if she offered I would still take her back at this point. Im horrible.
Don't. You aren't horrible, this is emotionally devastating, and this is just one way your mind is trying to find an easy out. Stay strong, and realize that you deserve so much better.
Keep on.
This is good advice man. Take it. You'll pull through, and be stronger for it.
I think I just need to realize that this is forever broken and can't be fixed. I started deleting pictures off my phone and taking everything off my desk and its incredibly hard.
Just got off the phone with a good friend in Clearwater and im going over there tonight after my test (that I have no urge to study for) to hang with them/live there for a few days. Once again I appreciate all the feedback and it helps to vent. I just hope I dont get too depressed in the next few days.
I think if she offered I would still take her back at this point. Im horrible.
You should talk to your professors about what's going on. I'm sure they'll give you a break of some kind.
There's no reason you should fail a test because some cheating bitch hurt you.
I think I just need to realize that this is forever broken and can't be fixed. I started deleting pictures off my phone and taking everything off my desk and its incredibly hard.
Good idea, the less you have to remind yourself, the less you will think about it as time goes on.
I'm a terrible packrat of sentimental stuff, but if a relationship ends, even if i don't trash stuff from it, i take alll of it and box it up, and get it out of my sight.
But then, i've only been cheated on once, and i wasn't married to them.
either way, i reiterate the sentiment of getting that stuff away from you.
You'll be ok. In the words of my grandmother, who is never wrong, "this too shall pass".
I think I just need to realize that this is forever broken and can't be fixed. I started deleting pictures off my phone and taking everything off my desk and its incredibly hard.
What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger right?
It will be. Hang with some non-mutual friends. It helps, it sucks to be in this situation but we can't replace that kind of bond. You'll pull through man.
I will also suggest to you to finish out your degree. Don't throw away all that hard work, the degree will help you in any field you go into, not just accounting.
FyreWulff on
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DynagripBreak me a million heartsHoustonRegistered User, ClubPAregular
edited September 2008
It's tough and all but you're going to be so much better off without her in the long term. she clearly wasn't the person you thought she was and you at least found out now instead of 10 years down the road.
Yea, Im super glad I found out now, rather than when we have a mortgage/kids/more jointly owned assets. Its still hard to stomach, but thank god for small miracles I guess. Also I decided not to burn all our pictures together (including the wedding pictures - which she actually wants) and keep them in a small box that will be hidden away under clothes and alcohol repressed memories.
I will also suggest to you to finish out your degree. Don't throw away all that hard work, the degree will help you in any field you go into, not just accounting.
True on both parts. My dad went to school for marine bio and is an executive chef at a country club now. You could also go get a culinary degree after you graduate from somewhere if you really wanted to.
Also, if that is what you really wanted to do, my dad tells me all the time that he's really glad he studied business in school because as an executive chef he's responsible for keeping the kitchen within their budget and whatnot.
Sorry about your whole situation by the way. Just tell your friends and spend as much time with them as possible. I've both helped friends get over girls and had my friends help me get over girls, and believe me, it works.
Yea, Im super glad I found out now, rather than when we have a mortgage/kids/more jointly owned assets. Its still hard to stomach, but thank god for small miracles I guess. Also I decided not to burn all our pictures together (including the wedding pictures - which she actually wants) and keep them in a small box that will be hidden away under clothes and alcohol repressed memories.
I'm a dick so I'd burn them all, but its probably the more stable zen move to not do anything. Then again, no reason letting the pictures prevent you from moving on.
Check and see if Florida is no fault divorce state or not...I think I remember that it is.
Anyways, wow, not alot of advice, but fuck that bitch.
Yea, Im super glad I found out now, rather than when we have a mortgage/kids/more jointly owned assets. Its still hard to stomach, but thank god for small miracles I guess. Also I decided not to burn all our pictures together (including the wedding pictures - which she actually wants) and keep them in a small box that will be hidden away under clothes and alcohol repressed memories.
hi5 for sentimentality
you'll look back on it all in a mildly different light years later, when it was more of a learning experience, than a heart-wrenching suckfest.
Were actually splitting on quite amiable terms, considering the situation. We've already identified which assets are whose, so no need a for a lawyer.
