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Aw, son of a [Cards Against Humanity] (On break for a while, but reserves welcome)

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    edited November 2015
    Sorry about the late posting, had an evening with the boyfriend.

    In what's being hailed as a major breakthrough, scientists have synthesized Cards Against Humanity in the lab. (Chamberlain)
    In what's being hailed as a major breakthrough, scientists have synthesized a neck beard that is 10% cheese in the lab. (TheRoadVirus)
    In what's being hailed as a major breakthrough, scientists have synthesized what remains of my penis in the lab. (QuestionablySane)
    In what's being hailed as a major breakthrough, scientists have synthesized the grey nutrient broth that sustains Mitt Romney in the lab. (NotoriusBEN)
    In what's being hailed as a major breakthrough, scientists have synthesized a sane Republican in the lab. (LostNinja)
    In what's being hailed as a major breakthrough, scientists have synthesized three consecutive seconds of happiness in the lab. (Discrider) (*)
    In what's being hailed as a major breakthrough, scientists have synthesized a bag of magic beans in the lab. (Cythraul)

    Audience, please vote in green for what you think deserves a big fat bag of grant money.

    Man in the Mists on
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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    Once again, I feel confident until I see the other entries

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    IongantasIongantas Registered User regular
    I think the most amazing of these achievements would be a sane republican

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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    In what's being hailed as a major breakthrough, scientists have synthesized three consecutive seconds of happiness in the lab.

    ... and they're willing to sell it to you, at only $1k a pop.

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    OrivonOrivon Happy Fun Ball They/ThemRegistered User regular
    Geez, almost forgot to vote today. Three consecutive seconds of happiness would be a rather surprising find.

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    KetarKetar Come on upstairs we're having a partyRegistered User regular
    Clearly, a sane republican would need to be created in the lab...

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    Judging by the explosion and Discrider's shellshocked expression, trying for a fourth second is likely more trouble than its worth.

    Round 7

    Hey there, Young Scientists! Put on your labcoats and strap on your safety goggles, because today we're learning about _______!

    Please PM your answers while we watch to see if the kids can replicate happiness.

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    discriderdiscrider Registered User regular
    That was tied at 2 I think @Man in the Mists...

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    Ketar's vote came after the 24-hour cutoff.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    I see @Chamberlain is busy securing Dr. Oz as our test subject.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    edited November 2015
    Now we shall expand our minds. And possibly other things.

    Hey there, Young Scientists! Put on your labcoats and strap on your safety goggles, because today we're learning about cutting off a flamingo's legs with garden shears! (Cythraul)
    Hey there, Young Scientists! Put on your labcoats and strap on your safety goggles, because today we're learning about Viagra! (Discrider) (*)
    Hey there, Young Scientists! Put on your labcoats and strap on your safety goggles, because today we're learning about subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife! (LostNinja)
    Hey there, Young Scientists! Put on your labcoats and strap on your safety goggles, because today we're learning about copping a feel! (QuestionablySane)
    Hey there, Young Scientists! Put on your labcoats and strap on your safety goggles, because today we're learning about Ebola! (TheRoadVirus)
    Hey there, Young Scientists! Put on your labcoats and strap on your safety goggles, because today we're learning about Turkish oil wrestling! (Chamberlain)
    Hey there, Young Scientists! Put on your labcoats and strap on your safety goggles, because today we're learning about hormone injections! (NotoriusBEN)

    Audience, please vote in green for why you signed up for this course.

    Man in the Mists on
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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    Hey there, Young Scientists! Put on your labcoats and strap on your safety goggles, because today we're learning about Viagra!

    Freshman physics, baby!

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    MegafrostMegafrost Leader of the Decepticons Registered User regular
    Viagra

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    Dr. FlamingoDr. Flamingo 49 Gilded Disc Perceives the Sun Registered User regular
    edited November 2015
    Cutting off a flamingo's legs with garden shears!
    :bigfrown:

    Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife!

    Dr. Flamingo on
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    IongantasIongantas Registered User regular
    Turkish Oil Wrestling

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    AnialosAnialos Collies are love, Collies are life! Shadowbrook ColliesRegistered User regular
    Ebola!

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    Fleur de AlysFleur de Alys Biohacker Registered User regular
    edited November 2015
    Viagra

    The call for safety glasses in particular makes it.

    Fleur de Alys on
    Triptycho: A card-and-dice tabletop indie RPG currently in development and playtesting
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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    The labcoat is also a good idea, just look at all the stains on Discrider's.

    Round 8

    In M Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that _______ had really been _______ all along.

    Please PM your answers while I try to recover from the revelation of who left those stains.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    edited November 2015
    Sorry about the late posting, archive binges are a bitch to pull out of.

    In M Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that Nazis had really been an oppressed people with a vibrant culture all along. (Discrider)
    In M Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that being popular and good at sports had really been the true meaning of Christmas all along. (Cythraul)
    In M Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that mom's new boyfriend had really been mom's old boyfriend, but this time dressed like a British nanny who was babysitting us all along. (TheRoadVirus) (*)
    In M Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that the dentist had really been filling a man's anus with concrete all along. (QuestionablySane)
    In M Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that having a strong opinion about Obamacare had really been too much cocaine all along. (Chamberlain)
    In M Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that Hulk Hogan had really been buying virtual clothes for a Sim family instead of real clothes for a real family all along. (NotoriusBEN)
    In M Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that Barack Obama had really been setting my balls on fire and cartwheeling to Ohio all along. (LostNinja)

    Audience, please vote in green for the twist you didn't see coming.

