The Conan the Barbarian intro monologue is also pretty much pulled right from one of Robert E. Howard's Conan stories, specifically, The Phoenix on the Sword.
So it is super thematic.
The text I think is really good. It's just then you hear him read it and it's like "No, man, no. What are you doing?". The inflection and pacing is just all off. Which is odd cause I think he does a good job otherwise. It's like they used the wrong take.
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Ninja Snarl PMy helmet is my burden.Ninja Snarl: Gone, but not forgotten.Registered Userregular
Yeah, that monologue always seemed completely perfect to me for the movie. It's the royal wizard of a super-barbarian from a time before history revealing the legend of his king to an audience. I don't even have to try and I can see him sitting at the foot of a throne, emphasizing everything with exaggerated gestures.
Which is how they would've told a story for maximum impact, because stories would've been most of the entertainment and presentation would've been crucial. It wouldn't have been some guy standing at a podium giving a lecture.
So I know Revenge of the Fallen is ancient history, but I just saw the last half of it for the first time, and it has truly left an impression on me. I thought the hate for this franchise was exaggerated, but the second one earns that hate.
The big action sequence at the end is a weirdly fetishized US military versus a bunch of decepticons. Just a handful of autobots. On it's face it's dumb spectacle, but it's not even good spectacle. I'm an easy mark when it comes to this kind of thing, and I found it to be impossible to follow. Nothing has any weight and the sound effects seem half finished. There is no drama when Optimus comes back. There is this awful dreamlike quality to the whole thing and it doesn't work.
Things I thought were jokes/memes/mishearings but oh god they are real:
Two of the Autobots are racist caricatures.
The big combiner has balls.
Optimus Prime actually says "GIVE ME YOUR FACE". The tone is dead serious. We are supposed to cheer for this.
I don't think any recent endeavor is as bad as this. At least BvS had decent super fights.
So I know Revenge of the Fallen is ancient history, but I just saw the (last half) of it for the first time, and it has truly left an impression on me. I thought the hate for this franchise was exaggerated, but the second one earns that hate.
The big action sequence at the end is a weirdly fetishized US military versus a bunch of decepticons. Just a handful of autobots. On it's face it's dumb spectacle, but it's not even good spectacle. I'm an easy mark when it comes to this kind of thing, and I found it to be impossible to follow. Nothing has any weight and the sound effects seem half finished. There is no drama when Optimus comes back. There is this awful dreamlike quality to the whole thing and it doesn't work.
Things I thought were jokes/memes/mishearings but oh god they are real:
Two of the Autobots are racist caricatures.
The big combiner has balls.
Optimus Prime actually says "GIVE ME YOUR FACE". The tone is dead serious. We are supposed to cheer for this.
I don't think any recent endeavor is as bad as this. At least BvS had decent super fights.
So...Uh...
Have you seen the other movies in the series?
Cause they don't get better.
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AstaerethIn the belly of the beastRegistered Userregular
The hate for Transformers is not exaggerated. They are terrible movies in virtually every respect, including morally. Transformers 2 was so bad it made critics question their own minds (several wrote reviews like "Maybe I'm wrong? Maybe this is a Dadaist masterpiece?")
Transformers movies remind me of those scenes they show in 3DMark when you get benchmarks for your GPU. Just one long tech demo filled with cool looking stuff and particle effects, everything else is incidental
My zombie survival life simulator They Don't Sleep is out now on Steam if you want to check it out.
daveNYCWhy universe hate Waspinator?Registered Userregular
I think the first one is an acceptable summer blockbuster. It's a Bay film, so it has all the weaknesses of that genre, but it has a vaguely coherent plot, some continuity, all the characters sorta do stuff that makes kinda makes sense, and some of them almost have arcs. Revenge of the Fallen is Bay without any restraints. The racial stereotype robots in Fallen are Jazz dialed up to eleven, instead of leaking coolant as a piss joke, you have robot testicles, there's no arcs, no characters, everyone does stuff solely because that's what's required to bridge the ten or fifteen minutes between CGI specticals. The thing that bothered me the most about Revenge of the Fallen was that even basic continuity was thrown out the window. There are cuts from car chases near buildings to closeups of fights in the ass end of a forest, and the worst one was when they met Jetfire in what was obviously a museum in a city (, and then they open the big doors at the end of the display hall and they're suddenly walking in an open field in the middle of nowhere. It was straight up Matrix Reloaded level shit.
That's not even getting into the general incoherence of the action scenes. If there's one thing that you might think that Bay should be able to do well it's that, yet every Transformers sequel has had nothing but fight scenes that a better person than I described as 'a drawer of silverware falling down hill'.
And they still make money hand over fist.
Shut up, Mr. Burton! You were not brought upon this world to get it!
I've always thought that Revenge of the Fallen was better than the first one. Mainly because it has more robots than the first.
I watched it last night on TV. I think it has a nice scene here and there in concept, like the attack on the carrier to revive Megatron, but its a far worse film than the original and even the films after it (at least they had some interesting ideas, if executed in the worst way possible).