You need a lawyer. Protect yourself. Don't do that "divorce in a kit" bullshit. That could come back to haunt you if something doesn't get signed or if someone becomes an asshole. It may be amicable now, but when everyone's had time to think about it and stir the pot for awhile, things may change. Furthermore, you have another player in the midst... Mr. Security Guy could be a parasite for all you know and might influence her down a stormy path. After all, he got her to leave you and is, by your accounts, already thinking about moving in to y'all's place.
Im also considering dropping this degree and doing something else entirely. We both are accountants, actually kind of how we met. And I find myself despising the profession now that its tainted. I love cooking so might go to culinary school and go abroad or something. Its just that I have so much student debt, I dont know if being a chef will let me pay it off and still have a comfortable life.
If you just don't like accounting on its own, that's one thing. Switching careers out of anguish is another... don't abandon something that you're going to wish you could go back to later. It's really hard to start school again. With accounting, depending on your state's/school's rules, you may even have to re-do some of your coursework, either for a degree or for your certification due to the amount of time between the time you quit and went back to your studies.
And, you can make money as a chef, but you have to be a good one at a good restaraunt/hotel to make real bank at it. Otherwise, you can look forward to a middle-to-modest life, and maybe eventually own a restaraunt. Your accounting background would help with the restaraunt bookkeeping part, but it's still going to take a lot of effort on your part. Even if you just cook and don't manage, you have to have a flexible schedule with flexible hours and be ready to work at the drop of a hat, especially in peak periods. Furthermore, if you want to become recognized, you'll also have to participate in competitions. It's a big committment. My former brother-in-law is a chef, and he works very long, hard hours where he's constantly on his feet, and has experienced some RSIs as a result.
I can relate man. WoW and relationships just don't mix.
I met a really nice girl through playing WoW. She was smart, beautiful, pretty much the everything you wouldn't expect in a girl that plays an MMO. We got to talking, I jokingly said I would fly out and meet her which ended up in her moving in with me 3 months later.
2 weeks after she moves in, I find out she'd been staying up til 5 AM while I slept talking to another guy in our guild all night long and I found sexual conversations between them on her computer. I really, really liked this girl and thought I had the most amazing catch.. but I think theres a reason why an attractive girl would play WoW. Its all about the attention.
Anyways im sorry man. She broke my heart and I know how you're feeling.
I can relate man. WoW and relationships just don't mix.
I met a really nice girl through playing WoW. She was smart, beautiful, pretty much the everything you wouldn't expect in a girl that plays an MMO. We got to talking, I jokingly said I would fly out and meet her which ended up in her moving in with me 3 months later.
2 weeks after she moves in, I find out she'd been staying up til 5 AM while I slept talking to another guy in our guild all night long and I found sexual conversations between them on her computer. I really, really liked this girl and thought I had the most amazing catch.. but I think theres a reason why an attractive girl would play WoW. Its all about the attention.
Anyways im sorry man. She broke my heart and I know how you're feeling.
Heh, sounds almost like my old roommate. His girlfriend moved in with him. They'd been dating for about 6 or 7 years... Then they decided to start a WoW account up together. He slowly got burned out on it, and she was addicted to it like crack.
Few months later he started noticing a weird behavior with her, where she'd minimize the game every time he went into the room. And found emails/pictures/etc later on in the month between her and some WoW freak in game.
I can relate man. WoW and relationships just don't mix.
I met a really nice girl through playing WoW. She was smart, beautiful, pretty much the everything you wouldn't expect in a girl that plays an MMO. We got to talking, I jokingly said I would fly out and meet her which ended up in her moving in with me 3 months later.
2 weeks after she moves in, I find out she'd been staying up til 5 AM while I slept talking to another guy in our guild all night long and I found sexual conversations between them on her computer. I really, really liked this girl and thought I had the most amazing catch.. but I think theres a reason why an attractive girl would play WoW. Its all about the attention.
Anyways im sorry man. She broke my heart and I know how you're feeling.
This.
But I'm on a different side of the spectrum, sort of.
Being a lady gamer myself, I have found that when I play games with dudes there can be 1 or even more of 3 outcomes:
1. Sexism (Ahh, loser chick playing a game, get off, stupid blonde. Blahblah. Girls can't play games.) And it starts to get into my head and I fuck up on whatever game I'm playing, resulting in more harrassment of how crappy I am at it, and it ends up becoming unfun altogether.
