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Requesting a comic critique (HijiNKS Ensue)

1457910

Posts

  • MagicToasterMagicToaster JapanRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Best comic yet!

    MagicToaster on
  • MaydayMayday generation three hybrid Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Thanks for the clarification. The apostrophe is a harsh mistress with many a feminine wile.

    May I suggest...some unwelcome education?

    Mayday on
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    Best comic yet!
    Thanks! Im really trying to improve with each one.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    Mayday wrote: »
    Thats pretty good but my problem tends to reside with possessive apostrophe's vs. contractions. I usually letter last which us usually in the wee hours so I often make simple mistakes.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    New Comic today. Looks like I will come in 2nd on the current Joystiq Comic poll behind VG Cats. Thats very cool.
    HE isnt a gaming comic (at least not full time) but there hasnt been much else going on in the rest of the geek world lately. I hope that will change when the new TV season starts so I can branch out into some new material. Its nice to get recognized with gaming comics but I dont want to get slotted that way.

    2007-09-17-wii-zapper.jpg

    Hyper Realistic Murder Simulators

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    @Dark Primus
    Thanks for linking me on that forum. I saw a bit of traffic come from that post yesterday. Youre a dallas local?

    No I'm not, but if I'm ever in the area...

    DarkPrimus on
    wpyz0Y5.png
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • MagarnicleMagarnicle Registered User
    edited September 2007
    I like where you're art is going. Only problems for me are;
    1. Some of your references are very obscure. PA seems to avoid this somehow, but i guess the blog explains them a lot. I suppose its only a problem if you want the comic to have a really broad audience.

    2. Your speech bubbles are very geometric at the moment, im guessing PS autoshapes or something. Try drawing them in instead. I've noticed you have thickened the line around them in the latest comics which is good- the thin line in the earlier comics made them harder to read. Just a bit more life is needed I think.

    Keep it up though, very good comic.

    Magarnicle on
  • anableanable Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Hmm. Today's comic seems a bit weak to me. I guess they can't all be golden. :P

    I'm slightly confused by how Joel's first comment makes it sound like his plot has been found out, but then he turns around in the second panel to talk about how video games really do turn people into killers. I guess that first panel is supposed to be sarcasm then? For some reason it just doesn't come across that way.

    Also, Joel gritting his teeth in the second panel seems off. It looks like he has one of those boxing mouth pieces.

    anable on
  • EdcrabEdcrab Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I don't know, I definitely grinned at the Aerosmith hunting. And Josh looks so darn happy about his AAM launcher and the impending explodirisation of a gopher...

    Edcrab on
    cBY55.gifbmJsl.png
  • teamquigganteamquiggan Registered User
    edited September 2007
    I don't like your punchline, but I laughed at the other panels, so yeah.

    teamquiggan on
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    Magarnicle wrote: »
    I like where you're art is going. Only problems for me are;
    1. Some of your references are very obscure. PA seems to avoid this somehow, but i guess the blog explains them a lot. I suppose its only a problem if you want the comic to have a really broad audience.

    2. Your speech bubbles are very geometric at the moment, im guessing PS autoshapes or something. Try drawing them in instead. I've noticed you have thickened the line around them in the latest comics which is good- the thin line in the earlier comics made them harder to read. Just a bit more life is needed I think.

    Keep it up though, very good comic.
    Thanks for the feedback. I like to think theres a decent enough mix of obscure references and obvious jokes that the various readers can enjoy it on different levels, but I agree that this one was especially secure. Hopefully I didnt alienate half the audience.

    I am using the Circle tool in CS3 for the balloons. I just like them to look clean but the standard shape is very limiting at times. I will try freehanding and see what kind of results I get.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    anable wrote: »
    Hmm. Today's comic seems a bit weak to me. I guess they can't all be golden. :P

    I'm slightly confused by how Joel's first comment makes it sound like his plot has been found out, but then he turns around in the second panel to talk about how video games really do turn people into killers. I guess that first panel is supposed to be sarcasm then? For some reason it just doesn't come across that way.

    Also, Joel gritting his teeth in the second panel seems off. It looks like he has one of those boxing mouth pieces.
    This one is weaker than some of the recent ones. Its really all about he money shot in panel 4. The idea was that Joel thinks people are overeacting about games and violence but doesnt realize that he was affected. I dont agree with that perspective but I thought it was a funny premise. Im sure most of you dont read the posts, but they generally explain whats going on. I should probably make sure the comics make sense without reading the posts.

    The teeth thing does look weird, doesnt it. I think it looked better before I reduced it to 760 wide. It sucks to draw a bunch of detail only to have it all mashed together when you resize.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    @edcrab

    I hoped someone would remember Revolution X. Possibly the worst commercial cross promotion for the video game ever.