The robots seem to be made of paper this time around for some reason, the characters act like parodies from the first film.
It should be noted that the second TF movie was during the Writers' Strike; they went into production with 14 pages of script. Now, I'm not saying the movie would have been a masterpiece if not for that, but the bar was considerably lower for that film.
And that doesn't excuse the 3 sequels after it either.
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jungleroomxIt's never too many graves, it's always not enough shovelsRegistered Userregular
It should be noted that the second TF movie was during the Writers' Strike; they went into production with 14 pages of script. Now, I'm not saying the movie would have been a masterpiece if not for that, but the bar was considerably lower for that film.
And that doesn't excuse the 3 sequels after it either.
Tf2 was probably one of the few movies where the writers strike didn't matter.
It should be noted that the second TF movie was during the Writers' Strike; they went into production with 14 pages of script. Now, I'm not saying the movie would have been a masterpiece if not for that, but the bar was considerably lower for that film.
To be fair Quantum of Solace wasn't hurt nearly as bad in the script department. Sure, it was a let down after Casino Royale, but it's Oscar worthy to RoTF.
And that doesn't excuse the 3 sequels after it either.
Heh.
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AtomikaLive fast and get fucked or whateverRegistered Userregular
"Only a prime can kill another prime. Unless, like, you try real hard. Or stab 'em or something."
I walked out of TF2, blissfully resigned to have seen my last of the franchise.
"Only a prime can kill another prime. Unless, like, you try real hard. Or stab 'em or something."
I walked out of TF2, blissfully resigned to have seen my last of the franchise.
Strangely enough the later films improved. Slightly. They still do weird, incoherent and occasional gross shit, of course. They also continued the tradition of making Sam's hot girlfriends more interesting then he is.
TF3 was kind of an improvement over 2, granted, it's mainly because they ripped the plot from two different storylines in the G1 cartoon and offed the two ministrel bots offscreen.
TF3 was kind of an improvement over 2, granted, it's mainly because they ripped the plot from two different storylines in the G1 cartoon and offed the two ministrel bots offscreen.
4 though, wow.
On the one hand, no Sam - on the other, the Romeo and Juliet scene. Sam is such a bad character I'll take Cypher Raige or whatever his name is over him.
TF3 was kind of an improvement over 2, granted, it's mainly because they ripped the plot from two different storylines in the G1 cartoon and offed the two ministrel bots offscreen.
4 though, wow.
On the one hand, no Sam - on the other, the Romeo and Juliet scene. Sam is such a bad character I'll take Cypher Raige or whatever his name is over him.
I think if they had just cut that scene TF4 wouldn't have been nearly as bad, though there was still Optimus beating Grimlock into submission while screaming about freedom, the guy who was melting down autobots becoming a karma houdini, and other things.
TF2 was clearly better then TF1 because Optimus Prime finally reveals his unending thirst for faces. Which is way more hilarious to see then any of the horrible shit from TF1 which was all just generic.
So I because of a fire blocking my only way home, I ended up going to the theater to wait it out. Wonder woman and Gotg2 showings weren't at the time (I have seen both before and I would watch either again), so i ended up going to Pirates 5.
It was alright. Geoffrey Rush was, predictably, the best thing about it. I also still enjoy the score.
The first Transformers sucked so I didn't see any others.
People must love them though, because they've made so many. It can't be all people who hate them but keep going because of their childhood, right?
I watched TF2 on the grounds that people said it was so awful and I felt the need to semi-live-blog it (I think I made like 2-3 posts as I watched it) in the Movie thread back years and years ago.
Honestly, nexuscrawler gets the closest to the real issue. For all the ways the movies are actively bad, more then anything they are long boring slogs. Nothing in them is interesting or exciting or comprehensible.
Although I will say that both TF1 and TF2 managed to land 1 really great joke each.And literally every other attempt at humour was actively horrible. Not just not funny, but actively bad. It was like an amazing highlight in a sea of shit. A cup of cool delicious beer stranded in the depths of the Sahara.
Here is a children's film made for the world we should live in, rather than the one we occupy. A film with no villains. No fight scenes. No evil adults. No fighting between the two kids. No scary monsters. No darkness before the dawn. A world that is benign. A world where if you meet a strange towering creature in the forest, you curl up on its tummy and have a nap.
...Whenever I watch it, I smile, and smile, and smile.
Here is a children's film made for the world we should live in, rather than the one we occupy. A film with no villains. No fight scenes. No evil adults. No fighting between the two kids. No scary monsters. No darkness before the dawn. A world that is benign. A world where if you meet a strange towering creature in the forest, you curl up on its tummy and have a nap.
...Whenever I watch it, I smile, and smile, and smile.
I'm seeing it in the theater on Sunday! It's been around 20 years since I last saw it.
I've never seen the dub. Is it pretty good? Would love to catch that on Sunday.
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HedgethornAssociate Professor of Historical Hobby HorsesIn the Lions' DenRegistered Userregular
Totoro is basically the favorite movie of my 3- and 6-year old daughters, to the extent that my 3-year-old's oversized stuffed monkey has been named 'Totoro' for the last four months.