2. Joking (Random sexual jokes/jokes about us 'getting together', usually all in good fun.) This isn't what I consider flirting, considering it's just jokes, and my husband gets in on them too, saying, "I'll share her if ya guys want! Everybody wants a hot gamer chick." Or something to that effect. This usually comes from the neat dude gamers out there who enjoy female competition, and find it cool that I play the game.
3. Flirting (I wanna get in your pants sorta thing) This is the bad part, for me at least. I don't play games to become the spectacle of it. I play games cause they're fun, not to get attention because I have a innie instead of an outie. I guess this is what a lot of girls tend to look for from playing games (particuarly chat games like MMOs).. I just don't understand it. I just want to be thought of as part of the guys in a way, not some sex object.
I usually let them think I'm a 12 year old boy, considering that's what everybody sounds like over XBL headsets.
My husband still plays WoW after I quit. It's boring, and I don't get why he plays still. /le sigh.
Always amazed me how much flirting went on in WOW, in guild or out. Probably holds true for any game with a reasonable minority of women and when players know it. Humans can be oversexualised dicks sometimes right?
Anyway, much condolences to you dude, I can't imagine what it must feel like. But like everyone else said, there is plenty of shit that can go wrong in this type of situation and while yes, paying the up-front legal fees can suck at least you can have a bit more certainty. Especially where debt is involved. Nothing worse than being the wronged party but ending up being screwed because you messed up the divorce unintentionally.
Spherick, I know you said you were going to talk to one, but in case you've reconsidered, let me explain to you what a lawyer is: a lawyer is asshole insurance.
When you're going into any sort of legal arrangement with someone, the only reason you need a lawyer is if you suspect the other person might be an asshole. If anything wonky comes up, or an opportunity for someone to be dishonest comes up, and you're dealing with a reasonable person, it's not going to be a problem. But if you're dealing with an asshole, they're going to try to fuck you.
So, your wife is leaving you for a guy she met over WoW, who she lied to you about, and she flew out to California to get her brains fucked out by him while telling you she was just visiting family and trying to organize her thoughts. This is what we call "asshole behavior." Your wife is an asshole. You now have the opportunity to buy asshole insurance for the divorce, knowing that your wife is an asshole. This is like being offered flood insurance as the incoming storm is dropping 48 inches of rain in 22 hours. If you do not at least talk to a lawyer (and most lawyers worth their salt will give you a free consult), you are an idiot, and you're going to deserve it when it comes back to bite you in the ass.
This isn't, like, "oh, I was in a fender bender, and now I'm going to get stuck with a bill for $300 because I didn't report it" type of thing, either; this could come back to severely bite you in the ass down the road if you don't do it right.
And seriously, with one semester to go, you should really finish up your CPA. Move somewhere else afterwards (in fact, I highly recommend it; Florida is a shitty place to be, even moreso if you're young, educated, and single). You can always do accounting jobs while going through culinary school, or whatever else you want to do.
Thanatos on
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ShogunHair long; money long; me and broke wizards we don't get alongRegistered Userregular
edited September 2008
Above all else finish your CPA and stick with accounting unless you just hate the profession. Despite all our economic instability accounting is an industry that is booming. Especially since SOX in 2002. There will always be businesses that need accountants be they for their business, tax, audits, etc. It is a lucrative field right now do not throw everything you've worked so hard for (I'm not an accounting major but I'm finance and I have to take a lot of accounting and it is excruciatingly hard) over this woman. I can barely begin to fathom how you feel because this is a horrible betrayal. It isn't like breaking up with a girl you really like it is much worse especially considering the circumstances.
Being a success might include getting a damn lawyer just in case this stupid woman decides to fuck with you down the road. (Bear in mind that you don't know the dude she's run off with either, and you don't know how much of a twat he is)
I don't believe student loans fall under any type of community property laws. Culinary school isn't cheap, so you'll be adding quite a bit to your current debt.
Since you don't have too much in the way of assets, you should be able to get divorced pretty cheap. You probably don't have to hire a lawyer exactly, but definitely get a consultation. For my dad's last divorce, he filled out all of his own paperwork, had his lawyer look it over, then submitted it himself - I think it cost him a couple hundred bucks. However, it was his second divorce, so he had a better idea of what to do.