    @teamquiggan
    Im cool as long as you liked something, or have some feedback to help me improve. I was pretty happy about the Unicorn box, but Im sure its not for everyone.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    That's 3dsmax, yeah :D And your "it's" in the iPhone comic should be its. Buy The Elements of Style before you write anything else with an apostrophe.

    I don't know if the latest PA comic was a reference to this or if it was a genuine slip-up.

    http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php?t=36130

    :D

    MKR on
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    MKR wrote: »
    I don't know if the latest PA comic was a reference to this or if it was a genuine slip-up.

    http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php?t=36130

    :D
    "I can feel it's heat."

    I bet they have it updated before tomorrow. Jerry is too anal about punctuation.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • teamquigganteamquiggan Registered User
    edited September 2007
    @teamquiggan
    Im cool as long as you liked something, or have some feedback to help me improve. I was pretty happy about the Unicorn box, but Im sure its not for everyone.

    I think it was more that Engrish style joke was kinda done to death in my circle if friends. I dunno, I thought that the Unicorn game was just some kooky shit. With the context of the newspost I got what you were going for more, and I understand it now. I've loved all your comics so far I guess I just missed the end to this one. Not to worry the rest I got without even reading your news posts, your comic is the third one I check, which is pretty important as I check about 6 regularly

    teamquiggan on
  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    The Revolution X punchline made me giggle foolishly =D

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    @Teamquiggan
    I hear ya. That comic was fun to draw but I think it ended up having some odd pacing and VERY specific references so it may have alienated a good % of the readers. Glad you are keeping up with comic regularly.

    @Mars
    I used to play RevolutionX at Crossroads Bowling Alley in Beaumont, TX since our Mall's arcade (the Tilt) didn't have it. I dont know what it was but I loved that game at the time. It was like Operation Wolf meets middle aged rock and roll. doesnt seem that appealing now.

    @Magarnicle
    I tried freehanding the speech bubbles and they looked like crap. I blame the fact that I didnt really know how to do this at all. I will try again in the future after reading some tutorials.

    Here's the new one. Jonathan Coulton was fantastic last night. Really good show and I highly recommend you check him out when he passes through your town. He's on tour now.

    I printed out the comic and gave him a copy. He seemed to like it. I got him to sign another copy for me.

    2007-09-20-jonathan-coulton-zombie.jpg

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • bombardierbombardier Moderator mod
    edited September 2007
    Yeah I saw him at PAX and really enjoyed the show, much more than I thought I would. He got everyone singing that part in the zombie song too, it was fantastic.

    As for the comic, I really hate when people just blur out something in the background to make it seem 'out of focus'. It looks bad, and is a really cheap way around the problem in my opinion. Try something else like using a silhouette (the Steve Jobs one) or desaturating/darkening/simplifying the detail on the background subject like he's creeping up in the shadows. The blur just screams '2 second photoshop filter!!!11'

    bombardier on
    ?username=bombardactyl&theme=dark
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    bombardier wrote: »
    Yeah I saw him at PAX and really enjoyed the show, much more than I thought I would. He got everyone singing that part in the zombie song too, it was fantastic.

    As for the comic, I really hate when people just blur out something in the background to make it seem 'out of focus'. It looks bad, and is a really cheap way around the problem in my opinion. Try something else like using a silhouette (the Steve Jobs one) or desaturating/darkening/simplifying the detail on the background subject like he's creeping up in the shadows. The blur just screams '2 second photoshop filter!!!11'
    I wasnt pleased with the blur effect either. Especially since I worked so hard on the zombie details, and now you can see them. I think I will go back and try something else. I felt like I had to do something since he seem too in focus to be in the background.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • bombardierbombardier Moderator mod
    edited September 2007
    Plus you have the sharp foreground, blurred zombie, and then sharp background which doesn't help either. Try something else though :^:

    bombardier on
    ?username=bombardactyl&theme=dark
  • teamquigganteamquiggan Registered User
    edited September 2007
    I love it! Jonathan Colton is awesome! but yeah, when I try to look at the Zombie details, my eyes trying to focus gives me a headache.

    teamquiggan on
  • anableanable Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    If anything, it makes it look like the zombie is dashing towards him which isn't very zombie like.

    anable on
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    bombardier wrote: »
    Plus you have the sharp foreground, blurred zombie, and then sharp background which doesn't help either. Try something else though :^:
    Ok, I changed it. he's just darker now. Dont know if its perfect but I do think it looks better.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • bombardierbombardier Moderator mod
    edited September 2007
    Yeah, that works better.

    bombardier on
    ?username=bombardactyl&theme=dark
  • BroloBrolo Broseidon Lord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    2007-09-20-jonathan-coulton-zombie.jpg

    Maybe try lowering the contrast a bit more and using an overlay filter to "blue him out" a little? Having him just darker is making him a little too much of a focus for that panel, it should go to your character first, then Josh second.