HedgethornAssociate Professor of Historical Hobby HorsesIn the Lions' DenRegistered Userregular
I have the Disney Blu-Ray, and have no major complaints about the dub, other than that a key bit of dialogue seems to be missing during the scene when Mei shows up at the school.
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AtomikaLive fast and get fucked or whateverRegistered Userregular
I remember really liking Totoro when I was around 6 years old
The kid's playroom at my mom's hospital had a copy on VHS that I would watch, and I had no idea what was going on but I remember liking the giant friendly cat monster.
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The text I think is really good. It's just then you hear him read it and it's like "No, man, no. What are you doing?". The inflection and pacing is just all off. Which is odd cause I think he does a good job otherwise. It's like they used the wrong take.
Which is how they would've told a story for maximum impact, because stories would've been most of the entertainment and presentation would've been crucial. It wouldn't have been some guy standing at a podium giving a lecture.
The big action sequence at the end is a weirdly fetishized US military versus a bunch of decepticons. Just a handful of autobots. On it's face it's dumb spectacle, but it's not even good spectacle. I'm an easy mark when it comes to this kind of thing, and I found it to be impossible to follow. Nothing has any weight and the sound effects seem half finished. There is no drama when Optimus comes back. There is this awful dreamlike quality to the whole thing and it doesn't work.
Things I thought were jokes/memes/mishearings but oh god they are real:
Two of the Autobots are racist caricatures.
The big combiner has balls.
Optimus Prime actually says "GIVE ME YOUR FACE". The tone is dead serious. We are supposed to cheer for this.
I don't think any recent endeavor is as bad as this. At least BvS had decent super fights.
So...Uh...
Have you seen the other movies in the series?
Cause they don't get better.
And that sensation is being dumbstruck (emphasis on dumb) with nausea and a side of vertigo.
~ Buckaroo Banzai
I only ask that you give me your face so that we can share it with the rest of the class.
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
That's not even getting into the general incoherence of the action scenes. If there's one thing that you might think that Bay should be able to do well it's that, yet every Transformers sequel has had nothing but fight scenes that a better person than I described as 'a drawer of silverware falling down hill'.
And they still make money hand over fist.
I watched it last night on TV. I think it has a nice scene here and there in concept, like the attack on the carrier to revive Megatron, but its a far worse film than the original and even the films after it (at least they had some interesting ideas, if executed in the worst way possible).
The robots seem to be made of paper this time around for some reason, the characters act like parodies from the first film.
And that doesn't excuse the 3 sequels after it either.
Tf2 was probably one of the few movies where the writers strike didn't matter.
The answer to What is Best in Life? The Transformers sequels, especially Revenge of the Fallen.
Darkest timeline.
Steam | XBL
It certainly is so bad its good, in the worse way possible. That's why I can't completely hate it - yet I loathe the first more.
To be fair Quantum of Solace wasn't hurt nearly as bad in the script department. Sure, it was a let down after Casino Royale, but it's Oscar worthy to RoTF.
Heh.
I walked out of TF2, blissfully resigned to have seen my last of the franchise.
Strangely enough the later films improved. Slightly. They still do weird, incoherent and occasional gross shit, of course. They also continued the tradition of making Sam's hot girlfriends more interesting then he is.
4 though, wow.
On the one hand, no Sam - on the other, the Romeo and Juliet scene. Sam is such a bad character I'll take Cypher Raige or whatever his name is over him.
I think if they had just cut that scene TF4 wouldn't have been nearly as bad, though there was still Optimus beating Grimlock into submission while screaming about freedom, the guy who was melting down autobots becoming a karma houdini, and other things.
It was alright. Geoffrey Rush was, predictably, the best thing about it. I also still enjoy the score.
Nintendo ID: Pastalonius
Smite\LoL:Gremlidin \ WoW & Overwatch & Hots: Gremlidin#1734
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there's no reason for a damn 3 hour Michael Bay movie
People must love them though, because they've made so many. It can't be all people who hate them but keep going because of their childhood, right?
pleasepaypreacher.net
I watched TF2 on the grounds that people said it was so awful and I felt the need to semi-live-blog it (I think I made like 2-3 posts as I watched it) in the Movie thread back years and years ago.
Honestly, nexuscrawler gets the closest to the real issue. For all the ways the movies are actively bad, more then anything they are long boring slogs. Nothing in them is interesting or exciting or comprehensible.
Although I will say that both TF1 and TF2 managed to land 1 really great joke each.And literally every other attempt at humour was actively horrible. Not just not funny, but actively bad. It was like an amazing highlight in a sea of shit. A cup of cool delicious beer stranded in the depths of the Sahara.
http://gkidstickets.com/
Here is Ebert's lovely review of the movie:
The kid's playroom at my mom's hospital had a copy on VHS that I would watch, and I had no idea what was going on but I remember liking the giant friendly cat monster.
Critical Failures - Havenhold Campaign • August St. Cloud (Human Ranger)