Also, once it's final - make sure you do something for yourself. Always wanted to go to Europe? go. Skydive? do it. Drive a convertible? well, rent one if nothing else
(lame joke, thanks to my dad)
Why do divorces cost so much?
BECAUSE THEY'RE WORTH IT!
shugarae on
Omeganaut class of '08. Fuck Peggle. Omeganaut class of '17 West. Fuck Rainbow Road.
The Best in Terms of Pants on JCCC3
Go talk to that lawyer. Hell the free consult alone is worth it just for the information they will give you.
Finish your degree. Your 8 months away from a piece of paper that will give you the ability to earn 50-60k a year. ITS WORTH IT.
Don't be sad BE angry! Make it your goal to Improve yourself and find someone better!
You're better than her damn it. You can do this and you are going to get better! you finish your school get a good job get a new place and you will meet a better person who wont lie to you and go hook up with creepy wow losers.
Be strong and move onward. You don't need to have someone in your life that treats you that poorly and is that irresponsible. Move on with your life and bring happiness back into your life. Hanging around this situation in any form will only bring on sadness.
Also I like what Thanatos said about the asshole insurance, hahah. Honestly it would be a good idea to get a lawyer if she was lowly enough to do something like that. Don't put it past her to try and stick it to you during the divorce. Be on your guard and just be sure to defend yourself.
and FINISH YOUR DEGREE!! Suck it up and knock that bitch out. You're almost there. I don't care if you feel miserable during every single day of it, it will be worth the pay out.
Just remember you are the better person here by a long shot. Stand tall and be happy that you still have your dignity, while she threw hers right in the garbage. Just move on with your life and know that you'll more than likely end up happier than she ever will be.
That is really rough man, my condolences. I would suggest getting a lawyer (like everyone else), it really may save your ass in the long run. Please consider it.
I can relate man. WoW and relationships just don't mix.
I met a really nice girl through playing WoW. She was smart, beautiful, pretty much the everything you wouldn't expect in a girl that plays an MMO. We got to talking, I jokingly said I would fly out and meet her which ended up in her moving in with me 3 months later.
2 weeks after she moves in, I find out she'd been staying up til 5 AM while I slept talking to another guy in our guild all night long and I found sexual conversations between them on her computer. I really, really liked this girl and thought I had the most amazing catch.. but I think theres a reason why an attractive girl would play WoW. Its all about the attention.
Anyways im sorry man. She broke my heart and I know how you're feeling.
I came here to copy/paste this.↑
I presume you're in that annoying state of still caring for her, but being rabidly angry. If it grants that latter status any solace, I have yet to see a woman stop going down this path once they get on it (I do, of course, hope I am wrong about what that suggests). Some people sound far more charismatic in text form, and on that basis finally meeting them for the first time makes them this wonderful combination of already well known, but also a shiny new toy. It's very likely she will grow bored with this guy relatively soon, only to move on to the next thing to leech attention from.
After all the divorce matters are finished, if she comes back later and says she wants to try with you again, say no, and, grim as it sounds, enjoy saying it as much as you can, because that's what she deserves.
Do I sound bitter?
Best of luck.
Kashi on
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MichaelLCIn what furnace was thy brain?ChicagoRegistered Userregular
After all the divorce matters are finished, if she comes back later and says she wants to try with you again, say no, and, grim as it sounds, enjoy saying it as much as you can, because that's what she deserves.
I came to C&P this.
Girlfriend (promise-ringed) of 3 years decided she wanted to see others, including girls, so I moved out. She tried to come back, was litterly crawling, begging to come back, but I held firm after all the stuff she said she did (people, drugs) during/after our relationship.
Funny thing about divorce- assets are split down the middle. Also, a lack of assets is split down the middle.
This includes debt, dude. Get a fucking lawyer. You'll have to go through the disclose process in which everybody ponies up and things are split more or less down the middle. FIle first, and its her obligation to meet those legal requirements.
Don't feel guilty about splitting up your debt- you were a married couple, everything belongs to everyone, and your future financial strategies were founded in being together. She broke her vow and changed that, and now there are consequences. One of those consequences is that one quickly learns that a 'cut and run' from a legal marriage is simply not possible. Each person leaves with half of what they had before as a couple. Maybe that's in your favor, maybe not, but its still the law, and a marriage is more than just an agreement, its a legal change of entity.