    Man in the Mists on
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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    edited November 2015
    In M Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that mom's new boyfriend had really been mom's old boyfriend, but this time dressed like a British nanny who was babysitting us all along.

    Ah, the Mrs. Doubtfire / Victor / Victoria mashup we've all been waiting for!

    Elvenshae on
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    AnialosAnialos Collies are love, Collies are life! Shadowbrook ColliesRegistered User regular
    edited November 2015
    In M Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that mom's new boyfriend had really been mom's old boyfriend, but this time dressed like a British nanny who was babysitting us all along.


    Anialos on
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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    Wow, who knew TheRoadVirus could fool so many people in that getup?

    Round 9

    Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is _______? Zoloft.

    Please PM your answers while everyone recovers from the gluttony-induced comas.

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    Undead ScottsmanUndead Scottsman Registered User regular
    Cards Against Humanity Black Friday $5 Sale. You give them $5 and they give you absolutely nothing in return.
    https://store.cardsagainsthumanity.com/
    About This Amazing Offer

    If I give you $5, will I actually get anything in exchange?
    We’re so glad you asked! No.

    Why are you selling nothing?
    On Black Friday, everybody is selling something. We’re the only company to offer the superior Black Friday experience of buying nothing.

    But really, I’ll get something, right?
    No, we’re not even taking your shipping address. All we have to offer is nothing.

    But I need to buy your game right now.
    Sometimes buying nothing is better than buying Cards Against Humanity. This is one of those times.

    If I give you $5, what are you going to do with the money?
    That’s for us to know and you to find out. We’ll make the announcement soon.

    Why would anyone just give you $5?
    Because the greatest Black Friday gift of all is buying nothing. We’re offering that for the rock-bottom price of $5. How can you afford NOT to seize this incredible opportunity?

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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    Tempted to do it juuuuust in case they actually send something for whatever reason. But nah.

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    This could be a better seller than the bullshit in a box

    The margins are probably way better

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    This could be a better seller than the bullshit in a box

    The margins are probably way better

    Roughly infinity percent better!

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    I think I'll hold out to see if it goes on sale later

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    LostNinjaLostNinja Registered User regular
    That "we'll make an announcement soon" part certainly has me intrigued to give them $5 for nothing.

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    NotoriusBENNotoriusBEN Registered User regular
    a4irovn5uqjp.png
    Steam - NotoriusBEN | Uplay - notoriusben | Xbox,Windows Live - ThatBEN
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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    edited November 2015
    If you lack energy, it's probably because you don't want to get swallowed up by Black Friday.

    Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is Keanu Reeves? Zoloft. (QuestionablySane)
    Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is Texas? Zoloft. (Chamberlain)
    Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is a big hoopla about nothing? Zoloft. (Cythraul)
    Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is another goddamn vampire movie? Zoloft. (Discrider)
    Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is ennui? Zoloft. (TheRoadVirus) (*)
    Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is oversized lollipops? Zoloft. (LostNinja)
    Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is rising sea levels consistent with scientific predictions? Zoloft. (NotoriusBEN)

    Audience, please vote in green for what you'd blame your seasonal depression on.

    Man in the Mists on
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    AnialosAnialos Collies are love, Collies are life! Shadowbrook ColliesRegistered User regular
    ENNUI

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    MegafrostMegafrost Leader of the Decepticons Registered User regular
    Keanu Reeves

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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    ENNUI

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    IongantasIongantas Registered User regular
    Having lived in Texas, this must be the answer.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    Apparently life just isn't the same now that TheRoadVirus is no longer gallivanting around in a dress.

    Round 10

    Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about _______.

    Please PM your answers while I try to get auntie to herd uncle away from the adult punch.

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    Man in the MistsMan in the Mists Registered User regular
    edited November 2015
    I should've been more suspicious when he handed over a hip flask without a fight.

    Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about picking up girls at the abortion clinic. (Cythraul)
    Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about AIDS. (QuestionablySane)
    Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about buying the right pants to be cool. (NotoriusBEN)
    Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about failing the Turing test. (TheRoadVirus)
    Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about sneezing, farting and cumming at the same time. (LostNinja)
    Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about poor life choices. (Chamberlain) (*)
    Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about peeing into a girl's butt to make a baby. (Discrider)

    Audience, please vote in green for the story uncle usually tells before passing out.

    Man in the Mists on
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    MegafrostMegafrost Leader of the Decepticons Registered User regular
    I'm really not sure how you fail the Turing test, but that certainly seems like a drunk story.

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    IongantasIongantas Registered User regular
    Poor life choices sounds most realistic to me.

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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    Poor life choices make the best stories.

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    AnialosAnialos Collies are love, Collies are life! Shadowbrook ColliesRegistered User regular
    peeing into a girl's butt to make a baby.

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