    Brolo on
  • HewnHewn Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Going back to comic one, I'm pretty impressed with how much more professional your latest entries look.

    This thread is a strong argument for the validity of the Artist's Corner. Or at the very least, a strong argument for Joel Watson.

    P.S. I linked my buddy to your comic and he's in love. I don't have mad linking powers to get you thousands of views, but I thought you should know you won him over by the time he got to the Harry Potter one.

    Hewn on
    Steam: hewn
    Warframe: TheBaconDwarf
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    @Rolo
    I will play with the contrast. Thanks for taking the time to demonstrate that.

    @Hewn
    I KNOW I couldnt have gotten this far without the AC. I wouldnt still be posting each comic here if I didnt get helpful advice nearly every time. Was your friend named "Dean"? A dude named Dean went through and commented on nearly half the posts a day or so ago. Thanks for telling your friends.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    You know, Josh looked like he might be coming down with something when he was peeking through the ceiling.

    MKR on
  • EdcrabEdcrab Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Almost-Zombie Josh is watching you masturbate and taking note of your delicious brain...

    I liked this one, although I'd agree the blur effect doesn't make it look out-of-focus so much as sloppy: I'm late to point it out as usual, but a lot of the disparity lies in the difference between the fully-focused background and foreground and the blurred middle-ground.

    Edcrab on
    cBY55.gifbmJsl.png
  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    Yeah your line work in this one is aces!

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    @MKR and Edcrab
    LOLZombieCeilingJosh is, indeed, watching you masturbate.

    @Mars
    Thanks! I was really hoping for some feedback on the linework this time around.

    I wanted to share with you guys a commission piece that I've been working on for a friend. His site, www.sugarattack.com, reviews movies, technology and other fun geeky stuff. He wanted a banner that illustrated the name of the site, so I sent him this:

    1.png

    He gave me the go-ahead so i started working on the real one. Here's the progression:

    2.png

    3.png

    4.png

    And here's the finished product:

    5.png

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Dude's arm looks so odd. If you added shading to it to show the angle it's at, it would give it the proper perspective.

    DarkPrimus on
    wpyz0Y5.png
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Everything except for the dude's pose is wonderful. I'm thinking he's supposed to look like he's having a sugar crash, but he looks a little too static.

    MKR on
  • MaydayMayday generation three hybrid Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    What's up with the perspective of the building on the left?

    Mayday on
  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    Yeah, you had a great "running away" pose for the guy in the linework, but when you went and polished it off the pose changed significantly enough to make him look half paralyzed.

    Without drawing the whole thing over you could try putting a small candy bar biting his arm or something to see if that helps out a little bit more

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Angel_of_BaconAngel_of_Bacon Moderator mod
    edited September 2007
    Expanding on Mr.E and Mayday's comments:

    1. Although the perspective on the left building is particularly wonked (or, if you prefer, Giorgio de Chirico-ish) there's some inconsistent perspective throughout. You seem to be wanting to flatten things down to keep a more front-on perspective incongruent to the true perspective in some cases (peppermints, cupcake).

    2. The dude's pose, is, as mentioned, odd. Nobody runs or screams with one hand pointing straight forward and one hand in their pocket, torso and head stock straight up. Push the line of action further to make the action read. While I don't know if I'd put down the precursor's "O God why hast thou abandoned me?" pose as "the one", it certainly succeeds in communicating a gesture and idea much more clearly.

    hijinks.jpg

    3. It seems like you've got a couple of big "foreground buildings" and then switch immediately to small "background buildings", and the effect makes it seem as though there has to be a large area in between where there would be nothing except a huge parking-lot esque flatness of concrete. I'd suggest either putting in some interceding midground buildings, or do something to make that buildingless area makes sense, such as making that area of the road out to be a bridge, so the viewer realizes there's a reason for the break in buildings.

    4. Fliter>Render>Clouds? Come on, man, you can do better than that.

    Angel_of_Bacon on
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    Guys, thanks for all the advice. I will take some time to process all of this and see if I cant employ a few of your ideas to improve this design.

    I think I will focus on the guy in the foreground's pose, the wonky left building and the buildings on the horizon.

    Thanks again!

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited September 2007
    Still working on the Sugar Attack banner. In the meantime heres the most recent comic:

    http://hijinksensue.com/2007/09/24/jonathan-coulton-zombie-fighting-troubadour-pt-2-extinction/

    2007-09-24-jonathan-coulton-zombies-2-resident-evil.jpg

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • omega71omega71 Sacramento, CaliRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    2007-09-13-westwood-college.jpg


    This is GOLD right here..

    omega71 on
    24.24.2.2148
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