Be sad, but file, and file first- he who files first sets the terms and precedent of the marriage dissolulion, and it is so, so much easier to be on the offense rather than defense here. Don't fuck around with this, it can bite you on the ass for a very, very long time.
If it helps, 'divorce' papers are not actually divorce papers, its filing for separation. The actual divorce occurs no less than one year after the original file, and you can cancel at any time if things change.
Really sorry to hear about your loss, sounds brutal. I'm sure it will work out eventually, new life, new home etc, but its a pretty big handful of suck right now, no lies.
Man I actually applauded when I read this reply, good god I couldn't agree more. What she did to you is completely unforgivable man and you need to stick her with whats rightfully coming her way and that is half your debt. Show her that leaving you isn't going to be easy and it's not all fine and dandy. She needs to realize that this is the real world and there are conciquences to taking a sacred vow like that lightly not only with the law but in the eyes of the Lord (if your at all religious). No remorse man stick her with what she desereves for doing this and you have every right to take advantage of this situation to better yourself in the long run. DO NOT let this cripple you my friend and become a better stronger person because of it.
With that, I'm truly sorry to see a story like this. Talk about a terrible situation and my condolences are going out to you man. Stay strong. Get a revenge lay ;]
Natural as it may be, I'm not sure we should be encouraging vindictive behaviour. I totally agree about at least consulting a lawyer, dot'ing the I's and crossing the T's, as it were, but spiteful dealings are what make divorces so ugly and expensive. As someone who endured his parents going through a divorce in his teens, I'd say that if two people can go their seperate ways amicably (despite her being a cheater), then I can applaud that outcome over giving a healthy share of both their net worth to the legal system.
And while it's healthy to get out there and learn to have fun again, 'a revenge lay' might not be a healthy way to look at such dealings, but I suppose that's another/D&D topic.
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
What I said is just a suggestion and probably what I would do and please take it as such. I def wouldn't blame you if your reasons are vindictive in nature and who would? But the truth is if you go through all of this with dignity and respect for yourself by being polite and settling this calmly then you my friend are much stronger than I/most. The revenge lay thing was just a lil joke to be taken lightly or not. Simply put, theres nothing wrong with seeing other people now just don't jump into a relationship anytime soon. Do it when your ready man and that may take a while. Why not chill with a female friend from time to time? If you don't have any theres no reason why you can't get back in shape with the divorce as motivation and go out there and meet some ladies. Just broaden your options, don't do it to necessarily to immediately find another woman but to have them there for later when your ready to find another love.
Thanks for all the advice. I spent some time with some friends (both genders) last night and shot the shit, talked it over and whatnot. I need to start looking for a new place soon and get this paperwork picked up/completed.
I don't want to become vindictive or hateful or spiteful towards her. No matter she did, I still love her right now and my heart will not listen to my brain. I want to act with dignity and calmness, not horrible behavior. Its just so hard to tear myself away.
Hell, shes been outright nice to me for the last few days, even going as far to cuddle me when I cry and I hate myself that I yearn for it so much that I just let it happen for the temporary relief from the situation.
I decided to stay with accounting and finish my CPA, then change later if I want. I need a new hobby, as my old ones dont seem too interesting right now and all I seem to do is lurk on these forums. Im also having a hard time finding motivation to eat/shower/whatever, but that seems to be a normal part of the Kübler model.
Theres tons of good advice in this thread that should be followed, but is hard to do. Typical. Also a revenge lay is not in the future methinks. I let hate and anger run my life so long that I dont need to add this to the stack.
As far as new hobbys go, may I suggest paintballing? It is a fantastic way to vent your frustration in a competitive/safe manner and lets face it, there will be some point where you will want to shoot someone in the face. Its extremely fun, not terribly expensive to do every so often and your friends can get in on it too. Not to mention that it will help in the fitness section. I started playing two years ago when I got dumped and I haven't regreted it since. It's fun to feed the inner hunter in all of us =].
Posts
Searching for apartments or thinking about moving all of my shit while going to school and work just makes me cry more. I can't focus and can't do anything. Im at a loss. It seems like my life is over, as shes been the center piece of it and my plans for the future for so long. I don't know how im going to cope.
Spend as much time as you possibly can with your friends for the next while. maybe see if you can stay with a friend for a few nights, or have a friend stay with you.
It's a shitty situation. Let's not try to soften it. It sucks balls, and I feel absolutely awful for you. the only thing I can say is that it will get better with time.
You have friends, use them. go out and get yourself totally hammered one night. Use the comfort of your friends to help you through this. It makes me feel pretty good that you feel like we are really helping you, but honestly, an internet forum can't replace the effect your real friend will have on you. Go be with them, use their help to get through this.
Just stay strong. It'll get better. It wont' get better for a long time, but it will get better.
I think if she offered I would still take her back at this point. Im horrible.
Don't. You aren't horrible, this is emotionally devastating, and this is just one way your mind is trying to find an easy out. Stay strong, and realize that you deserve so much better.
Keep on.
This is good advice man. Take it. You'll pull through, and be stronger for it.
What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger right?
You should talk to your professors about what's going on. I'm sure they'll give you a break of some kind.
There's no reason you should fail a test because some cheating bitch hurt you.
Good idea, the less you have to remind yourself, the less you will think about it as time goes on.
But then, i've only been cheated on once, and i wasn't married to them.
either way, i reiterate the sentiment of getting that stuff away from you.
You'll be ok. In the words of my grandmother, who is never wrong, "this too shall pass".
SE++ Map Steam
good luck man!
It will be. Hang with some non-mutual friends. It helps, it sucks to be in this situation but we can't replace that kind of bond. You'll pull through man.
True on both parts. My dad went to school for marine bio and is an executive chef at a country club now. You could also go get a culinary degree after you graduate from somewhere if you really wanted to.
Also, if that is what you really wanted to do, my dad tells me all the time that he's really glad he studied business in school because as an executive chef he's responsible for keeping the kitchen within their budget and whatnot.
Sorry about your whole situation by the way. Just tell your friends and spend as much time with them as possible. I've both helped friends get over girls and had my friends help me get over girls, and believe me, it works.
I'm a dick so I'd burn them all, but its probably the more stable zen move to not do anything. Then again, no reason letting the pictures prevent you from moving on.
Check and see if Florida is no fault divorce state or not...I think I remember that it is.
Anyways, wow, not alot of advice, but fuck that bitch.
hi5 for sentimentality
you'll look back on it all in a mildly different light years later, when it was more of a learning experience, than a heart-wrenching suckfest.
You'll be fine, for reals.
SE++ Map Steam
If you just don't like accounting on its own, that's one thing. Switching careers out of anguish is another... don't abandon something that you're going to wish you could go back to later. It's really hard to start school again. With accounting, depending on your state's/school's rules, you may even have to re-do some of your coursework, either for a degree or for your certification due to the amount of time between the time you quit and went back to your studies.
And, you can make money as a chef, but you have to be a good one at a good restaraunt/hotel to make real bank at it. Otherwise, you can look forward to a middle-to-modest life, and maybe eventually own a restaraunt. Your accounting background would help with the restaraunt bookkeeping part, but it's still going to take a lot of effort on your part. Even if you just cook and don't manage, you have to have a flexible schedule with flexible hours and be ready to work at the drop of a hat, especially in peak periods. Furthermore, if you want to become recognized, you'll also have to participate in competitions. It's a big committment. My former brother-in-law is a chef, and he works very long, hard hours where he's constantly on his feet, and has experienced some RSIs as a result.
I'm so sorry.. I know it hurts when the one you love falls out of love with you. and you just don't know it yet. It's devastating.
Stay strong.. DON'T take her back. She lied and cheated once (or many times), she would do it again. She doesn't seem to feel guilt for it.
I met a really nice girl through playing WoW. She was smart, beautiful, pretty much the everything you wouldn't expect in a girl that plays an MMO. We got to talking, I jokingly said I would fly out and meet her which ended up in her moving in with me 3 months later.
2 weeks after she moves in, I find out she'd been staying up til 5 AM while I slept talking to another guy in our guild all night long and I found sexual conversations between them on her computer. I really, really liked this girl and thought I had the most amazing catch.. but I think theres a reason why an attractive girl would play WoW. Its all about the attention.
Anyways im sorry man. She broke my heart and I know how you're feeling.
Heh, sounds almost like my old roommate. His girlfriend moved in with him. They'd been dating for about 6 or 7 years... Then they decided to start a WoW account up together. He slowly got burned out on it, and she was addicted to it like crack.
Few months later he started noticing a weird behavior with her, where she'd minimize the game every time he went into the room. And found emails/pictures/etc later on in the month between her and some WoW freak in game.
Damn that game to hell.
This.
But I'm on a different side of the spectrum, sort of.
Being a lady gamer myself, I have found that when I play games with dudes there can be 1 or even more of 3 outcomes:
1. Sexism (Ahh, loser chick playing a game, get off, stupid blonde. Blahblah. Girls can't play games.) And it starts to get into my head and I fuck up on whatever game I'm playing, resulting in more harrassment of how crappy I am at it, and it ends up becoming unfun altogether.
2. Joking (Random sexual jokes/jokes about us 'getting together', usually all in good fun.) This isn't what I consider flirting, considering it's just jokes, and my husband gets in on them too, saying, "I'll share her if ya guys want! Everybody wants a hot gamer chick." Or something to that effect. This usually comes from the neat dude gamers out there who enjoy female competition, and find it cool that I play the game.
3. Flirting (I wanna get in your pants sorta thing) This is the bad part, for me at least. I don't play games to become the spectacle of it. I play games cause they're fun, not to get attention because I have a innie instead of an outie. I guess this is what a lot of girls tend to look for from playing games (particuarly chat games like MMOs).. I just don't understand it. I just want to be thought of as part of the guys in a way, not some sex object.
I usually let them think I'm a 12 year old boy, considering that's what everybody sounds like over XBL headsets.
My husband still plays WoW after I quit. It's boring, and I don't get why he plays still. /le sigh.
Anyway, much condolences to you dude, I can't imagine what it must feel like. But like everyone else said, there is plenty of shit that can go wrong in this type of situation and while yes, paying the up-front legal fees can suck at least you can have a bit more certainty. Especially where debt is involved. Nothing worse than being the wronged party but ending up being screwed because you messed up the divorce unintentionally.
When you're going into any sort of legal arrangement with someone, the only reason you need a lawyer is if you suspect the other person might be an asshole. If anything wonky comes up, or an opportunity for someone to be dishonest comes up, and you're dealing with a reasonable person, it's not going to be a problem. But if you're dealing with an asshole, they're going to try to fuck you.
So, your wife is leaving you for a guy she met over WoW, who she lied to you about, and she flew out to California to get her brains fucked out by him while telling you she was just visiting family and trying to organize her thoughts. This is what we call "asshole behavior." Your wife is an asshole. You now have the opportunity to buy asshole insurance for the divorce, knowing that your wife is an asshole. This is like being offered flood insurance as the incoming storm is dropping 48 inches of rain in 22 hours. If you do not at least talk to a lawyer (and most lawyers worth their salt will give you a free consult), you are an idiot, and you're going to deserve it when it comes back to bite you in the ass.
This isn't, like, "oh, I was in a fender bender, and now I'm going to get stuck with a bill for $300 because I didn't report it" type of thing, either; this could come back to severely bite you in the ass down the road if you don't do it right.
And seriously, with one semester to go, you should really finish up your CPA. Move somewhere else afterwards (in fact, I highly recommend it; Florida is a shitty place to be, even moreso if you're young, educated, and single). You can always do accounting jobs while going through culinary school, or whatever else you want to do.
Get that CPA.
Shogun Streams Vidya
No, but seriously, finish up. You've come a hell of a distance to give up over a broad.
BE A SUCCESS*!
FORGET THE WOMAN!
GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!
NOT NECESSARILY IN THIS ORDER!
Being a success might include getting a damn lawyer just in case this stupid woman decides to fuck with you down the road. (Bear in mind that you don't know the dude she's run off with either, and you don't know how much of a twat he is)
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Get tested for STDs ASAP.
I don't believe student loans fall under any type of community property laws. Culinary school isn't cheap, so you'll be adding quite a bit to your current debt.
Since you don't have too much in the way of assets, you should be able to get divorced pretty cheap. You probably don't have to hire a lawyer exactly, but definitely get a consultation. For my dad's last divorce, he filled out all of his own paperwork, had his lawyer look it over, then submitted it himself - I think it cost him a couple hundred bucks. However, it was his second divorce, so he had a better idea of what to do.
Also, once it's final - make sure you do something for yourself. Always wanted to go to Europe? go. Skydive? do it. Drive a convertible? well, rent one if nothing else
(lame joke, thanks to my dad)
The Best in Terms of Pants on JCCC3
Go talk to that lawyer. Hell the free consult alone is worth it just for the information they will give you.
Finish your degree. Your 8 months away from a piece of paper that will give you the ability to earn 50-60k a year. ITS WORTH IT.
Don't be sad BE angry! Make it your goal to Improve yourself and find someone better!
You're better than her damn it. You can do this and you are going to get better! you finish your school get a good job get a new place and you will meet a better person who wont lie to you and go hook up with creepy wow losers.
Be strong and move onward. You don't need to have someone in your life that treats you that poorly and is that irresponsible. Move on with your life and bring happiness back into your life. Hanging around this situation in any form will only bring on sadness.
Also I like what Thanatos said about the asshole insurance, hahah. Honestly it would be a good idea to get a lawyer if she was lowly enough to do something like that. Don't put it past her to try and stick it to you during the divorce. Be on your guard and just be sure to defend yourself.
and FINISH YOUR DEGREE!! Suck it up and knock that bitch out. You're almost there. I don't care if you feel miserable during every single day of it, it will be worth the pay out.
Just remember you are the better person here by a long shot. Stand tall and be happy that you still have your dignity, while she threw hers right in the garbage. Just move on with your life and know that you'll more than likely end up happier than she ever will be.
I came here to copy/paste this.↑
I presume you're in that annoying state of still caring for her, but being rabidly angry. If it grants that latter status any solace, I have yet to see a woman stop going down this path once they get on it (I do, of course, hope I am wrong about what that suggests). Some people sound far more charismatic in text form, and on that basis finally meeting them for the first time makes them this wonderful combination of already well known, but also a shiny new toy. It's very likely she will grow bored with this guy relatively soon, only to move on to the next thing to leech attention from.
After all the divorce matters are finished, if she comes back later and says she wants to try with you again, say no, and, grim as it sounds, enjoy saying it as much as you can, because that's what she deserves.
Do I sound bitter?
Best of luck.
I came to C&P this.
Girlfriend (promise-ringed) of 3 years decided she wanted to see others, including girls, so I moved out. She tried to come back, was litterly crawling, begging to come back, but I held firm after all the stuff she said she did (people, drugs) during/after our relationship.
Just don't do it.
Man I actually applauded when I read this reply, good god I couldn't agree more. What she did to you is completely unforgivable man and you need to stick her with whats rightfully coming her way and that is half your debt. Show her that leaving you isn't going to be easy and it's not all fine and dandy. She needs to realize that this is the real world and there are conciquences to taking a sacred vow like that lightly not only with the law but in the eyes of the Lord (if your at all religious). No remorse man stick her with what she desereves for doing this and you have every right to take advantage of this situation to better yourself in the long run. DO NOT let this cripple you my friend and become a better stronger person because of it.
With that, I'm truly sorry to see a story like this. Talk about a terrible situation and my condolences are going out to you man. Stay strong. Get a revenge lay ;]
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And while it's healthy to get out there and learn to have fun again, 'a revenge lay' might not be a healthy way to look at such dealings, but I suppose that's another/D&D topic.
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I don't want to become vindictive or hateful or spiteful towards her. No matter she did, I still love her right now and my heart will not listen to my brain. I want to act with dignity and calmness, not horrible behavior. Its just so hard to tear myself away.
Hell, shes been outright nice to me for the last few days, even going as far to cuddle me when I cry and I hate myself that I yearn for it so much that I just let it happen for the temporary relief from the situation.
I decided to stay with accounting and finish my CPA, then change later if I want. I need a new hobby, as my old ones dont seem too interesting right now and all I seem to do is lurk on these forums. Im also having a hard time finding motivation to eat/shower/whatever, but that seems to be a normal part of the Kübler model.
Theres tons of good advice in this thread that should be followed, but is hard to do. Typical. Also a revenge lay is not in the future methinks. I let hate and anger run my life so long that I dont need to add this to the stack.
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